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Risa watched as the group of PPC and EPC Agents fought, looking for an opening to move in and assist her Protector comrades.

On seeing several of the fighters fall Risa moved, crossing the cafeteria in the blink of an eye. The generic Suvians in her path stood no chance, as Risa struck them down with her zanpakuto as she passed.

Now that she was closer, Risa could see that not all of the ones she'd seen fall had been the invaders. Sheathing her zanpakuto, she knelt down next to a young man with a bullet wound in his chest, who didn't look anything close to being a Stu.

"Lie still, Agent," Risa whispered, hoping that no Enforcer would notice what she was going to do. "I will heal that wound as far as I am able."

Risa's hands began to glow green as she spoke a low and fast incantation under her breath. She placed her hands over the Agent's chest and the torn flesh beneath them began to knit back together, leaving it looking as if the injury had happened days or weeks before.

"I regret that I am unable to completely heal you, but that is not my area of expertise. I suggest that you visit Medical once this invasion is dealt with."

Seeing a look of alarm on her patient's face, Risa turned in time to see a katana heading for her head. There was no time for her to dodge the blade or draw her own sword to block.

Great first mission! Your Agents are as amusing as I'd hoped.

This fic, though... my only coherent reaction is, "Whiskey. Tango. FOXTROT."

I mean, the random Communism in the zarking Avatarverse is bad enough, but the Rwanda thing sent me over the edge.

I highly doubt this author has seen "Hotel Rwanda." I mean, comment on the massacre of the Airbenders if you want to make a political point. Don't go dragging real genocides into it, kthx.

[/rant]

Loved the Eddie Izzard reference at the end. =P

Oh I surely dearly do hate it when people mess with my favourites. Poor Yamcha gets his character torn every which way.

But jeez, that fic... I couldn't even make it half-way through the first chapter. Where the heck does that kind of drivel pass for humour?

It's a deal she has with Kierra, my other agent. Nocia keeps the winged kittens down to a dull roar and Kierra makes sure the Sue pelt decorations are clean and not dripping sparkly, glittery blood on the floor and walls of the RC. Also, I have no clue where all the Warriorsverse minis are going to live. *pets the Mini-Sharpteeth*

Yes, I made them up myself.

Rapist!Yamcha. My eternal enemy has struck again. Oh, and King Vegeta being upset that his son married an earthling. What an original plot device. You can totally tell the author didn't just take a bunch of plot devices from other fics and then mixed them together.

*gets the feeling that if she actually clicks the link, there is a good chance she will start breaking stuff.*

Adder shrieked. Distracted by the downed agent, she failed to notice that, contrary to Deuce's assumption, his Stu counterpart was not dead. The regenerative abilities were shared.

Urple fire blossomed from Stu!Deuce's hands, and the injured EPC agent flung himself at Adder's unprotected back.

The lightsaber was knocked from Adder's grasp, and she collapsed beside her partner. She rolled onto her back just in time to see the Stu, blazing with urple fire, advancing on her. He leaped, just as Adder's searching fingertip found the handle of her lightsaber. But she could never get it up in time...

Right as the Stu leaped, Deuce's bright blue eyes snapped open. Convulsively he grabbed for one of his dropped daggers and stood to meet his counterpart. Unfortunately, not even Stu!Deuce could fight gravity. The dagger was driven straight into his heart, killing him for good.

The effort exhausted the half-conscious and injured agent, and he collapsed to the floor again. Without wasting her breath on thank yous (she could hug him later), Adder grabbed her lightsaber and resumed fighting. She glanced over at Cal, her eyes worried.

That didn't sound good. It should probably have sounded more improbable than it did, but the patches on the ones who'd attacked them earlier…

"Well, I'm sure they won't be a problem if we all work together, right?" Leas said, trying for optimistic and mostly getting there.

"Unless they outnumber us," Deryn muttered, trailing along and trying not to eye Nat's arm too much. She was almost regretting not having studied healing magic back when, but it didn't look like the other girl was in the mood to accept it anyway.

