First, it's brave of you to be so candid about your mental health issues. Talking about stuff like that really isn't easy - it took me several goes to really open up about my anger issues and paranoia on the Board - so you should be praised for bringing it up. However, as others have told me and as I will now tell you, it does not excuse poor behaviour, nor does it free you from the responsibility to take the consequences of your actions. Regardless of whether or not you were taught to say "you hurt me", it is imperative that you do better in recognizing when other people are saying it.

With this in mind, let's talk about some of what you've said.

"If not saying anything is a god-given right, then why do I keep getting attacked for “maliciously ignoring” people?"

Beta readers give their time of their own volition, and the whole point of having them is to talk about your work with them and discuss what can be improved. You did not do this with Ix and Des and Aegis. You just... didn't. From what I've gathered, you dismissed their points out of hand when you weren't getting extremely defensive about such points being made in the first place. This is Not Okay. That is not how you respond to constructive criticism of the sort that is given by beta readers.

Additionally, while I'm certain this was not your intent, your phrasing here makes you sound nothing so much as whiny. Ix was not being malicious; they simply did not want to talk to you, and this desire not to talk to you was compounded by repeated attempts to force yourself into a conversation with them. I understand just how hard the question "Why won't Person X talk to me?" can hurl itself at the walls of one's skull, but just as you have the right to privacy and the right to choose with whom you associate, so do they.

I'm going to say the following very bluntly, and I apologise if doing so causes you any distress; it is merely meant as instructional and in no way is it a rebuke. Ahem:

Nobody owes you their time. You owe nobody your time. That's how this whole song and dance called human interaction works.

Let's take an example from your own experiences as mentioned in this post - an extreme one, admittedly, but the story beats line up, for want of a better term. If one of the bullies from your schooldays showed up in your social media/IRC channel/pigeon fanciers' association AGM or whathaveyou and started demanding that you speak with them, you would be well within your rights to tell them where they could stick it, yes?

The same applies to other people. It always has and it always will. Everyone has a choice whether or not to engage with people, and that choice has to be respected. You are not owed interactions with Ix because you interacted before any more than you can nick a tenner off your best friend because they gave you a tenner in 2006.

So no, what you did was not "perfectly acceptable", nor was it good. What you did was harass someone, demand positive attention from them, and not accept it when they told you no. These behaviours are in breach of the Constitution and you should be brought up on it. However, more than that, you should be given the opportunity to improve and excel. I urge you to take it.

I didn't, back in the day.

Don't be like I used to be.

I'm glad that you've calmed down and offered this apology. I'm going to accept your apology, as the constitution says we should, but that acceptance always comes with conditions. You have to prove, through your continued actions, that you are sincere.

At the very least that means:

-Don't contact Iximaz again. Pretend that she does not exist.

-If people tell you to stop a behavior...then stop. It's that easy.

-If you feel attacked, don't lash out, stop the conversation and tell someone who can mediate for you. You, by your own admission, may be misreading the situation.


If you cannot do these things, then there will be consequences. That is up to, and including, indefinite banning. I'm not saying this as a threat. I just want to be clear about what is on the line here.

If you have questions about this, post them here and I (or others in the community) will try to answer them. I want us to be on the same page here, and I want to be sure that you understand.



To the rest of the community, if you disagree with how I've handled this, then please speak up. I'm not a dictator, I serve at the pleasure of the community.

If you agree with how this went down, then it is up to you to hold the community to it. We forgive, but we need not forget.

-Phobos

She did not continue further and Maslab issued a warning.

I understand wanting an explanation, but stop demanding it from someone and in the face of clear requests to stop is Not Okay.

Iximaz gave you criticism and you ignored it. We've seen nothing from you indicating you've taken anyone's advice, and you have a history of ignoring concrit from other members. I'd link to it, but I'm on my phone right now.

Just stop hounding Iximaz for an explanation and things will proceed much more smoothly.

--Aegis, hoping the PPC will forgive him for getting a word in from a less-than-ideal situation.

Well, tough luck, you aren't entitled to one.

Also, you shouldmtry not to call someone mean so soon after apologising.

You have mental health issues, fine, but they're not a get out of jail free card. You've had it explained multiple times that she dosn't want to talk to you, respect that.

