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So, Iximaz has been regaling the Discord with quotes of the worst passages of Xanth lately (glad I only read the first one some years ago), and it decided me to implement that little game, also inspired by another game about prompts posted here, and where people had to guess if they were real or not.

So, the game: You post a quote/line on this thread, and people have to guess if it's a line from original fiction, fanfiction or just plain made up. For instance,

'The King professed no love for the Queen, and governed that temperamental woman with a subtly iron hand that amazed those who had known Iris before her marriage. Yet she thrived under that discipline. Those who knew the King well understood that not only was he a more powerful Magician than she, he was also a stronger person.'

Is unfortunately very much Original Fiction, Xanth.

So, I'll begin with tis one line: 'Each artifact was unique, which means there was only one copy in all the simulation.'

Feel free to post the most outlandish lines you can find or think about.

Microsoft is going to be releasing an accessibility-focused Xbox controller, which is meant to make stringing together a bunch of non-standard peripherals (foot pedals, large buttons, etc.) into a controller a lat easier.

I'm mainly posting this because I think it's cool, and because it's nice to see efforts being made in the direction of improving gaming accessibility.

- Tomash

Many thanks!

I applaud your reference.

I actually never wrote any missions. I never got around to asking for permission. :P

Thank you very much. I'm not sure what I'll use the beads for, but I'll think of something.

“Daggeeeeeeeer!”

The dragonborn looked up from his bench, adjusting his glasses as he did so. The lamplight gleamed off his bronze scales. “What is it? Can’t you see I’m working?”

Talia, for her part, had been bent over a workstation opposite her partner until moments before. Now, she was staring at him irritably. “The network’s down. Still. It’s been three days, so would you care to explain what the holdup is?”

“The holdup, my dear partner, is that I’m not a network engineer. So I had to study up on how the mess that connects us to the mass of chewed gum and duct tape that HQ jokingly calls a network. That was the first day.” Dagger’s tone was tinged with that special indignation of an engineer who had just had his competency questioned.

“Right,” said Talia. “No, I get that, but what about the other two days? Were you just sitting around doing rude things to yourself?”

If Dagger could scowl, he would have. As it stood, he just gave it his best approximation. It got the message across, at least. “Nothing of the kind. The next days were spent running new cabling through our RC, because the old wiring was put in when 115200bps was blazing fast.”

“So what’s left to do?” asked Talia. “Just flip the switch and wire us in.”

“I was getting to that. The only thing that’s left is putting the ends on the cables. And I can’t do that, so I need you to help.”

“Why me?”

Dagger held up his hands. “In case you haven’t noticed, I have claws.”

“Ooooh… Right.” Talia frowned. “So how do I help?”

“Do you like slotting small wires into tiny slots?”

“Not particularly.”

“Too bad. Get over here and I’ll show you the ropes. Just make sure you don’t miss any slots, and that you get the order right. I’ll be watching to make sure.”

Talia sighed melodramatically. “No bets on whether my hands will hurt after all this repetitive detail work, I suppose. All right. Let’s get this over with…”

--

Talia’s hands did hurt, as she had predicted. Her eyes and head hurt more, though: fine detail work could do that to you. She lay on the cot that passed for her bed in the RC, trying to relax before she got back to any sort of real work. Suddenly, she had a thought. “Hey, Dagger?”

He gave a grunt.

“How did a Dragonborn get a degree in Electrical Engineering anyways?”

Dagger let out a long, slow sigh. “I really, really, don’t want to talk about it.”

Which just didn't line up with reality. After walking for about half a mile, the path leads into a tunnel, made out of trees so heavily weighed that I have to put my head down a little so I don't hit it. This leads for a couple minutes, and then it just dives deep into the forest. One time, I was walking in a path in the forest, and I came to where I thought Civilization was. I ended up stopping before I hit the street, because I was blocked by a barbed wire fence. After some more walking around the edges, I learned I was in a sneaky government botany facility. Which I was very much not supposed to be in!

Obviously, someone engineer made a mistake with reality-bending trees.

(Also, on a bit of a spook factor note: At night, I hear children laughing and screaming from deep within the forest. Faintly, but most definitely audible.)

I haven't heard from Lycos, so I still don't know what happened, but all's well that ends well?

I think it's all backed up on Archive.is, but if you want to add another layer of redundancy, I won't stop you. Thanks. {= )

~Neshomeh

Would you mind if I mirror your site once it's back online?

Losing your website would be Very Bad, and who knows if Tripod will go down in the future...