Leas sighed, but went along. Best to not say something that might attract the Overpower's attention, he thought. With the mention of a fight ahead, though, it wasn't looking too good. "Do you think we'll get much explanation of that, if they're busy fighting?" he asked.

Much to Cal's dismay, Stu!Cal was closely followed by Sue!Ellen, who was just like Ellen except that she was fully operational and wielded a... lightflail. Of a beautiful urple color. Panicked, Cal put his android partner back on the ground and re-activated her, hoping she would act more or less normally now.

Instead, Ellen resumed what she had been doing when Cal had switched her off, namely the Joker's amazing pencil trick. But Sue!Ellen made the grievous mistake of running straight at her at this very moment, her deadly weapon swinging high above her head.

It turned out that pencil beats lightflail.

Cal did not prove as efficient against his own evil counterpart. He rose his katana, expecting his enemy to do the same, but Stu!Cal, being a Stu, had of course not forgotten the Indiana Jones approach to such a situation: drawing his revolver, he casually shot the PPC agent in the chest. Cal collapsed, a red stain widening on his trenchcoat.



(Amazingly, the lightflail does exist in Star Wars fanon. Since it's not canon though, it's the kind of thing a Sue would have.)

SPARTAN Shadow-118 looked at the struggling PPC Agent and grinned under his golden helmet.

Once Master Chief's older brother and commander,he'd been recruited to serve a higher purpose by the EPC: the destruction of all who opposed their inspired vision. A vision of unity, of peace under the banner of the Emperor. Their Lord and Master had commanded them to cross the void between the worlds and bring down the butchers of the PPC. This mockery of their holy work would fall: the Emperor of All Universes had decreed it, and so it would be.

Suddenly feeling euphoric at the thought of victory, Shade looked at his partner, Jedi Knight Celeboraian Moonsong. An elf from Middle-Earth, she'd been trained in the ways of the Force and had a knack for taking down Forceless warriors who specialized in hunting Jedi. She laughed, her voice tinkling and sweet even as the tone turned malicious.

"That tin can didn't do you much good, did it, butcher?"

Shade chuckled.

"Do you want it or should I?" he asked. The Mandalorian struggled for a moment, then stopped when Shadow tightened his grip. In a few seconds, he'd finish the PPCer off, but for now, he'd enjoy the feeling of power he had over the murderess.

Moonsong shrugged, then blinked her sliver eyelashes.

"What's that beeping noise?"

Shadow frowned and looked down in time to see a humming, perfectly spherical ball slip from the Mandalorian's fingers. The thermal detonator flared and vanished in a ball of flame.

Drental and Shadow, despite being at the blast's epicenter, were more or less unharmed due to the low-power setting of the explosive and their own armour. Moonsong, who was wearing only a revealing variant of a Jedi tunic, was less lucky. Her smoldering corpse slumped against a wall, scattering ash as it fell.

Shadow looked up from where the explosion had thrown him to see the Mandalorian looming over him, a strange gun held in its right hand. There was a click, and the world turned white for the EPCer as the Verpine slugs penetrated his helmet.

Drental dropped the empty slugthrower, struggling to stay upright as she fought the combined effects of dizziness and lack of breath from her near-fatal choking. She'd staggered two corridors away when she ran into a face she'd never expected to see.

Alex stared at himself. He stared back. As was usual with AU doppelgangers, the two were almost identical, down to the same light grey jacket and slightly pop-eyed stare. There were some subtle differences, such as the Stu's slightly longer hair and the lightsabers of canons replacing those of Sues on his belt, but they were hard to tell apart at a glance.

There were shouts from nearby and the clanging of weapons as the Agents clashed with the their EPC counterparts, but Stu-Alex continued to casually stroll towards his canon opponent. Alex knew he was taunting him, but couldn't help rising to the challenge.

"For canon!" he shouted, slashing at the doppelganger. Said Stu calmly sidestepped as Alex ran at him, then gave him a hard shove in the back. Alex stumbled, tripped over a piece of debris, and landed heavily on one of the tables. Stu-Alex chuckled deeply, pacing back and forth a meter away.

