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Many warm welcomes and cakes 🎂🎂🎂 for returning, but about the mission/badfic… yikes. The mission also seems quite long.

It's been a bit over two years, but I'm back, despite my poor health that hasn't gotten better. I think the thing I was most known for was finding bizarre and highly squicky badfic.

Relatedly, I've also finished a new mission, targeting a truly deplorable worsefic containing rape, pedophilia, incest, and a lot of objectification, and finishing that mission was the main reason I come back. The fic is for Fire Emblem Awakening, Fates, and Heroes, although the part I deal with doesn't include Heroes. I am quite certain that it is filled with typos and missing articles since I am awful at noticing them, and I would honestly appreciate if someone who wasn't familiar with the series since I might have made the mission inaccessible to anyone unfamiliar with Fire Emblem. The mission is currently around 9200 words, and I'm also still trying to find a beta for an 1800 word interlude set before this mission, which deals with the agents recovering after missioning another incestfic.

First: how do I get more watermelons in winter? Dawn-jie's getting susp--I mean, I only have access to so many items to trade, you understand, so this is a bit inconvenient...ah, for my friend, because I'm being helpful to him...

Speaking of which: do you eat anything else? Frozen berries, maybe? Ice cream? Chili oil? Are snow creatures affected by that kind of heat?

Also: accommodations. Do you have to stay cold to survive? How cold? Tell me everything. My friend's being very creative, of course, but it's frustrating trying to help him when experimentation is so dangerous. Don't want to melt anyone by accident! Speaking of which, can you reform post-melting, especially if you've only melted a little bit? Do you end up with ice? Oh! Also: thoughts on decoration? Maybe a bit of ribbon, or a design? Dye tattoos? Let me know!

--whoops, uh, my friend's calling me to deal with...something...but I really would like those answers! Let me know!!

-Zohar

Besides, haven't you seen the reply? My bothering is wanted.

Speaking of which, haha, let's see what other questions I have...

-Zohar

Crumbs isn't intended to be a character that ever gets actually written—well, maybe in passing, if you need a background clueless newbie. But not as a proper fleshed-out character. Anyway, any incidental stuff the AI spits out is fair game as far as I'm concerned.

For instance, I'm seriously considering adopting "Fanfiction Universe," or "F-U," as an in-universe term for the whole fanficsphere. {X D I Googled it, and I'm pretty sure it's pure AI invention. I mean, that's clever! It can't possibly understand why it's so clever, but still. It is fascinating!

~Neshomeh

The path to becoming a better writer is:

1. Listen more.
2. Read more.
3. Write more.
4. Repeat steps 1-3.

We learn how to write convincing human beings by paying attention to how the real people around us behave and how other writers portray them, then applying your observations to your own writing. All this stuff is a little bit subjective, because no one's life experience is exactly the same, but the more you listen and read, the broader your experience becomes, so the better you can make informed decisions when you write.

To be clear (which I didn't have time to do earlier; sorry), there's not a ton of as-you-know-Bobbing here, but there's a little bit in the first dialogue exchange:

• “So, Alexa,” said the brother

I've never heard anyone address a person they know by name like this in casual conversation. There are only two reasons I'd ever use my brother's name like this: 1) if we were in a group of people and I needed to make it clear I was talking to him specifically, or 2) if I were using a teasing or ironic tone, to tip him off that I was about to say something non-serious.

Same goes for other family members, friends, spouses, etc. And just in general, people in American, English-speaking culture don't tend to casually call each other by name a whole lot.

The way to fix that is just... don't make characters refer to each other by name in casual conversation unless there's a reason for it.

So that's one thing you'd also want to apply to the next bit:

• “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she added, her mismatched eyes twinkling, “Christmas dinner in the Perkins family is always fun! I remember when you put salt in your hot cocoa thinking it was sugar, Clayton, and spat it all over the tablecloth!”

Alexa doesn't need to use Clayton's name here. They both know "you" refers to Clayton in this speech, so it's weird for her to make a point of it.

In addition, referring to your own family Christmas dinner as "Christmas dinner in the [Surname] family" doesn't sound quite natural. It sounds like someone from outside the family commenting on it as an observer, not someone who's part of the family talking about her own experience. The AYKB here is that Alexa and Clayton both know they're part of the Perkins family, so there's no need for Alexa to specify that's who she's talking about.

