Subject: I think I can help.
Author:
Posted on: 2014-11-19 20:54:00 UTC
My email is poorcynic(at)me(dot)com (substituting appropriate punctuation where necessary).
Subject: I think I can help.
Author:
Posted on: 2014-11-19 20:54:00 UTC
My email is poorcynic(at)me(dot)com (substituting appropriate punctuation where necessary).
Hey all,
While I was waiting for things to work out for my collab partners, I decided to work on a new mission. This is technically the fifth mission in chronological order, but it's the third one I've worked on solo.
Scarlet Disgrace
I'm pleased to report that my Floaters have recruited a new agent who is open for adoption - a vampiric Replacement of Robin! Notable characteristics of this adoptable are as follows:
- Derived from Robin from the Teen Titans animated series, but was turned into a vampire.
- Three years older than the canonical Robin, likely taller and more well-built.
- Pale skin and long black hair; left eye is missing, right eye is red.
- Has vampire fangs and drinks blood; can use limited shadow manipulation.
- Originally stated to die when exposed to sunlight, but this can be modified (he was sent to Medical upon being recruited to treat this effect).
- Can be dressed in any outfit his new owner wishes, but prefers to dress in black and similar to a DC superhero.
- Owns a black cat and former CAF named Sparda, with prominent fangs, like this.
If anyone who has an interest and knowledge in the DC Comics continuum is interested in adopting this character, feel free to send an adoption request to my e-mail (skarmorysilver@gmail.com)!
And in the meantime, I've started up a new RC as well! I wanted to test out the idea I posted on the Board a while ago (before Des derailed the thread, which he had every right to do; my sympathies go out to him once again). The idea here is that an agent accidentally sends a Sue-Wraith into the PPC HQ and ends up being partnered with her as a punishment; the Sue, meanwhile, is bound by canon and forced into work as an agent herself. So, without further ado:
When Good Banishments Go Bad
Agent bios for RC #133,316,666
Now that their intro is out of the way, I've decided to open up requests for Suefics that this agent pair can take care of. At least 5 chapters, rated T or lower, and please explain why the Sue should be killed. I've decided to take a thread from Huinesoron and have the requests be filled out via an Intelligence Report, so please find the template for that below.
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Fic: [Title & link]
Continuum: [Continuum/-a]
Description: [Your summary]
Targeted Sue/Sue-Wraith: [include the name, or the characters the Sue-Wraith is possessing]
Plot Holes: [Brief description of the biggest holes in the plot]
Characterization Errors: [Brief description of the biggest flaws in the characterization of affected canonical characters]
Offenses Against Canon: [Brief description of the biggest breaks from canon]
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Thanks for your time, and here's to a profitable career of Sue-slaying! :)
-SS
NOTE: Everything I am about to say is not meant with any vitriol or mean-spiritedness. I am merely responding as honestly as possible. Sometimes I can be a bit blunt in my expression. If I offend in any way, I apologize. It is not intentional on my part.
Like hS, I think this is going to have to be split between the mission and the stuff with your new agents. I’m going to start with the new agents stuff first because it’s a bit shorter, plus because I honestly need a bit of breather to clear my head after reading your fic.
Let’s start off with the story itself. First off, I feel that the scene with Harry and E.V.L.!Cho could have been a lot more dramatic if the audience wasn’t immediately tipped off to this being not the real Cho. Had she kept the facade up for a bit longer before going into the evil gloating, it might have held a bit more shock. Also, the contents of the paragraph that begins “As she opened the door to the hospital wing” are pretty much repeated beat for beat in her following dialogue with Harry; trading her soul, convincing Mad-Eye, and so forth.
Why does Rayner use the Patronus charm instead of a Binding spell? I guess that might have to do with the “aggression ahead of tactics” thing that the original Rainbow Dash had, but I still have to ask.
How does Rayner survive fighting an unkillable Mary Sue demon hand-to-hand for three solid minutes? Three minutes is a long time in physical combat, especially when your opponent is essentially Satan. No PPC agent survives that.
