https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vSSM3JvQRVrJUZaC2nXUZZ4Hnrtar1HZuF5ExGeDCRUdX9RXSWsHx6gjztOzdc4QqhEI1bv1TZEsj/pub (some swearing, rather blatant but non-explicit sexual references)

((Real, genuine Author's Note:
I... went back and forth on whether to publish this. I mean, it's definitely bad, but I was worried it was bad in the wrong ways. That is, ways that aren't entertaining. Which would be boring. And thus defeat the point.

You guys can be the judge of that. This is pretty horrifically out of character, so hey, maybe that's worth a laugh. Maybe songfic is just inherently funny. I dunno.

--Thoth))

Hihi!! I don't know what to call this one yet, and I only just started it, but updates will happen and in the meantime, well, it's going to be awesome!! I thought I'd do something a little bit different and here it is! A romance starring Jacques and Su (and Jenni. Sorry Jenni fans, there miiiiiiight be a little bashing here...i do love her normally, but for this fic it just doesn't work for her to be nice!!)

Anyway here it is!! And if u have suggestions for a title, let me know!!

Agent Suicide was getting married.

Yeah, he was as surprised as everyone else, but hey, when a girl like Jennifer Robinson asks you to bond yourself to her, you can’t say no! It just wasn’t thinkable!

So he had his long hair braided (Jenni had insisted he color it back to what it had been vefore it turned grey, so it was now a rich brown that made him jump whenever he saw it), and he was wearing ancient Greek robes because that was the closest they could find—

And he was standing at the end of an aisle waiting for her to come in.

He looked into the audience, and saw Diocletian, his partner, was already crying. Nothing had even happened yet!

And then the music swelled and the doors opened and everyone stood up...and in swept Jenni, wearing a white, sparkling ballgown wedding dress with a long train and a beautiful veil. Her smile was sweet and triumphant. Her hand was wrapped tightly around the arm of Jacques Bonnefoy, the handsome, rakish man she’d taken up with a while back and introduced Suicide to eventually (and reluctantly). They got on amazingly well, funnily enough, and had even made it into bed together a few times, though they hadn’t been stupid enough to mention it to Jenni. It wasn’t not an open relationship, but even she had her limits, and finding out two of her guys had been going at it behind her back would have ended really badly.

But now Jenni and Su were getting married so it was going to have to stop...he felt sad about that, but pushed it aside, because really, what could they possibly do about it now?

