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Prompt 1:

Death is very old, and over its long existence it been many things--male and female and neither, old and young and ageless, physical and ethereal.

But, for the moment, Death has taken the form of an older woman. She has light-brown skin and dark, curly hair starting to go gray; she is plump, wears gingham dresses and sensible shoes, and seems to be in constant motion. This is a good thing, since she has a lot of work to do. Escorting souls into the afterlife involves a lot of paperwork. Lately, she has been somewhat irritable due to overwork. She is thinking of taking on an assistant, so that she has the time to sit down, drink tea, and read a book.

I can’t offer much in the way of gifts except for some pocket lint and, er, this bowl of expired Glockamole that definitely hasn’t been sitting on my counter, but may you spork well and spork long!

So, speaking of PPC Agents - if your (and this is a general you, although I'll admit to a fair bit of curiosity as to one particular agent of Neshomeh's) Agents were to somehow wind up as Servants, what classes do you think they'd end up as? And, assuming you feel like doing the work to go over everything, what do you suppose their stats, Noble Phantasms, and Skills would be? I'll probably post my conjectures about mine later, when I get off my butt and do the work for it have the time, but I'd like to see what other people think of theirs.

If you feel like checking them out, on this page, there's a table with the base stats for the core Servant classes, although you have to scroll down a bit, and on this page, you can find a very large list of skills from which you might derive inspiration. The Class Skills for the seven core classes are as follows:

Saber: Magic Resistance, Riding
Lancer: Magic Resistance
Archer: Independent Action, Magic Resistance
Rider: Riding, Magic Resistance
Assassin: Presence Concealment
Caster: Item Construction, Territory Creation
Berserker: Madness Enhancement

You don't have to kill the masters, but the servants (at least, those copies of the heroic spirits) have to be killed. Otherwise the war can't function.

How does that actually manifest as useful abilities? He can diagnose the other players' non-existent illnesses really well, and then what? Attack with his cutting sarcasm?

... Wait, that might work. Part of his whole thing is knowing right where to poke a sharp verbal stick when he wants to. Give that magical empowerment, and it could cripple the opposition. And then the playing field is, um, equally abled? {= )

~Neshomeh

Most intellectuals are summoned as the Caster Class, see Edison, Tesla, and Sherlock Holmes (When not a Ruler).

The ultimate pacifist summon: Farscape's Pilot (and living ship Moya), Rider class. Noble Phantasm: Starburst. Strategy: Run away. Really, really fast. Maybe in a way that leads our opponents into a cunning trap, if we're lucky. ^_^

If I had to pick one of the crew... 'Course D'Argo would make a great Berserker or Saber, depending on which season we're in; and you could pick Zhaan as a Caster or Chiana or Rygel as an Assassin; Aeryn would have to be a Rider (flies ships good) or an Archer (shoots guns good), I think... but I gotta go with Crichton. He'd be a Rider, because he flies a one-man spacecraft of his own invention, sometimes through wormholes. His Noble Phantasm is a galaxy-devouring wormhole weapon. You don't wanna be standing too close to that when it goes off.

A really strong choice might be Scorpius as a Caster, on the principle that sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic. Noble Phantasm: Aurora Chair—we now know everything about you and your plans, thanks! But since he would absolutely betray me if he thought it would further his own goals, that's a BAD choice.

Could also go with Crais as Berserker or Rider, depending. The latter would be pretty awesome, but too spoilery to go into in detail.

Holy Grail War in Space!

~Neshomeh

Have a power sword and a meme:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w5JYp8HgfU

As Shiro points out, there's no rule that says you HAVE to kill the other Masters, and as for the Servants, they're spirits. At worst it's banishment back to wherever they came from. I reckon there's a song for that, so it doesn't have to be cruel or bloody. ^_^

That thing you point out could be a problem, in which case the only solution is, again, Shiro's. That's fine, too.

~Neshomeh thinks winning by compromising your principles is actually losing. Sorry, Ahriman; sorry, Kiritsugu.

Nagisa Shiota from Assassination Classroom - as an Assassin, obviously. Both a sweet kid and an incredible assassin, and, I recall, an excellent teacher.

Let me introduce you to a term from a setting I like: "termination attempt".
Basically we all pitched in ideas to... shall we call it, 'terminate' the subject in question. We tried everything and it still hasn't dropped.
So we're not lying.

Speaking of dropping, you can wait until he returns from his involuntary tour of Sol.

I actually did think of that. The thing is, Robinton is definitely willing to die for his beliefs. But is he willing to kill for them? Is he willing to look people in the eye, many of whom he may consider good and honorable, and deceive them, lead them to their deaths?

I don't know if he'd do it.

Also (FS/N spoilers: You're fine if you've played Fate route, watched DEEN, or seen UBW) Gur tenvy vf npghnyyl pbeehcgrq hayrff gur onggyr vf frg orsber gur 3eq UTJ. Fb vg qbrfa'g znggre vs lbh pna guvax bs n tbbq jnl gb qb vg, gur erfhyg jvyy fgvyy or orag, jnecrq, gjvfgrq, naq rivy.