Minor SPaG note: it’s “Ukrainian Ironbelly,” not “Ukranian Ironbelly.”
Overall, it’s not great. Too much of this doesn’t make sense. In addition to all the questions I had above: If E.V.L. is so dangerous, why was Rayner alone? She sounds like the kind of Sue that should have been tackled by multiple groups and not a single person. Also, why do the Flowers capture the wraith instead of destroying or incapacitating it (I’ll touch on that again later)?
As for Rayner and E.V.L. themselves… they’re not good characters. Not at all.
Both of them are tremendously overpowered. First, we have a supersonic speedster who can become a blood-fueled berzerker apparently capable of “destroying everything and everyone between him and his perceived prey.” While that might be interpreted as a weakness, it’s not something that’s going to make me fear for Rayner’s safety. It makes me fear for those around him. Somebody that potentially dangerous to everyone around him… why would he even be recruited?
Rayner is also boring to me because he is, as you say, a male version of Rainbow Dash. It feels uninspired, like you just swapped out a few tertiary details but kept all the major personality bits from the original canonical character. The only major things that feel different are his gender, his being human, his desire for vengeance, and the berzerker powers. I don’t mind if a character is a badfic rescuee, but I want to see original characterization and not an canonical wearing a new suit.
E.V.L… that seems pretty self-explanatory. She’s literally an unkillable Mary Sue demon. Even discounting that the PPC would not recruit an obvious Mary Sue spirit (‘cause, you know, the job and all), unkillable is not interesting. If a character is not imperiled by their task in some way, then there’s no point to the story. Performing the duty is like brushing one’s teeth; not even menial enough to be potentially humorous in a vaguely bureaucratic way.
Also, I’m going to have to agree with what hS said below. The PPC potentially has access to every piece of canonical magic and technology ever made. The PPC has destroyed Sues with the power of gods before this point. There are lots of continuums that have rules for permanently destroying demons. The PPC would find a way to kill (or eternally imprison) her. If all else fails, there are the Reality Rooms.
These characters also, to my mind, don’t fit the PPC universe. Rayner seems to be, when you boil him down, a grim berzerker. Grim characters only really work in the PPC as it stands when their attitude is played for laughs. They become snarky straight men – see Derik for an example, or even Supernumerary and Xericka to some extent.
E.V.L. is completely out of place, and not just because she’s a Sue. I was very dismayed to see “sadism” and “serial killer” being used to describe her. PPC agents are not torturers. PPC agents do not kill for fun or for sport. Psychopathic agents are not fun to read.
One final minor point: why is E.V.L. from the Bible? The PPC doesn’t do Bible missions of any stripe. There are too many worms in that particular can.
I'd very much like to know your answers to the following questions: why did you create these characters? What sort of missions do you see them tackling as agents? How do they fit into the PPC as a whole?
Thank you for your time.
PC
I am not offended, don't worry, but I am *very* concerned for my agents now that these issues have been brought up, and if the execution didn't fly with you, then I offer my apologies for it. The general idea I was thinking of here was that the Sue would be accidentally life-bound to Rayner - the very reason she cannot be killed off is because Rayner would have to be killed as well, and I don't know if the DMS can afford to lose an agent. The long list of abilities I did for both of my agents may have been a habit stemming from my own fiction doing similar things - the power levels of just about everyone are that overboard because they need to be. I doubt this is the case in the PPC, so I'll probably brainstorm remedies for this for each of my agents.
