The PPC Posting Board - Latest posts

Hey there—Erica Ambrose. You could say Jacques and I have a history. I think I've seen you around FicPsych before.

Or we could all quit breaking the fourth wall and pretend this never happened. That way no one needs to feel weird about it!

There are reasons I don't advertise that I'm older than dirt, Author. Quit getting me into trouble!

~Jenni

I think it would make the most sense to only count time that can actually be contextualized with the physical reality of the world she (and her two brothers) are involved with, so we're looking more at geological time than cosmic time... and, actually, let's narrow it down further than that. I'm gonna go ahead and say, for the sake of argument, that the ability of the PTBs to conceptualize themselves as individuals has evolved more or less at the same rate as humanity's ability to conceptualize itself as a species, so we don't have to count all the time the PTBs spent as an amorphous, loosely defined "we" with no concern for or even perception of linear time. They've existed as distinct individual personalities with their own agendas concerning the material plane for (*checks Wikipedia*) something like 50,000 to 130,000 years.

I reckon Jenni's the middle child, so call her 90,000 years old? Ish?

~Neshomeh

Buddy, I’m a good two decades older than you. I’m practically cradle robbing at this point.

But hey, if you ever want to make an old lady feel young again, you know where to find me. ;)

~E

...I never thought reading a discussion of agents' ages would make me feel *young*. 170-something, by the way. Age is a bit complicated, given the Time Agency, but we're talking a discrepancy of two to seven years, so it doesn't matter too much.

Still, this is...interesting. Especially on a day when I was feeling very old.

-J

There was a time when I was blaming you constantly for giving me ridiculous ideas, after all. I'm cool with it going both ways :P

~Z

I do mostly blame you, though. ^_~

hS

At this point, specifically - I'd think non-continuous lifetimes would mostly count if she can look back on all of them. If they're alternate versions that don't overlap with current-Jenni, I'm not sure they would.

'The beginning of time' is a tricky one. Is that 14 billion years (science)? 60,000 (Middle-earth)? 8000 (the Belgariad)? Whatever it is, it seems like she's probably close to the top, possibly at the top of 'oldest active agents'.

hS

He's at least 4000, since he was around for the Biblical Exodus; he probably edges into third place.

Bloomin' immortals.

hS

He certainly acts like an old codger, and there's not a lot of other agents who do.

Up till now I assumed he was human, but a 110 y.o. human running a library seems a bit of a statistical outlier. So maybe he's something else? Or maybe he's just very old.

hS

Like how eighty would be old for a human but young for a Time Lord? (I'm not sure what species Doctor Cornelius is, so disregard if this is a silly idea.)

I have no idea how old Jenni is. ^_^; If you're only counting years spent incarnate (that I can account for), I'd guess she lands on the upper end of that 200-400 range? There are a few full, long lifetimes I'm aware of, and a much larger number of instances where she just showed up fully formed, hung around for a bit, and then presumably got bored finished what she was doing and left.

'Course, in her home universe, she's existed since the beginning of time, and we pick up with humanity around a medieval-to-renaissance level of development, so...

~Neshomeh

The longest-serving agent in the PPC is of course Makes-Things, followed by Osbert (who was the fourth agent; Elizabeth and Anya are both dead). Doctor Cornelius is, as he frequently reminds everyone, the sixteenth - which is respectable, but there's several still around from before him. He's older than all of them, though - he has at least 20 years on Osbert, for instance.

Now, whether he actually meant to claim to be oldest, age-wise, or whether he just slipped up (he's 110, after all) and refused to go back on it, is still entirely up for debate. ^_^

hS

Unless he means the oldest still around.

That was a fun read.

...And also really weird to know Ari might be the oldest listed agent on the wiki considering that she's young for a draenei. Prophet Velen is confirmed to be over 25,000 years old (since that's how long ago he took the draenei and fled their home planet) and was likely already fairly old before that happened, seeing as how he was one of the leaders of his people... Basically, lore is really iffy on how long exactly they can live, but a few times it's been thrown out that they're immortal barring accidents.

The actual current oldest agent is still to play for. My quick Wiki trawl didn't turn up anyone older than Ix's Arinellya, but there's enough literal immortals - organic or machine - in the multiverse that I wouldn't be at all surprised if we had one.

Come to think of it, Agent Thoth is 'several thousand', which earns him second place on the current list (ahead of the Guardsman, but after Arinellya). Chliever is non-canon, but about the same age.

Who else? Mel, Endomiel, and Ril-gania are DMFF agents of undefined age, but may be as old as Middle-earth in their own story, so ~54,000. Not confirmed, though. Rashida is 2400+, putting her on a par with Huinesoron and Zing's Caliquendi.

