First up, well done! I've been considering doing this every christmas, but never do.

My main problem with the recording is that the music is so much quieter than the singing. I had to turn it way up to hear the opening instrumental, which led to you bellowing over my speakers at quarter to six in the morning. ;) I liked the choice of music track, however (insofar as I could hear it) - the accelerated pace worked well.

I also liked the mix of images you used (though one - the logo from J&A's page - was rather too low resolution for the zoom you had it on). All in all, good job! And certainly not a prose story. ;)

hS

Not only for stealing your idea, but also for the fact your brain thinks so similarly to mine. DON'T WORRY IT GETS BETTER

In seriousness, though, a rap battle is flexible enough that one example doesn't do it to death. You can do one (or more) too!

That is one of the most random and brilliant things I've ever read.

I especially like the "I misspell doom," line. It really cracked me up!

The only thing I can really suggest is this: in the first verse, you end with the word "maligned." While this is a great word and I think everyone should be able to use it, it just doesn't go with most of the other words in the piece. (Granted, I don't really know how rap works, but I'm assuming the rules are similar to other kinds of poetry.) There are lots of words that rhyme with "mind:" find, defined, rhymed (okay, that's a near rhyme).

I really like it, though! Great idea.

Seriously, this was great, but tell that mini-Balrog that my mini-Aragog, at least, gets cuddles. Right, Mcgonagoll?

Yes, preciouss, the tall Hobbitses never lets us go.

Oh, come on, yes I do! As a matter of fact, I'm the one who made you spin your web because I didn't want you sleeping in my bed!

*totally ignoring Rina in favor of watching the rap battle* Mini-Aragogses, we must win the fight for our honor!

Sigh. doctorlit, know that I, at least, can appreciate art when I see it-

[BEEEEEEEP!]

>_

Seriously, this was great, but tell that mini-Balrog that my mini-Aragog, at least, gets cuddles. Right, Mcgonagoll?

Yes, preciouss, the tall Hobbitses never lets us go.

Oh, come on, yes I do! As a matter of fact, I'm the one who made you spin your web because I didn't want you sleeping in my bed!

*totally ignoring Rina in favor of watching the rap battle* Mini-Aragogses, we must win the fight for our honor!

Sigh. doctorlit, know that I, at least, can appreciate art when I see it-

[BEEEEEEEP!]

>_

Only one mistake: 'Liquid, fire and dark' is six syllables. ;)

I rather like Haiku, but I'm working on a palindrome right now, so no time for that. It's nice to see someone else who did it!

I quite liked the haikus. Have you gotten permission for any of these agents yet?

Not all of the lines have a meter that follows the traditional limerick's meter, or even the meter of that individual limerick. But most of the rhymes, at least, are quite natural (except for the "mummy" line, that one felt a bit forced). I especially like the end, too; it's a detail from real life where something can seem so irritating while it's happening, but then after it's gone, you realize getting back the regular routine is no fun, either.

Okay, now that is a challenge I can't resist. Just one question: do all the words have to make sense? XD

In truth, it was directly aimed at you.
For, ever did the most ridiculous
Attract the quill of one such as yourself.

But now, the tale! That which your post concerns.
This reader notes a play within a play.
Time honor'd, that, and well done in this case.

Of Smithson, and of Cartwright, I now speak,
For they the chiefest actors on this stage.
Their friendship, I say, holds a ring of truth.
How else could Cartwright send 'Ribalders' thus,
And, yet, does Smithson harken to his words.

One point that I would make, and pardon, sir,
Is that the tale gets mire'd at the point
Where France and Papists enter in to it.
The culture, sure, would care about such things,
But little do the readers of the tale.

All that to say that I enjoyed it much
And wonder'd how you, in particular,
Might embrace the challenge I put forth.

-Phobos, more terrible than you yet know.

I really enjoyed reading that (also it's cool to see more stuff for Catastrophe Theory).