--

Please review!!! :* :* :*

~~~DW****~*

I wrote a thing!!

"When Grace Met Jacques <3" is the story of Jacques Bonnefoy (swoon~!) and Grace Null (she's a Time Lady and shes awesome, she bartends in rudi's and so on) getting together to have a very good time *giggles* I can't believe I wrote this!!!

Anyway, here it is! Please r&r especially if you think this pairing should TOTALLY be canon at least for a bit because seriously they'd be fun together!!! Reviews are like candy to me--I love them so much! So feed your author! :)

The story: (NSFW)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yUPXD4pYWukzIiVLrkXznYUzj5HLNsZYsAoL0fnIwCE/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, don't forget to tell me what you think~!!

*~~**DW****~*

Disclaimer: I own Chelsea and Lemon and NOTHING ELSE!!!!
__
Chapter 1:
It was a dreadfully boring day. Lemon the rat, in her cleaning witch outfit, was sweeping the floor, dusting the crevices, and cleaning the bathtub. As she swept the floor, her broom bumped into a pink, big-eyed squid.

“Chelsea,” asked the rat in a warning tone. “What are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” replied the squid.

Expecting an answer, Lemon said nothing, but neither did Chelsea. Finally, she asked, “Being an obstacle?”

“I’m lying on the ground!” Chelsea then rapidly shifted between her squid form and humanoid form, making blopblopblopblopblop sounds from doing so.

The rat facepalmed. “Why, though?”

The squid finally stopped rapidly shifting and stayed in her squid form. “Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because because.”

Oh, we are so not doing this now. “Chelsea, get up before I sweep you out.”

The squid, still lying on the floor, somehow spun like a spinning bottle on the floor. “Make meeeeeeeeeeee!”

The rat then proceeded to chase the squid, somehow without success. The squid slithered around the floor faster than the rat’s broom could touch her.

Then, with a whistle, the rat’s shadow clones, one holding a duster, the other holder a towel, stopped their chores to assist her.

As the rat and her clones chased the slippery squid, the squid laughed.

“I’m not ranked XX for nothing!!!!!” proclaimed the squid, finding a good moment to rapidly shift between the forms.

The rat and her clones, after politely waiting for the blopping to end, surrounded the squid, but before they could grab her, the squid puffed up and flew into the air like a bottle rocket, over the rats, over the ceiling, before landing just before the door.

“Byesy!” the squid cheerfully greeted before slithering out the door into the hallways.

“Humph,” Lemon humphed. “Fine. At least you’re out of the—” The rat suddenly sniffed the air. Ink.

Much like that of a bottle rocket, Chelsea had left a trail of pink ink, which landed on the floor with a line leading to the door.

“HUMPH,” Lemon humphed again. She snapped her fingers to summon her shadow clones, both of which went poof, then reappeared slightly closer to her. “FINE.”

Then the rats proceeded to clean the dread (p)ink stain with loaves of bread.

To be continued…?

AN: Oh yes. It's back. Here's the start of the Chronicles, for your many and doubtless latexy sins.

Disclaimer goes here, dat claimer goes somewhere else: I do not own any of the intellectual property represented herein. Since last I updated this fic, I have come to own actual property instead. A pee-soaked cardboard box in a back alley in Minsk counts, right?

Content Warning: This fic is rated Mature, or 18 in civilised countries. If you're younger than that, don't read it. There's plenty more out there for you. Christ knows there's a paucity of stuff on this hellsite that could ever be called Mature with a straight face...

===

Ve vould like to be tellink you zat it vas beink ein good mornink for zer famous und notorious Doktor Trollenfisch; zer kind of morning zat vould lead, after zer rain had gone, into beink ein bright, bright, bright, sunshiney day. Alas, zat ist not beink somezink zat zer Doktor und his Interlockenpolyculen vas beink in ein position to ascertain. Zis vas beink, in point of fact, just about zer only remainink position of vhich zey had no knowledge. It had been ein lonk time in zer Responsezentrum.

Zis vas of no great concern, however, to zer indefatigable spirit und eqwally indefatigable stamina of zer good Doktor und zer ever-expandink circle of boingtacular-chested HQties zat formed his Interlockenpolyculen. At present, zeir ranks vere comprised of zer Aviator, Luxury, Ix, Charlotte, und Nurse Robinson, und zey vere marked as beink such by zer pink leatherette collars zey all wore zat vere decorated vizz zer Doktor's own pointy qwills. Zer collars vere, generally speakink, all zat zey could be relied upon to be wearink at any given moment (vizz zer possible exception of zer shiny latex catsuits vizz conveniently placed holes).

Zer group vas loungink artfully in zer communal paddling pool full of orange jelly, as vas zeir collective wont for reasons zey vere not qwite understandink until zey read zer script for zis garbage, vhen zere vas ein loud crash outside zer door! Zis loud crashink und smashink roused Doktor Trollenfisch from his slumber, und he flopped over zer prone, gooey, latex-clad bodies of his inexplicably large number of partners in intercourse and took a look outside into zer hallvay.

