Subject: What characters would you want to be quarantined with?
Author:
Posted on: 2020-04-18 02:09:40 UTC
So, suppose that, due to plothole shenanigans, you'll be living with two or three fictional characters for a few months and not leaving the house much because of ... a pandemic or something, idk.
Who would you want to shack up with?
I'm just saying, dear, you're not exactly equipped to deal with-
"Go on." The woman by the fireplace looked up, grinning wider than seemed strictly possible. "Say 'crazies'. You know you want to."
I truly don't, the Kudzu assured her, then turned back to her host. If you'd just allow me to take her back to HQ...
"Yeah, about that." Constance Sims took a sip of her coffee, grimaced, and put it down. "Cold. I'm really not convinced that we want to revisit the intersection of 'PPC HQ' and 'Ontic Laison has a breakdown'."
"Don't be silly!" Ontic called. "I feel fine. The breaking is what other people do."
"Besides," Dafydd put in, coming up beside his wife and depositing a steaming mug, "we're actually really experienced with dealing with unstable people."
The Kudzu gave a mental sigh. Mr. Illian - no, that doesn't sound right - Former Agent Illian, having children does not prepare you for caring for the afflicted.
"I didn't mention the kids," Dafydd said. "Connie, did you mention the kids? I didn't hear you mention-"
"Ignore him," Constance said, thwapping her husband's arm. "He means himself." She looked over at the fifth occupant of the room. "Help me out here, Lou."
"Hmm?" Maybe-Former Possibly-Agent Louise looked down from her intense scrutiny of the ceiling. "Sorry, Constance, but I think we've got bigger problems. An old friend," she nodded upward, "just came to visit, and I think our scene's about to-"
HOUSE 1
In the Illian household: a large, rambling pre-industrial house with modern amenities hidden out of sight.
[BEEPbeepBEEPbeepBEEPbeepBEEP]
<What in the worlds is that?>
Agent Supernumerary (Nume to his friends, though most people would be surprised he had any) tapped at the big red button on the console, then slapped at it with increasing urgency. "Whatever it is, it isn't for us."
I'm rather afraid it is. From somewhere among her leaves, the Sub Rosa produced a small metal device. She didn't seem to manipulate it in any way, but the beeping noise quickly dropped to 'background noise' levels. That's the lockdown alarm, she said. That means it's for everyone.
"Not everyone." The Ostensibly Interim Head of the Interdimensional Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Elves - aka Liliac - pointed a finger at Nume. "I'm not part of your corporate military. As soon as you hand over the elf, I'm out of here."
"For the last time," Nume ground out, "I am not an elf."
"Yeah, but you are though." Liliac made an incomprehensibly expansive gesture with one arm. "I mean, look at you!"
<You do have certain elvish traits,> Ilraen proffered.
"Stop helping."
I don't think you understand, Ms. Liliac, the Sub Rosa said. It isn't just the alarm. It means-
"The door's gone." Luxury stuck her hand into the hazy blue field filling the doorway the doorway, and grinned as her arm reappeared sticking straight back into the room. "The door's weird," she corrected, "and I can think of all sorts of fun things to do with it..."
HOUSE 2
RC 999: A standard PPC response centre.
"No, of course you can't get out. That's the whole point."
The Aviator folded her arms and glowered at the Korean man. "Then make it not the point."
To his credit, Makes-Things didn't back down. "I can't," he said. "This is a lockdown; it's supposed to keep everyone in place until the problem is dealt with."
Indeed. The large tree in the corner of the TARDIS' console room really shouldn't have fit, but wibbly-wobbly, spacey-wacey. It would hardly be a lock... down if we could un... lock it.
"Yeah, but you built the system," the Aviator retorted. "That means you can un-build it." She looked between Hornbeam and Makes-Things and grimaced. "If you don't, I'll have to ask Zeb to zap it."
"Um." The Pokemon glanced across at his partner. "Didn't you say Thunder Wave inside the TARDIS was, quote, 'a really no good very bad idea'?"
Oh, really? The fifth occupant of the TARDIS managed to convey an amusedly-arched eyebrow, despite not possessing a face. That's very interesting.
"No, that's not- argh!" The Aviator did her best to glare at everyone simultaneously. "Guys. Please. We have to get him out of here."
