Subject: Good mission.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-08-15 20:40:00 UTC
I was able to follow everything (though the first mention of "Wardo" did throw me off for a while before I made the connection), and there were not very many errors. But errors there were:
1) This is not the animated series, she doesn’t permanently absorb powers in the movies!
That comma should be a semicolon.
2) Before Kozar could reply the narrative continued from Edward’s point of view, giving the agents a description of the Sue
A comma is needed after "Before Kozar could reply".
3) She made for the door, a quiet figure in dark pants and a green t-shirt which were none the worse for wear after their adventure as a leather catsuit.
Misplaced modifier: as written, the door is what is clothed.
Also, two questions
a) What exactly did Rina say to piss Kozar off so badly?
b) Are you suggesting that the Reader has the hots for Rina? If so, that seems quite quick, especially since all the Reader did was try to maintain her balance by grabbing onto the nearest possible handhold, which happened to be mutant!Rina's wings.