Impossible!

Subject: Impossible!
Author: Outhra
Posted on: 2013-12-20 22:33:00 UTC

No one could be a wizard, an astronaut, and Batman simultaneously! The wizard-astronaut-Batman would cause an imbalance in the fabric of awesomeness, temporarily gravitating all things that are awesome toward himself/herself, and since space is awesome, all of space would bend toward the amalgamated being! It could implode the entirety of reality!

Someone could be a mutant while simultaneously being any of those three things, though. Unless it's the X-Men kind of mutant where you get heat vision and the ability to phase through solid matter. Then you risk collapsing the impressiveness spectrum again, but the risk isn't nearly as high.

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Time for the Holiday Filk Game! by Neshomeh on 2013-12-18 19:58:00 UTC Reply

Because if I don't start it now, there won't be any time left. ^_^;

If you're new to filking, what you do is take an existing tune and fit it with original new lyrics. In this case, the tune should be your choice of seasonal holiday music, and the words should be PPC-themed. Please use good taste, but aside from that there are no rules. You don't need Permission. You can use any tune you want, even if it's been done before. You can also use any PPC-related topic you want, though as usual, I encourage everyone to pick something other than Sue-slaying. There are LOTS about that.

Your contribution(s) will eventually be archived in the PPC Holiday Songbook. I say "eventually" because (as usual) I still haven't added last year's set yet, and unless a miracle occurs you can bet I won't get to this year's set until next year. Think of it as a rite of passage: if you're still around by the time I add your filk to the songbook, you've been here over a year! Good job! {= D

Sadly, I don't know how much I'll be able to participate directly, since I'm busy getting ready for the trip Phobos and I are going to be taking to visit his family all of next week, and we're going almost directly from that to a friend's house for an extended New Year's event. But please, carry on without me and have fun!

~Neshomeh

Don't know if you get many Chanukah PPC songs, but... by DawnFire on 2013-12-24 23:05:00 UTC Reply

To the tune of "I Have A Little Dreidel":

I have a mini-Balrog
It was spawned by a Sue
My partner gave it to me--
Oh, that day I would rue!

Chorus:
Oh, mini, mini, mini
What will I do with you?
You burnt up all my arrows
And even my new shoe.

Its name is Caradaras
Like the pass, don't you know
(The Sue that spawned it didn't
So my partner told her so!)

Chorus

Now when I'm on a mission
And freezing in the snow
I wish I had my mini
To make everything glow!

Chorus

--
I think that's all I've got for now...enjoy, I guess :)

~DF
Beige Christmas by wobblestheclown on 2013-12-24 12:21:00 UTC Reply

Sung to the tune of "White Christmas". If I'm singing it, sung badly to the tune of "White Christmas".

Probably.

---

I'm stuck inside a beige Christmas,
Full to the brim with leaden prose,
Where the Words inspire
Ennui and ire,
And my hatred for canon abuse grows

I'm stuck inside a beige Christmas,
And praying I can last the night...
Characters are insipid and trite,
It's their faces I wish to ignite...

I'm stuck inside a beige Christmas,
And praying neuralysers might
Just end these poor abused canons' plight,
Let's get started. Look into the light...
Partner, a Sue's out there by EileenAlphabet on 2013-12-24 09:22:00 UTC Reply

Set to the tune of 'Baby, it's cold outside'.
The badfic in the song is probably C*l*br**n or another, equally bad, legendary badfic. Poor agents.