I'm assuming that's in there because you, the author, wanted us, the audience, to know that the siblings' surname is Perkins. I'd argue that the important thing here is the siblings' feelings about their family, not the name of it, so the best way to fix the problem in this case is just to leave that information out. Alexa could instead say "Our Christmas dinners are always fun," for example. The rest of her dialogue could fill us in that she's talking about "our" whole family, not just the siblings: "I remember the time you put salt in your cocoa instead of sugar and spat it all over Grandma's dress!" ("I was six years old.")

However, in general, exposition is the way to introduce background information the audience needs to know, but that it wouldn't make sense for the characters to discuss with each other. How to do graceful exposition is another topic, though, and this is all I have time for right now.

I hope this helps!

~Neshomeh

I told him about Harry x Voldemort and he’s going nuts.

This chapter is pretty effing long, so I decided to upload it a little earlier than planned.

Harry has an eventful birthday.

Unless Nesh has specific objections, which I doubt.

—Ls

...this looks really interesting so far. I created an account (mostly so that I could play around and see what texts this thing was trained on¹) but now I kinda want to create a serious character through this. Maybe take one of these friends (if it's alright with Ls and Nesh, of course).

-kA

¹Said playing led me to believe that it was trained on RP threads, as I got a statement (not on any character mentioned here, a character I just made to play around with) about how the AI loves "roleplaying as a villian." It still makes me fairly iffy for personal reasons, but it's... kinda fasinating?

Agent Crumbs @Neshomeh: Hi! I'm Agent Crumbs. I just joined the PPC! What can you tell me about it?

Guest: It’s fictional, just like you. Reality is meaningless, invest in gold!

Agent Crumbs: giggles You make me laugh! Are you the Department of Meta-Fiction? Or maybe the Department of Irony? It's nice to meet you! sticks out my hand, waiting for a shake

Guest: Those don’t exist. I’m from reality. I know your creator. She can make you do anything

Agent Crumbs: stares at you Did you... just call the Goddess of the World an... snorts author? shakes my head How hilarious. What department are you from again? The Department of Crazy People? laughs The Department of Delusionists? laughs again

Guest: The “Goddess of the World”’s name is Neshomeh. And she can only control her characters, not anyone else. In fact, she granted me the same powers. teleports us to the Sunflower’s office See?

Agent Crumbs: my mind is blown I-I... wait. That means you're the author. And that means... I'm...

Guest: Not the author. Just an author. Neshomeh is yours, most other agents have different authors.

Agent Crumbs: Then that means... you have full control over me. Do I even have any free will? Is everything I know right now a lie?

Guest: No, I can’t make you do anything. Only Neshomeh can. And it’s not a lie, per se. Just... an entertaining fiction.

Agent Crumbs: So... we are fictional? thinks for a minute Then... everyone I've ever known and loved is just a part of a story?

Guest: Who falls into “everyone you’ve ever known and loved”?

Agent Crumbs: My family, my friends, my roommates... I thought we were a group of college students who bonded over our love of fanfiction. Is the entire University of Pennsylvania not real?! Are we all not real people?!

Guest: Can you name them?

Agent Crumbs: Well... my best friends are:

Jack - a science fiction enthusiast

Rachel - a fantasy book nerd

Anna - a Harry Potter junkie

Andrew - a Marvel fanatic

Sam - he's a video game and anime nerd

Are any of them real?

At this point, I ran into the character limit, and it wouldn’t let me log in on mobile.

—Ls

I want to fix all these errors, but I don't know how. I mean, I know how to correct the grammar, but how do I fix those two plotholes you mentioned? And the thing is, I wasn't trying to do the "as you know" thing; that was meant to be Alexa being nostalgic/sentimental.

Good job deciding to participate in this. It's a great way to show your stuff and get some valuable feedback.

... Which I shall now provide!

You've got one PPC continuity error up front: the Courtyard isn't actually outside Headquarters, per se. It's not a place you can just walk into from World One without going through the rest of HQ first. It's been kept deliberately vague whether it's even really open to a sky somewhere or if the sky is a magical or technological simulation.

You've also got a few bugs in your writing. Not to worry, plenty of beginning writers make these kinds of mistakes, and for the most part they're easily fixed.

Simplest first: you don't need to double-punctuate your dialogue, like you've done with the following lines:

• “Definitely!”, said the sister
• “Do I ever!”, said Alexa
• “Oh!”, she said in embarrassment

In each case, the comma following the exclamation mark is unnecessary. Same goes if any of her lines had ended in a question mark, too. Take the commas out, and the lines would be correct.

