Introductions, and for the love of all that's holy, KILL IT!

Subject: Introductions, and for the love of all that's holy, KILL IT!
Author: Honu_Wahine
Posted on: 2009-12-13 20:15:00 UTC

 Greetings, salutations, and….yada, yada, yada. I guess one could get the idea. My name is Honu_Wahine, I just joined the PPC wiki, in the hopes that by January, I can become an agent to give a—dare I even think that thought—\*writer\* the (in the words of General Tirathon) horsewhipping that the author so clearly deserves.<br>     Ummmm… That wasn’t out of line for a first post on the message board, was it? I’ve been reading a thousand or so word review by the great Tirathon, and wondered “Why hasn’t this troll gotten the hint and stopped writing in this fandom?” I managed to compile a pretty good charge list, and hope that I can get permission to kill all four—four!—of these fics myself. Sadly—agents = month long probation on the boards before being considered as an agent.<br>     I really should stop doing this where the author can’t find me (mainly cause this ain’t even my normal penname), but I can’t. This travesty must be stopped—I am begging you, PLEASE! fanfiction.net/s/5537621/1 is the home URL of this travesty, er….story! Yeah, that’s what I meant, the story! <br>     The abomination called “An American Colonel name Hogan,” if anyone really cared...and there are three more by pink kommandant that are just as bad. \*whimpers\* <br>     \*Begins beating head against the surprisingly heavy industrial-sized sander.\* If this post is out of line with the ranting, and not enough of the introductions, feel free to remove it…or just laugh at me. I don’t really care which.<br>--Honu_Wahine, a desperate former suethor

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Introductions, and for the love of all that's holy, KILL IT! by Honu_Wahine on 2009-12-13 20:15:00 UTC

Um...yo, everyone? by KillerPiplup on 2009-12-16 00:44:00 UTC Reply

Uh...okay...I don't know where to start.

I think I'll start with my name first. KillerPiplup at your service. Just hoping I can keep my sanit-Wait, yeah, already lost it.

I'm a writer who likes Pokemon but will read the occasional LOTR (alright, I got introduced way of Secret Life of Dolls) and LOVES Ash Ketchum (*pant* Ash...).

I'd also like to be an agent. 'Kay, that went out wrong.

Sorry, I'm just...nervous. You guys are legendary, you know.

First plover! by Tawaki on 2009-12-17 02:41:00 UTC Reply

Let's see if the post takes this time.
Welcome. Here's a tall ship. (nm) by khajidu on 2009-12-16 18:18:00 UTC Reply
Re: Um... by Honu_Wahine on 2009-12-16 00:51:00 UTC Reply

Hi, KillerPiplup. Are you introducing yourself to the PPC in hopes of becoming an agent?
If so, there's a handy button at the top of the section where the newest thread post is, that says "Start new thread." It's really convenient for keeping threads from getting turned into free-for-alls or flamefests when somebody says something not related to the particular thread--course, this *is* the PPC, so that might be common. Meh, who cares?
But, this is, or was, my introduction thread. Nice meeting you anyways. Here's a handydandy bucket to deposti your sanity in next time you come on to the boards--don't worry, the Worg's won't eat it all...

--Honu_Wahine, Agent-candidate Hopeful

hello by kitsune106 on 2009-12-15 14:14:00 UTC Reply

welcome to the ppc. and oh? andho bad are they?

Re: hello by Honu_Wahine on 2009-12-15 19:57:00 UTC Reply

You wouldn't believe it. This...I dare not call her a person, is a stain upon humanity. Her works could, literally, all be treated as crimes against humanity. And no, that is *not* an exaggeration. Let's see the crimes totaled so far, shall we?
*neon sign that says "List of Doom" pops up*
First, there is the OOCness of it all. Hmmm, Kinch the extremely heterosexual African-American male radio man, is now gay, obsessed over replacement!Hogan's hair, and fluffing pillows. And that's just the start.
Second, replacement!Hogan--Where the hell do I begin? First, there's his wife--who, if written correctly and well could be called proper fanon--who is, for some reason, in a non-Coed POW camp. She also has one kid, according to one of those travesties. Oh, and did I mention that Hogan is Patton's son, and that Patton visits a *German Stalag* regularly? So, that's Hogan who's been replaced, as well as one of WWII's greatest generals. Shall I continue, or have you seen enough to go after this girl?
Lastly, this...author-person is 13 freaking years old. Okay, not a bad thing, some 13-year-old's can be good authors--and claims to be a *fan* of Hogan's Heroes, when she doesn't even seem to grasp the ...ing concept.
I'm sorry, was that last line a little too vicious? Well, good! I was thirteen once too, and I know *more* about HH canon than she does, and, thankfully, TIRATHON HATES HER TOO! Hahaha, vindicated!!!!!
Signing off before the stress of 3 days to Avatar kills what remains of my sanity and coherency
--Honu_Wahine, the jibbering former suethor

Hey there! by Sara on 2009-12-15 04:20:00 UTC Reply

Have an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but author wraiths and those pesky spambots, too. Use it for good and not ~~much~~ evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy the ride.
Hi there! *waves cheerfully* by Cassie Cameron-Young on 2009-12-14 19:16:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the PPC! It's always awesome to have more people who want to help in our battle against the badfic.

