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Harris had been drinking coffee, ever since it was invented. He goddamn loved coffee. Not for the flavor, no. For the sweet caffeine that did wonders to his permanently waking brain. He loved coffee so much so that when the first automatic coffee machines came into production, he bought one of every brand. He tested and tried each and every one of them, to find out what made the best coffee. As more and more machines were produced, he eventually settled into a particularly fancy dispenser. Every morning, he would place his #1 Dad mug underneath (despite his lack of children, partner, or desires for alternate progeny) and warm, dark roast coffee would be poured into his cup. Like magic.

Recently, his favorite coffee machine had been stuttering, spitting coffee, rather than pouring it. It came in bursts, rather than a smooth stream of caffeine water. He had been using this particular machine for centuries, and oh, it just might be nearing the end of its life. However, Harris routinely magically enchanted the hunk of junk to make sure this never was the case. So, if not the machine, it must be the power supply.

Harris was lazy and irresponsible. He very much did not like paying taxes or bills or reading whatever mail the government happened to send him. And so, he decided to switch off his water and electricity and open portals to other dimensions to supply his own needs. For his water, a portal at the bottom of an untouched ocean, completely devoid of life. For his gas stove, a portal to a brightly burning star. For his footstool trashcan, a portal to his local recycling plant.

For his energy, he'd went into a nightmare dimension full of eldritch abominations and monstrosities. He'd found the biggest baddie he could find, chained it up, and stabbed some cables into it, and ran them all the way back to the portal, to his house, to his coffee machine.

As Harris began strolling to his portal room, and as he passed through the endless void between dimensions, he wondered how much of that critter was left. Following the thick cables, some electrocuted entities lining the sides (thanks to a neat little charm he had learned in Pre-K) he approached the end of the cable. There was no hulking terror left, only a very, very small toothed worm. Like a leech, except smaller, and more vicious. He supposed that this was what remained of his cash cow, or as he put it, his voltage Varuh'tynyopai.

Harris pulled the cable out of the critter, and it seemingly faded into dust in his hands. He removed the magical bonds, and began his search anew, to find the second-biggest baddie that this dimension held. Harris just couldn't go without his coffee.

And I'm feeling gooood!

Happy Bank Holiday (to those who have it). Have two new prompts to celebrate (or commiserate):

Prompt One: One of your characters has broken something.

Prompt Two: It's holiday time!

Novastorme

“Nice to meet you! I’m Chelsea! Chelsea Seaward.” She then shook Connor’s right hand.

Lemon shook Connor’s other hand. “Call me Lemon.”

After both agents let go, Chelsea asked, “So uh, what’s up?”

A brilliant mission finale - and some proper reactioning to canon events, too! Sometimes canon characters just don't take things lying down, you know?

Thank you, for continuing to share this story with us. ^^

https://rc1587.wordpress.com/2018/05/27/blank-sprite-mission-record-15/

It is time for the final showdown of the Blank Sprite Incident. Vera has managed to kidnap Nikki, what is her plan? Will Sergio, Corolla and their friends find a way to stop the former for good while rescuing the latter? And why my preview suddenly sounds so much like that of a badfic? There's only one way to know!

"We just didn't call it the internet. We called it something unpronounceable. As for where I'm from, I come from a particular session of a roleplaying game based in the Warhammer 40K universe." He smiled slightly, and added, "Thankfully, as far as I know, my people are still doing well, unlike... essentially everybody else. Where do you come from?"

(Yeah, I realize that post didn't end in a very open way, so maybe this will help.)

-Twistey

With the hand he wasn't using to hold a taped-up wand, he waved the two over to where he was contentedly standing and watching by a wall.

"Hello. Your... interesting costumes caught my eye, so I figured I'd want to talk." He laughed again. "Sorry, I don't mean this in a mocking way. Ad hoc costumes sometimes make for quite interesting people."

After a few seconds, he blinked. "Sorry again, I haven't introduced myself. Connor Callahan, no relation to other agents, at your service." He pointed around the room. "Aside from my sisters Amber and Erika, that is." Putting the wand in his robe pocket, he extended his hands to the agents.

-Twistey

And if I can find other stuff by him, I might read that too. I love Terry Pratchett's sense of humor, writing style, and ideas. Y'all have me hooked. Thanks, PPC.

-Twistey

...to interpret things we don't understand.

