Subject: New mission
Author:
Posted on: 2020-01-08 18:06:03 UTC
In which a partnership is established, badfic is as badfic does, and more questions are raised than answered. Continuum is Miraculous Ladybug.
Subject: New mission
Author:
Posted on: 2020-01-08 18:06:03 UTC
In which a partnership is established, badfic is as badfic does, and more questions are raised than answered. Continuum is Miraculous Ladybug.
I don't know the canon well, but I think I got a good sense of what was going on, and you've got interesting characters. Looking forward to seeing more of them.
Minor notes:
Did you want the Vulpix "arcing" or "arching" its back? The former feels like a typo, but I'm not sure.
"couldn’t much care." feels like it should be "couldn't care much."
"poor SPaG-less and name fixed" seems wrong
“Put this in the RC, and get Maryanne to held carry things" should have "help"
I didn't entirely understand all the details of how the superpowers in this canon work, but I still followed along with the idea that Marcy was misusing those qualities, which is the main thing for a mission to show. I also liked that the agents seemed to be getting along at the outset, until Avery revealed their spooky power. I look forward to learning more about their ability, and seeing how it affects their relationship with Liz.
Miraculous typos:
"Liz had barely swing the backpack off her shoulders before the console let out an ear-piercing . . ."
"swung"
"'...no, not really, but I’ve got to try.'"
Even though this sentence opens with an ellipsis, the "n" at the start still gets capitalized.
"'Put this in the RC, and get Maryanne to held carry things.'"
"help"
Also, I'm not clear on why "Miraculous's" became a mini? Since Miraculous seems to be a proper noun in this continuum, then using it in the possessive sense should add an apostrophe-"s" just like with a name like James/James's. Unless we've just grown up with different grammar rules on that topic?
—doctorlit, miraculous reviewer
Typos fixed!
Miraculous's may be proper grammar, but it was being used in place of the plural Miraculouses. It's something I double and triple-checked before adding in.
You sure picked a badfic for your first one, I see. (Oof, that one-hour dress...) I like your riffing on the fic a lot, and I love Maryanne's recruitment, especially the bit about fixing her name with Logicillin. Also, Avery speaking with underlines made me laugh.
The Sue playing a Sueish character in the TV show, though, that one's just making my eyes cross. Sue squared? Sueception?
I also noticed you'd made a typo. When Liz shows up at the RC, the description of her clothes as "japanese" should be capitalized.
Good work overall, though! It made a fun intro for your agents and your recruits. I'm excited to see where you take Maryanne's character in the future.
A few of the scenes have a bit more meaning/make more sense if you read the first mission, well, first.
I probably missed your first mission because of the hiatus I took between late September and late December. My mistake.
But also a bit funny, because it hasn't been pushed off the Board yet.
I really put my foot in my mouth here, didn't I. Apologies again.