Looking back, Rayner being OP was due to giving him all of the characteristics of Rainbow Dash by default, something most MLP humanizations don't do (even Equestria Girls avoided this until the climax). If it's better that he doesn't have any superhuman abilities to begin with, which I'm sure it is for this context, then I can live with it. That being said, the frenzy mode is one of the things that made him unique in the first place, and I'll probably keep it for the sake of drama, but if it endangers other people then I may have to at least change it. What if instead, the frenzy mode primarily endangers himself, Leeroy Jenkins style? He could end up charging into situations he can't win, underestimate what the targeted Sue is capable of, and get himself hurt. A lot. Like Eren's Titan form, it would be interesting to explore the frenzy mode and its consequences as a plot device, with his partner constantly trying to keep his instincts from ruining the mission. Maybe there could even be a mission with an unforseen setback in that the very setting triggers the frenzy mode, and Rayner's partner will have to keep him restrained and finish the mission herself at the same time.
While Rayner is a badfic rescuee, techincally speaking, it's also true that he could use some characteristics to distinguish him from the canon he is based off of. To pull ideas out of the air, he's been through a lot of nasty stuff, so one thing I could think of is that he was severely broken by his past and PPC experiences. To this end, an Eren Yager-like "I must kill ALL OF THE SUES" mentality would be a good start - a Suvian character did kill his last partner, after all.
Regarding E.V.L., I initially thought that being unkillable was the reason she was recruited in the first place. But again, it wouldn't make for an interesting story, because she's supposed to be at risk too most of the time. As noted, the life-binding idea is one that I'd like to explore in the missions proper, especially since it would help me experiment with a hero/villain team-up like I intended. However, if she can't be killed, it wouldn't make a good story, while if she is killed straight away, I can't explore her character. Hmmmm... How about I make it a two-way connection? The life binding could mean that if either Rayner or E.V.L. dies, the other dies as well. So not only would this give the Flowers a reason not to just dispose of her (because it would mean having to also get rid of one of their own agents), but Rayner would also have a reason to protect her himself.
E.V.L.'s inclusion in the PPC was a means of exploring how an openly antagonistic character would react and adjust to being forced to fight on the side of good, or in this case how a bona fide Mary Sue (not an ex-Suvian like Anjilly's Joyce Reesin, but an actual Sue) would feel about killing stuff on par with the very material that created her in the first place. The fact that she's bound by canon will probably prevent her from using much of her powers at all, which would also force her to make do without being OP (and this goes doubly for disguises, which would prevent her from using her powers at all), so I could have her lament that she can't use her Suvian abilities only to be shot down by Rayner telling her that it was for her own good.
So overall, E.V.L. would probably be the of "Broken Bird" stereotype, since while the snarky straight man approach was proposed for Rayner, I think it fits better with her instead, as I see Rayner as being the more eager and passionate of the two when it comes to assassination. I also apologize for not realizing that sadistic Sue torturing is not something the PPC would approve of, so I'm getting rid of her sadism entirely.
Rayner's Patronus charm is consistent with his aggressive tactics, and is also based on Sandra and Freckles's exorcism selection and the Bella Black Driftwood mission, since this does take place in the Harry Potter continuum. I will probably also have to retcon the prologue so it would make more sense in light of all of the above information - Rayner would probably have a harder time fighting E.V.L. straight on, and given the above information, he'd probably get Worf'd in ten seconds flat. XD
The revised frenzy mode, as you describe it, sounds less like a berserker state and more like just how early-series Rainbow Dash actually is (I have no idea who Eren is, so I can't comment on the comparison there). I'm not really sure what to suggest in this case. It might just take some experimentation to see what works for Rayner's character.
I'm still confused why E.V.L. needs to be a Mary Sue in the first place, especially since most of her Sue powers would be bound away. Why not just make her a regular canon-based demon? She can still end up being bound to Rayner through the whole blood magic thing. She can still antagonistic towards the PPC and its goals, albeit in a "this is all pointless, my dark masters will destroy everything eventually" kind of way. I might even argue that it provides a better story explanation as to why the Flowers would recruit her.