"Liebe Arceus!" Zer Doktor cried, startling und vaking zer rest of zer Interlockenpolyculen. "Vhat is happenink out here? It ist lookink like ein varzone, only vizz less blood und more splishy-sploshy gelatinous foodstuffs!" He thought for ein moment. "Actually, about zer same amount of splishy-sploshy gelatinous foodstuffs. It's been ein bit of an odd veek."

"Veek?" said zer person outside holding ein complicated-looking rifle of zome design or other. "Vhat are you talking about? Zis RC has been under permanent lockdown for two years! Ve haven't been able to get in! Nobody has! How are none of you not dead from starvation or exhaustion or jiggular asphyxiation? Und vhy am I speakink in zis preposterous accent?"

"Ja, er, I find it best not to be qwestionink zat last bit, it is only causink zer upset und strife. Anyvay," zer Doktor continued at speed, "vhat ist beink your name, meine kleine Futuristichbüchsemädchen?"

Zer woman - und vhat a vomanly voman she vas beink! - stood to rigid attention in vays zat caused Doktor Trollenfisch's eye to be drawn vizz eqwal military precision to her tonking great turbo-twinset. "I am beink Sqwadron Leader Agamemnon Vymbourne of zer Protectors of zer Pneumatic Continuum! Ve fight for zer right of all sentient beings in zer Vord Vorlds to life, liberty, und zer pursuit of ein set of truly vast funbags to crowbar into ein qwite insufficient amount of latex corsetry. Or somezink like zat anyvay."

"Agamemnon?" asked Luxury, zer first to get to her feet (Ix und Charlotte might vell have beaten her to it, but zey slipped on a soapy item of unlikely insertability und landed on each other). "I am not vishink to be rude or closed-minded, but zat ist ein male name, ja?"

"Ja, vell, I prefer Aggie, but zer other girls here are beink such sticklers for formality. Plus it's just how zis place vorks. Get hit on zer head, vake up here, check mirror, find out you are beink ein girl vizz zer most fulsome und sumptuous enormobazoongas. All part of zer service, ja?" Aggie favoured Luxury vizz ein vink zat promised zer kind of in-depth bedroom activity zat vas still beink illegal in Albania despite zer ongoink appeals vizz zer nation's Supreme Conjugal Veirdness Court.

"So, vait ein minute," piped up Jenni from zer paddling pool, "zis place appeared spontaneously after ein serious head injury?"

"Alvays vizz zer tone of surprise," mumbled Doktor Trollenfisch. "But alas," he continued, directink his attention to Aggie, "I must be bearink zer bad news, meine kleine Griechenheldenmädchen. Ve are beink members of zer Protectors of zer Plot Continuum, und ve are not beink natives of zis noble universe. Indeed, I am not knowink how zis came to pass at all!"

"Ah," said ein very sheepish-soundink Aviator. "I am thinkink zat zis might be beink eeeeever zo slightly mein fault." She stood up, a motion vhich meant her delectable melon harvest drew Aggie's gaze for several minutes. "Mein Doktor, are you rememberink vhen ve vere doink zer Vibblyvobblycanoodlywoodlymachen? Vizz zer trombone full of helium und zer techniques zat reqwire zer comprehensive knowledge of Renaissance architecture?"

"Ah, meine kleine FlugzeugundTARDISmädchen, like it vas only yesterday! Oh, zose halcyon days of long ago!"

"Ja, vell, it vaz only yesterday. I am thinkink anyvay. It vas only about nine hours ago. Mein vorkink hypothesis ist beink as follows: one of zer greasy frogs got stuck in zer helmic regulator of mein TARDIS. Again."

"Ah!" Aggie cried, to zer amazement of zer Interlockenpolyculen. "Zer presence of zer oleaginous amphibian vill be causink zer multiversal bleedthrough! Mein former partner und I vere havink ein broadly similar problem vizz her TARDIS. Zat must be vhat vas bringink you all here! I can fix zat!"

"Vell zhen, jawohl!" said zer Doktor. "Please be comink into zer Responsezentrum und fixink zer TARDIS, meine kleine Griechenheldenmädchen! Glory und sqweaky rubber und rubber-adjacent substances avaits!"

Aggie trotted inside und made for zer TARDIS, chest heavink und latex Bristols-harness creakink vizz zer superhuman effort of containink her chesticular magnificence. However, zer Aviator stopped Aggie from enterink vizz ein outstretched hand, vhich managed to land gracefully atop Aggie's thundermelons qwite by coincidence.

"Now just you be vaitink ein minute, Aggie! Zis ist ein TARDIS! Mein TARDIS! She ist ein living und feelink thing, to zer point vhere she might end up joinink in zis ridiculousness at some point if zer Doktor ist wishink reeeeeeally hard. If you und I are goink to be performink zer repairs, you must be doink everythink I say."

"Of course, mein Time Lady."

"No matter how strange it might initially be seemink."

"Of course, mein Time Lady."

"Or how many improbably-lodged Rice Krispie cakes it might entail."

"Of course, mein Time Lady."

"Echt klasse! I've alvays vanted to do one of zose," zer Aviator replied. "Everyone, please be gettink in zer TARDIS! Let's get down to business!"

Und get down to business zey did! Indeed, zer Hundefeatendowntobusinessgetten vas zeir first point of call upon ein journey of discovery und peculiar multiversal transit methods! Next vas zer Wombenbroomencobwebchecken, for vhat else could be zer follow-up to such ein strenuous and ketchup-intensive activity? But zey saved zeir energy und skill at universal translocation for zer grand finale, zer Pokenstokenhottenbeefinjectenmachen, vhich vas made all zer easier und sweeter due to zer plethora of spark plugs from zer motors of 1954 Morris Travellers vhich zer good Doktor had been collectink for zis very purpose.

