Some time ago I crafted a theory that Middle-earth was not, in fact, prehistoric Europe - it was prehistoric America. Instantly, a whole heap of things dropped into place - the presence of potatoes, the fact that Hawaii is clearly the remains of Numenor, the way North America was settled over an ice bridge just like Beleriand. I scribbled a few maps, invented some discussion threads, and left it there.

And now I've un-left it. I've indulged in some creative historical anachronism here - Tolkien said 6000 years, but we don't know what people wore in the American Archaic era (other than 'clothes'), so I've cribbed from slightly-pre-Columbian cultures. I have, however, taken pains to make them accurate to the areas the Walkers came from.

The top row starts with an empty space (where my map is - we're using the Colorado model, Mesoamericarda scholars), and then we have Frodo and Sam. They're both in Chinook clothes; Frodo has a tunic/robe thing because he's higher status. They both have some bulky jewellery, notably bracelets (plus a certain Ring).

Next is Boromir, who's Mohave. Gondor is the only agricultural civilisation outside the Shire, which, actually, do you remember anyone else having farms? Because I don't. Anyway, Boz is heavily tattooed, with a rabbit-skin cloak and feather hairpiece to symbolise his high status. He also has a turquoise necklace, which is the only thing on here that's accurate to the period.

Then Gandalf. Gandalf is Tibetan (did you know China has three main ethnic groups? One lives in the mountains and is religious, one lives in the north, and one is the most numerous. Hi, Vanyar, Noldor, and Teleri!), which happens to mean I can put him in a pointy felt hat (held on by his braid). The robe folds down over the belt to make a huge pocket - perfect for his pipe.

Dropping down to the second row, we start with Legolas. He's a hybrid - the Silvan elves live in Crow territory, so he wears his hair long and puts it in a bun. But their origin is far away, on the shores of Cuivienen - that is to say, in western Louisiana. His dominant culture is Natchez, which means he gets a glorious feathered mantle. (Also a blowpipe. Because blowpipe.)

Then Gimli. Gimli is pure Cheyenne, from his buffalo-hide cloak to his war shield and (stone) axe. He has traces of a war bonnet - which is apparently the term for those big feathered headpieces - but that was a bit too blatant for me to go all-in.

Then Merry and Pippin, who are Chinook like the other hobbits. Note that all four also have flattened foreheads - apparently that's a thing.

Finally, Aragorn, our second cultural mashup. He's mostly Paiute, with its love of fringes and feather decoration (and ponchos!). But he's also the Heir of Isildur, and wears a turquoise mosaic necklace and hair-feather ornament (handily recalling the Crown of Gondor with its swan-wings). The sword he carries is the reforged obsidian blade Anduril, naturally.

(The fall of Arnor makes a lot more sense when you realise the bulk of its territory is the Great Basin - Nevada and Utah. How're your hunter-gatherer kingdoms going to survive when there's nothing to hunt or gather...?)

Am I a crackpot? Of course I am! But the more I work on the theory, the more I find myself thinking 'hey, this is kind of plausible...' ^_~

hS

PS: I guess next I have to work out what to do with orcs. And Rohan, where they didn't wear tops. Um... I think Eowyn needs long hair? ~hS