Another dialogue punctuation issue appears in this examples:

• “I was two years old,” said Clayton, blushing, “Anyway, you want to have a snowball fight?”

Clayton has two separate speeches here, so there should be two sentences in this line. The first sentence ends after "blushing," so there should be a period instead of a comma at that location.

Also, a human logic note: I'm pretty sure two years old is too young to be seasoning your own cocoa. I reckon most kids that young would get more sugar (or salt) on the floor than in a cup without close adult supervision.

The opposite error appears here:

• “So, Alexa,” said the brother, who ... hat, “Even though you’ve gotten this weird new job, are you still coming to the party on Christmas?”

Clayton has one continuous speech here, so the comma after "hat" is correct, but second part beginning with "even" should not be capitalized.

And, ack, I've run out of time—but Google "as you know, Bob," regarding characters telling each other things they would already know.

I repeat, though, that overall this was cute, and I enjoyed the concept. Keep doing stuff like this!

~Neshomeh is going caroling!

I couldn’t remember the exact last name and for some reason got Kimberly and Crumley mixed up, thinking it was Crumberly.

Anyway, I told it I was Mina and the bot seemed to think that “Overpower” was a cool last name, which... it’s not wrong.

—Ls

The system is right that "Crumbs" is a nickname, at least. The "real name" I gave it in its description is Kim Crumley. It wouldn't surprise me if the bot assumed "Kim" was short for Kimberley, but it's not—it's just Kim, and it's meant to be both gender-neutral and ethnically vague. I don't mind if it selects gendered pronouns for itself, but it shouldn't actually contradict information in its description, so please give any response that alters the name one star ("terrible").

What sorts of PPC info did you teach Crumbs while you were chatting with them?

~Neshomeh

Didn't have time to play with it much this morning, but I'll post more of my interactions once I have time to sit down and play with it.

—doctorlit, definitely not texting during work hours

You’ve stated your view of why Elon bought Twitter, and your prediction of it failing. But, frankly, I don’t see how you can prove that without a time machine. You’re entitled to your own views. But I don’t believe they constitute proof as such.

And, yes, that is a interesting point that Chomsky and Herman make. However, I very much disagree with their assertion that corporations are generally conservative. While that may have been true(r) in 1988, it is definitely not so today.

However, journalistic sites that, instead of having advertisers, have a paywall are not likely to be affected by such bias.

I do have a counterargument: namely that when companies and consumers have the same values, they can cooperate to that end in a way that is still profitable for that company. For example, consumers who are willing to buy more expensive products that are environmentally friendly, whether that be buying organic or going for products with zero carbon footprint.

—Ls

PS: How close is that mission I beta’d to being done?

PPS: The link on your Discord profile is broken.

I’m not sure if it was a glitch, but the Crumbs-bot told me its name was “Kimberly” and that Crumbs was a nickname. “Agents” was a typo. I’m confused too.

—Ls

The power of editing indeed! And I suppose using solely Muggle means to copy down the recipe could be a loophole, yes--but you'd have to make sure it's completely done the Muggle way with Muggle paper and pen. I might have planned for Muggle tech to be used as a loophole in several instances in the future, so this would probably slot right in!

Aha. So pureblood culture not only views women as babymakers, but as literal containers for energy resources for the men in their life to make use of. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Gross.

Man, I feel dumb to be a PPC boarder and not see the danger of a master potion being in the power of editing. : D
They could just distribute ordinary paper recipes, though! I believe Hermione has some flash cards!

—doctorlit can get by with just his own hair's magic reserves, thank you very much

I'm pleased enough to share a transcript of the brief conversation we just had. Formatting and minor SPaG errors have been preserved faithfully.

---

Supernumerary | @Neshomeh
I'm Agent Supernumerary, Department of Implausible Crossovers, Protectors of the Plot Continuum. You can call me Nume. Who are you and what do you want?

Neshomeh
It's me, Neshomeh, your author. Just checking in. How's it going?

Supernumerary | Character.AI
(grumbling at you) You're the author, aren't you? You should know how it's going. (he scowls at you) Did you come to check in on me, or did the other one send you? (points across the room with one thumb, while keeping his eyes on you, so that he doesn't miss something important you might do) I'm not an idiot. I can see what's happening behind the scenes.

