Good for getting into parties uninvited and inadvertently telling everyone what you really think. Use with caution.
And welcome to the Board! Sorta. 'Cause you said you were lurking before. So you've been here a while. Welcome anyways!

(No, really, take it, I beseech you. They breed like tribbles.)

"karins past" is possibly the worst use of 460 words I have ever seen, and I'm including the spam posted below. I have seen better trollfics. I have seen better stories randomly generated by slapping phrases from badfic together. I have seen better stories in a bowl of Alpha-Bits.

The review I posted there may be my all-time harshest review, but then again, if this was bad in some really creative way, and big enough to care about, it would be in the running for the all-time worst (or at least stupidest) story. It makes Full Life Consequences look like great literature.

Any writer who inserts an author's note saying he/she/it is running out of ideas after a few hundred words of dreck has no more business trying to write than I have trying to fly to the moon.

You're in good company if you like to do stupid stuffs :P

I gift you with an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated...and it whisks eggs! Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

Greetings, welcome to the Board, hope you enjoy your stay with blocks of Blumble flavored ice.

I think you've been given Wiki-links if you haven't found them yourself, so all that's left is to greet you and give you a nickname.

I shall call you Ri-Ri!

It's to hit Sues with. *grin*

I really like your name. Not sure why, but I like it.

Welcome! Thanks for the links; good on you. I'm sure July will be along soon with the Big List Of Links.

Have a nice plushie of [insert lust object/fave character's name here]!

Welcome, Makari! I give you a coxcomb. It's a sort of funny hat.

Have a ypur. Here y' go. Mind it doesn't slice your fingers off with its horns.

(For explanation, go to the thread lower down where everyone's kicking the spambot. 'Tis fun. ^_^)

Anyway. Got any agents?

Welcome, hail and well met, and other such phrases.

*hands over a bag of pebbles for throwing at Sues and a Random Shiny Object to gaze at*

Lovely to have you here. Thanks for the badfic, I'm sure someone'll deal with them sooner or later. Not my area of knowledge, I'm afraid, or I'd have taken them.

What fandoms do you cover? I'd give you some links, but other Boarders reserve them as newbie-gifts.

Oh, and leave your sanity over by the door, you won't need it. :)

...to venture so soon into the Pit.

In admiration, I do gift thee with a hand-knitted shawl in the colour (or colours) of your choice, a towel, and a large block of chocolate.

The chocolate will keep your spirits up, one must always have a towel with them, and the shawl will keep you warm in particularly chilly fic-verses. I suppose you could also sleep under it for lack of a blanket, garrote Sues with it, or hide your face under it as a shield from the worse 'fics around. It's your choice.

Welcome to the Board, for starters. Beware of anyone offering links to the Legendary Badfic - they'll scar you far, far more than these stories, distateful as they are.

Have you seen the wiki? If not, it's here - http://ppcwiki.wikilot.com . 'Tis very useful.

Oh, and have a pair of ice-skates. I'm feeling generous. :P