Consider the following. I'm guessing you're a Troper based on your referencing of "Broken Bird." I think that's the wrong trope to approach in this regard (especially since that E.V.L. doesn't really fit the definition as given; what traumatic event in her past besides "being captured" would make her cynical? Her strength hardly seems facade-like to me). Look at this more like a Boxed Crook scenario. The Flowers could just have E.V.L. banished to a pocket dimension prison or something. She won't die, but neither will she threaten the order of canon. However, she is allowed to go relatively free (albeit in a reduced state) in exchange for her services fighting Sues. Hardly much of a choice there, but killing these "Sues" is better than spending all of eternity outside of space and time.
Just some idea I wanted to spitball. It's ultimately up to you.
I've found a badfic that qualifies for my DMS team's first mission - so now I have something to work with as an experiment for developing my revised agents' character. Given how helpful your feedback was in this respect, I wonder if you can beta-read the mission once it's ready? Thanks again~ :)
Let Rise a New Alicorn - since it's from Rayner's home continuum, it should be a pretty good start. A human named Tara ends up falling through a magic mirror into Equestria, there's a seventh Element of Harmony, Sombra comes back (or is replaced), Twilight gets abused, and so on and so forth. Fun times.
My email is poorcynic(at)me(dot)com (substituting appropriate punctuation where necessary).
(I go out to have dinner with some friends, and my thread gets derailed by a discussion about the origins of Lilith in Babylonian mythology? Geez, you guys... XD)
Anyway, the idea behind E.V.L. being explicitly Suvian was to provide a unique viewpoint as far as PPC characters go. Most Sues who get recruited by the PPC are willing to balance their abilities and character for the sake of storytelling. E.V.L., on the other hand, had to have her power restrained by force, and similar to what you suggested, she would believe that ridding the world of badfic would ultimately be a Sisyphean ordeal. Essentially, she hates doing the Duty, but has no choice on the matter and nothing else to do.
Yeah, I do use Tropes a lot, and it's how I found the PPC in the first place. The Boxed Crook trope does sound more appropriate now that I've looked it up, and the pocket dimension prison works pretty well for her too. I could have her mention that since the Flowers can't afford to sacrifice Rayner, they offer to either imprison her or have her actively help her captor kill badfic. The latter, of course, being the lesser of two evils.
Ultimately, the way I usually develop my characters is through an active process, letting them gain strengths and weaknesses as they go. I could probably compromise the dilemma of either E.V.L. being a Sue or an ordinary OC by having her start with a Suvian mentality, believing that these characters aren't as bad as they seem, but gradually changes her opinion once she finds out how awful most of them really are. Likewise, Rayner adjusting to his condition will likely be a subplot throughout my DMS missions, with E.V.L. attempting to help even if she doesn't know what the Hell she's supposed to do about it.
I guess it was my mistake to post the initial bios without having them beta-reviewed, sorry to say. I'll remember to be more careful with those next time! ^^;
I see that you've made a lot of the changes that you said you would. However, you seem to have missed a question that PC raised--a question that I would like to see answered as well. What do you mean when you refer to E.V.L.'s home canon as the Bible. I'm guessing that you added the (extended canon) part as a fix, but IMO, that only makes things more confusing.
The (extended canon) bit was actually there from her conception, as the canonical Lilith is technically a canon from the extended Biblical mythos (she first appeared in the Babylonian Talmud and was since adopted by Jewish mythology), and E.V.L. was technically intended as a Character Replacement of that particular figure.
If that doesn't work out, I could always go with Dante's Divine Comedy as her home continuum, as it's the most appropriate one I could think of. No pressure ^^;
If that's the case, then perhaps you can list her home continuum as "Babylonian mythology," especially given that the current canon designation is a bit confusing and that the Lilith-demon is not mentioned in the Bible, AFAIK. (BTW, nowhere in the bio do you mention that E.V.L. is based off of the mythological Lilith. You might want to add that detail.)
Ah, Lilith. Whether she's mentioned in the Torah is... basically the whole question. Her existence in the Talmud comes about because of the structure of Genesis 1+2. It goes like this:
-God creates the world.
