Subject: In the name of all things good...
Author:
Posted on: 2012-12-19 08:47:00 UTC
...don't turn it into C*l*br**n mk.2.
This fic has already reached near-critical levels of NOPE. If this goes sideways, may the entire multiverse have pity on the agents assigned this fic.
Better yet, have it shield the Spy's sanity when this pops up in the Sorting Room.
Can't someone just release a movie without people making bad fan stories right after opening night? It is very insulting to the people who made the film.
I noted how many fanfics there were in The Hobbit section of FF.net before the movie opened... and it is exploding. Before we know it, it will be a 1000 stories, and I don't believe a tenth of that number would be goodfic...
It has literally been 12 years since I took calculus or statistics, so I can't remember which progression model would work better, but at this time growth is outpacing that predicted by your model. Already 203 as of now.
The base needs to be compounded, methinks, like compounded interest on a mortgage, sort of...
-hates math with an intense passion-
As for those numbers... I think even if I don't get a new laptop for Christmas, Im'ma toss Caroline and Veralyn into a few Hobbit badfics starting next year. This is getting bad...
Okay, the first one actually makes sense. The second one makes my mind hurt.
Honestly, I stopped liking math around Algebra I.
Think of a lump of play-dough molded in the shape of the horn. It's always got a constant amount of dough (therefore constant volume) but you can theoretically stretch the shape to infinity (infinite surface area).
Okay, see, that I get. I like play dough - I'm molding some right now, actually...
Unfortunately, I every time I see some, I am reminded of chemistry class and building molecules.
Get out of my head, chemistry! I'm on holiday!
...Don't give me that look, I just took my vitamins and now I'm hyper.
And I've got the Ampicillin.
/bricked
and discovered what could potentially be the next slashy C*leb*ian.
FETCH THE SALT.
It's still rather sick to write torture stories but it this one is not of the same kind and not on the same level. THAT story is in a class of its own.
Who knows what terrible things will happen to Kili.
Well, with two chapters and Gandalf to the rescue already, I think damage will be limited enough - though it is never possible to predict the twists and turns of a sick mind. :)
To give credit where it's due - it is actually fairly well written. Above average level for the category, definitely.
I'd keep it on surveillance, though.
The Goblin King in the movie kind of fits with the Goblin King from that fic... Oh, the mental image...
The entire time the goblin king was on screen, I could not help but think of THAT fic.
Oh, and yes, your shiny newbie (who has been on much needed vacation!) knows of THAT fic. I have not read it yet, but I know of it. With the image it gave me for the Hobbit film, I wish I had never even read the synopsis on the wiki.
*shudders and mumbles, rocking back and forth* fat beard, purple parts, milk, nasty, crawling, ohgodsombodyhelpmethementalimage, AHHHHH!
SNAP OUT OF IT. IT'S DEAD. BURNT TO A CRISP. WITH NONE TOO LITTLE SACRIFICE ON THE PART OF THE AGENTS ASSIGNED.
There, feel better?
Whoever wants to take this thing on, I'll help. We can cowrite on Gdocs or sommat. My email is wraths.beauty@gmail.com.
Poor Kili...
...don't turn it into C*l*br**n mk.2.
This fic has already reached near-critical levels of NOPE. If this goes sideways, may the entire multiverse have pity on the agents assigned this fic.
Better yet, have it shield the Spy's sanity when this pops up in the Sorting Room.
Take another for each slash pair amongst the Dwarves.
Two for Bilbo/Dwarf
Three if it's Bilbo/Attractive Dwarf (that'd be Thorin, Fili, Kili for starters)
Finish the drink for Bilbo/Smaug
Make yourself a bitter moustache or something if references to BBC Sherlock are brought up out of left field.
...I totally just made myself a game that I can't participate in, woohoo.
My liver and I are on good terms and I would like to keep it that way.
...I think all participants will die of acute liver failure just be scanning the first three pages of Quotev and FFN.
Unexpected Company.
She's Bilbo's girlfriend.
Yes. Girlfriend.
And she wields a frying pan.
Sounds like she needs to be introduced to the Frying Pan of DoomTM. I haven't pulled that one out in ages.
She does claim to have lambis bread, which seems like either a Hobbit knock-off of Lembas, or some sort of Hobbit diet-aid that bleats pathetically when you try to eat it, guilt-tripping you into not eating anything at all.
As for the lambis bread, perhaps in addition to bleating pathetically, it tastes like crepe paper ribbons if you do manage to get up the nerve to actually eat it? Those things taste horrible.
