A bit of a shorter review than usual. I’m staying at my parents’ house while I recover from a surgery, and I’m stuck typing on my phone, which I hate!

Ah man, Mr. Weasley lost his job? That sucks, especially with that big family to feed. But I’m glad his interest in Muggle technology has provided him another employment option; working in a garage feels very appropriate for his character!

Are we shipping Fred/Tonks for real now? I remember one of the twins was flirting with her during the Malfoy-Weasley games, but I wasn’t sure how serious that was meant to be. I definitely approve, though; they would be a good match, and closer to Tonks’s age than Lupin is. No offense to Lupin!

The attention being paid to the Lindenhill courtship retreat feels uncomfortably like a reality show, like The Bachelor. Very weird! Let strangers kiss in peace, people! Also, from the conversation about Gideon and Mary having a baby: the wizarding community does know that pregnancy can occur outside of a Bond, right? It feels like they have to know that, since Muggles have children, but the way Ron and Ginny are speculating about Mary’s pregnancy makes me question . . .

I know Patronuses aren’t solid objects, so I know they weren’t actually taking space in the car, but I’m still amused by the mental image of Ron and Ginny in the backseat with a huge, glowing horse and stag towering around them.

Man, seeing Gaunt shrinking the government’s ability to serve its community by closing down elements that he doesn’t personally value, and stocking the remaining positions with like-minded loyalists who are motivated by personal ambition rather than actually doing their jobs . . . What a dangerous thing to do! It’s a good thing no country needs to worry about seeing that happen in real life!

: (

Christ.

So, when I saw the newspaper headline about the Malfoy Bond getting bought out by the Lestrange family, my immediate assumption is that Draco was getting betrothed to Delphini, and was super-grossed out, because they’re cousins, and she’s still a preteen, I think? But no, you made it even worse than that how dare you? I am so ultra-grossed now. Tear this whole society down, and let teenagers go back to banging unrelated teenagers, as Jesus intended.

Some possible typos?
. . . that you were mad at Ron for paying more attention to Lavender than her . . .
Since Harry is addressing Hermione, I think that final pronoun should be “you”?

. . . underage drink driving . . .
“drunk driving,” unless this is a Bri’ish expression?

It says it Gaunt brokered the deal . . .
That “it” can go.

—Dad used to eat spaghetti sandwiches, and doctorlit tried one once. They’re not that bad!

I’m actually a bit sad to see Dudley and Petunia go. Like Harry says, he had seen such a turnaround in his relationship with Dudley, and even Petunia was starting to act a bit more protectively towards him. I’m also sad I won’t get to see the two of them trying to keep Kingsley and Hestia remotely normal on their very first plane ride, surrounded by Muggles! But there’s still some tasty irony in Petunia needing to rely on wizards to save her from wizards. I also enjoyed seeing Dudley using Petunia’s fear of magic to help persuade her into the inconvenient but safe choice; he knew what was right, and he knew his mom, and he used the tools at his disposal to make it happen. Oh, also, I don’t read the warnings at the start of the chapter to avoid spoilers, and wow was that a curveball of an implication! I definitely didn’t get that sense from the Florida conversation during the actual chapter . . . I can only hope Dudley has gotten enough exposure to Harry’s positive masculinity to inoculate him against being too close to Trump . . .

I had a total “I see what you did there” moment when Bogrod commented on “extra inheritances you’d be eligible to collect.” All those fics where Harry becomes head of twenty different family lines . . . It’s crazy that Goldensnout’s scam convinces people they could inherit anything from Mother Magic, but it was nice to hear Bogrod state openly that she doesn’t actually exist. It must feel so weird for the goblins in this timeline to watch the humans bending over backwards for that whole silly religion!

Man, Regulus really did have a fantastic plan going. He must have felt so frustrated watching the teenagers slowly dismantle it all last year. Great job breaking everything, teenagers! Enjoy your brand new, worstest timeline!

Your Professor Slughorn has an even stronger Mycroft Holmes vibe than the canon version, so it’s appropriate you’ve given him a spiritual successor to the Diogenes Club. I love the description you give of the place, and all the people and activities taking place inside. It really feels like the perfect marriage of wealth, leisure, and the desire for making social connections that Slughorn values so much. I think I would despise being in a place like that in person, but it’s nice to visit on-page!

There’s a repeated word in this sentence:
If you didn’t know his father’s name, you’d never would have guessed . . .