We really can't stay
(But, partner, a Sue's out there)
We got to go way
(But, partner, there's squick out there)
The console has made
(And look, wouldn't you just hate)
That awful BEEP!
(If I saw things that made me weep)

The SO will start to worry
(Commas falling down in a flurry)
The Big Thorn will be pacing the floor
(Listen to the Author's note roar)

So really we'd better scurry
(The tenses has all gone blurry)
But maybe just half a drink more
(Got some Bleepka here; let me pour)

Upstairs might think
(Partner, it's bad out there)
Say, what's in this drink
(No plot to be had out there)

I wish you would see
(Listen to my fervent plea)
That we can't stay
(That Sue will make us all her prey)

We do have a duty, partner
(Could be our death to charge her)
At least we ought to say that we tried
(But we could both end up fried)
We really can't stay
(Partner, just stay here)

Ahh, but a Sue's out there

We simply must go
(But, partner, there's angst out there)
The answer is no
(Torture and rape out there)

Though our RC is
(Better lay low through this)
So nice and warm
(Look at that punctuation storm)

Upstairs will be suspicious
(But this Sue is so malicious)
They'll know if we don't go in
(With purple eyes and ivory skin)

They'll punish us for delaying
(How, they're not even paying)
Well maybe just half a drink more
(Never such a badfic before)

We've got to start now
(But, partner, there's smut out there)
Say, lend me a bow
(It's up to your butt out there)

I hear what you say
(And she is to hard to slay)
But don't you see
(How can we do this, you and me)

Sanction will be forthcoming
(The plotline is truly mind-numbing)
Vacationdays will be revoked
(Vacationdays are just a cruel joke)
We really can't stay
(Get over that holdout)

Aah, but a Sue's out there
To the tune of "Lo, How a Rose Ere Blooming" by hermione of vulcan on 2013-12-23 21:48:00 UTC Reply

Lo, how the Flow'rs ere looming,

From tender stems hath sprung,

From Origin World they cometh,

As hS' tales have sung.

They came a beacon bright,

Amid a badfic winter,

In the dark of a Suvian night.
Here's one. by KittyEden on 2013-12-21 11:49:00 UTC Reply

I'm planning to eventually record this with my band, The Social Outcasts, but until then, here it is.
[To Daft Punkby Pentatonix]

Find it, click it, read it, dump it,
Get a new one, look- review it,
Comment, favorite, flame it, check it,
Scroll it, follow, add- unadd it,
Spork it, laugh at it now, Snark it,
Write it, read it, quick- erase it,
Copy, upload, click that button,
Leave it, wait now,
Fanfic logic,
One more time,
[Oooh, oooh, oh]
One more time
[Oooh oh oh oh]
It's like the legend of the goodfic,
There's no end, just a beginning,
What keeps the website working,
The fandoms, alway quirking,
We've wrote too far,
To give up what we are,
So lets raise the bar,
And our ships to the stars,
We're all online to have fun,
We're up all night to get some,
We're up all night to the sun,
We're up all night to get writing,
(x2)
We're up all night to get writing,
We're up all night to get- up all night to get get
writing.
Last night, I wrote a fic about you,
In this fic, I'm shipping right besides you,
There's nothing wrong, with just a little slash,
We were shipping all night long,
Oh,
I don't know what to do,
About this fic and you,
I hope this fic is true,
One more time,
Hey, we're gonna canonate,
Oh yeah, don't stop the writing,
Write it harder, make it better,
Do it faster, make it longer,
Always ever hour after,
Our fics are never over,
(x3)
FanFics got me feeling so free,
celebrate with PPC,
One more time,
Fanfics got me feeling so free, we're gonna celebrate and write,
Tonight,
Yeah, feeling,
So good,
our fics to the stars,
(chorus)
Our fics are never over.

It's a good Filk, but... by Herr Wozzeck on 2013-12-22 03:24:00 UTC Reply

...how does it relate to the Holiday season?

*facepalm* Oops... (nm) by KittyEden on 2013-12-22 12:51:00 UTC Reply

I'm so sorry, it just...caught me. by Araeph on 2013-12-21 05:11:00 UTC Reply

The Sue’s Head Carol [Song: The Boar’s Head Carol]

The Sue’s head in hand bear I,
Bedeck’d with gems so glittery
And I pray Eru, Valar, merry be
Blennum molestum prehendō. (I catch the annoying blockhead)

Caput Suei defero (The Sue’s head I offer)
Redens laudes Canonico.(Giving praises to the Canon)

The Sue’s head, as I understand
Is the commonest in Fanficland
Which thus is dreck and so very bland
Pero también ridículo. (But also ridiculous)

Caput Suei defero
Redens laudes Canonico.