-God creates humanity, male and female.
-Adam wanders around alone.
-God creates Eve from Adam.
The observation that this seems to imply two creations of women - one simultaneously with Adam, one significantly after - is what led to the Lilith story. She's 'Adam's first wife', created alongside him - and since she was later replaced, she must have done something really bad. Quite how that translated into 'dominatrix who consorts with demons', I'm not really sure.
(Of course, it's just possible the narrative at that point isn't strictly linear... no? No, of course not, that would be ridiculous. Demons it is, then)
hS
The Babylonian Talmud is the version of the Talmud - essentially the written version of the Jewish oral tradition - that has its origin in Babylon (as opposed to the Jerusalem Talmud). It's basically The Tanakh: Extended Edition. (This is the 'really really basic explanation', you should probably find someone, uh, Jewish to give a better version).
Babylonian mythology, on the other hand, is the place where Gilgamesh, Ishtar, Marduk and the like hang out; it's related to Jewish mythology only by virtue of coming from the same general geographical region.
Basically this would be like saying 'Oh, Harry Potter? You could say he comes from Discworld, then', since they're both British series with a school for wizards in. ;)
hS
/clears throat/ Okay, let's do this.
Essentially, your basic explanation is pretty accurate. The Babylonian Talmud was the one written by the Jews who were exiled to Babylon; the Jerusalem Talmud was not actually written in Jerusalem, but it was written by the Jews who stayed in Israel (it's just that they mostly weren't in Jerusalem by that point, but rather in varying places across the country).
The Talmud itself is actually an expansion of the Mishnah, which was the written-down version of the oral tradition/oral Torah; Rabbi Judah HaNasi codified the Mishnah due to the rising fear that all the rabbis would be killed, and the tradition would be lost. However, the oral Torah was actually not supposed to be written down...so he wrote it in as few words as possible. This caused much confusion for later generations.
The Talmuds were later written in order to a, figure out exactly what the Mishnah's talking about, and b, to discuss such things as whether the law must be updated for the current time. Both were written over quite a number of centuries and generations, which are actually divided into at least five or six categories (with the modern-day scholars being part of the last one). They feature different people, slightly different styles of Aramaic, and one will occasionally cover a topic from the Mishnah that the other doesn't (most notably the topic of laws that only apply in Israel). The Talmud also provides insight into the people involved in the conversations it records (the coolest description I've ever heard of it was something like 'the Talmud makes it sound like all the rabbis of various time periods and places are sitting together and conversing.'
This, of course, is occasionally coupled with stories, which are generally meant to teach you something but also sometimes say funny or interesting things about the rabbis in the stories). I don't entirely know how it is in other schools, but in my high school Talmud classes we ended up with a lot of laughter and many inside jokes. (I don't mean to imply that we didn't learn a lot, because we did; we just had a whole lot of fun doing it).
The Talmud (both of them) follows the structure of the Mishnah, and is divided into sections ("orders"), which are then divided into smaller sections ("tractates"). Each tractate can easily span 1-3 volumes, although they admittedly come published with commentary; I believe there are 62 tractates in total, although my numbers could be off. Either way, it's very, very long. (Tanakh, Extended Edition indeed!) The Talmud as a whole is, along with the Mishnah and, of course, the Tanakh, one of the most important books in Judaism, even today. Why? Because whatever law you can possibly be unsure of, it's been discussed and recorded in there. And even if it hasn't, there'll be something similar that can help you out.
Due to the Talmud's length, there have been a whole lot of people who made halakhah/law books--sort of 'Talmud: Condensed Edition', if you will. The lengthier of these are usually just going through the Talmud--yes, all of it--and recording only the decisions. Did I say 'just'? Ha. No. It's a huge job, and probably took years.
But why, you ask, would anyone have to record the decisions? Surely they'd only have to filter out the stories?