As a gift of welcome, please accept this bag of pebbles and this Random Shiny Object.
Have a venomous arthropod! by doctorlit on 2009-12-14 17:41:00 UTC Reply

Wow, Hogan's Heroes? I know anything can be targeted by Suethors, but it somehow never occurred to me that badfic could exist for Hogan's Heroes. It's probably Sargeant Schulz's fault somehow.

Anyway, welcome to the board!
Welcome! by OpinionedAngel on 2009-12-14 13:55:00 UTC Reply

Hey, welcome to the Board! Have some chocolate, and good luck PPCing!
Have a Grizzly Bear! by WikiMaster on 2009-12-14 11:02:00 UTC Reply

Have it eat every Sue it encounters, and videotape the results!
Hallo. by Maudlin Hart on 2009-12-14 00:03:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provide receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't be needing it here. Here also are some coconuts- a luvverly bunch. Mind the quicksand.
-Mad Maudlin
Hi! by Cinnia Aine on 2009-12-13 23:53:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the PPC! Here's a flamer-proof shield from the Raven Armory! I don't know the fandom, but good luck!

RE: Hi by HW on 2009-12-14 00:27:00 UTC Reply

Thanks. I now have an almost complete set of armor, and plenty of weaponry (plus a cool sticker!), to be used when I finally beg for permission. The shield is *awesome*!
Hogan's Heroes--A brief rundown: A 60s sitcom set in a WWII Luftwaffe POW camp. The Allied prisoners run rings around the Germans, aided(unknowingly) by the Sergeant of the Guard, Schultz, and Kommandant Klink. Much speculation and an almost-flamefest free-for-all break out occasionally over the identity of Nimrod. It's good for a larf or two. *grins manaically* If you want a really funny story, and proof of my insanity(not that anyone ever needed it...) check out the multi-chapter author!insert story, "The Mary-Sue Experiments." I won a great award for "Best Development of a Character Voice." I'm so proud.
-HW

Cheers by IndeMaat on 2009-12-13 22:20:00 UTC Reply

The way the board works, we can't actually delete posts -- just ignore them until they fall off the Internet.

I have an additional link for you: Hogan's Match It's the only PPC mission into Hogan's Heroes so far. I hope you enjoy.

HH fandom isn't very keen on PPC missions. Perhaps you realise this and that's why you are using an alias. Though I personally don't see why you can't use a different name in different places.

RE: Cheers by Honu_Wahine on 2009-12-13 22:46:00 UTC Reply

Hi IndeeMaat! It's me, IronAmerica! Yeah, I kinda got that-but seriously, some of Tir's extended reviews count as PPC missions all on their own... I think I'm going to steal those reviews for banishing the author!wraith thingy...
And, I saw the mission you did for Hogan's Heroes--and laughed until I was hoarse and got funny looks from everybody...Wait. That happens a lot around me, anyways. hehe. As to the alias thing, I decided that using IA for everything was getting a bit old, so, new name. Nice seeing you outside of FF.net.
Honu_Wahine, aka IronAmerica, a former Suethor

Hi by IndeMaat on 2009-12-13 23:42:00 UTC Reply

It took a moment before I recalled your name (I'm not really involved in the Hogan's Heroes fandom), but then I remembered seeing it on Tir's forum.

Yes, Tir's extended reviews are great. I also love that they stir up discussion among other fans. I've tried to set up a similar forum in Torchwood, but not many takers on discussion there.

Great to hear that you have taken on board the comments on your story and take improving your writing seriously. Many (most) PPC authors have written a Mary Sue story at some point in time (usually one of their first attempts at fic writing), so as a former Suethor you are not alone.

How is the Sue situation in Hogan's Heroes? Are the extended reviews managing to keep things in check?

