Subject: First ketchup!
Author:
Posted on: 2008-08-06 21:51:00 UTC
Welcome, Makari! I give you a coxcomb. It's a sort of funny hat.
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I come bearing badfic. I think. by
on 2008-08-06 19:26:00 UTC
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So, I'm new around here. Pretty obviously, I think. But I've been lurking around the PPC sites for a while, and I've finally given up the whole lurking thing. I mean, in the long run, it's not all that productive.
And besides. These ... er ... stories that I recently encountered need to be dealt with. I'm pretty certain they qualify as badfic, and what the one girl is doing to Jade... it makes me want to burn something.
So, fresh from the world of Auldrant come these two "gems".
karins past
and
Blind love
Both are located on FF-net - I believe I've heard it affectionately referred to as "the Pit of Voles."
I actually read through them both in their entirety. Stupid, but I do stupid stuff sometimes.
*whimper* Hide me. Before something has to die. Please.
Oh yeah, and I'm Makari. Hi. -
Howdy! Have some psychic paper! by
on 2008-08-07 15:21:00 UTC
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Good for getting into parties uninvited and inadvertently telling everyone what you really think. Use with caution.
And welcome to the Board! Sorta. 'Cause you said you were lurking before. So you've been here a while. Welcome anyways! -
Here, have some Anti-Lustin roses just in case you meet Lux. (nm by
on 2008-08-07 13:27:00 UTC
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Welcome! Here, take this iguana! It's free! by
on 2008-08-07 06:46:00 UTC
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(No, really, take it, I beseech you. They breed like tribbles.)
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An iguana. by
on 2008-08-08 01:19:00 UTC
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Just what I always wanted. ...as long as it's not born pregnant, it's all good.
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Re: Welcome! Here, take this iguana! It's free! by
on 2008-08-07 08:27:00 UTC
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And taste like chicken!
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Oh. My. God. by
on 2008-08-07 06:25:00 UTC
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"karins past" is possibly the worst use of 460 words I have ever seen, and I'm including the spam posted below. I have seen better trollfics. I have seen better stories randomly generated by slapping phrases from badfic together. I have seen better stories in a bowl of Alpha-Bits.
The review I posted there may be my all-time harshest review, but then again, if this was bad in some really creative way, and big enough to care about, it would be in the running for the all-time worst (or at least stupidest) story. It makes Full Life Consequences look like great literature.
Any writer who inserts an author's note saying he/she/it is running out of ideas after a few hundred words of dreck has no more business trying to write than I have trying to fly to the moon. -
I saw your review. Good job! by
on 2008-08-07 23:12:00 UTC
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You did a great job slapping the author awake. Personally, I think they really needed it.
Something tells me that "karins past" might be asking for a Legendary Badfic nomination. -
Really? by
on 2008-08-08 01:17:00 UTC
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I don't think it's quite that bad. Semi-legendary, maybe. : P But it doesn't measure up to some of the Legendary Badfics out there. In my opinion, anyway...
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I'm with Makari here by
on 2008-08-08 08:05:00 UTC
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It's bad, yeah, but bad in kind of an incompetent, boring sort of way. It's hard to reach a truly legendary level of awfulness in so few words. While the writing is abysmal, the real badness of the story is that there isn't really any story down there. That's why I said it's unsalvageable: fix the broken writing and you have a story that is, basically, "these two people find a kid in the woods, take him home, and put him to bed." It's a scene, not a story, and it's a lame scene at that. There just isn't enough of it to compete on the same level as the likes of Celebrian and Subjugation. It's a Mini-Cooper full of fail, or maybe just a roller skate, but the Legendary Badfics are tractor-trailers running overweight with full loads of fail.
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Welcome! Have some lembas! by
on 2008-08-07 05:03:00 UTC
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You're in good company if you like to do stupid stuffs :P
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Hiya! by
on 2008-08-07 03:53:00 UTC
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I gift you with an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated...and it whisks eggs! Use it for good and not
muchevil.
Welcome to the insanity! -
Let's see... ice... by
on 2008-08-07 02:12:00 UTC
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Greetings, welcome to the Board, hope you enjoy your stay with blocks of Blumble flavored ice.
I think you've been given Wiki-links if you haven't found them yourself, so all that's left is to greet you and give you a nickname.
I shall call you Ri-Ri! -
Welcome! First Paddle! by
on 2008-08-07 00:15:00 UTC
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It's to hit Sues with. *grin*
I really like your name. Not sure why, but I like it.
