Subject: Ayyy
Author:
Posted on: 2021-06-19 02:53:06 UTC
Honestly, I didn’t know the sandwich bit would be as mentioned as it was, but I’m kinda glad for that; it helps knowing that I’m not actually terrible at more mundane scenarios. And I’m glad you’re enjoying the agents!
So. I've had Permission for over a year by now, and I felt I might as well put this thing out, it's been just floating around for months. And to be honest? I was kind of terrified for a bit to show it. Maybe still a bit terrified, actually. I honestly think this isn't my best work, but eh, it's been done for a while and I put time and effort into it.
I just hope it's... acceptable? Let's go with acceptable.
So without further ado, the uncreatively named Three.
-OrangeFox
Oh, hey, Narnia! I haven't read a mission there in a long while. And I like that you made use of the Talking Beasts native to Narnia to allow your agents to be something other than humanoid, for a change. It made it extra fun for Jiwon to be able to talk in his fox form, and serves as a bit of a callback to Mr. Fox trying to help Aslan during The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I especially loved your resolution here! Letting a Sue assimilate has been done before, but you came up with a creative and original way to avoid assassination and recover the crash dummy. Excellent!
. . . Daryll. There's an OC talking leopard, and he got named . . . Daryll. I mean, I know this is a canon with animals named Mrs. Beaver and Shift the Ape, but like. Daryll, though. Daryll the leopard. A talking beast from Narnia, his name is Daryll. Daryll of Narnia. Daryll, who serves Aslan. Hey everyone, meet the talking big cat, Daryll. Daryll the neon orange talking leopard. Daryll. His name is Daryll. Daryll the leopard of Narnia. Daryll.
Some little details I enjoyed:
-Charlie's sandwich getting way overcooked, and they just deeply go for it anyway
-literally everything about Dr. Glocktopus
Some errors? I haven't read anyone else's comments, so some of these may be redundant.
In the beginning, when the agents are interacting with the console, you say, "Jiwon made a small disgruntled fox noise before shifting into his human form" But Jiwon had already changed to human and was never mentioned as going back up to this point. (Unless I'm missing it in my reading.)
As the dummy inflates, "Charlie grabbed Jiwon’s arm and quickly pulled him behind some fallen branches" But their disguises are quadrupeds, so no arm to grab. (And if Charlie is using his mouth, he must be doing so very gently!
"the Sue arrived on the scene, cresting a nearby hill on her horse and generally looking regal and fancy as the other Narnians on camp parted ways for her." I think you wanted "in camp," unless this is just a phrasing I'm unfamiliar with?
Aneia starts the charge scene on hoirseback, but Alrohar has vanished by the time the agents open the portal under her.
And one last error in the ending author's note: "I’m not entirely sure it merited being the the PPC Wiki’s Unclaimed Badfic page"
—doctorlit, son of Adam
To be honest? ...I didn’t remember Mr. Fox when I was writing this mission. I did remember that one fox in The Last Battle that was evil and eventually dead, so I was more leaning into referencing that (and Narnia’s big symbolism thing) with the Sue’s automatic suspicion of Jiwon. Oops, but also nice, I guess?
I do want to give credit where credits due, though: I wasn’t the one to come up with the body-transferring Sue removal method. A couple folk on the Discord server suggested it while I was stumped, so actually? I’m going to edit the doc to credit ‘em. That bit wouldn’t have happened without them.
And thanks for catching all those typos! I dunno why, but there’s always something real satisfying about being able to polish up a work more.
So hey, thanks again!
Myself, I had forgotten about the bad fox during Last Battle, so I guess we're even there!
—doctorlit has real red foxes to think about, forgot a fictional one
Overall, the mission was well-done and did a good job of showing what's bad and good about the fic, while also having its own independent plot. It also fits pretty well into the PPC as a universe. So, ... keep things up, I'm looking forward to more from you.
I’m glad you liked it! And hopefully I’ll be able to write more like this in the future.
Also, Dr. Glocktopus is definitely one of my favorite characters to write, and I’m pleasantly surprised people seemed to like it too - especially since it was just spawned out of midnight delirium.
But yeah, thanks!
Sandwich make Charlie strong!
I’m glad I got to see more of Charlie’s quirkiness and smol bean Jiwon.
Genderbent Santa. Ugh, I cringed at that the first time that was mentioned. Still, glad it didn’t last for long.
And yeah, it was better to have the Sue assimilated into the canon instead of squeezing the fic dry for charges. Saved time and was a good chance to practice.
Honestly, I didn’t know the sandwich bit would be as mentioned as it was, but I’m kinda glad for that; it helps knowing that I’m not actually terrible at more mundane scenarios. And I’m glad you’re enjoying the agents!
I don't think bread and cheese that are burned to a crisp taste very good. I like your characters.
Funny’s really the most I can hope for! Entertainment and all that, y’know? It’s a big part of why I write these to begin with. (That, the practice, and the catharsis in the case of the worse ones.)
Heh. Yeah, ashes generally don’t taste very good, but Charlie’s never been one for discrimination. Anyways, glad you like the characters! It’s one of the bigger things I’ve been worrying about recently with my writing.
The sandwich-toasting was a strong opening, and I like the "next to the skeletons" line and its reaction. I also liked the way you handled the not-quite-Suvian - though I would've liked to see how she ended up! (And possible how Dr. Glocktopus reacted to having an angry, bewildered, charging woman dropped on him with no warning.)
The thing about letting the fic shape the mission is... well, we're not MSTers, so it helps to separate us from that, but also it's more fun to read. ^_^ A mission that doesn't end with 'and then they stabbed her dead the end' is always a nice change, so if you've got good reason to do it, go for it!
hS
Glad you liked it, especially since I was worried I had mishandled the story structure and whatnot. And I was considering writing an after-Author’s Note thing with Arneia and Nurse-Doctor Glocktopus, but my brain wouldn’t cooperate with me on that one.
And yeah, I’ve definitely been trying to move away from too much MST-like stuff after my first mission, so nice to get more reason to do so.
Again, thanks!