Like conspiracy theories - people aren't sure how something is possible, so they come up with an explanation. Only difference between is that with conspiracy theories, there's already a better explanation.

But your idea is great fun.

-Twistey

And even more of Norse mythology.

"It is amazing, the information one can get at the click of a button. We had nothing like it in my home continuum." The thought of his home continuum, combined with Dilx's wording, raised a question. "What continuum are you from? The internet seems to be prevalent in many of them. I take it you are not from one of them?"

I release you from your duty. You've done as you were asked, and you don't have to be the go-between anymore. Thank you for your time.

To zdimensia (because I know you're reading this): You deserve better than the pain you find around here. So I release you, too. I apologize, on behalf of the PPC, for people jumping to conclusions, assuming bad faith, and not listening to you. I especially apologize that one of our members did terrible things in your name.

If you find that this apology is not to your satisfaction, or if you want to tell me something you actually want that we can give you (as stated by Anonymous), email me at Baridthetroll(at)gmail(dot)com.

All of that said, we will not change the status of the ban, because I think it would only cause more pain to you if you returned. I will just say that I hope you can put us behind you and find peace in your life.

-Phobos

Here is the original message that was supposed to be changed by the messenger... It got mistranslated.

I was approached by someone that you've hurt, and she's still in a lot of pain. I think that you should actually resolve the bad blood between you. There is a resolution that wouldn't necessarily mean that she becomes unbanned, but it will probably get rid of her.

(That means that you should give her something that she actually wants, and to figure that out you should talk to Mythcreant. )

For one thing, stop lying that the original ban was due process or that anything that happened since then was fair. This coincidence was not a conscious decision, she started getting upset without knowing about palindrome's actions.

To be fair, it does give an interesting twist to the "they killed my family, I must make them pay" plot.

However, I'm afraid your information about the situation between us and her is likely incomplete. I would invite you and any other interested party to please investigate the relevant archived discussions as linked from the individual's PPC Wiki user page and draw your own conclusions as to the usefulness of further discussion.

~Neshomeh

Over a few years, I went through and double-checked all the Indemaat links on her character pages, and on the continuum pages where her missions appeared. I didn't think to do the Killed Badfic page, so sorry for that oversight on my part. You can do it if you want, or leave it for me to get to, though I don't know when I'll have time to get to it. But if you go for it, all the links on her character pages should already be correct for you to use.

—doctorlit, not as finished with that project as he thought

So not 'recently'.

If she is not asking for her ban to be lifted, there is no reason for the community as a whole to have any sort of discussion with her. The PPC community, and most of its members, consider the issue 'resolved' - she was determined by majority vote to have no place in this community, and that was the end of the matter. The only official business we have with her is 'is she allowed in this community?', and it appears we agree that the answer is 'no'.

If any individuals wish to communicate with her, by this proposed means or any other, they are and always have been free to do so.

Extended discussion on this matter would be increasingly disruptive; I propose that you, 'Anonymous', leave some method for off-Board communication with you or some other relevant party, and that there be no other replies to this thread.

If, of course, any members of the PPC community feels that we are in need of yet another extended debate on the subject, they are, as always, free to say as much. I am not a moderator, and my opinion is just that - my opinion.

hS

PS: If you would like to pass on a message, please tell her that I hope she has a wonderful life, and that she soon can get over this unhealthy fixation on a small internet community which has made it clear she is not welcome. ~hS

Hello, and good evening to you. I would like to relay a message from an individual who requested my assistance. She has recently been banned here, and she appears quite hurt by this, though she is not requesting that the ban be lifted.

She would simply appreciate it if you would be willing to have a discussion outside of this forum with the help of a third party mediator, in order to resolve this issue in a congenial manner. And as I stated, she has expressed no desire or expectations that her ban be lifted. Please let me know if you would be willing to accommodate her request. I will relay the information back to her.

"You know how Heracles, the great god, had a lovely wife and wonderful children, don't you? But what you don't know-" [Leans closer to the fire, flickering shadows playing over his face] "- is how he murdered them all!"

And how much of Greek mythology is basically 'really weird kinks, but with gods so it's okay'?

hS

There's a writing contest/submission thing that's going on that some folks here might be interested in. Duolingo, a language learning application, is looking for 150-250 word stories to use as part of their program. If your work gets picked, you'll get $500. The contest is ongoing until June 8th.

Look at more details here.

Best of luck to anyone who gets involved!