Here's the thing: Iximaz has explained. They have explained why they don't want to, and will never more, want to talk to you. They're not "being mean." The way you act when talking with Ix makes them feel uncomfortable, extremely so.

The way I remember it, Ix gave very well deserved criticism to one of your missions, and you promptly ignored it. Instead, you took it as a Suethor would: Violently and completely unapologetically (Well, maybe not "Violently," but you get my point).

Adding on too this, you always seemed to drop a mission and just disappear, even when we have repeatedly asked you to take the time to look over the concrit. Now, I know you don't always have internet access, but is it to much to ask to look over who commented on what you previously posted?

Finally, please care to remember that Ix's mind is... how do I put this lightly... in a very dark place right now. They do not deserve this bull[crap] right now, so just give them so space.

With much care, Mattman.

You are trying to force Iximaz to talk to you. You are treating Iximaz's attention as rightfully yours. It is not. The only person who gets to decide who and what Iximaz has to pay attention to is Iximaz. You do not have that right. If Iximaz does not want to talk to you, you do not have the right to demand that she does.

You have repeatedly accused Iximaz of being rude. Looking back at the chat log, it seems that you view saying she does not want to talk to you as rudeness. That view is not correct. Iximaz's response to you in the Discord was not rude.

You, on the other hand, have directly and repeatedly attacked Iximaz in this thread. Iximaz has not said a word about why she does not want to talk to you; you have posted several paragraphs attacking Iximaz. Iximaz has called you on your disrespect; you have repeatedly called her rude and, in this post, mean.

You have attacked Iximaz; Iximaz has not attacked you. You have demanded Iximaz's attention; Iximaz has just asked to be left alone. You have tried to manipulate the rules to allow you to attack Iximaz without repercussion; Iximaz has, again, just asked you to stop talking to her.

Step back. Take a day. Think about why everyone is saying you're in the wrong.

hS

Simply because my memories of the whole incident are rather foggy and it's not the current subject of the matter. Instead, let me just run through your last sentence:


"I was just trying to open communication with Iximaz"

Which she made clear that she wishes not to participate in. Unless you understand the words "I'd rather" as a suggestion, and not a definite conversation finisher.

"but they wouldn’t even clarify if (...)"

Iximaz had no obligations to explain herself to you. You are inclined to believe whatever you wish, but the messages were as clear as it can possibly be: I have no desire of making amends with you, leave me be.

"The mediator couldn’t even give a straight answer."

I don't know what you and DJ talked about, but I know DJ enough that I believe her explanations weren't much different from what the people has stated here.

I will repeat myself once again: You did something, whatever it was, that made Iximaz feel uncomfortable with you. Uncomfortable enough to not wanting to talk things over. And yet, you keep on pushing, and pushing, and pushing, when she made more than enough claims that she doesn't want to make amends with you. At the very best, when her negative emotions are over, she will ignore you and both of you can live their separate paths, not sparking any more conflicts.

Please, get this finally into your head: You are not on Iximaz's good list. And after this little show, you will never be. Nothing you can do about it.

This also ends my hypocrisy.

I asked you to leave me alone. Multiple other people have told you to do the same. You did not listen.

I asked you to apologize without ranting. You failed to do so.

I had no desire to talk to you before, and I will never have a desire to talk to you again, especially after your continued, blatant disrespect for me.

I'm sorry. I won't do that again.

That's why, once I did notice, I made very sure to make my position clear.

For future reference, since this has come up before: I do not use genuine questions as a way to dismiss something. I sometimes use sarcastic/rhetorical ones to do so, but never actual questions that need an answer.

I support your request for an apology precisely as written.

hS

There was nothing in the break in the first quote; discord was silent for half an hour, as sometimes happens in the off hours. Ix's response was the immediate first reply, and conventionally appropriate for picking up a conversation that's gone quiet.

And as others have said, Bram participated in a few unrelated conversations in the hours before the final exchange, but the last comment was completely out of the blue. There had been a brief silly discussion of sports a couple hours before, someone showed up and got greeted at ten-plus-change, and then Bram commented at eleven thirty.

She spoke a few times in the unquoted hours, but the quotes weren't relevant to her harassing Ix for an explanation.