"Pathetic. I'd expect my counterpart among these vermin to have a modicum of skill, but it seems I expected too much."

Pushing himself off the table with a grunt, Alex turned and looked at his counterpart.

"Die."

Reaching into his pocket, Alex pulled out a small, blue sphere and pressed a red button mounted into its middle. As the plasma grenade began to hiss and glow, he threw it at the Stu.

His eyes widening, Stu-Alex leaped to the side, spitting curses at Alex as he did so. The plasma grenade went off with a buzz, sending arcs of electricity in all directions and leaving a smoldering crater where a set of chairs, a Sue, and a teapot had been moments earlier. The fate of the teapot, while important in the larger scheme of things, does not factor into this discussion and will not be mentioned again.

Stu-Alex staggered to his feet, eyes literally blazing due to his usage of Enraged Glare #6. A smirking Alex walked up to him casually in an almost exact reenactment of the scene from moments earlier.

"You were saying?"

The Stu pulled out a curved, engraved lightsaber hilt, fingers tightening around the handle. Alex noted that it appeared to be identical to that of Asajji Ventress, and the knowledge of what had likely occurred added to his rage.

The Stu pressed his saber's activation stud and a blood-red blade hummed into existence from the handle. His face and jacket blackened and scorched from the grenade, Alex-Stu struck Dramatic Pose #4, then lunged for the canon Alex. He parried, and the duel began in earnest.

Deuce was in difficulties. His Stu counterpart was just as short and scrawny as he was, but (being a Stu) possessed unnatural strength and a katana. Deuce cursed both inwardly and out loud. He was skilled in hand-to-hand combat, having lived on the streets for a good three years of his life, but one of the skills he'd never gotten the hang of was sword fighting.

Stu!Deuce whirled the katana in a flashing figure-8, for the sake of showing off his skill, before swinging it downward at Deuce's head. The PPC Agent managed to catch the katana strike with the crossed blades of his daggers, and kicked the Stu hard in the lower stomach for good measure. Before he could recover his balance fully, the Stu brought the katana down and around, slashing at Deuce's abdomen. Only his swiftness saved his life, but the blade still caught him in the side. Gritting his teeth against the pain, Deuce switched his grip on one of his daggers and flung it. Stu!Deuce dodged it gracefully.

Snarling, Deuce ducked the flashing katana blade and maneuvered through the fighting to the dagger he'd thrown. Summoning up his nerve, he stooped to retrieve it.

He was too slow. Stu!Deuce made his move and cannoned into him, knocking him to the ground and jarring the remaining dagger out of his hand.

Deuce found himself flat on his back, with the dagger he'd attempted to pick up just within his reach. He stretched out his hand to grab it when the Stu drove the blade of the katana through the downed agent's shoulder. Deuce could not hold back a cry of pain, and he felt the sword's tip scrape the ground beneath his bleeding shoulder.

"Oh, no you don't!" the Stu hissed. "How dare you, you evil, murdering PPC agent! Suevians are superior! We will cleanse the Multiverse of your fil-"

Deuce grabbed his opponent's uniform front with the hand connected to his uninjured shoulder, dragging him down. When the surprised Stu was within reach, Deuce raised his head and sank his jagged teeth into the side of the Suevian's neck. With a savage jerk of his head, Deuce tore out the Stu's jugular before shoving the twitching body to the side. A strangled "urrrgghhnnn..." escaped from the dying EPC agent's mouth.

I hope he regenerates like me, please let him regenerate like me, Deuce thought frantically. The Stu, however, stayed dead, and Deuce inwardly rejoiced having thwarted the Ironic Overpower.

Suddenly, Sue!Adder was looming over him, pointing an M-16 in his direction with a twistedly beautiful smile on her face. Deuce nearly panicked right then and there, but--

"HEY! YOUR FIGHT'S WITH ME, BOYO!" Eyes still suffused with blood, Adder advanced on her counterpart, her lightsaber held at the ready.