Please, don't rush on my account. The Sunflower Emperor, head of the Mirror Multiverse's Enforcers of the Plot Continuum, leaned languidly back against the railing. This is far more entertaining than going home...
HOUSE 3
The Aviator's TARDIS: A PPC TARDIS, which has recently made an accidental trip to the Mirror Multiverse.
You really can't stay in there.
"I can!" The grey door muffled the speaker's voice, but his panic still came through clearly. "I'm not going out until she's gone!"
The Sunflower Official wished fervently that he had hair to pull at. She cannot leave, he pointed out. You know this; you're the one who put us into lockdown.
"I thought it would portal us all home!" The edges of the door started to leak blackness as the Canon Librarian's voice rose in pitch. "Why would you design a system that would lock us in with her?"
Agents Mara and Isaiah exchanged a look, then looked over at the girl across the room. "She doesn't seem too bad," Isaiah ventured.
Mara snorted. "Yes, but the worst ones don't," she said. "Remember that ship-stealing Elizabeth-hater we fed to the Kracken?"
Isaiah's brow furrowed. "She... seemed pretty bad."
"... all right, but the principle is sound."
"She's the worst." The whole door had turned black now, and the Sunflower Official had to shuffle back. "I've read her stories; she's literally the literal worst."
"Who, me?" The golden-haired girl on the far side of the room fluttered her eyelashes. Her smile was like a thousand gentle streams washing over a bed of pearls, or some other such incoherent turn of phrase. "Come on, Sunny," she said, turning her sparkling blue eyes to the SO, "don't frighten the poor man - you have to tell him he can trust me." She giggled, a rippling sound that seemed to batter at the very walls of reality. "After all - who doesn't trust Jaycacia Thornbyrd?"
HOUSE 4
The Committee Room: Meeting place of the Board of Flowers. Has a currently-occupied broom closet.
"Oh come on."
The shortish, brown-haired woman fixed the swirling blue that had replaced her front door with a glare that could melt steel. "Five more minutes," she said. "Just five more minutes and they would have been gone."
"Hey, now." Her friend - taller, red hair - touched her shoulder, her hand pale on the woman's long, midnight-blue tunic. "It could be worse. There could be snakes in here."
"Jay." Acacia Byrd stabbed a finger at the Flower lurking behind her couch. "Think before you speak."
The Venomous Tentacula, mistress of the League of Mary Sue Factories, folded her admittedly snake-like tendrils. I take offence at that, she said. Snakes are far too Voldemort-esque.
"You run a literal Mary Sue factory!" Acacia snapped. "You're the embodiment of evil."
But unlike certain wizards, the Tentacula replied, I'm also competent.
Jay snorted, nudging Acacia with an elbow in the hopes that doing so might cause a joke to come into existence. "I don't know about that," she said. "You did get caught."
Sheer fluke, the Tentacula said primly, flicking a frond at the other Flower in the small house. If she hadn't happened to wander through-
I prefer to think of it as skill, the Tiger Lily retorted. This way I get to kill two birds with one stone.
"No birds are dead!" Acacia protested, waving her arms over her head. "Seriously? Not only have you not got the evil Flower out of my house, you haven't even caught the crazy person!"
I'm sure she'll see reason soon, the Tiger Lily said. Agent Shrike? I really am not here to arrest you. We just want to know if you witnessed anything-
"I've witnessed things you people wouldn't believe!" There was a pattering of feet, as of a hyperactive person running very fast through the other rooms. "But you're not going to get me that easily - no! I bet that's how you caught the Sunflower Official! Ha, but you're not going to put me in your oven, you Wicked Old Witch!"
Jay sighed, turned to her friend, and gave her a wry grin. "Acy," she said, "I think it's going to be a looong lockdown."
HOUSE 5
Acacia's house in Ancient Rome. Has a jewellery workshop, but no kitchen.
(For the purposes of this game, you may assume other typical occupants of the houses, such as the Illian kids, are present or absent as suits you.)
hS
I'll have to go with 3. TARDISes are much more roomier than an RC, and I've sworn off dorm rooms if I can avoid them.
1 is a close second, but I'm not sure whether the Kudzu and Ontic will cancel each other out or if we'll have to deal with someone going flamewhrower a while in.
Besides, Zeb is probably very floofy and I figure he's likely to be open to some petting.
I'm pretty sure the people in that house are the only ones I can deal with. Two humans and three Flowers, how bad can it be?
