Subject: To The Foolish Maker of Worlds
Author:
Posted on: 2020-09-23 15:13:50 UTC
You do a great job of showing that Charlotte is blind before actually saying it. I also like how it's not a simple statement of her being blind that reveals it to the reader, but a reference to her "blind eyes".
I called another All-Write on the Discord, in the interest of getting those restarted! The prompt was “A thwarting? Now? But I was just-”, and several people wrote several deeply amusing pieces. We're putting them here, so additional participants can leave feedback - part of the point of the exercise is practicing giving, and receiving, concrit.
In no particular order!
Stream of Consciousness (bl1 if you squint even slightly), by FourMoonsWatching. Content warning: Significant discussions of suicidality. Falloren continues to be angsty.
Office Hours, by Calliope. A continuation of her delightful series about a slightly demonic corporation.
Off the Clock, by Thoth. Just about the closest to the prompt that I had in mind - it's about villains and how rude it is to interrupt them.
Hellhound, by Cicada. Also warnings for suicidality, and one of the coolest depictions of magic I've seen in a while.
Unnecessary Heroics, by Delta Juliette. In which a pair of retired protagonists find new reasons to be tired.
Forced Beginnings, by Silv. New beginnings are hard, some times.
Last Mile, by Tomash. Adventures in outer space get a little bit hair-raising.
A thwarting? Now?, by The Foolish Maker of Worlds. I'm fond of the protagonist and her perspective!
How To Run Someone's Day, by Literature's Hanafuda. The only directly PPC entry in today's series!
This was a fun little piece. Vanille and Hex's planning was interesting, but I didn't really understand why Vanille was sneaking into the response center.
You do a great job of showing that Charlotte is blind before actually saying it. I also like how it's not a simple statement of her being blind that reveals it to the reader, but a reference to her "blind eyes".
This piece makes for a fun little adventure. The twist at the end of it all being a simulation works nicely.
The character's confusion about what had and was happening was a great lead-in to the ending. Also, finding out that the character had become a Vulpix added new nuance to a few lines in the first part.
This piece was very amusing. I really got the sense of Catherine and Fiona just being so DONE with wannabe heroes and wishing for a peaceful life. It was easily understandable without the other piece, although reading the other one did add to my understanding of this one.
The tidbits of what happened to get the character to this point have me really curious to find out the full story.
I really like the piece. the humor of the situation kept me ginning throughout. The idea of being Heroes and Villains having become essentially a cooperative show is really neat and I could feel the viewpoint character's exasperation at getting interrupted by yet another newbie hero.
I really felt Miria's frustration with what she had to do.
That said, I didn't really understand what was going on until I had read the other pieces in the series.
You did a very good job of evoking just how bleak and hopeless the character is feeling at this moment.
Honestly, I really empathize with Miria, especially sometime in the middle of the story with the phone call. I get especially agitated when interrupted while I'm doing something I consider important. I also really like the way you used italics to show sarcasm, as I have a bit of trouble picking it up otherwise.
Although, it is a sequel, and readers may not have a clear picture of exactly what's going on if they haven't read the other stories in the series.
Also I thought at first that Miria was using a typewriter