—doctorlit fearfully looks forward to Vernon Dursley fulfilling his new role as Trump’s attorney general

Oh man, it actually feels like we’ve moved into Deathly Hallows early, with the Dementor fog and general attacks against Muggles. But that makes sense, since both years open on “Tom” taking control of the government. It also has me agreeing with an uncomfortable amount of things coming out of Petunia Dursley’s mouth, which feels rather odd, but the lady is right; Gaunt should face accountability for his crimes, and Purityworld child marriages are gross and weird. (Also, I didn’t catch the foreshadowing behind “if I ever see that man down here in Little Whinging” until a second glance-through, but wow, is it striking now!) And it really is lovely to read Harry getting along with Dudley, and even with Petunia somewhat, even while they remain recognizably themselves. Dudley really needed a positive male role model to show him how to have normal conversations with women, too, because he’s sounding a little on the incel side at a few points in this chapter . . . Not too fond of him calling Rose “chavvy” either, after looking it up!

I was getting ready to ask if Charmaine is meant to be that waitress character who only appeared in the films, but that got answered when she was shown inside Treats. Which leads us into . . . the party sequence. Oh, Lily, the party was painful to read. Last month, I was at a Halloween party with a bunch of drunk twenty-somethings, and it was soooo awkward, and reading the party scene took me straight back there. Pre-bonding potion Charmaine was even acting towards Harry in a very similar manner to the way one of those twenty-somethings was acting towards me . . . Though to Charmaine’s credit, she didn’t have an existing boyfriend in the room with Harry . . . ANYWAY during the McDonald’s conversation, I totally identified Piers’ description of the “drug” as a potion (though I misidentified the color and effect as Felix Felicis at the time, whoops!), and let me tell you, the idea of magic potions getting slipped to Muggle partygoers, when Muggle doctors have no idea how to treat the effects, is actually a pretty horrifying concept! I’m honestly surprised Gaunt isn’t having the Ministry deal with the problem more considering it threatens to expose the Wizarding World on a wide, public scale. Then again, the original Voldemort eventually wanted to subjugate Muggle civilization, so maybe Gaunt just doesn’t care if Muggles find out at this point? I’m really curious to see where this plotline goes, and to find out if these potion/drugs are being planted by well-meaning party wizards, or if it’s actually a Gaunt plot to sow more chaos across the Muggle UK.

Harry sure has an interesting idea of “laying low,” doesn’t he? “Mom hid me at my cousin’s house to keep Gaunt from finding out where I am; guess I’ll use the owl mail 20 times and then post the address all over the most heavily used transport system on the island.” I’m shocked it took Gaunt until the Trace on underage magic to find Harry, quite frankly! But that leads to me needing to discuss how Aunt Petunia ran over the most powerful wizard in the world with her sensible middle-class car, hello? Lily, you can’t do this to me, Lily, I can’t breathe if I’m laughing that hard, Lily! I love everything about it, from the deed being done by Petunia, of all characters, to Gaunt having so little interest in Muggle technology that it didn’t even dawn on him to not stand behind a running vehicle, to him getting knocked the f out by blunt force trauma, for all the good his magical power did him. And of course, the icing, the frosting, the cherry on top: his unconscious body getting stuffed in the f-ing cupboard under the stairs. Which technically has no particular meaning in this timeline, but we know. We know

Thank you, Lily. This was an amazing and enjoyable chapter!

I think there’s a word missing from this sentence:
. . . considering how they had been responsible installing the despotic Madam Umbridge . . .
Also, I think “lighting-in-a-bottle” was meant to be “lightning?” Unless this a variation on the phrase I haven’t encountered before.

—doctorlit appreciates that he’s become good enough friends with his twenty-something coworkers to be invited to their parties, but their parties aren’t really doctorlit parties. Listening to the karaoke was fun, though.

If you read the tags, then you'll see that actual magical snogging is going to be involved :P

Actually, Bellatrix lost her arm to Gaunt's fire spell back in the Atrium. Narcissa was trying to stabilise her until Gaunt showed up to fix what he broke, and Gaunt decided to, yes, more or less transmute Peter's magic and life force into Bellatrix's Winter Soldier arm. So, haha, yes, that Winter Soldier thing was on purpose!

Severina is exaggerating a tiny bit for the sake of her cover. She was the one who told Hermione that the Order was trying to bring her back in line after she discovered Regulus' secrets, and thus shoved her right into publishing the expose. So yes, Hermione going off the rails was entirely Hermione, but Severina did hasten along her turning on the Order.

It certainly is going to be a hell of four a year!