Discounting Mel and her sisters (they're out-and-out Suvians, and definitely don't act like they've been around since the start of time), my top 10 list of confirmed oldest active agents is:

1 Arinyella: ~8000 years
2 Thoth: Probably 5000-10000.
3 Guardsman: 4156.
4&5 Gurnirel & Naergondir: ~2700.
6 Huinesoron: 2620.
7 Rashida: 2400
8&9 The Agent & The Disentangler: 1000+
10 The Notary: 682.

After that there's a lot of people in the 200-400 range, who'll be night-impossible to sort out. And to be honest, all of the 'generic elf' types are probably 3000-odd - there don't seem to have been many elves born in the Third Age. But for actual hard numbers, that's what I've got. :)

hS

Now I wish I'd made Edward and Kat spend tens of thousands of years in an ancient time loop. Only problem with that: they'd die of old age within days of reaching the PPC. Which would spoil it a little.

I wouldn't be at all surprised, though, if there's someone from an ancient continuum hiding in the distant corridors of HQ who's been there for millions of years, so I wouldn't award a victory to anyone just yet...

"Boy!"

Lorelei rolled her eyes hard and leant across the table. "First of all, I'm not a boy-"

"I can't exactly call you 'man', can I?" Doctor Cornelius huffed. "Ridiculous!"

"For this, I quit DUI?" Lorelei muttered. "Ugh, whatever. Secondly, I'm right here, there's no need to shout. And thirdly," she rapped her knuckles on the table, "we're off-duty; stop ordering me around."

"Off-duty?" Doctor Cornelius seemed to swell up, almost floating out of his seat. "A true librarian is never off-duty! Why, any moment a rare book could cross your path, and-"

"We're in a pub," Lorelei pointed out. "Books, maybe, but rare books?"

"Don't you sass me, boy!" Doctor Cornelius snapped. "I'm the oldest agent, you know! I didn't stay with the PPC all these years so a mere child could-"

"'scuse me." The young woman - though how Doctor Cornelius would describe her, Lorelei couldn't imagine - at the next table leant back in her chair, waving one hand. "Dr. Cornelius, isn't it? Did I just hear you say you're the... oldest agent?"

"One hundred and ten today!" Doctor Cornelius confirmed, his chest puffing up under his beard. "Well, probably today - this place is a nightmare for timelines, you know."

"You don't look a day over 90," the agent said with a smile. "But I don't think that makes you the oldest agent, I'm afraid."

"What?!" If the doctor had swelled up before, he now seemed fit to burst. "I haven't given my life to the PPC just so I can be dismissed by-"

"Nonono!" The agent threw up her hands. "No dismissing, promise! It's just that, well, there are agents quite a bit older than you."

"Nonsense," Doctor Cornelius puffed. "Why, I daresay you couldn't show me a single one!"

"Um." The agent tapped the arm of the taller woman next to her. "Selene? I think that's your cue."

The second agent put down her glass - which, Lorelei noted, was filled with a very red liquid - and turned. "Selene Morgana Lilith Perdita X Windflower," she said, nodding to the doctor. "I think what Kaitlyn wants me to say is that I'm nearly..." She stopped, glancing at said partner. "You're just going to correct me if I bend the truth, aren't you?"

"That's what I'm here for," Kaitlyn agreed, grinning.

"Fine." Selene pushed a lock of hair back from her face, her fingers brushing over the brasswork implanted there. "Then I'm a little over two hundred and fifty." She looked at the doctor's reddening face, glanced away. "Like you say, precise calculations are tricky around here."

"You think you have it bad?" A third woman (who, Lorelei noticed, had black hair just like Kaitlyn and Selene - she was starting to feel left out) ambled over. "I've spent half my life roaming around the time vortex, I can't even get my age to within a decade." She swung down into an empty chair and took a swig of her drink. "I've been 'about four hundred' since I joined the PPC."

Selene nodded to the newcomer. "Agent Morgan," she said. "My partner's... I think she's trying to make her new friend here feel young." She frowned slightly, pursing her lips. "Or she's just nitpicking. Hard to tell."

Morgan snorted. "If it's young you want, you should come visit the Continuity Council," she said. "Dis and the Agent won't tell me how old they actually are, but I know it's up around a thousand." Her lip twitched into a smile. "And Grey definitely should be twice that, even if she isn't."

"Oh, I think we can do better than that." Kaitlyn got to her feet, then clambered onto her chair and waved vigorously. "Hey! Huinesoron! You're needed!"

She slid back down into her seat and looked around at the others. "What? I needed him."

A tall elf (whose brown hair was so dark it was almost - sigh - black) wove his way between the tables towards them. "Kaitlyn," he said, a hint of wariness in his face. "I'm guessing you're not about to offer me a drink."

