Subject: Not a PG either, though I am a seasoned oldbie...
Posted on: 2021-04-06 23:38:25 UTC

...And I really do enjoy the premise of your characters, especially all the little bits of Japanese jokes and cultural references you weave into them. It looks incredibly promising there!

But I'm seconding the other commenter that there's not enough in the actual writing sample for us to see their dynamic properly. You have a lot of telling with your character bios but I want to see more showing with their actual interactions. In my personal experience, what you say two characters' interactions will look like may not turn out that way when you settle down to write them -- my Agents were originally much more contentious and snippy with each other, and I had this thing on the Wiki about one of them having a phobia of messes and the other one being a slob to antagonise them, but as I continued actually writing missions for them I realised the real dynamic was very different from that (and also, I was convinced when I was 13 that they weren't in love and about 4 years later realised that was also wrong hahaha).

So I would recommend you sit down and write out more non-mission interactions between them so you can get a good handle on their lines and how they interact with one another outside of a mission!

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