I think one of the biggest problems is that we know nothing about your agents. None of your posts that I've read discuss them. I can't comment on whether or not they'd be a good fit for Floaters or DBS or wherever because, well, they don't exist yet. It's rather putting the cart before the horse.
More to the point, though, is that the PPC isn't just a means of poking good-natured fun at bad fanfiction on the internet. First and foremost, the PPC is a community. Before anything else, we talk to each other. Not just about missions, but about fandom in general and things we're doing in our lives. We know nothing about your agents, and we know barely anything more about you. What fandoms are you in? What do you enjoy? Do you knit tiny bobble hats for sphinx cats to wear in the winter? We'd like to know who you are. The only thing we've got is... that you've got a real bee in your bonnet about fetish-centric fanfiction. On that note: whatever community you're in, describing kinks you don't share as gross is not a good look, and brushing it off as "alleged kinkshaming" isn't okay either. I know Nesh has mentioned "Your Kink Is Not My Kink", but a key expansion to that phrase is: "Your Kink Is Not My Kink, And That's Okay".
I'm sure you're nice enough, and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. So let me say this:-
Welcome to the PPC! I'm Scape. I like bad science fiction, I have a Master's degree in creepypasta, and I like making robots beat each other up. Have you read The Original Serries yet? I think you'd probably enjoy it. =]