It vas vizz ein enormous bang (vhich vent on for about four days) zat zer Responsezentrum und attendant time machine reappeared in its home universe. Zere vas much rejoicink amongst zer Interlockenpolyculen, vhich now included Aggie as spending zer duration of ein temporal anomaly experiencink all zat life vizz zer Doktor had to offer vas conducive to ein positive bondink experience. Zer Doktor opened zer front door vizz ein well-aimed qwill und breathed in zer familiar corridor air of home.

Vhat can ein good und noble Trollenfisch say vhen he ist arrivink in his own universe again? Vhen he knows vhere to hang his hat und hunt his slipper? Vhat else?

"Echt klasse!"

TO BE BEINK CONTINUDE!

NSFW LINK: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IduiW9y-KRkPaklzYPQmVww7GAUkfFop5mA1p0P8IwI/edit?usp=sharing

Please read and review! Flames will be used to keep my tea warm~ laso I wrote this at night so cut me a little slack please~

NSFW LINK: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vfPeIIoASS18UktVXMO9VrjiFoPuRAD3PgQspD9Q9V4/edit?usp=sharing

((((Author's notes will be indicated by 4 parenthesis))))

Author's note: I blame daQU33Noffemslash. Also, this isn't the admin who sends out the announcements, but the one who gets rid of troll posts and spambots. Just thought I should clear that up right away.

---
In a small office somewhere in Headquarters, a trenchcoat-wearing figure sat bathed in the blue glow of three widescreen computer monitors. The center monitor displayed a list of all the verified Posting Board users, color-coded by status (active, inactive, retired, banned, minis). The left-hand monitor had the source code for the Board itself, a string containing at least three programming languages and an absurd amount of angle brackets.

The right-hand monitor had search results for "how to archive a message board," because even administrators need a reminder once in a while.

The Nameless Admin sighed wearily, covering their face with a white-gloved hand. "Bram again? Some people just don't know when to quit." They blocked the offending IP, flagged the post for deletion, and double-checked the user list to confirm that Bram's entry included her most common aliases, which it did.

"Nassssty, stubborn user, oh yes," hissed a voice from somewhere in the Admin's midsection. "Mafoy will teach them pain. Tie them up and roast them like fishies and--YEOW!"

"You know we can't hurt users in real life," the Admin hissed back. A single hairy spider leg poked out from under the trenchcoat's collar, turned it down slightly, and poked back in again. "Not unless they comes to HFA first."

A more pained hiss came from the Admin's legs. "Wants a break. Mafoy and Parfait heavy. Can't hold them up forever, no precious."

It was just as well; the Admin's eyes were starting to hurt from the low lighting and computer glare. "Very well. Eggses break!"

The trenchcoat opened and fell backwards onto the swivel chair. Mafoy, Parfait, and Lopin wriggled their legs in relief. It was surprisingly hard work, pretending to be a human when all you had for company was...well, yourself.

morten son of martin the warrior

a/n: i love redwall and wished i owned it. your prob not evan cool enoug to no what redwall evan is. sticks tongue out. its a obscur fantasy series about mice for kids butt its super dark and epic so its ok for a 15 year old to like and written by brian jacks rip. morten is my oc do not steal. REDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

morten wuz martin the warriors son. he had his fathers sord and was the mightiest mouse at redwall. everytime he said redwall he woul say REDWAAAAAAAAALL and his friends would laugh but if you herd it and you was his enema you would die shortly imedietly. but it wasnt all sunshin and daisys for morten. his father had to raise him in secret cuz his mother was actually a cat (a/n: there where ratweasels in one of the books so it can happen). he was beaten up by bullies of redwall but then he killed him and people wanted him to die but then the a bot (not sure who this a bot is yet) sad 'no its' not our way" and he was forgiven and then an evil rate named Clooney the second sourged came. but then morten held a lift martins (his father) sord and beaten back CLooney. Now Clooney is back but as a bat(man, this story is gonna be epiiiiiic) and now morten must face donw his old menesis.

end, chap 1

a\n: wait for my chaprters! this is all i could get out before church. love yal and rememeber for REDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL

My first fanfic I've posted here poease be nice no falmes read and reveiw



“I’m bored,” said Kat, “I’m going out.”

Edward and Mira sat on the sofa, both reading different harry potter books.

“Isn’t anyone going to say goodbye?”

“no,” replied Edward.

2Oh, said kit, “I’ll say it then. Bye.” She walked to the door leaving award and Mira alone together.

Fore a long while that as at in silence, both too absorbed int heir books to talk to each other, until finally Edward looked up.

“So,” he said, “tell me about yourself.”

