Subject: I dunno what kind of rhubarb you've been eating ...
Author:
Posted on: 2009-04-21 05:31:00 UTC
... but the stuff I know as rhubarb is so acidic as to be unpleasant and gut-bubbling if eaten raw in any great quantity ...
My computer seems to have become obsessed with cake. I am not sure why. Does anybody have any idea as to the cause of this?
Therefore, your computer is either stupid or mad (or both), and needs to be fixed. There's something very wrong with any intelligent being that is obsessed with cake but not with pie (especially cherry pie, or strawberry & rhubard pie).
Heresy! The only true way to eat rhubarb is raw.
... but the stuff I know as rhubarb is so acidic as to be unpleasant and gut-bubbling if eaten raw in any great quantity ...
The true home of rhubarb is in a crumble with plenty of apple and bramble.
Unless the rhubarb sings and plays the lute.
Will you please not say the word rhubarb until it's in season? The stuff costs a bomb at the moment and you're giving me cravings.
I can buy as much rhubarb as I want now. Well, I could, if it weren't three in the morning. Curses.
Which is a scary thought.
And I can't believe how much time I just spent trying to find out how much rhubarb costs so I could work out just how much of it I could buy right now. Glod, I love loan day.
Now to work out how much space half a metric ton of rhubarb would take up...
Your computer has merely become infatuated with another operating system: GLaDOS. No worries, however.
Please ensure that your computer does not have access to portal technology, and so long as you do that, you will be fine.
If however, your computer does have access to portal technology, you will need to dismantle it piece by piece and to make sure successful dismantling has taken place, destroy those pieces in fire. It does not need to be the lava of Mt Doom, but it can help.
And if you do spy any cake, remember, moist and delicious though it may be, it is still a lie.
(-JulyFlame)
I mean, have you seen GLADOS's recipe?
Maybe the Axis of Confectionary infected it through the crack in its screen. Random cake cravings are a sure sign of posession by the Pineapples.
...
Wait, how do you know it wants cake? Are you communicating with it through code embedded in multiple punctuation marks? -gasp- YOU'RE A SPY!!! You're working for THEM!
...
Oh, and if I'm wrong about the spy thing, I blame my subconscious for creating the whole conspiracy theory in the first place.
and i know it is obsessed because of this:
GLADOS is an acronym for Genetic Lifeform And Disk Operating System
I think my computer really is under the control of GLADOS, because it just listed these ingredients:
one 18.25 ounce chocolate cake mix
one can prepared coconut pecan frosting
3/4 cup vegetable oil
4 large eggs
one cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup butter or margarine
1 2/3 cup granulated sugar
2 cups all purpose flower
don't forget garnishes such as:
fish shaped crackers
fish shaped candies
fish shaped solid waste
fish shaped dirt
fish shaped Ethel benzine
pull n' peel licorice
fish shaped volatile organic compounds
and sediment shaped sediment
candy coated peanut butter pieces; shaped like fish
one cup lemon juice
alpha resins
unsaturated polyester resin
fiberglass surface resins
volatile malted milk impoundments
9 large egg yokes
12 medium geosynthetic membranes
one cup granulated sugar
an entry called: "How To Kill Someone With Your Bare-Hands"
2 cups rhubarb; sliced
2/3 granulated rhubarb
1 Tbsp all-purpose rhubarb
1 tsp grated orange rhubarb
3 Tbsp rhubarb; on fire
1 Large rhubarb
1 cross Bohr hole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb
2 Tbsp rhubarb juice
adjustable aluminum head positioned
slaughter electric needle injector
cordless electric needle injector
injector needle driver
injector needle gun
cranial caps
and it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and oder control chemical's that will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.
I believe that if I did make this cake, it would explode in the oven. Or kill me if I ate it.
Lol. My brain seems to be obsessed with tall ships.