Why is spoilers of Heaven's Feel, so I'm not going into it (although it is vaguely alluded to in Zero).

But this is an ideal world, so don't worry about that.

... in the Servant Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is. Although perhaps his music might even be powerful enough to count as a sonic attack, if push comes to shove, as that's how I interpret Mozart's attacks.

Of course, it might be that I don't want Robinton compared to Shakespeare because how dare he do that to Berserker!

The only alternative I could think of is Beserker (on account of the fact that Bad Wolf is very much Rose sacrificing sanity for power. But it feels wrong.

And his trusty sidekick, Wilson?

... Actually, I have no idea how that would work. And he'd be a pain in the ass anyway. {= /

~Neshomeh

I've explained my first choice here. My second choice is Suicide from Gates of Fire (that's the original, not the PPC agent, though that would be fun, too).

My first impulse was that he'd be a Berserker, but I think there's a good case for him being a Lancer. His weapon of choice is the darning needles (basically short spears), for starters, but more than that, Lancer is a pretty well-rounded class, and he's a pretty well-rounded guy. In addition to being unstoppable in a fight, he's also a battlefield medic and a bit of a philosopher (if you can ever get him talking enough to show it). The thing that sets him apart is that he just won't freaking die, and I reckon that qualifies for a Noble Phantasm. You'd basically have to throw an entire army at him to stop him once he gets going, and even then you might not kill him. Luck and possibly the gods are on his side.

~Neshomeh

He'd be a Caster the same way that Shakespeare is a Caster in Apocrypha, and while at first glance it might seem like there's a massive power discrepancy between him and many of the other characters mentioned so far, lemme explain why I think it doesn't matter.

The Caster class isn't about martial power, it's about magic and manipulation. Caster!Robinton is going to use magically-amped song, story, and sheer charisma to persuade you to his point of view. We don't have to fight, you know. Surely there's a better way to settle things. And, if we get the Grail, things will be better for everyone. Come, have a glass of wine with me and listen to what I propose...

And, if that doesn't work, there's always his Noble Phantasm, which I'm gonna call Friends in High Places. One thing that marks Robinton out as a unique person is that even the dragons of Pern recognize him and honor him. Dragons spoke to him to keep him from slipping away after his heart attack—and that's not a thing they just do, ever. If he gets into trouble, guess who's coming to help? ^_^

I reckon he'd be on board with my wish, too, which I've put a lot of thought into. As I understand it, the Grail can only carry out your wish by means you yourself are capable of imagining, so with the help of the Masterharper, I'm gonna come up with an air-tight way to ask for all the governments of the world to be bound to prioritize education for all, health & safety & civil rights (these things are intrinsically linked), and the environment henceforth. That way, we MIGHT be able to pull ourselves out of the mess we've made of things without any overly drastic upheaval.

~Neshomeh should remember not to drink caffeine at night.

The canon in question is an original work I'm, well, working on. Parts of it would serve as Amber's backstory when I prepare her bio as an Agent.

First of all, massive thanks to Quincy for suggesting this. Second of all, this will be slightly different to my usual style of prompts, so we'll see how it goes. Instead of the usual prompt that will make most people think of a small story to write about, these prompts are aimed at shorter responses. So, here goes:

Prompt 1: Describe Death as a character.

Prompt 2: Describe an alien/ancient monument

Prompt 3: Describe an umbrella that is more than it seems.

Prompt 4: Describe something that should never have been.

Have fun!

Nova

Now, there are a couple of fantastic options here. Of course, I could summon Iskandar in the rider class. Because Fate is a work of fiction, and while he's based on a real character, he's definitely fictional.

Magnus The Red could be summoned as either a Caster or a Beserker—although I'd hew Caster, myself. So there's that.

Ahzek Ahriman could be summoned as a Caster, or an Avenger. Again, Caster is probably the better of the two, at least for me.

Another Caster I could summon is Masterharper Robinton. Because why not? Actually, the answer is that he's not on the level of the other spirits he'd be facing. So it may not be the best idea... But you'd get to see Robinton!

So there are a lot of them... but I'd probably go for Ahriman or Iskandar at the end of the day. Ahriman has a shockingly wholesome reason to want the grail, and while both of them could be damaging to the world at large, I trust both of them more than Magnus, who might try to start some kind of psychic eugenics program.

Please have this self-updating guidebook of all the deathtraps in the multiverse. Portal to Ironic Death for all Agets wanting to dispatch glitterbags. And paperwork. And maybe some of the Flowers...

Or would you suggest something else?

He once declined an invitation to receive an award from Texas lawmakers because they were discussing a bathroom bill at the time.
~Ak

I just read Phobos' original post. He specifically asks which of the "seven standard classes" they are. So Foreigner is disqualified.