The point of the lockdown is to survive, and I certainly wouldn't be doing that if Ave got her hands on me. :P
Much as I'd love to befriend Ilraen and wouldn't object to Luxury's, ah, attention, I'm already going nuts in my own flat—and even though all my housemates have moved out so I've got loads of space to myself, it's still maddeningly tiny. Cramming a bunch of people into a dorm-sized studio apartment, especially with Nume and Lux together in close quarters, sounds like a recipe for disaster.
I'd have to go with the Illian house—I've got experience as a nanny, so I'd be able to help out with the kids, and if nothing else it would be an extra pair of hands to help deal with Ontic. And I've got a special sort of fondness for the Kudzu as a Flower. Also, just for purely selfish reasons, I'd be rather interested to know what an Elf would think of my cooking. And pick his brain for what M-e and the PPC are like. And then beg him to not tell any of my agents if there ever happened to be a crossover.
My first instinct is to throw in with the boys in RC 999, because a) solidarity with my boys! and b) "devil you know." Nume and Ilraen have been through a quarantine before; the three of us know what to expect from them. {= ) I'm also not worried about sharing space with Lux, the Sub Rosa, or Liliac (though in the latter case that's only because I don't know her except in that there was a newbie with that name some time ago). But... it's a standard response center. It barely sleeps two; forget six. We might be able to get someone in the closet and someone in the bathroom, and IDK, maybe I could share Ilraen's scoop, but even so, it's gonna get really claustrophobic, really fast. o.o;
I think Dafydd's house, a TARDIS, or Acacia's place in Fictionalized Ancient Rome sound pretty reasonable, even with their less appealing occupants. Apparently Acy's place doesn't have a kitchen, though? Not sure why that is, but okay, I guess I can strike that one off the list.
So, let's see, Dafydd's house + mad Ontic or Ave's TARDIS + Sunflower Emperor and, let's face it, Ave herself?
TARDIS probably lets me avoid everyone else if I want to, plus it's techy, so the Internet is likely a thing.
But I know Dafydd has Internet access of some sort, too, and the Kudzu is right there to help deal with the madperson, and surely Lou can help with her fourth-wall-breaking abilities. Plus Constance is very competent and cool, plus Elvish music, plus I like kids just fine, plus fire-lizards and yeah I choose House 1. I don't suppose Hera is clutching any time soon...? {= D
~Neshomeh
Acacia lives (at least in my repeatedly-asserted headcanon; obligatory note that none of my J&A writings are canon unless you, dear reader, want them to be) in a fairly nice insula, or apartment building, rather than a domus, or in-city villa. Insulae, based on my memory of Wikipedia, occasional informative signboards, and the Roma Sub Rosa series, tended to have communal bread ovens but no kitchens. Romans tended to eat out, buying food on the street - oysters being a popular takeaway, because they come in their own handy bowls!
Liliac, meanwhile, is head of Ispace. Her job is protecting elves - any elves - and she takes it very seriously. She has literally gone to war with the PPC and the OFUs over this. She's mellowed somewhat since the Ispace Accords were signed, but she can still get quite... intense. Basically, she's going to spend the entire lockdown trying to convince Nume a) that he's an elf, and b) that he needs to come with her to safety immediately.
She's probably still the least-worrying person in the Enemy Slot, but... well, she's up against Jaycacia, so that's not saying much.
I actually have no idea how often fire lizards clutch; my suspicion is that D&C usually take Hera back to Pern for the occasion, to avoid either selling off countless eggs or infesting Malij with uncanonical fauna. Though if the lockdown goes on too long...
(Oh gods, crazy!murderous!Ontic with a fire lizard. Please, by the Egg, no!)
hS
Do you think they'd let me have a fire-lizard? puppy eyes
Hey there. Since I'm currently stuck in a house with the entire Illian family, plus a broken person, plus a houseplant, I'd be happy to pester Mr. Narrator into giving the fire lizards a clutch for people to weird-fourth-wallishly receive eggs from. Heck, I can probably even get him to put up a fire lizard generator so's you can see them!
{What? No? I don't have a fire lizard generator.}
So make one. You've got that Minion generator.
{That took time! I'd have to draw all the pictures, and-}
So draw them. You've figured out colour-shifting, right? Come on, this'll be easy.
