Subject: Canon-based banishments (& musings on humour)
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Posted on: 2014-08-18 09:25:00 UTC
Prompted by the discussion of Anebrin, I got to pondering whether agents from canon worlds would (or could) use canonical banishment methods. Which, of course, took me back to Middle-earth. In Arda, there are basically two methods of driving out evil.
1/ Song. Finrod duels with Sauron in song, Luthien uses it to bring down Minas Tirith (the original), I believe Sam or Frodo attempt this against Shelob (and fail, but still). The Elven languages actually work pretty well on their own - Aiya Earendil elenion ancalima! - as well.
2/ Eldarin artefacts. The Silmarilli are obviously the number one suspect - they burn unclean flesh, purified Beren's chewed-off hand, glorified Earendil, and - in the form of the Star-glass - drove off Shelob for a time. But there's also the Three Rings - Nenya in particular is depicted as holding evil out of Lorien - certain swords - Anduril, Ringil-which-wounded-Morgoth - and even such trivials as the jewel Arwen gave to Frodo (in the book), which helped him recover to some extent from his Morgul-wound.
Essentially, these two invoke a) the Music of the Ainur, and b) the Light of Valinor, either directly or through the works of the Light-Elves. To cast out spirits of uncanon, we'd need to tweak things. The song we use would have to be a canon song; instead of Elven artefacts, we'd use things made by the creator. Which leads to this scene:
Aragorn stretched out his hand. "Oh Leggie, my darling love!"
"Arrie, my sweetling precious love!" called Legolas, running towards him between the trees. Aragorn held out his arms to embrace his beloved, and-
"A Elbereth Gilthoniel!" sang a sudden voice, high and clear, and a figure in black stepped into the passage between them. "Silivren penna miriel!" The figure raised her hand, and the battered notebook she held seemed to snap into sharper focus than the world all around. Legolas stopped as if running into a brick wall, and the slash-wraiths erupted from the canons, screaming in their reedy voices - only to be snapped up in jars as the agent's partner darted past.
"Nice work," Freckles called, lowering the notebook.
"Likewise," said Sandra. She tossed a jarred wraith from hand to hand before slipping it into her pack and squinting at her partner. "By the way, is that...?"
Freckles glanced down at the notebook. "One of the Book of Lost Tales manuscripts," she confirmed, and winked. "Don't worry - the Estate doesn't know I've got it."
"Yeah," Sandra muttered, "that's not what I was worried about..."
Which is all well and good. But then it occurred to me that a bunch of the humour of the PPC comes from incongruity. The Flowers are funny because they're giant sentient flowers - but also because this bunch of psycho assassins is being run by a world-weary bureaucracy. So what if we decontextualise this banishment method...?
Toby stretched out his hand. "Oh Jarrie, my darling love!"
"Toby, my sweetling precious love!" called Jareth, running towards him down the passageway. Toby held out his arms to embrace his beloved, and-
"Dance, magic, dance!" sang a sudden voice, high and clear, and a figure in black stepped into the passage between them. "Put that magic jump on me/Slap that baby, make him free!" The figure raised her hand, and the bundle of cloth she held seemed to snap into sharper focus than the world all around. Jareth stopped as if running into a brick wall, and the slash-wraiths erupted from the canons, screaming in their reedy voices - only to be snapped up in jars as the agent's partner darted past.
"Nice work," Freckles called, lowering the fabric.
"Likewise," said Sandra. She tossed a jarred wraith from hand to hand before slipping it into her pack and squinting at her partner. "By the way, is that...?"
Freckles glanced down at the bundle. "The original too-tight leggings," she confirmed, and winked. "Don't worry - Bowie doesn't know I've got them."
"Yeah," Sandra muttered, "that's not what I was worried about..."
Which to my mind is actually funnier - partly because the artefact in question is sillier, but also because, well, songs aren't a tool of banishment in Labyrinth (which instead uses That Speech, and I'm not sure how you'd adapt that method). But if Christian banishments work in Middle-earth, then Ardan banishments will work in the Underground...
hS