Subject: Dibs!
Author:
Posted on: 2022-08-02 22:27:50 UTC
I've been looking forward to this one, with the Sharpe character. I'll get to responding properly this Thursday, if not sooner.
~Neshomeh, on mobile, waiting for a late train.
Well, here it is. I finished it before the guidelines were changed, but it still holds up, I think. I don't expect the PGs to read both prompts now, but they're there for posterity.
Fire In The Stars is the fic I eventually settled on for missioning. It's set in the Star Wars universe, which I know well, and manages to bring in real-world military elements as well, which is also something I know about. My agents, being ex-army types, also know a thing or two about them. Aside from research and grammar issues, the fic also has a odd romance with "Kilo" Ren, including the protagonist apparently being more important to him than the map to Skywalker that he already killed a whole village for.
Aside from mission writing, I also plan to write some stories about the Infrastructure and Security departments, such as BM, the DIA, and Medical's Emergency Division. I also have some ideas about a firehouse operating in the New Cal colony.
Sorry about the delay. I won't comment in too much depth, because I'm sort of limited to mobile at the moment. Briefly, though:
Permission granted!
My one criticism is that the PPC comes off more like a military establishment than a bureaucracy from hell in the first piece. I love the idea of Building Maintenance drubbing new recruits into digging ditches for them, especially if said recruits are already assigned as Floaters, but this line of Finola's soured it for me:
We get lectures, then we get drills, and sometimes they call us out to do grunt work.
That makes it sound like there's a rigorous standard training process. If I may bastardize an over-used meme, the PPC has no standardized training, and the PPC needs no standardized training. Especially not military-flavored training. Nothing against that flavor overall--it would be weird if two ex-military agents didn't see things in military terms--but the PPC is more like the CIA. Or, even more aptly, the TVA or any other fictional timeline-protection agency you care to name. {= )
So that's the one negative. The rest is positive. There's enough PPC-flavored bizarreness and humor that I'm sure you can do it. I even think it wouldn't be too hard to edit the first prompt to make it totally work, if you feel like it. I like the agents; they seem like good folk. I like seeing Floaters taking on non-Action roles (maintenance, character protection), like Ginger wrote them way back in the day. I like your interpretation of the "duty" prompt: both that you did interpret it and the direction you took. I like the homage to Mervin and Hyde, and that it was a restrained homage. {= ) (Too bad there are so many Snape Sues their totally over-the-top intervention didn't make a dent, apparently, eh?)
Nitpicks: I spotted a missing quotation mark and "agents" inconsistently capitalized once in the second prompt. Sorry I'm not telling you where; one blockquote on mobile is all I have the patience to do. Also, those things are hardly a big deal. {= )
Enjoy your shiny new Permission!
~Neshomeh
I knew I was veering from established canon on the training thing, but I thought it fit the characters better. I can definitely see how it doesn’t mesh, though.
Again, thanks for the vote of confidence.
I enjoyed this! The two of them seem to mesh together pretty well in the prompts; the comedy comes less from their dynamic and more the absurdity all around them, so I'm really looking forward to seeing what they do with however the Words decide to render "Kilo" Ren.
I'll leave it to Nesh to give more detailed feedback but this was enjoyable for me to read!
I've been looking forward to this one, with the Sharpe character. I'll get to responding properly this Thursday, if not sooner.
~Neshomeh, on mobile, waiting for a late train.
It’s Friday.
Do you still have time, or would it be okay if a different PG were to look at this?
—Ls
...and I’ve not been able to read it, but your badfic is a bit long—6,000 words or so.
Just a thought, and I’m sure the real PGs will have much more to say.
—Ls
Restrictions on first mission fics tend to be stuff like no squickfics or Legendaries. This fic seems to be a good match to what hidaney's agents are equipped to handle, and the length isn't unwieldy.
Of course, I'm biased because I've been dealing with monster-length badfics on Quotev, so...
Yeah, I guess it's not that long. I read the whole Request, and I liked that too.
--Ls just wants to see "Kilo Ren."
Long enough to have enough content to work with, but still short enough that you don't have to wade through reading something bad for too long.
Or, at least used to be for me, since I was more interested in my character's development than the actual sporking anyway.
...but I would consider that a bit long for a first mission, personally.
—Ls
The rule established in TOS is that the Duty should happen at the first major canon break. This might be harder to pinpoint in an AU (ask me how I know :P) but it's essentially the place where the fic does something so out of left field for the characters involved that they really just aren't in the same plane of reality as the source material anymore. That could happen at 3k words in, or even 1k words, or 500 words in depending on the egregiousness. That could be the Suvian killing off a canon character who shouldn't be killed off, a bad slash couple suddenly gaining godlike powers, or any other weird thing that's a good stopping point for snarky agent commentary and a starting point for agent action. That's why Sergio says 6-8k is a good badfic length, because there's more stuff to work with to determine the proper canon break moment for doing the Duty.
Because normally you’d go with this format.
Just curious, —Ls