Fifteen minis in the first chapter alone. Should we keep an eye on it for now, or tackle it with just the introduction and the first chapter?
I mean, that's rather the nature of Circle Sues - short, but terrifying.
I would advise you to wait and watch that fic. I'm still waiting for that Warriors badfic to end so Gilbert and Fiona can get out of there already...
which is our name for that lovely website where we found Rachel.
That was the first time I've ever encountered that site.
I have yet to come across a fic in there that wasn't written by me or ThatOne that isn't mind-bogglingly Suvian
And even then, ThatOne and I were writing Sue parodies.
This is why I tend to stay away from sites like that. Somehow I usually manage to stumble into the parts of fandoms that produce the goodfics, thank the Powers that Be.
It reminds me of the Circle of Lemmings, but is not that bad.
http://www.missliterati.com/read/fanfiction/popular#.UNBdBfS9Kc0
But I am sipping a nice Bordeaux right now. :)
I have browsed some random fic and both the fics and the responses I get from the authors when I leave reviews suggest that there is hardly anybody above the age 17 in the whole LotR/Hobbit section of FF.net...
Well, they are the two main characters. Personally, I'm all for a bit of Thorin/Kili, but that might just be me.
*Goes searching*
There's one on the Pit of Voles, unrequited no less.
After you read GollumXOC badfics, nothing surprises you anymore.
But still, is a rather disgusting pairing. What was the author thinking?
We'll never know.
Bad Slash will be busier than ever. With so many dwarfs, I don't think that will be the last....*shudders*
Then again, I want to work in Star Trek, and since the fandom invented slash, the fanbase has a tendency to go "These two characters might have kinda sorta had some chemistry that could be romantic, so let's ship them!" So yeah, I've seen worse. At least Bilbo and Thorin have actually met.
Lestrade mentioned Sherlock's brother in BASK; Sherlock assumed Mycroft sent Lestrade to check on him. Also, they showed up in ACD together in BRUC.
/bricked
I've only seen each episode of Sherlock once. And though I read ACD, the stories tend to blur together.
On a semi-related note, I've been following your blog "The Science of Suedom"--or rather, as I don't have a Tumblr, I've bookmarked it and I check it frequently. It is absolutely hilarious!
I need to make some more posts, but I've been pretty busy as of late. :P
It is December. 'Nuff said.
Bilbo/Thorin?!
Okay, I'm sure someone somewhere has the skills to do it well, but this one just has it coming way out of left field.
And is it just me or am I reading Bilbo too much like John Watson? Damn you Martin Freeman.
No, no, no, no, NO. I will read Elrond/Thranduil before I go near Bilbo/Thorin. -shudders-
It's the ARTEMIS IS THE GODDESS OF VIRGINITY.
(Zeus and Hera were twins.)
That Zeus and Hera were siblings. Also, besides the fact that you so eloquently capslocked, Apollo and Artemis obviously have an arguing brother/sister relationship in the third book. Yeah.
I just looked it up and Hera isn't even the first to be thrown up.
Well, siblingcest is ridiculously common in Greek mythology, but vows of chastity being broken? SERIOUSLY!? Artemis' whole shtick is that she's an eternal maiden warrior girl! Did this girl even READ the third book?
And... Lumeya Moon... *shudders* And why is Annabeth being so possessivey?
Annabeth is like that because, in a Suefic, all the men are sexah Lust Objects and the women are either jealous b**tches or adoring BFFs.
And I just read ahead, and oh my gods we might have another Goddess!Sue on our hands. I hate you, lemmings!
That sounds like a PPC version of Warheads. I like eet.
Also, all of these Sues are mind-numbingly stupid. Im'ma go claim one right now. Grr.
Well, given that there are no half-elves as such in Middle-earth - after the First Age anyone with mixed blood is automatically an average human unless he/she is technically an Elf but happens to have human blood (Arwen and her brothers). But known examples of half-elves from the First Age aged just like normal humans (Earendil, Elwing - Dior too, but with Dior the question is still open whether he counts as a half-elf or a full human, I am leaning towards the latter).
As far as why Sauron would send a Sue into Middle-earth? Sauron is evil. Inflicting Mary Sues onto unsuspecting words is evil. Bingo!
NONONO HANDS OFF KILI! HANDS OFF YOU FOUL SUE!
Looked at the other LotR Suefics in the Circle. I'm assuming they were too young to know of the Sues slain when Jay and Acacia were around because ERU DAMNIT those Sue clichés.