Subject: Not a PG but...
Posted on: 2021-04-03 17:45:34 UTC

The badfic looks bad, your activity looks good, so that's two points in your favour immediately.

On paper and from the bios, I like the look and feel of your characters, I like the idea of both of them and I like the descriptions that you've given, even going into their favoured weapons etc. I feel I should point out that I didn't look at your first Permission request, so I can't directly compare them with how they were then, so please so keep that in mind.

The prompts for me are a bit weird. They're on the short side which, while not bad generally gives us less to see the characters in action, and it's this that has me a bit curious and a bit worried in some ways. The only person to speak in both prompts is Chizuru, one line in each prompt, so we don't really see any interaction between the two agents beyond, perhaps, the last line of the first prompt. With this I don't really get a feel for Kaguya in any real way in either prompt. Don't get me wrong, I like the list of everything that went wrong for both characters in the first prompt and while it does allow us a bit of a window into each character and what they like to do, it doesn't really showcase either character for me. And with the second prompt, we only really get that Kaguya's just standing there, having a BSoD moment as he can't compute what's going on. And that's good, but again it doesn't really give me much of an idea of Kaguya and how he acts/reacts in situations and Chizuru's panicking while good, again doesn't really have much of an interaction with anything to bounc off of (or at least, that's how it feels to me).

I think what I would want is more, more from both prompts, more interaction between the two agents and more of a focus on each agent seperately and how they act/react, what they're thinking/doing, to give these prompts a bit more life so to speak and really give us, the reader a good feel for both of your characters.

The only other thing for me, is that while the SPaG in the prompts is good, it doesn't quite feel as smooth as it could perhaps be, I think this is more my opinion than anything that you or Midnight missed/did wrong, but it occasionally feels like words have been missed or not skipped that perhaps shouldn't have been.


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