"Maybe in a minute," Kaitlyn said, grabbing his hand and pulling him over. "Doctor Cornelius, this is Huinesoron, from over in DOGA. He's just celebrated his two thousand, six hundred and twentieth birthday."

"That's not-" Huinesoron shook his head. "That's just an estimate," he assured the doctor, "and it's not actually my birthday-"

"Might be," Kaitlyn said stubbornly. "Anyway, I reckon that makes you older than anyone."

Huinesoron tilted his head to the side. "Gurnirel and Naergondir over in SIELU might be older," he said. "They were born before me, we're pretty sure, but I waited longer to join the Protectors, so..."

"And you can't say older than anyone," Morgan put in. "The Guardsman - over in Internal Affairs? - has definitely topped four thousand."

"There's a draeni in Bad Slash who's passed eight," Selene proffered. "And I think- Kaitlyn, what are you doing?"

Kaitlyn continued tapping at her communicator. "Oh, you know what I'm doing."

"... please don't." Selene's fingers rapped on the tabletop. "Come on, Kaitlyn, there's no need to-"

A portal opened between the tables, and a (yep) black-haired elf stepped out. "Priestess," he said, nodding to Kaitlyn. "Huinesoron. ... Selene."

"Dafydd." Selene looked steadfastly down at her drink. "Hi."

"Given that I've been summoned to a bar," Dafydd Illian said, looking around, "I'm going to assume 'dire emergency' is code for 'come have a drink."

"Well, you're welcome to," Kaitlyn said, "but there really is an emergency. We're arguing about who the oldest agent is."

Dafydd arched an eyebrow. "I'm not an agent any more."

"You still count." Kaitlyn flicked her fingers towards him. "Come on, I remember your speech to the Grey Lady. 'I was born two thousand years before the Sun rose, and have lived through six Ages of-'"

"I can't believe you still know that." Dafydd didn't quite wince. "It comes to 15,000 years, give or take." He glanced around the group, taking in Huinesoron (looking slightly awestruck), Morgan (slightly impressed), and Doctor Cornelius (slightly sick). "Do I win?"

<<Er...>>

A hazy form coalesced above the table, taking on roughly humanoid shape. It didn't really have enough detail to show hair colour, which at this point, Lorelei was happy to call a win. The group reacted with varying degrees of confusion, except for Morgan, who nodded politely, and Dafydd, who waved a greeting.

"Fëamintë," he said, smiling. "What brings you here?"

<<Your wife sent me,>> the Maia formerly known as Agent Vemi said. <<Something about running out on her?>>

"She said there was an emergency," Dafydd pointed out, gesturing at Kaitlyn. "I'd never turn down an opportunity like that."

<<She said something about chopping onions,>> Fëamintë noted. <<You should probably get back. But.>>

Dafydd looked abruptly wary. "But?"

<<But I was created ere Arda was sung,>> the Maia said softly, <<and walked with Oromë until we fought for the Children at Utumno.>> She held up one glowing hand, fingers outstretched. <<Time had little meaning in the ages of Lamps and Trees, but even by conservative estimate, that makes me over 44,000 Years of the Sun in age.>> She looked around the group, her eyes glowing with pale fire. <<I think that means I win.>>

Dafydd chewed on his lip, then sighed and nodded. Most of the others looked on in awe or confusion-

-except for Doctor Cornelius, who rose to his feet with a face like thunder. "You can't do this to me!" he declared. "I don't have to take this! I was the sixteenth agent, you know!"

---

This story is somewhat inspired by Snowblaze, Zingenmir, and Iximaz. Mentioned agents who aren't mine remain the fault of their respective owners.

hS

I’d like to take another look when you finished editing.

HG (should have refreshed before posting)

I’d like to take another look when you finished editing.

HG

Also, HI JUMPER! LONG TIME NO SEE!

But first, SPOILER WALL!


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It was definitely an interesting finale, and if I didn't know season six was in the making, I'd find it a good closure for the series. The fusions, the revivals, the old and the new... maaan, I just got teary because in a way, Blue words in the beginning were so full of trans-people support undertones ("She prefers to be called Steven") versus White's confirmation of the already set norms... Ugh, that was just beautiful.

Also, you've spelled Lapis Lazuli wrong, when mentioning best Gem, my friend :D

It would also make sense timeline-wise: if the colonists were going to name anything 'the Pernese Alps', it would be the big mountain range they first settled on. (Of course, if they were American, they'd probably be the Pernese Rockies, with Benden being in the Pernese Appalachians.)

I did think very much of you when deciding to post it. ;) Sadly I think the base image is a bit low res to be worth printing out, and I can't find a better version. Still, it worked much better than I expected!

hS