Subject: Looks pretty good.
Author:
Posted on: 2009-04-09 20:07:00 UTC

There are a few minor goofs in spelling and punctuation, but that's nothing a beta-reader won't catch. There are plenty of people on the Board who will be happy to help you out on that score.

I'd like to know who gave the Marquis happy pills. Maybe the Kudzu finally convinced him to work on his anger management skills. Hm.

My only other comment is that the dialogue seems a bit stilted, like they're reading lines. One thing you can do to improve that is to listen to people talk, obviously, but another thing you might try is reading aloud to yourself. If you have a friend who won't mind the weirdness of the PPC, you could ask them to read for you, too. It'll become clear pretty quickly what sounds strange and what doesn't.

Anyway, it's a good start. Thanks for being receptive to critique. {= )

~Neshomeh

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