“There isn’t much to tell,” said Mira, “I fell through a plothole and now I’m here.”

“Come on,” Edward said, “surely someone as pretty as you must haa a more exciting story than that.”

Mira blushed and turned d scarlet. “Thank you for the compliment,” she said, “but I’m really that pretty. You, on the other hand, you’0t so handsome – “

“Stop,” screamed Edward, “your embarrassing me!”

The moved closer to each other and were about to kiss when the door swung open…………………………………………

MWA HA HA HA HA! CLIFFHANGER! I WONT POST HTE NEXT CHAPTER UNLESS YOU REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!111111111111

(I apologise to my agents for this mutilation.)

Summary: Ix teaches Charlie a few things about being a wolf. Ix/Charlie. PWP.
Rating: M

Here's my new fic, enjoy!

Hey, guys! I'm so very sorry that I haven't been able to post this latest story for a year now, but I had to wait for the right time and the time is now! New readers, you'll have to read the previous pieces of the Ilraen's Vacation saga from last year's Games, but it shouldn't take you too long.

NSFW link: Ilraen's Vacation Finale

Alice The Horse was walking through ppc hq (on to legs!!1!) and was flying around hq becase he can wen he fell down a rabbit hoke! He fell dow n and hit the walls a lot and smashed into the floor with a big CRUNCH!1!!!!1!!
Alice said "is where am i and made a sad horse noise.
He then say a cake that said "ate me ' and a sippy cup that said "drunk me* So he did and he got SUPeR SmOL!!1
Alice saw a tinny hole and said "let's a go Wahoo' and goed threw! The alice said 'whera em i ' cause he were in WONDERLAMD!!!!!!!!!!1;!!!!!!

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AUTHOR NOTE:dis is my first fanfic of the PCC plz love and reveiw and rate 5stars!!1!! No flames please im only 8!!!1! I wiil make chapter 2if I get enough loves!!;!1!!

The night was dark. Chenille walked sneakilythrough the spooky trees towards the cabin he knew people were in. Dumb teenage girls who did not know he was there.

He got there the lock was locked but he had a special key that nobody knew he had and unlocked the door There was a many gasp from the girl but chenille just smiled and put a finger up in a shooshmotion and they stayed quiet in feer as he shut the dokr and locjed it again.

"None of you are allowed to talk,"He whispered huskily as he pulled out a knife.

"No! one of the girls yelled, movjng in front of them with her arms out to protect them. "I will protect my friends!!1!!!"shesaid.

Chenille gasped! She was so pretty, with shoulder length pure white hair and silver eyes that shimmered. She was wearing a dark hoodie with purple patternsand gold trim, and had on steal toes boots and jeans.

"Whats you're name,"? He asked.

"Merula" she stated.

He couldnt kill her, she was too beautiful and defiant.

Chenille left by unlocking the dokr and leaving, ruby eyes ablaze with feelings he had not felt before. He would find her again.

End Chapter
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
A/N Hey there! Thia is my first fic comment plz! Flamez will be used to roast smores!

Chenille is just misundetstkod, he's so hawt and actually super nice he just had a bad childhood. Merula will fix him, dont worry!

Zeb was a luxury, which is a kind of pokemon. He was also a wizard, which is a kind of magician. He usually looked like a blue lion with yellow eyes but right now his favorite shapeshifting form was a human with grey hair and yellow eyes.He was wearing a black leather jacket with silver zippers, a blue and yellow stripe shirt, black skinny jeans and tall black doc martins. His underwear was silk black boxer briefs that pressed tightly against his skinny jeans.

He sat in a coffee shop sipping a caramel doubleshot mocha with whipped cream. Zeb loved sweet things, he had a big sweet tooth, he never knew when to stop with the sugar but luckily his metabolism was so fast he never got fat. He had a sexy scar over his right eye and a torn ear from the pokemon fights he used to get into as a cub. His hair was dark grey and spiked up all over and looked like an anime.

Zeb sat in a coffee shop with his drink eyes narrowed as he read his book, which was a novelization called Eragon. Zeb loved the movie and the book was a mostly faithful retelling of it but it changed some stuff that he wasn't sure how much he liked but it was still really good.

A nother young man slid into the booth across from him and Zeb looked up and felt his heart began to beet faster.

"Hey there," the man said and held out a hand. "Jacques Bonnefoy."

Zeb felt his face heat up as he returned the handshake "Zeb Luxry it's nice to meet you"

"*Very* nice to meet you" Jacques said and smiled. "Ive noticed you come in here every week and finally worked up the nerve to say hello."

"Hello."

"Hello."

They giggled.

"So you come here a lot then?" Zeb asked thinking that now he thought about it Jacques looked rather familiar.

"I come in here before work" Jacques said nodding. "I'm an actor singer, I work at the theater across the street" he pointed to the Bradway theater and Zeb gasped.

A/N: so I can't get over how cute Zecques is in cannon so i had to write this coffee shop AU!! R&R and remember flames will be used to make toesties! <3 <3 <3 peace!

Here is the link to last year's games for anyone looking for inspiration.