You picked a good time to have a Lycos breakdown - the guy who built the company just got back from filming the new series of Battlebots. =]

(For reference, that'd be Michael "Fuzzy" Mauldin, of Polar Vortex fame)

I was not aware of this. I checked myself, and it's not working for me, either, although I can log in and edit my files. I've sent off a help request to Lycos, and I'll keep the Board updated with what I learn.

~Neshomeh

(Long-time lurker posting for the first time - hello!) Recently, I've noticed that all of the links to Neshomeh's Archive appear to be inaccessible, at least on my end, and repeated attempts over the past few days (on both a PC and a mobile device) have produced the same result. I'm unsure if this is a known issue or something that has already been addressed, in which I sincerely apologise, but I feel obliged to bring it to your attentions just in case. If anyone knows of a solution, I would be grateful.

(Apologies for taking up your time and for my own awkwardness in delivering this message, thank you very much.)

It might only work in its home verse; so when agents try drenching a 'toon Sue in the stuff, it just gets angry and tries to chase them down.

Of course, then an agent figures out why it doesn't work, dials up a portal, drops the Sue through, and watches in satisfaction as the Sue melts.

You ever read one've those?

Those things'd distract me from escaping from a sinking cruise ship. They're insane, man.

Anyhows, blimey, it's nice to get back into writing whimsy goofiness. The last thing I wrote was kinda depressing. I suppose this' why I've got Shift Twentieth lying around for me.

A lot of those changes just got made almost verbatim. Because they were good, and I liked them. Some of them, I worked out my own solutions to.

Fun fact: Al had more physical description in an earlier draft, but I couldn't find a way to make it not seem clumsy. Seeing as I have now done that, a bit of it is back!

Every line of this was full of comedy and whimsy. And I love it.

Favorite line: "Finch didn't even look up from his magic eye book, which he had scientifically determined to be (as of now) the single best way in which for any sapient, intelligent being to ignore the crawling and cold death that slowly comes for us all."

'Are we really, Bingle?'

'Oh, yes, quite certainly, Finch. In between checking this watch of mine, and checking our, frankly, unnecessarily large collection of prime condition wall clocks-'

'Your collection.'

'I can confirm with a nearly one hundred per cent accuracy that we do, in fact, seem to be late.'

Finch didn't even look up from his magic eye book, which he had scientifically determined to be (as of now) the single best way in which for any sapient, intelligent being to ignore the crawling and cold death that slowly comes for us all. 'Well, that-s a bloody shame.

'Very much, oh, absolutely.'

'Yes. That-s horrid. We can-t have that.'

'The guilt we will feel, Finch, when we come back to there, eventually!' Bingle wailed, glancing at his watch and backing into his corner of the RC and under the sheets of his bed.

'I-m burning alive with guilt, myself,' Finch agreed, optical sensor really narrowing hard at this particular page.

'Yes, yes indeed. We are late. Terribly, terribly late.'

Finch! Bingle! You, you're late!

Bingle crumpled out of his bed, spilling the sheets to the floor and smashing his face on a tile.

Ummm! What are you two doing? Ninetwo was standing in front of the swinging door like a foreign conqueror.

Finch was a trained veteran in these situations and he immediately charged on the offensive with a pointing actuator. 'What the hell are you doing in here? How did you even get in here?'

Well, I-

'Is that a bloody key?!' Finch pointed down at Ninetwo's frond, nestled in which was a key to their RC. 'Did you unlock - do you have a copy of -' He glared at Bingle. 'Did you give her a copy?!'

'I did no such thing,' Bingle argued from beneath his sheets.

The door swung open again: 'Hrmmm, yeah, guys, we need to go, we're late.' Anne swayed in, taking in the nooks and crannies of the room. She lazily swung another copy of their RC's key on her finger.

'You have one, too?!'

'Hrm? Oh, yeah, yeah. Bingle gave me a couple.' Finch gazed at her with a red melting rage and she was as solid and untouched as a cliff wall.

'Did I really do that?' Bingle exclaimed, pulling himself up and glancing at Finch. He made a face like he was being torn in half by an invisible giant. 'Oh! I did, yes. Ahah!'

'Bloody give!' Finch hissed, snatching the keys from Anne and Ninetwo.

Umm. I have a spare, too. I'll just get that out-

Finch grabbed it out of her frond before she even fished it out of her pocket.

'Shoo! Out!' and he beat Anne and Ninetwo, stumbling, out of the RC. And he pulled the door shut and hovered right back to his book.

'A damn shame, Bingle, that we-re late.'