"Relinquish your weapon or your partner dies." Sue!Adder said flatly, only to be beheaded two seconds later.

With the atrocity dead, the Bloodwrath faded. "Deuce! You okay?" she asked her partner worriedly.

"Oh, I'm fine," Deuce replied dryly. "I'm just lying here relaxing, pinned to the floor by a sword through my shoulder. Be a dear and get it out, will you?"

Adder complied as carefully as she could. Deuce bit back a scream of agony, his blue eyes closed, and he passed out from the pain.

Taking up her lightsaber, Adder stood over her partner and lashed out furiously at any Suevian foolish enough to get too close.

Sue!Chase stepped out from the group of six wielding a ga'ould hand-device on one arm and grasping tight to an unusually shiny metal whip.

Of course, Chase rolled her eyes, she'd have the one weapon that could shield a zat blast.

Which meant Chase had to disable the device with her reaver axe; easier said than done. As she moved closer to her Suvian counterpart, she could see the pearly white teeth from the maniacal yet still mind-numbingly beautiful smile. It made Chase want to retch. With an almost unnoticed flick of Sue!Chase's wrist, the whip had cracked dangerously close, and Chase had to side-step to dodge the recoil. Sue!Chase aimed once more, but was concentrated on the recruit when she felt an object collide with the side of her head.

Akemi stood triumphant as the box of ginger snaps made their mark, and a dumbfounded gaze turned to the keyblade wielding recruit. Chase seized the opportunity and made a running start to slide straight towards Sue!Chase, ending in a power slide as she swung the axe.

The amputated arm fell to the floor, a clean cut, but Chase was unable to counter as the whip lashed around her neck, held by the remaining hand of her doppleganger.

"Hkkk!"

Engaged in battle with her own Sue (which was odd, considering the difference between the two was perhaps longer hair, and well, the Sue did smell better), Akemi could see her partner struggling to gain an upper hand. Unfortunately, Sue!Akemi was a step ahead of Akemi with two keyblades. Every swing she could dodge was quickly followed by another and poor Akemi was being beaten back. It was when the Sue got cocky; she was trying to cast a spell, and Akemi swung with full force across the girl's neck. The lopped off head make a dull thud on the tile.

"Hold on, Chase, I'm almost there!"

But there was no need, Chase had fortunately gotten hold of her zat and shot her Sue once. The shot had affected her as well because of the whip and close proximity, but she managed to stay conscious enough to move farther away as she fired the fatal shot.

Trying to steady her breathing, Chase closed her eyes for a moment until she felt her partner's hand trying to pull her up.

"Focus! The other's might need help," Akemi shouted to drag Chase out of her dazed state.

"If they need help they'll ask," she replied, standing.

She aimed for the battalion of Sues and began to open fire. Akemi ran back towards the kitchen area to find something she could assault the group with.

"What are we like?" She asked, her hand slowly moving for a throwing shuriken as she hoped ot distract them.

DRake growled, his own hand reaching for his sporks, hoping to catch the sue off balance and stab them.

My computer isn't doing that, and nobody else has mentioned it so far.

Adder roared, recognizing her and Deuce's own counterparts, who (to her grim triumph) still looked a bit beaten up from their last encounter. Stu-Deuce's face was burned, but somehow this failed to detract from his good looks.

At the sight of the Suevians, who had been murdering unarmed Agents unprovoked and for no apparent reason, coupled with the hum of her lightsaber in her ears, pure exhilarating anger swelled within Adder. Deep in her brain, something snapped.

With a harsh scream of rage, Adder activated her lightsaber. "Time to test out my new toy, pitiful fools!" She swung it at her counterpart, only managing to slice off a lock of flowing brown hair. Her face was twisted in fury as she let out a wild howl. "FASCISTS!! WHO WANTS SOME?!"