I actually didn't find it to be that depressing, and I think that was because of the ballade structure. The subject matter is depressing (if it had just been a normal written piece I think it would have been depressing as hell), but I thought the song itself was quite rousing. It has the feel of the kind of song that the survivors would sing in memory of those that didn't make it.

Lots of good imagery in it, particularly:
'They shoulder weapons, raise a cry
And march, together, to the fight.
Past ashen walls and off to die.

Their footsteps ring like hammerfalls.
They look as proud as any knight.'

I could picture that bit in my head really clearly.

Nicely done, sir.

Wow!

This was very haunting, especially the repetition of 'past ashen walls and off to die'. Seriously, that'll be playing in my head for the rest of the day. Thanks. ;)

The only bit that I have anything negative to say about was the word 'amass' in the second line. The two-syllable word kind of threw off the beat. I would suggest using a single syllable word, but the best synonym I can think of at the moment is 'come' and I don't like that.

Maybe I'll have a better suggestion later; this is what happens when I try to concrit something after I've just woken up. ^_^

I'll put my response up later, since I have to go to school now. Yay.

The discovery of the Phobos ('P') manuscript of '(The Ballade of) Ashen Walls/Halls' brings the total count up to four. While P is largely congruent with the later Hunter ('H') variant, it presents some interesting variations of its own, and casts light on the progression of changes which led to the known texts.

The first change in P is the opening line, In labyrinthine, leaden halls. This line appears in the Barid ('B') text, while H leads with 'In lightless labyrinthine halls'. The far more recent British Museum ('M') manuscript corrupts this into 'In lifeless labyrinthine halls'. It seems clear that the P/B text is the original, with the alteration appearing in later, more sophisticated variants.

The fourth line of P is unique: All knowing how ill runs their plight. The other texts unanimously agree on 'Knowing how desperate is their plight'. A marginal note in B provides the alternate reading 'To face the horror of their plight', which may be the best version in terms of scansion.

Line 6, They shoulder weapons, raise a cry, is also an innovation in P, substituting for B's 'Waving swords, they raise a cry'. The P reading appears to be the older, and in this case by far the better.

The refrain, Past ashen walls and off to die, appears in this form in H and M, while B records the alternate form 'Through ashen halls' &c. It is clear that the later writers followed the P tradition, but which is the older remains unclear.

The second stanza of P is copied verbatim in H, and with minor variants in M, but is almost completely substituted in B:

'Their footsteps ring from wall to wall;
They stand as tall as olden knights.
For innocence they fight and fall:
For those who'd never stray from right,
But fall unnoticed into night
And give the agents reasons why.
So now they march, but not in flight,
Through ashen halls and off to die.'

It seems clear that Stanza 2 of B represents a different tradition, the full text of which is lost. Note the B poet's use of repetition, in 'wall to wall', and the dual use of 'fall' in lines 3 and 5. The variant may have been discarded due to its lower poetic value than P, though line 3 seems to be better phrased in B than P.

At this point B gives out entirely, and the textual variation is significantly reduced. H and M agree that 'ever nearer; in to sight' in S3, L4 should be 'ever nearer, into sight'. H provides 'the agents cry out' in L5, while M foolishly breaks the enjambment to give 'The call out to their foes invite/And shouted curses they let fly'.

The final lines of P contain the only repeated end-of-line word in this version: 'They throw themselves against the night', copying 'night' from S2, L5. H and M agree with this reading, which suggests it may have been an intentional shift - but alas for B's truncation! If we only had the older text to contast with, we could make a definitive statement.

In conclusion, the previously accepted path of B > H > M must now be altered. P stands beside B as one of the oldest texts, and the one which most influenced H. M, as before, is understood to be an attempt to 'regularise' H, but constitutes a corrupted copy; it has little research value. Of all the variants, the P 'Ashen Walls' can safely be said to be the best poem, however dubious its claims to be the oldest.

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Seriously, this is absolutely the best way to do it.

I do have something in the works to actually submit - hopefully I'll get it done in time. It's a bit... strange.

hS