Subject: re: mission (spoilers)
Posted on: 2021-06-21 01:33:54 UTC

Oh, hey, Narnia! I haven't read a mission there in a long while. And I like that you made use of the Talking Beasts native to Narnia to allow your agents to be something other than humanoid, for a change. It made it extra fun for Jiwon to be able to talk in his fox form, and serves as a bit of a callback to Mr. Fox trying to help Aslan during The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I especially loved your resolution here! Letting a Sue assimilate has been done before, but you came up with a creative and original way to avoid assassination and recover the crash dummy. Excellent!

. . . Daryll. There's an OC talking leopard, and he got named . . . Daryll. I mean, I know this is a canon with animals named Mrs. Beaver and Shift the Ape, but like. Daryll, though. Daryll the leopard. A talking beast from Narnia, his name is Daryll. Daryll of Narnia. Daryll, who serves Aslan. Hey everyone, meet the talking big cat, Daryll. Daryll the neon orange talking leopard. Daryll. His name is Daryll. Daryll the leopard of Narnia. Daryll.

Some little details I enjoyed:
-Charlie's sandwich getting way overcooked, and they just deeply go for it anyway
-literally everything about Dr. Glocktopus

Some errors? I haven't read anyone else's comments, so some of these may be redundant.

In the beginning, when the agents are interacting with the console, you say, "Jiwon made a small disgruntled fox noise before shifting into his human form" But Jiwon had already changed to human and was never mentioned as going back up to this point. (Unless I'm missing it in my reading.)

As the dummy inflates, "Charlie grabbed Jiwon’s arm and quickly pulled him behind some fallen branches" But their disguises are quadrupeds, so no arm to grab. (And if Charlie is using his mouth, he must be doing so very gently!

"the Sue arrived on the scene, cresting a nearby hill on her horse and generally looking regal and fancy as the other Narnians on camp parted ways for her." I think you wanted "in camp," unless this is just a phrasing I'm unfamiliar with?

Aneia starts the charge scene on hoirseback, but Alrohar has vanished by the time the agents open the portal under her.

And one last error in the ending author's note: "I’m not entirely sure it merited being the the PPC Wiki’s Unclaimed Badfic page"

—doctorlit, son of Adam

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