Deuce merely gripped a dagger in one hand and ignited a flame in the other, snarling viciously. He glanced at his partner, and in his surprise he nearly tripped over his own feet. Adder, it seemed, had been pushed too far. (Though, the fact that she now had a lightsaber in her possession had most likely contributed.)

The whites of his partner's eyes were now suffused with blood. Adder was in the grip of the Bloodwrath.

Since her arrival in the RC, she'd grown quite accustomed to the steady dripping of the Urple-brown goo from the ceiling to the bucket they'd managed to borrow. In fact, it was quite lulling at times.

[if !supportEmptyParas]--> [endif]-->

Before her, her laptop was turned on and her left hand rested on the keyboard, but somehow she’d managed to doze off while browsing her files.

[if !supportEmptyParas]--> [endif]-->

But there was a reason that the Laws of Narrative Comedy were leaving her be for the moment, or rather, they weren't; they just weren't interrupting her nap with a mission.



Unfortunately for her, he elbow was slipping on the desk, too slowly to be noticeable, at least until it finally slid off the edge. Gravity did the rest.

[if !supportEmptyParas]--> [endif]-->

Clunk.

[if !supportEmptyParas]--> [endif]-->





All the way through.

...but she allowed Kelvin to cobble together a makeshift bandage before setting off after Marcus with an attitude that let everyone know she wasn't to be messed with.

Kelvin shook his head at his partner's wilfulness - She's so stubborn sometimes - before going over to offer Cassie a hand. She waved him off with a smile and limped on behind Marcus, somehow managing to keep up with the group.

It was the Elf, naturally, who first heard the shouting from up ahead. He'd taken the lead, mostly in an effort to stay as far away from Zodfang as possible, but slowed down and turned to Marcus, who seemed to have unofficially taken charge. Not that Kelvin was complaining, Eru knew he'd be doing a lousy job. "Um... I think there's some kind of fight going on."

""No, really, I thought it would 'ave been a picnic," was Nat's heavily sarcastic reply.

"Oh, stop having a dig at him and let's just get down there." Cassie sped up a little. "I want to see what the hell's going on and what these identical twin people are doing here."

Three squads of Suevians marched in perfect formation through the cafeteria doors and towards the group, stepping over bodies from earlier conflicts inside the cafeteria. True to EPC form, not a single one was blemished; they were all exactly the same height and had the same mocking smile.

Their leader, a grey and gold armoured stormtrooper holding a glowing sword, gestured at the group, then spoke.

"Weapons."

Each of the Sues raised a gun of some kind, aiming at the six Agents.

"Aim."

The Sues lifted their weapons to shoulder height and deactivated the safeties.

"Fi-" The stormtrooper stopped midword, reaching for the side of his helmet with the hand not holding a blaster. He seemed to slump slightly, then gestured. Unbelievably, the other EPCers lowered their weapons and stepped aside. Another group of Agents entered, each of them familiar but twisted. It seemed the Suevians had a sense of irony.

A trenchcoat-wearing Stu-Cal led the six newcomers as they charged towards the PPCers. Looking at his counterpart as it screamed obscenities at him, Alex thought, quite randomly, Thank God for mook chivalry.

Weapons clashed and the battle was joined.

They taste the best.

Looks okay to me.

"We've had trouble like that too. I've heard talk of them being...alternate versions of us? I don't know, I've never seen Sues do anything like this."

Zodfang didn't seem like he had any ideas, either, instead shrugging. "Duzit matta? We'z got Sues ta kill, so letz KILL 'em!"

"I never thought I'd admit it, but the Ork has a point. Follow me, guys, and someone wrap up Nat's arm." Marcus said, hefting his shotgun again. Once everyone was ready, he started heading down the corridors.

She picked her long black-glitter-polished nails with a knife. "I figured we'd stand a better chance if we fought someone other than our copies. Foxglove, drop him."

"Aw," Foxglove Sue said, clambering off Drake. "Can we hurry up and kill 'em, pleasepleaseplease? Trojie said I should go to her RC and I could have candy ..."

said Troie, dropping the twitching corpse. 'Looks like we might have a chance after all.'