Subject: Well, I liked the first part.
Author:
Posted on: 2014-04-02 09:17:00 UTC
The second one was a little silly for my tastes, but the first half pegged the characters exactly right. I particularly liked the subtle way you integrated recent events, and the fact that you resisted doing anything, well, ridiculous.
:P :P :P
And welcome to DOGA. I think Agent Huinesoron's just down the hall.
hS
It's even in two parts!
Come one, come all, and find out what Agent T'Zar of DOGA has been up to in the past...wow, six years! Discover strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, boldly go where no Boarder has gone before!
(cue Star Trek theme)
I've been working on this one for a while, actually, and it's finally been edited enough that it's ready to post. And so, in celebration of the completion of my first exam, behold the interlude! I'll add it to the "Latest Story Releases" box on the wiki after I've had some sleep, never fear...but now it's late, and I must cut my celebration somewhat short...and prepare for tomorrow's exam.
Ah well. It's been a lovely break.
Enjoy! And, to everyone else who's in essay/exam period, best of luck!
~DF
PS: Yes, I know, last year I wrote an April Fool's Day mission. This is nothing of the sort; I've been far too busy, and I gave my contribution of silliness in the Purim RP anyway.
But still. Enjoy. I hope you like it!
This was very very funny. I liked it muchly. The first part was especially hilarious, and the interactions in part 2 were lovely and very partner-dynamic-y, and I'm sort of sleep-deprived, so apologies if this doesn't make sense. Still. Lovely.
-Aila
*puts on the Maudit Francophone hat*
There are some minor verb conjugation/spelling mistakes in the following section
“Karen, l’écrivaine m’a dit que le temps de votre retourne est arrivé.”
“Bien sur?” Jacques walked over and pulled Karen up. “Mais nous sommes arrivé il y a quelques minutes! Ce n’est pas juste.” He gave Dawn a soulful look; she glared in return.
“Tu as jeté de la farine sur moi, Bonnefoy, je ne suis pas heureuse.” Despite this, she accepted his help to get to her feet, and attempted to brush herself off.
“Omelette du fromage,” Karen put in, looking from one fellow French-speaking agent to the other. “Omelette du fromage? Omelette du fromage!”
I propose to correct it as follows:
“Karen, l’écrivaine m’a dit que le temps de votre retourne est arrivé qu'il est temps de partir.”
Transliterated directly from English, sentence is nonsensical.
“Bien sûr?” Jacques walked over and pulled Karen up. “Mais nous sommes arrivés il y a quelques minutes! Ce n’est pas juste.” He gave Dawn a soulful look; she glared in return.
The "u" needs a circumflex. Not quite sure why you put an interrogation mark after "Of course". That passé composé there needs a "s" at the end: the helping verb is "être".
“Tu as jeté de la farine sur moi, Bonnefoy. Je ne suis pas heureuse.” Despite this, she accepted his help to get to her feet, and attempted to brush herself off.
That comma made the sentence feel off, IMHO. Removing it makes the sentence flow better.
“Omelette au fromage,” Karen put in, looking from one fellow French-speaking agent to the other. “Omelette au fromage? Omelette au fromage!”
The original sentence read as "Omelet from cheese!" ...or was that supposed to be a Dexter's Laboratory reference?
*puts on the Maudit Francophone hat*
There are some minor verb conjugation/spelling mistakes in the following section
“Karen, l’écrivaine m’a dit que le temps de votre retourne est arrivé.”
“Bien sur?” Jacques walked over and pulled Karen up. “Mais nous sommes arrivé il y a quelques minutes! Ce n’est pas juste.” He gave Dawn a soulful look; she glared in return.
“Tu as jeté de la farine sur moi, Bonnefoy, je ne suis pas heureuse.” Despite this, she accepted his help to get to her feet, and attempted to brush herself off.
“Omelette du fromage,” Karen put in, looking from one fellow French-speaking agent to the other. “Omelette du fromage? Omelette du fromage!”