RE: Hi by Honu_Wahine on 2009-12-14 00:22:00 UTC Reply

Do you really want to know the answer to that last question?
...
Well, since you asked--Not really! Let's see, there's Beanacre0's travesty, and *that* author, and...hang on a sec, 'kay? *jumps down the rabbit hole, reappears a few minutes later.*
Wow. *Blinks.* Umm, the stories aren't MS as such, but....
*Neon sign that says 'List of Doom'(TM) pops out of nowhere*
- The Cartoon Heroes series, Metoria--is it just strang writing that I can't understand, or something else?
- Hogan's Future Kids, Dragea--main character is a blatant self-insert(author avatar much? right down to the name...), along with unCanon characters(2 to 3), non-Era lingo, and ummm... Writing that seems really strange
- Escape on the Menu, Sparkshaven-- I really couldn't read this. The lack of research and writing skill, the American *woman* flying *COMBAT!!!* *curls up in a corner, jibbering madly*
- The author Hippiechick. Her stories are good, and surprisingly well-written, but the OCs don't really need to be there. Just rewrite them a little, and you've got a nice in-canon story, m'kay? I just don't like the strange, sort-of out of place OC in there, but that's just me, I guess...

Well...Like I said, most of it's just annoying, or the roles that the OC takes(hippiechick!) could easily be filled by canon characters, even the bit ones, like Olsen, or dear Sergeant Joe Wilson--who appeared but briefly, but has since taken on a life of his own.
Thankfully, we have people like Tir(WHO REALLY NEEDS TO FREAKING UPDATE!!!!), Hubbles, GSJ, and most of the authors on there. A really cool slash series is on their that's worth a look, and actually does a good job of explaining away the slashiness of it all. Ah well. The situations mostly under control. It's just the ones that have cropped up since Tir decided to quit life on the boards and give us such wonderful things as the "car mechanic analogy" and wonderfully hillarious extended reviews. Even on the minor flamefest we had a few weeks back.
-the ex-Lurker, Honu_Wahine

O hai. by Maslab on 2009-12-13 22:06:00 UTC Reply

Have an M90909 Javelin. Magnetically accelerated 14.5 mm AP-DS-FS rounds that has a max effective range of 7 km and can punch through 20 cm of tank armor at 5 km.
Enjoy hunting!
First plover! (nm) by Tawaki on 2009-12-13 22:03:00 UTC Reply
Welcome. Here's a tall ship. (nm) by khajidu on 2009-12-13 21:32:00 UTC Reply

Good luck in this continuum. by khajidu on 2009-12-14 21:18:00 UTC Reply

My Agents won't touch any WW2 continuum with a ten foot pole. They lived through WW2. So they can't help you, unfortunately.

Welcome! Would that name be Maori? by Sedri on 2009-12-13 21:25:00 UTC Reply

If so, you get a special "KIWI PPC" sticker in addition to your gift, which is... sawdust. I seem to have a lot of that lately.

Anyway, it sounds like you already have a good idea of what's going on, and I see you've been given The Links, so I'll just add that you can't actually horsewhip the author (sad, but true), and will have to settle for her OCs, if there are any.

That said, welcome! :)

RE: Welcome by Honu_Wahine on 2009-12-13 22:38:00 UTC Reply

Nah, it's actually Hawaiian. I have no life and like to read pocket translators. I do know a guy nicknamed Kiwi though, and he's actually from New Zealand.
Ah, do Mega!Replacement!Sues count as OCs?

Yes by Sedri on 2009-12-14 03:16:00 UTC Reply

Replacement-Canon characters who are so totally warped as to no longer resemble their original selves - in other words, are new characters that just happen to have the name and face of the canon in question - are qualified as kill-worthy by the DMS. However, you have to remember to find the real canon character before leaving the fic; they'll probably be stashed away in a plothole somewhere nearby. Go and read a few DMS fics, or read around on the wiki for a while, and you'll get a clearer idea :)

Welcome by Ansela on 2009-12-13 20:28:00 UTC Reply

*rummages through armoury* Sounds like this fic is Hogan's Heroes, yeah? Which would make it WWII? So the P-90 is out. Here, have an MP44. I tihnk that's right, yeah?

I comes bearing links. *drags out Big Bag O' Links and digs through it*

First off is the link to the Wiki, a veritable fount of information for a newbie to read through. Especially helpful for you if you want to write missions would be the page on Permission (note the capital P).

I would advise against reading any Legendary Badfic, unless you are of strong mind and stomach. Even the summaries have been known to give those of weaker constitution nightmares.

For your reading pleasure, not knowing what you have already managed to find, I have several links for you. The Original Series (not to be confused with Star Trek) is a good place to start, as the PPC did many aeons ago. ~~What do you mean I'm exaggerating?~~ The Department of Geographical Aberrations is another interesting place to visit, if you have the time and inclination. Also by hS is the Tangled Webs site, which contains backstory for the PPC as an organisation. If you would rather visit the Floaters, then July's site is the place you need to be. And last, but most definitely not least, Response Centre 45 is where Trojie and Pads' missions are archived.

Hope you enjoy your stay here. Please deposit your sanity into the container offered to you by another Boarder; you won't be needing it here.