The Stewardship she did dismiss
To elope with Faramir in bliss
He tells us, post-neuralysis:
Ai, hantanyel órenyallo! (Oh, I thank you from the bottom of my heart)

Caput Suei defero
Redens laudes Canonico!

Original song lyrics here. Latin wasn't quite flexible enough, so I added in some Spanish and Quenya for good measure.

______

I'll try for a non-Sueslaying carol next year, I promise!

Araeph

LOL by son_of_heaven176 on 2013-12-21 07:18:00 UTC Reply

I really love your filk! Very funny. And I never heard of the Boar's Head Carol before, so I've learned something new in the process! Good work.

One nitpick, though:
Having read the original chorus, I can tell what you are trying to do with the chorus of your filk. However, with Latin, it's not as easy as replacing one word with another and keeping the endings. Apri (of the boar) is the genitive form of the word aper, a second-declension noun. However, whichever way you translate "Sue" into Latin, you won't get a second-declension noun. In other words, "Suei" won't do as a Latin word.

If you wanted to use the word "Sue" as a loanword, then it would make more sense to decline it as a third declension noun rather than a second declension noun:
Caput Suis deferō...

You could also try using the full name "Susanna":
Caput Susannae deferō
(a few extra syllables, yes, but it would still fit the tune.)

Or you could follow the ACMSES's lead and translate all the way to "Rose" (Rosa in Latin):
Caput Rosae deferō

In any other context, I would also focus on your misuse of canonicus as the word for "canon" (canonicus is the adjective "canonical"), but since it works in context ("giving praises to the canonical one"), and since using the correct word would break the rhyme scheme (the last line would become Redens laudes canoni), I won't pester you on that.

Once again, a funny filk that should be in the PPC Songbook as soon as possible (once fixed, of course!)

On a different note, are you planning on making any more DTE missions anytime soon?

I thought about that... by Araeph on 2013-12-21 14:09:00 UTC Reply

...but I wanted the word "Sue" to be distinct from any real Latin word (intentionally and somewhat jarringly so), and suis is the plural dative/ablative form of suus, so that might get confusing. The same is true for a real name such as Susanna--it just isn't quite as funny as the out-of-place Suei is. Another way to edit it would to be go the humor route entirely and use Suey.

I also used "canonico" for the exact reason you pointed out--it would break the rhyme scheme to use a declension of canon. The translation needs to be updated, though...thanks for catching that!

Yes, I am planning to make more DTE missions. They should come out in January. :)

Araeph

I'll have a go. by Storme Hawk on 2013-12-19 12:30:00 UTC Reply

Currently writing one to the tune of Happy Xmas (war is over), although from the looks of it I'm taking a slightly different twist to usual.

Storme Hawk
A DAVD carol. by Huinesoron on 2013-12-19 09:21:00 UTC Reply

Based on... well, apparently it's titled 'The Christmas Song', but you know it as 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire'.

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
It's just as twisted as it sounds
Poor old canons being thrown in the briar
Or being run down by the hounds
Everybody knows some violence, and some horror goes
A bit too far, won't sleep tonight
Being tortured, under flu-or-escent glow
Takes some doing to set right

It isn't Christmas - not this way
If we've to deal with stories of death and decay
Give us a break, they don't have to die!
Or all the other things we ever decry
So DAVD is offering this simple plea
To fanfic writers old or new
This Christmas time
Just this one day this year
Stop the violence - we beg you.

