Subject: Re: I'll kick things off
Author:
Posted on: 2014-05-01 11:54:00 UTC

Wow!

This was very haunting, especially the repetition of 'past ashen walls and off to die'. Seriously, that'll be playing in my head for the rest of the day. Thanks. ;)

The only bit that I have anything negative to say about was the word 'amass' in the second line. The two-syllable word kind of threw off the beat. I would suggest using a single syllable word, but the best synonym I can think of at the moment is 'come' and I don't like that.

Maybe I'll have a better suggestion later; this is what happens when I try to concrit something after I've just woken up. ^_^

I'll put my response up later, since I have to go to school now. Yay.

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