{But I'm doing so many other things!}
"If you want something done, accost a busy person." Is that how that goes? So, you make the generator, all the lockdown people get their lizards, everyone's happy.
{Am I happy?}
Ah, you'll be fine.
~Lou
{& hS}
Simply because Agents Isaiah and Mara are there. Their missions are like my introductory course to the PPC (I actually read them before I read TOS), so they're pretty special. The Jaycacia part did make me reconsider some, but she can't be that bad... right...?
Oh, child. Some horrors you have to see with your own eyes in order to learn.
What?
Psst
Okay! House 4 it is then!
Having been reminded just how small RC 999 is, I'm definitely going with House 3. My introverted self wouldn't survive a lockdown in a space as cramped as RC 999 would be with six people in it.
Incidentally, the only reason I didn't choose House 1 is because I'm so empathetic that being locked in the same house as Ontic while she's having a breakdown would probably be a BAD idea.
The TARDIS is telepathic, and if she doesn't have a room (and she has many, many varied rooms!), if you want something, she can probably create it if you're nice to her. ;)
(Hopefully you don't mind dealing with a very clever toddler, though!)
this Tweet), which proposes a bunch of quarantine houses and asks which one you'd want to live in. (I'd embed the picture but it's not working for some reason)
Said list of places to be stuck seems to routinely (in the few places I've seen it) send people scrambling to Google to figure out who most of these people are and then debating which one of these is the least terrible idea.
(I provisionally lean 5, because, among other things, I do not want to be anywhere the pile of fireworks that is Harry Dresden and Bob Howard meeting ... or things like the apparent zombie plague in House 2)
I mean, I don't want to be anywhere near Dresden Meets Howard (or as I call it, "code flaming cthulhu"), but Mab just seems... so much worse.
I'm picking house 3 because I don't know enough characters in the rest of the houses and better the devil you know.
Or at least explosive communist artificial-intelligence eldritch eldrich-scientific mystical hothouse you know...
with the Queen of Air and Darkness either, especially since that would also involve the Faceless Old Woman Who Lives in Your Home.
My original thought, before rechecking the list, but one which still stands, was that I vaguely trust the Winter Queen and a Special Circumstances agent to have some concern for collateral damage if they should throw down mid-quarantine in a way the Dresden and Howard might not.
Naming the Winter Queen twice comes dangerously close to accidentally summoning her. And I don't think anyone wants that.
hS
=]
The unexplained emphasis confuses and distresses me. What do?!
Also I wanted this to be about physical houses, thus helping me answer my own take on the question. Ah well. I've come up with Archibald Craven's manor from The Secret Garden, maybe? Plenty of space to avoid any other people in the house if they want to be disagreeable, and it has a secret garden. {= D
... Wait, wait, hold the phone, the answer is perfectly obvious and has been all along. Professor Kirke's house from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, duh! Not only is it a really cool old house in the country, it's got a portal to Narnia in it. It may not be my biggest fandom, but it's still a magical land with talking animals and such. I'll take it!
~Neshomeh
I mean, if those were tables, the background stripes thing makes sense, but doing it with just bold and no actual background is ... questionable.
I agree with you having a point about hiding out at Professor Kirke's place during all this ... and there's canonical precedent for dodging big city-affecting events there too.
...but I'll list a few.
She's my favorite character from my favorite book series, so that's probably why. Also, I view her as a great source of knowing more about the wizarding world — the parts not written in the books — since she knows so many things. I also hold the hopes that her presence will stimulate my brain a bit and make me smarter, but that I don't know how well that would work.
I just want to hear the voices of the Angels of Music myself. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, yes. Oh, wait, you know what? Maybe only Christine should come. It is not wise to overlook the risk of murder, however distracting the risk of infection might be. crosses Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Rebecca de Winter, and Graf Von Krolock from the list as well.
He is... precious. I can't think of a reason of not wanting to see him except my heart will break when he has to leave.
Ah, the man who charmed Esmeralda to her doom. I'd like to see how well he could charm me.
Who's ready to see some cat magic? :)
It's time to incorporate a lust object into my wish list, don't you think? Hehe... What, hygiene problems? Well... um... I'll think about it later.
I swear I'm straight. I swear.
Oh, wait, there is a more clever answer: Kids Next Door villain the Toiletnator! An infinite supply of toilet paper means no worrying about availability. Plus, the toilets can never clog! I wonder if he could fix my leaky shower faucet, too . . .