'Very tragic, yes, Finch,' Bingle agreed, rolling into his bed and shutting his eyes. 'But there really wasn't anything we could do about it.'

There had been no new missions for an hour and a half, which was extraordinary. The only problem was that the Ironic Overpower was guaranteed to give Edward and Kat a mission within the next few minutes as soon as they started doing something.
Kat was currently singing along to “A Whole New World” and Edward had very quickly put his new earplugs in. Kat’s singing was absolutely horrendous.
Edward was half-heartedly playing Solitaire with his mind not really on the game. He’d played about five games so far and won zero. The current game was not looking promising.
Kat said something, but he couldn’t hear her through the earplugs. He took them out and said, “Sorry, what was that again?”
“We should do something.”
He nodded but asked, “What? The IO is going to give us a mission as soon as we start!”
“Whatever. I’m so bored I think I want a mission.”
Kat would probably regret that as soon as they did.
“Shall we play a card game?”
“I can’t think of any good two-player ones.”
“There’s loads of four-player games. Why don’t we play two players each?”
That seemed like a sensible suggestion. Edward agreed. He was going to say that cooperation between teams shouldn’t be allowed but decided there was no point – they’d both just cooperate anyway.
He suggested that they play Hearts and when Kat agreed gathered up the cards he had been using for Solitaire and began dealing, very quickly. He’d had a lot of practice at dealing cards. Once all fifty-two cards had been dealt he picked up one of the hands and cringed.
It was absolutely awful! Seven high clubs, a singleton Queen of Spades… He might as well try to take every card there was with this. His other hand was a lot better and he decided he would try to take all the penalty cards.
Kat’s first player played the two of clubs and her second showed off its club void with the Ace of Spades. Edward played the Ace and his second player the six. He took the trick and led his nine of clubs, which looked quite high but was actually his second-lowest club.
His other player played the three and Kat’s players played the five and the Ace of Hearts respectively. Edward kept leading clubs for the next five rounds, but by this stage Kat had figured out what he was up to and was refusing to dump any more hearts.
He so far had the seven highest hearts, three dumped by Kat’s players and the others by his own player. The King of Spades hadn’t come out yet so he couldn’t lead the Queen. What he could do, on the other hand, was lead diamonds; Kat had used up a lot of hers by dumping them on Edward’s clubs.
He led three rounds of diamonds and Kat wasn’t forced to play any more hearts or the King. However, Edward still had the highest remaining heart, which he led to take another trick and three more hearts. Now all he had was a heart and the Queen of Spades. The heart was the highest remaining, but there was no guarantee that he could force out the King.
He led the heart, fingers crossed, and his other player played a low spade. As Kat’s first player was about to put down a card…
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!]

The bell rang and the students began packing their things, chattering excitedly. She kept her head down, flinching when she felt Jessica's elbow jab her in the side as she passed. It could have been an accident, not at all intended to be malicious, but she still didn't want to risk looking up. If she met Jessica's eyes, there would be hell to pay, so she focused on packing up her cauldron and books, waiting for the class to file out before she slipped away.

The other students liked to hang out in the courtyard during their free period, which meant the library would be hers. She limped along the corridor, slowed down with the weight of all her textbooks crammed into her bag.

She could hear voices up ahead and she flattened herself against the wall, heart pounding, wondering if someone had stayed behind to jump her. Nervously, she peered around the corner, and her racing heart skipped a beat when she realized it was Teddy Lupin talking to Victoire Weasley.

"So, Hogsmeade is coming up soon," Teddy said as she began backing down the corridor the way she came. "Want to go with me? We could go to the Three Broomsticks, make a date of it..."

She didn't stick around to hear Victoire's reply. Beautiful, talented, perfect Victoire, who had the most obvious crush on Teddy that of course she would say yes. Who wouldn't? Jealousy gnawed at her stomach as she pushed aside a tapestry to reveal a hidden staircase. This route would take longer, but at least she wouldn't have to risk anyone seeing her cry.

She gave the library a pass and continued up to the seventh floor, to Gryffindor Tower, to her dormitory where she pulled her bed hangings shut and curled up on the quilt, hugging her bag to her chest. Her heart ached from the loneliness.

Laughter drifted up from the courtyard through the open window. She closed her eyes and listened, glad that for once, nobody was laughing at her.

And thank you everyone for participating! If I can get someone to help me with the bracket for next year's tournament, we'll go back to double elimination format to give people a chance to bounce back after a loss.

Happy battles, and see you again in March!

It went about as well as expected: http://replay.pokemonshowdown.com/gen7doublesou-747504511