Subject: Hey, Naergondir showed up!
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Posted on: 2014-11-20 22:29:00 UTC

On the phone, still, but super neat to see him! Given that Dawn and I are working on the mission that spurs him and Gurnirel to join SIELU, it's pretty entertaining.

Other than that, very nicely done. There was a bit that was confusingly worded:

"Um... that if she had any character at all she'd be a flaming Suvian?"

I think you meant "she wouldn't be a flaming Suvian", since Suvians lack character, which Kaitlyn and Selene pointed out later.

Also there's the paragraph after "Fire rained down on Dale" which needs capitalisation, and I think you're also missing a couple dashes between the two paragraphs in general.

But that's all that I found weird. I especially liked the constructive criticism at the end; clearly this fic had a lot more potential.

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