—doctorlit, making the weird out-there references
I always forget all the characters I'd want to put on a list like this, but if I can remember a few...
-Masterharper Robinton (Pern). Apologies to Neshomeh for getting here first, but I mean who wouldn't want Robinton? He's charming, courteous, likeable, a world-class entertainer and just all around a great person to spend time with.
-Iskandar (Fate). Surprising nobody, but there is a rational reason here. Iskandar is more trouble than he's worth under normal conditions because favorite character or no, he actually wants to take over the world. But he's not stupid so he's stay inside and aside from that minor issue, he's quite affable. His larger-than-life personality would be a welcome source of entertainment during a lockdown, his positive outlook would help keep things in perspective, and I would rather like to play him at a videoge or two—it'd help pass the time.
And... uhh... dangit I was sure I had more. Forgot what they were though.
And so did I, first thing. ^_~ But, actually, I suspect Robinton would suffer quite a lot from being cooped up in one place and unable to do anything for too long, and might become unbearably irritable and/or maudlin about it. Especially once the Benden Red runs out. Remember how he got during his recovery in Cove Hold?
Though, on the other hand, give the man access to the Internet, and who knows? You might just find yourself swept up in making the world a better place before you even know what's happening!
You know what, I change my mind. I'm not going to pick whatever character has the coolest home to get trapped in, which I haven't been able to figure out anyway. I want to get swept up in Robinton's train. Let's do this! {= D
~Neshomeh
I have no idea what would happen but it would be entertaining.
And yes, my immediate thought is that he becomes popular on YouTube for the quality of his compositions and their (to modern ears) weirdly old-fashioned sensibilities.
There's probably a crackfic in that...
First of all, I live with my parents( that’s because I’m still a teenager). So I don’t think that they will take kindly to strangers sharing my room with them.
Not only that but what if they have the virus? Won’t they help to spread the virus even further? What happens if they catch the virus from me? Will it spread to their own home continuum?
Now if we bury all of these concerns, and that they may or may not only appear in my dreams, then good.
List of characters that I will not want to be with and why:
1.Mr Krabs( he will charge me rent, and does it look like we have water on the surface to keep him alive?).
2.Kirby( he will eat all of the food, and does it look like we have the food and money to keep him fed?).
3.The Lotus( she literally has no character other than being blood thirsty?).
BTS( god no they will attract more people and spread the virus. Besides, do I really want Curtis to look at his idols and steal their looks to look “cooler?”).
Anime characters( Do I really want to have characters from a media that I really don’t like? Besides, do I really want a haram of over sexualised one dimensional cartoon girls, even though I am too young for the age of consent? By the way, I hate fictional romance).
6.Stus( Do I really want to be told why they are so masculine and why they hate society for all of their petty, “philosophical” reasons? And that they attract countless anime girls despite the fact that he killed people?).
7.Sues( Do I really want to be told why she’s so progressive, that I’m a toxic male supporting a so called patriarchy, even though her ideal society is literally a patriarchy that’s only run by women? Despite the fact that my President is a woman?).
8.Amos Yee( Do I really want to have a paedophile with me and be charged for being an accomplice for wounding the religious feelings of Christians and all Singaporeans?).
List of characters I would like to be with and why: 1. Tom Nook( he’s a really cool guy, and he can teach you how to make something and earn a couple of bucks).
The tiger who came to eat(he will eat the virus).
AVGN( he is what a true retro gamer really is).
Pink guy( he’s a real musician, and is so anti social that no one will swarm my parent’s apartment).
Spongebob from Seasons 1 to 3( has more character than anime characters that I usually remember, and thank god none of the characters are anime girls).
Akash( my senior from my CCA, scouts. He’s a funny guy and we can play Minecraft together if we’re bored).
Stripe( my cat and hopefully she’s not spying for Curtis).
Red Dick( he will cook you pretty good food).
My actual real life self( he’s the only one I can actually).
Edit: the bloody formatting destroyed my masterpiece.
Hermione because she's the least likely to be a covidiot, and can probably give me some good book recommendations. Also she's capable of handling intelligent conversation.
Faramir because Gondor has been under siege and he probably knows how to handle situations like this. Is also the least likely to flip out after losing a Monopoly game. In general, good quarantine pal.
Smelly Gabe, as sacrificial victim. I hate him.