Subject: How to Be More Twistey (not recommended at all)
Author:
Posted on: 2017-12-16 23:38:00 UTC
(Ah, your guide explains a lot, hS. }:P
Here’s mine.)
How to Be More Twistey (not recommended at all):
PPC:
-Post on the Board as frequently as possible! Maybe even reply to stuff that you don't need to reply to!
-Try to hide your PPC activity from your local powers that be and delete your history of the Board and Wiki. Act all paranoid whenever they get suspicious.
-Be one of only a small number of people who edits the Plort Wiki outside of Plort "season". Add a ton of new stuff to it that nobody agreed to but you're doing it anyway and just letting them refine it because you trust them.
-Make lots of PPC memes using Walfas and Makemegoogly.com (because you don't have an Imgur account or anything and hS loves the googly eyes.)
-Spend the time between Badfic Games “seasons” planning out what you're going to write next year and overthink the new fake alter-ego.
-Realize that that nightmarish thing you thought up probably shouldn't be in the Badfic Games and is in fact worse than C-brian.
-Be unconventional: censor things with hyphens. Like C-brian.
-Mock-argue/duel/etc with hS whenever possible because the two of you had a slight scuffle in the past and reconciled and you're using it as an opportunity to create a running joke.
-Have way too many agent ideas for the fact that you don’t have Permission yet. (Gerb derbit!)
-Only thoroughly double check your username to make sure you don't have a mini. Double check the rest, but more skimming-like.
-When you have a question answered, say "Okay, thanks" or something like that in the subject and then ask another question in the post so that nobody reads it and answers. (Sigh.)
-Try to recruit your friends. Fail.
-Wonder too much about how you'd look as a Mary Sue. Worry that you'd be blonde.
Writing/etc:
-Have a long list of personal tropes. Use them in the beginning but then start cutting them out as you revise.
-Write too many stories that are either about a hopefully-no-longer-a-self-insert defeating her personal demons or are angry subversions of your fantasy-obsessed, romance-obsessed, blonde-obsessed (but not in a bad way) childhood friend's writing tropes. (Sigh)
-When reviewing, review nicely. When mocking, mock so aggressively that you probably need to take a step back because you’re pushing the boundaries of PPC protocol.
-When creating games, have an addiction to making boss fights.
-Have an addiction to making secrets.
-Have an addiction to making secret boss fights.
-Value function over form, but design your characters before you write them.
-Have too many unfinished Sibelius scores.
-Have too many unfinished stories.
-Have too many unfinished anything that actually takes a considerable amount of time and effort!
-Harp on the seriousness of copyright and the importance of royalty-free content.
-Have too many ideas of things to put on your Newgrounds account and your YouTube channel before you even have either one of them.
-Still be happy that you're closer to having both than you've ever been. :)
Internet:
-Visit RationalWiki as much as possible and use it as the ultimate resource for weird beliefs on both the left and right sides of the political spectrum.
-When you're bored, go to Google Images and surf! After all, that's how you found the PPC! What could go wrong?! (Dun dun dun!)
-Curiosity has blown up in your face many times. Make it happen again.
-Have too many bookmarks (until you switched to Chrome and your bookmarks from Firefox all got deleted).
-Go to Incompetech and listen to royalty-free music more than you go to any other music site.
-Have a hobby of mentally MSTing dress-up games meant for young girls that gradually developed into an addiction and a need to tell some of your friends to stop implying that Barbie's Aura of Smooth is turning you lesbian/bisexual/queer.
Gaming (mostly Wolf 3D):
-Don't strategize. Just run up to the boss and shoot at it until it's dead.
-In the case you can't, try to get your dad's help and stop trying to beat the boss when he can't figure out the controls. (True story.)
-Game out loud, like Markiplier except less over-the-top.
-Run from a scary enemy that you’re actually going to win against if you use the above “strategy”, because it’s scary. (Also a true story.)
-Talk to the paintings and comment on every Suspiciously Shaped Room you walk into.
-Be really good at Fruit Ninja because you played it so much earlier in life, but then wonder why you aren’t still good at pinball by the same logic.
Music Is Life:
-Practice your instrument whenever possible. Feel guilty when you can’t.
-Mentally squee whenever you hear your instrument in a song (because mine is bassoon and that doesn’t show up audibly all that often.)
-Complain about people who don’t care enough about band to actually practice and behave in class.
-When your family is watching a football game, only care about the marching band and the cheese dip.
-Be glad that band jokes are one of the few things you can search up on Google Images that doesn't put you in danger of Seeing An Old Familiar Face. (Dun dun dun again!)
Life:
-React in a negative way to making any sort of mistake, ranging from cringing and dwelling on it for months to completely freaking out and dwelling on it for decades.
-Exaggerate your nope/ahh moments by running from the person/hiding under the table/looking like you've been completely shell-shocked (and you have.)
-Be confused when people still like you a lot even after you did something stupid. Write it off as charisma. Suddenly realize that charisma =/= good person, with A Particular Example in mind. (Dun dun dun again again!) Freak out in your head and literally get an itchy upper lip.
-On a similar note, make as many references/comparisons/invocations of said example without calling him by name. If necessary, use euphemisms. (Sigh)
-Have the following reactions to said example and his followers: anger, fear, morbid fascination, WTFork, and more fear. More fear/fascination and less anger the higher up you go on the chain of command from those Neo idiots all the way up to the example himself. More WTFork the more occult it gets.
-Make jokes about people who talk about the example too much or too favorably in the company of hS being destined to be hit with a frying pan.
-Realize that you yourself fall under that category at this moment. Duck even though hS is nowhere near you IRL.
-Be proud of your brunetteness, flat-chested-ness, and lack of interest in getting contacts. Because your appearance is the one thing you don't ever worry about.
-Realize that this post is probably too long. Do nothing about it, in fact, make it longer over the course of your edits to it.
-Sign your posts with "-[name here]." In my case, that's "-Twistey".