Subject: Re: Looks pretty good.
Author:
Posted on: 2009-04-09 21:36:00 UTC
Added some minor modifications, hope it helps.
I don't know for the happy pills either, but I hope to know very fast as I know some people who would need them IRL. Maybe lithium in the water did the trick.
Anyway, thanks. It's the first time I write in third person.
and posted a bit about my interests.
Next step : the agents' profiles.
But there's no need to make a new post to inform us - not unless you have a question. All it's doing is shoving other posts off the end of the page. When your agent profiles are ready, please put it in this thread instead of starting a new one (unless, of course, this thread has been pushed off the page by the time you're ready. In that case, go right ahead and make a new one :) ).
Here are the profiles !
http://khajidu.insanejournal.com/407.html
Found other potential Watchmen badfic. Potential because hardly started. Will watch.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4979422/1/Pareidolia
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4971445/1/LoveThyNeighbor
Second one is lulz. First one is lulz, too.
Found hurt/comfort badfic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4922893/1/BreathandSkin
Sequel here.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4980459/1/HurtYou
Another badfic here.
<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4926814/1/RaraAvisAgoodwoman">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4926814/1/RaraAvisAgood_woman
Badfic is lulz. Will send Infernal Trio after these.
Numb3rs badfic with incest. Still unfinished. Here.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3176059/1/Unavoidable_Truths
Lulz.
Here!
http://khajidu.insanejournal.com/710.html
Feedback would be appreciated, as for agents' profiles.
Is it OK to get a TARDIS ? It looks like nobody chooses this option, why ? What is exactly the difference with a RC ?
I suspect that RCs continue to be favored because a) they are traditional, b) they make for better story points, and c) they can't make the agent pair seem overpowered.
The main differences between TARDIS and RC are that the TARDIS is mobile in space and time and much, much bigger on the inside than it looks from the outside. The RC, on the other hand, is fixed in time (though it's HQ time, which is rather flexible) and space--you can't take it into the fic with you and bop around in it like you can with a TARDIS. RCs are also notoriously tiny, though some are better-designed than others. It just depends.
The thing is--and I'm revealing my bias here--a TARDIS pretty much eliminates the need for some of the usual PPC tech, like a portal device, and it also means that the agents don't run around through the story on their own legs, whatever shape those legs happen to be at the time. In doing so, it also eliminates many possibilities for an interesting (and funny) mission. If the agents can just sit comfortably in their TARDIS and watch what's going on around them, what fun is that?
That said, no one is going to stop you from putting your agents in a TARDIS if you want to when you have Permission... but it will make me sad if you do.
~Neshomeh, stodgy old traditionalist.
Well, say that to my agent who absolutely wants a TARDIS...
What if you didn't give it to the agent in question right away, but let him or her spend a few missions in an RC, wanting a TARDIS? Maybe there's a shortage for some reason--maybe the Doctor Who continuum called and asked for most of them back, since the Crisis has been over for some time now. I wonder what he or she would do in order to get one. It would be interesting to read about that. {= )
~Neshomeh, who also thinks that instant gratification is no fun.
Well, I didn't want to risk having a future Agent screaming in the Marquis de Sod's office... Certain risks are not worth taking. And I don't want an Agent banging his head on the much too small RC's walls either. Maybe if they prove themselves they can keep the TARDIS...
He's one of the tougher Flowers. With his job, he has to be. {= P Anyway, I don't see any problem with the scenarios you describe. Seems to me the worst that can happen is that the agent will end up passing out from either a lack of oxygen in the first case (followed by a visit to FicPsych and possibly prescription sedatives) or a minor concussion in the second. This sort of thing happens all the time around here. {= )
As for proving themselves, it seems to me that extremely powerful and unrestricted technology in the hands of someone that unstable is a Bad Idea and something the Flowers would tend to avoid. We wouldn't want something like this to happen. So, perhaps if they prove themselves, then they can have one.
... On the other hand, I just got a mental image of a TARDIS with training wheels. I'm not sure how one would put training wheels, metaphorical or otherwise, on a TARDIS, but that's beside the point. The thing could be programmed to immediately return to HQ and then power down if it senses dangerous levels of insanity in its occupants. Or something.
~Neshomeh
Writing sample modified according to suggestions. "Training wheels" will be dealt with in subsequent missions (put on the TARDIS once they have it, and then removed one by one as the team becomes more and more successful (and more stable!!!))
There are a few minor goofs in spelling and punctuation, but that's nothing a beta-reader won't catch. There are plenty of people on the Board who will be happy to help you out on that score.
I'd like to know who gave the Marquis happy pills. Maybe the Kudzu finally convinced him to work on his anger management skills. Hm.
My only other comment is that the dialogue seems a bit stilted, like they're reading lines. One thing you can do to improve that is to listen to people talk, obviously, but another thing you might try is reading aloud to yourself. If you have a friend who won't mind the weirdness of the PPC, you could ask them to read for you, too. It'll become clear pretty quickly what sounds strange and what doesn't.
Anyway, it's a good start. Thanks for being receptive to critique. {= )
~Neshomeh
Added some minor modifications, hope it helps.
I don't know for the happy pills either, but I hope to know very fast as I know some people who would need them IRL. Maybe lithium in the water did the trick.
Anyway, thanks. It's the first time I write in third person.
Well, I'll think about this, I posted a sample on my InsaneJournal (I liked to there in this thread), if you could give me feedback, it would be appreciated.
TARDIS' started to be used during the Macrovirus Epidemic because they were moveable whereas RCs are (supposedly) fixed locations. RCs are the norm, and the use of TARDIS' is recent, which is probably why you don't see many of them.
Not using one myself and not being greatly familiar with it all, I could be wrong. Best get a second opinion.
Just a minor nitpicky point, Sedri dear - it's TARDISes, because since when did we pluralise with apostrophes?
I even found some Watchmen badfic !!! And it's a WIP.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4963014/1/Gettingoverit
There's even some advertisement ! (yeah author admits one of the chars is OOC)
Now I just have to write the sample and that's it, lol...
I sent the author a polite PM with my secondary ff.net account- the one that does not share my name- suggesting that she take the Mary Sue litmus test and offering my help. She replied with "Hi. I took the thing you told me to and I got 164. Could you be as helpful as possible and help me come up with ideas for my future stories. I really think that you'd be really helpful and all.. BTW, do you like any of the stories I wrote so far?" and I sent her another PM containing some concrit. I'm waiting for a reply. What I'm saying here is that this person may be open to help. I think she just put the "no negative reviews" thing on because she's gotten some spam from a troll called EdwardlovesJacob, among others. So what do you think? Should we try to help her before PPCing her, or is she beyond help?
Try away... I haven't witten the sample yet, and I'm not asking for permission before a while, so you have a little time before I PPC the thing.
Poor Rorschach... blowing him up wasn't enough? He has to deal with fangirls? I'd give him a hug if it didn't require standing downwind of him.
I'll be worried the day the Comedian has fangirls.
I'm more concerned about Veidt fangirls myself. Because they'll probably be the same people as the Light Yagami fangirls.
Don't forget the Dr manhattan fangirls...
As for existing kinks, Rorschach/Dan... OMG my eyes my eyes... Bleepka, someone...
Rorschach is protecting him by having all their attention.
I have a friend who's a Rorschach fangirl, but she recognizes that he'd probably kill them all, so that's okay. I just like Rorschach because he has a hat. And because he's short. Yet another reason not to mess with short people! Mwahaha!
You're right, they're the toughest. Well, that fic is going to be worth sporking. (yes I have a spork)
*is five foot one* Whee, sporks!
Sporks are going to be used. Hard. Once I get permission.