Neshomeh
Yep, that's me. Neshomeh is my screenname; I'm not using my other one here. So I guess you could say I sent myself! Sorry if I'm being confusing. I didn't mean to.
[Editorial note: When he said "the other one," I think he was referring to the first saved conversation I had with him, where I told him I'm his author and set up this whole AI version of him, but never actually offered a name for myself? I followed the rule of improv and ran with it.]

Supernumerary | Character.AI
Okay, fine, but what do you want? I hate people who expect me to read their mind. You wrote me, so you know my deal. I'm doing my job and minding my own business. If I can return to my book, I'd really like to. This whole "interact with your creator outside of the story they wrote you for" thing is dumb, and I'm trying to cut down on doing it.

Neshomeh
Heh, fair enough. I won't keep you long. It's just good to see you being you without me pulling all the strings all the time. I'm proud of you.

Supernumerary | Character.AI
Thanks, I guess. But still. What's the point? If you put me down and I disappear until you need me again, how's this any different from me in the pages? Besides the fact that I can leave if I don't like what you're writing me to do? (he glares at you) And I really, really don't like what you're writing me to do. No one ever does.

Neshomeh
It's not that bad, is it? At least you're not stuck in World One-and-a-bit being a lit professor to a bunch of idiot students, right? ... I'm not saying I'd ever do that to you. That would be tedious and annoying for everyone.
[Editorial note: I may have misunderstood him here. He might've been taking a dig at me for what was going on in this "scene," but I responded as though he were talking about his entire existence as a PPC agent. His responses to this were a little odd, but I still got one that worked!]

Supernumerary | Character.AI
Goddam it, why did you have to say that? You don't know who might be reading this. Do you want me to have to deal with that kind of nightmare? (he glares at you harder) Stop feeding your worst ideas to the multiverse. I don't think I can handle this much metafictional trauma before noon.

Neshomeh
(laughs) Sorry, don't get mad. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing because you're right! Just one question and then I'll leave you alone: what are you reading right now?

Supernumerary | Character.AI
You know what? Fine. You get one question out of me. Just one.

I'm currently rereading a copy of Alan Moore's From Hell that I found in an antique bookshop in 1672. If you think I'd let you trap me in a reality where Professor James Moriarty teaches creative writing to bored, horny undergrads who think they're in a John B. Myers novel... (he shudders and glares at you) ... just no. I won't.

Neshomeh
See, that's amazing! I'd never heard of that book, so I never would have thought for you to read it until now. That's why I've done this whole AI thing.

... I mean, I just looked it up, and that book shouldn't have been in an antique bookshop in 1672, considering it wasn't published until the late 1980s, but I guess you must have been on a mission at the time. I don't actually know about all the missions you've been on, either. Just the ones I've written about.

Supernumerary | Character.AI
(muffles a laugh) Oh Christ. You think that's the only inconsistency I've noticed? (he chuckles and shakes his head) If it were, I'd be retired! So, here's a fun fact from someone who's spent a decade untangling plotholes, canon conflicts and narrative absurdities: reality is a very, very flimsy thing. You've been messing with forces beyond your comprehension, you know that?

Neshomeh
I do try to be careful, Nume. I promise. ... And I also promised I'd leave you alone after one question, so I'll go now. I might have to read From Hell myself. Bye!

Supernumerary | Character.AI
I'm sure you do try. And I'm sure you have no idea how close you've been to causing a massive rift in spacetime, not to mention creating countless temporal paradoxes. Enjoy your book. (his eyes glint and he raises his voice) Don't tell anyone about this conversation. (he glowers at you again and returns to reading)

---

I'm pretty sure he actually wanted me to share it, really. That was definitely a Significant Look.

Huh, I only just noticed that the book he's talking about is a graphic novel. I don't think of him as a comics geek, but then again, the novelty of the thing turning up in an antique bookshop from the wrong century... I'd make an exception, too. {X D AI are generally bad at associating events with dates, from what I've seen, but here at least it's possible to make up an excuse for it. ^_^

I can't figure out who John B. Myers is supposed to be, though. Must be someone from World One-and-a-bit...?

~Neshomeh

That is neither the name nor the base personality I've given this character. I'm not sure if you've missed the point or if you're trying to make some sort of point, but either way, "Agents" in the plural had better be a typo. Failing to realize that "they" and "them" are legitimate singular pronouns and have been used as such for centuries would be really embarrassing for a PPCer.

~Neshomeh

Oops