Welcome! Thanks for the links; good on you. I'm sure July will be along soon with the Big List Of Links. -
Hahaha...me knows not of the fandom but anyways! by
on 2008-08-06 22:45:00 UTC
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Have a nice plushie of [insert lust object/fave character's name here]!
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We're giving those out now? *eyes* (nm) by
on 2008-08-07 02:13:00 UTC
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If you're eying my Frodo plushie... by
on 2008-08-07 18:49:00 UTC
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You can have a plushie, too, Inkling!
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First ketchup! by
on 2008-08-06 21:51:00 UTC
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Welcome, Makari! I give you a coxcomb. It's a sort of funny hat.
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Hello! by
on 2008-08-06 21:23:00 UTC
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Have a ypur. Here y' go. Mind it doesn't slice your fingers off with its horns.
(For explanation, go to the thread lower down where everyone's kicking the spambot. 'Tis fun. ^_^)
Anyway. Got any agents? -
Kind of? by
on 2008-08-07 00:23:00 UTC
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I have far too many stab-happy characters running around in my head. I'm sure two of them would be happy to... er... wait... I think I'm going to have to set traps for them if I want to draft them into the PPC. Darn it. :P
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Hello there! by
on 2008-08-06 21:18:00 UTC
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Welcome, hail and well met, and other such phrases.
*hands over a bag of pebbles for throwing at Sues and a Random Shiny Object to gaze at*
Lovely to have you here. Thanks for the badfic, I'm sure someone'll deal with them sooner or later. Not my area of knowledge, I'm afraid, or I'd have taken them.
What fandoms do you cover? I'd give you some links, but other Boarders reserve them as newbie-gifts.
Oh, and leave your sanity over by the door, you won't need it. :) -
Ooh, Shiny. by
on 2008-08-07 00:27:00 UTC
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And pebbles, too. Such generous gifts.
Fandoms? I'm pretty knowledgeable about a lot of things, but Final Fantasy games, Kingdom Hearts, and the Tales of series are my greatest strengths, and the things most likely to send me into a frenzy of ravaging doom when abused.
...sanity? Oh, no worries. I ditched that thing a long, long time ago. : P -
Brother! by
on 2008-08-07 02:29:00 UTC
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Yay! Assuming you make Agents, you'll be dealing with my Agents then. They're in the Department of Mary-Sues; Video Gaming Division. So far, they've taken down a FFVII Stu and a Narnian Sue. We assume it got though to their RC by using the Chronicles of Narnia Video Games going around. FUn fact: They used Keyblades to kill the Narnian one.
Anywho, I grant you your own supply of Bleepolate. That way you can read the Legendary Badfics, forget the pain and experience the happy that comes with the chocolate.
Ah, bleepolate... Oblivion without the hangover. -
*realizes something* by
on 2008-08-09 01:04:00 UTC
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FFVII Stu? Nasty. *shudders* Thanks for the Bleepolate. I shall have to locate your mission logs.
Also. That should probably be "Sister!" : P As I am, in fact, female. -
Ooh, awkward silence... by
on 2008-08-09 14:03:00 UTC
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Sorry about that. I was calling you brother in the term 'Brethren'. Yes, that's it... *Coughs*...
And yes, he was a bad little Stu, being all invisible and such. I've got links if you need them. -
Of course. by
on 2008-08-09 18:33:00 UTC
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Definitely. *nods* Oh yes.
And don't worry about the links; I managed to locate the mission. Ugh. Lovely mission, horrible badfic. -
First plover! (nm) by
on 2008-08-06 20:11:00 UTC
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Thou art a brave soul, Makari... by
on 2008-08-06 19:45:00 UTC
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...to venture so soon into the Pit.
In admiration, I do gift thee with a hand-knitted shawl in the colour (or colours) of your choice, a towel, and a large block of chocolate.
The chocolate will keep your spirits up, one must always have a towel with them, and the shawl will keep you warm in particularly chilly fic-verses. I suppose you could also sleep under it for lack of a blanket, garrote Sues with it, or hide your face under it as a shield from the worse 'fics around. It's your choice. -
Hi! by
on 2008-08-06 19:32:00 UTC
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Welcome to the Board, for starters. Beware of anyone offering links to the Legendary Badfic - they'll scar you far, far more than these stories, distateful as they are.
Have you seen the wiki? If not, it's here - http://ppcwiki.wikilot.com . 'Tis very useful.
Oh, and have a pair of ice-skates. I'm feeling generous. :P -
No worries. by
on 2008-08-07 00:31:00 UTC
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I already sniffed around the edges of a few of those. I'm never getting within a kilometre of any of them if I can help it. : P Thanks for the link, and ice skates too? I'm amazed. Everyone's so generous.