I propose to correct it as follows:
“Karen, l’écrivaine m’a dit que le temps de votre retourne est arrivé qu'il est temps de partir.”
Transliterated directly from English, sentence is nonsensical.
“Bien sûr?” Jacques walked over and pulled Karen up. “Mais nous sommes arrivés il y a quelques minutes! Ce n’est pas juste.” He gave Dawn a soulful look; she glared in return.
The "u" needs a circumflex. Not quite sure why you put an interrogation mark after "Of course". That passé composé there needs a "s" at the end: the helping verb is "être".
“Tu as jeté de la farine sur moi, Bonnefoy. Je ne suis pas heureuse.” Despite this, she accepted his help to get to her feet, and attempted to brush herself off.
That comma made the sentence feel off, IMHO. Removing it makes the sentence flow better.
“Omelette au fromage,” Karen put in, looking from one fellow French-speaking agent to the other. “Omelette au fromage? Omelette au fromage!”
The original sentence read as "Omelet from cheese!" ...or was that supposed to be a Dexter's Laboratory reference?
I meant "bien sûr" to mean "really?", hence the question mark. I guess that's a mistranslation. How would an actual French person say that? ('That' being 'really?/seriously?' as a reaction to being told something they don't quite believe or just don't want to believe.)
(The annoying thing is that I know how to say that in Hebrew, Yiddish, and English, but French is apparently eluding me. Feels a bit ridiculous.)
~DF
Right-o. In Québecois French (which is quite different from France French, believe me), you can say "coudonc", "voyons donc" (sometimes abbreviated in its one-word corrupted form, pronounced "WEH-yon"), "est-ce que tu me niaises?" (are you kidding me), and the good old "hein?". Since those are all some pretty hardcore Québec-isms and Bonnefoy probably doesn't speak like a farmer, the safest replacement is probably "vraiment", the direct translation of "really".
Also responding to your other post, "Thank you again. I figured there would be some mistakes...I hope I didn't completely disgrace the name of Canadian French education? Two typos and an anglicism...I'll take it (and hope that they didn't show up on my exam!)"
Don't worry about your French being slightly off: it's a very tricky language to master. When you manage to pull it off however, it's beautiful to behold.
Thank you very much :) I was pretty sure there was supposed to be an accent circumflex on 'bien sur', but it was late and spellcheck didn't highlight it...must be another word without the accent. And ach, accords, that keeps tripping me up lately. Very annoying.
I concur with the bit about the comma, and the anglicism mistake makes sense now that I'm seeing it.../sigh/ This is what happens when I write in French late at night and don't look things up properly. Thank you very much. I'll make the changes.
As for 'omelette du fromage', it was indeed a reference, but (as far as I'm aware) to Adventure Time. I know it from a hilarious Tumblr post about people ascribing meanings to the phrase that it...really doesn't have. The joke here is that Agent Karen pretty much only knows that one French phrase, and is feeling left out enough (or just silly enough) to use it.
...wait, bother, that may actually be a Dexter's Laboratory reference. Shows what I know about either show...or are they the same show? But yes, it's a reference. If anyone's sure where it comes from, please tell me.
Thank you again. I figured there would be some mistakes...I hope I didn't completely disgrace the name of Canadian French education? Two typos and an anglicism...I'll take it (and hope that they didn't show up on my exam!)
~DF
I really want to see a Dexter's Laboratory/Adventure Time crossover now. The main characters have such contrasting views of reality, and it would be great seeing them interact. Jake and Dee Dee might get along, though. Also, I'd love to see how the magic-saturated land of Ooo would respond to mad science.
I shall now attribute it accurately...
~DF
That being said I knew there was something off about the first part, but I wasn't Frenchy enough to correct. Woop.
The second one was a little silly for my tastes, but the first half pegged the characters exactly right. I particularly liked the subtle way you integrated recent events, and the fact that you resisted doing anything, well, ridiculous.
:P :P :P
And welcome to DOGA. I think Agent Huinesoron's just down the hall.
hS
Bwahahahahahaha.
/laughs herself into an early grave