(The second half may be a little off - I can't conjure up the tune for some of those lines in my head, so I've had to guess it based on the words)

hS

Have a fantastic trip! by Autumn_68 on 2013-12-19 12:01:00 UTC Reply

I don't think I'll contribute...even if I do, I think I'll ruin it. I'm not good at this!

~Autumn

Oh, Glaurung. Posted it at the wrong place. Sorry! (nm) by Autumn_68 on 2013-12-19 12:02:00 UTC Reply

It's cool bruva. (nm) by 99Hedgehog on 2013-12-20 00:02:00 UTC Reply

Caroling by Shadow Amber on 2013-12-19 04:47:00 UTC Reply

I can't sing. Unless you want me to imitate a death metal vocalist while I play Mario party with my friends.
I'm serious.

Also, you're going to one of Mars'/Mar's/Mars's/*&$@$! moons? Are you a wizard/mutant/astronaut/batman?

My time is coming. Ring the bells.

No actual singing required. {= ) by Neshomeh on 2013-12-20 03:19:00 UTC Reply

Sorry if I wasn't clear, but you just write new words for this game. Check out the Songbook for previous years' examples. Singing is an option for those who want to give it a go, but not necessary.

Either Mars' or Mars's would be correct (I prefer the first; two Ss looks clumsy to me), but as Hedgehog pointed out, Phobos in this case is simply the username of my husband and fellow-Boarder. However, I am not denying being a wizard/mutant/astronaut/batman. After all, you should always be yourself—unless you can be Batman. Then you should always be Batman.

~Neshomeh

If I don't end up writing a filk... by Ekyl on 2013-12-21 09:01:00 UTC Reply

Well, if people really want to hear it, I've got Audacity, so I could always give people's filks a whirl and upload 'em somewhere for y'all. :P

I second this idea so hard. (nm) by Herr Wozzeck on 2013-12-22 03:22:00 UTC Reply

Impossible! by Outhra on 2013-12-20 22:33:00 UTC Reply

No one could be a wizard, an astronaut, and Batman simultaneously! The wizard-astronaut-Batman would cause an imbalance in the fabric of awesomeness, temporarily gravitating all things that are awesome toward himself/herself, and since space is awesome, all of space would bend toward the amalgamated being! It could implode the entirety of reality!

Someone could be a mutant while simultaneously being any of those three things, though. Unless it's the X-Men kind of mutant where you get heat vision and the ability to phase through solid matter. Then you risk collapsing the impressiveness spectrum again, but the risk isn't nearly as high.

Phobos is another PPCer. Don't panic bruva. (nm) by 99Hedgehog on 2013-12-19 05:48:00 UTC Reply

Hm... Y'know what? I'm gonna give this a spin! by Herr Wozzeck on 2013-12-19 03:22:00 UTC Reply

So here goes!

So this is to the tune of "White Christmas", and it's a little ditty called "Sue Christmas"

I'm dreaming of a Sue Christmas
Just like the ones I used to fear
Where the minis hustled
And agents bustled
To stand and perhaps to jeer.

I'm dreaming of a Sue Christmas
Between the many shots of booze
May your missions go very slow
And may all your Christmases have Sues

And that's all I've got now. But hey, have a fun trip!
Have a nice trip! by 99Hedgehog on 2013-12-18 23:42:00 UTC Reply

I probably won't do this challenge though, verse isn't my thing. I prefer prose.

The Emperor Protects!
Good luck on your trip! by Ailavyn Siniyash on 2013-12-18 23:20:00 UTC Reply

I shall try to participate, I suppose, though Christmas carols and I don't exactly get along.

-Aila
Good luck with the trip, hope you two are well. :P by Ekyl on 2013-12-18 22:00:00 UTC Reply

Anyhow, I might actually participate in this, unlike me completely forgetting to do... well, anything at all with the Hallowe'en thing. Or co-writes we've tried to do. Whoops. ._.

That aside, as soon as I think of and make a good filk I'll send in a reply. :P