Well, no. I mean, yes, a lot of the stories don't contain rulings on law. However, you remember when I mentioned conversations earlier? Yup. That's what the majority of the Talmud is: two rabbis have an argument. One says that tree branches cannot be collected on a holiday under any circumstances; the other says that if they were already on the ground, it's fine. This debate is recorded. A century later, another rabbi says to his study partner that branches can only be collected from the ground if it's certain that they fell there that morning; his study partner tells him that that's ridiculous, because the proof that the original second rabbi brought in (a hundred years ago) clearly states that the branches fell and were collected--that is, immediately collected. Fifty years later, one student quotes this debate to his study partner, who promptly bangs his fist on the table and brings in proof that says the original proof only applies on weekdays, thereby negating it. Their teacher then comes over, and says, "What, do you really think that's right? Impossible! I have further proof that means that the first proof still works, and also negates the one you just brought in. The law is with the original second rabbi, done." And then they probably argue over it for a while, but the Talmud only really records the boiled-down message of what each one says, and so the extra arguing isn't recorded. The Talmud then states that the teacher is right, the law is with the original second rabbi, and the case is closed.**
(Proof here is sentences from the Tanakh that indicate law or that can be used in conjunction with other sentences to indicate law. For example, in a discussion on whether or not girls should be taught Torah, the quote "and you shall teach your sons" is often brought up, with the addendum '--your sons, and not your daughters'. That particular debate, however, has continued through many centuries and many opinions, and has reached the point where a number of rulings say that it's perfectly fine for girls to study Torah, Talmud, and all the rest of it. This is what enables me to be sitting here and writing about my high school Talmud class; while the school is a, mixed gender, and b, has students from most of the religious denominations of Judaism, they would definitely have received backlash from part of the community if we were still living, say, in Talmudic times. Or several hundred years ago. Have you ever seen Yentl? There were certainly exceptions, but for the most part girls were limited to lessons from the Torah.)
Mind you, these conversations were not recorded at the time they happened. Instead, they were passed down through memorization.
That's right. For years, people memorized the Talmud--yes, all of it--and taught it by reciting it. Presumably, the new debates were added in as they arose. (Obviously, no one person memorized the whole thing, but people would know an entire book. Or two. It makes studying it today in written form sound so simple.) I don't currently remember when (or why) it was written down, though I assume the 'why' is yet again because they were afraid it would be lost. As the Talmud is the Jewish people's most major book of law, losing it would be a great tragedy.
Mind you, not everything that Jews do today--or even in the past--is written in the Talmud. A whole lot of things arose through tradition, which was then accepted into the general religious culture; one rabbi actually states in the Talmud that traditions can become the halakhah (or law) simply by virtue of being so widely accepted. (This is as far as I remember; there is a possibility that he or another person then negated that. I'm pretty sure someone said that traditions can occasionally or often become law, though, so if I'm wrong...well, my bad. Sorry).
Anyway. While I could quite easily continue with this explanation of the Talmud, this does cover the major details, and is probably more than anyone was looking for. I'm quite happy to make a sequel, though (which would include notes on the structure of the pages, and on who commentated, and what some of the stories are, and all of that).
(If anyone's curious: I studied Mishnah for...a year, I think, and Talmud for four. Well, technically it was six, but the classes got more serious in high school. I've taken shorter courses since then, and have covered the history of the Talmud and the Mishnah and so on in Jewish History classes for more years than I'd really care to try to count just now, including last year in a university course. So. That would be my credentials.)
By the way, hS, where on earth did you get your knowledge? It's extremely accurate, in both details and terminology.
~DawnFire, Jewish Studies major, signing off
PS: Word count says this is over 1,000 words. If you read it all, I commend you and hope it was interesting.
PPS: Forgot to mention--the Mishnah is written in Hebrew, while the Talmud essentially takes a sentence from the Mishnah and then records the debates and so on in Aramaic. The commentators come in very handy while studying it these days, as does a teacher. And the occasional dictionary or translation.
(Or, y'know, an Aramaic class. I want to take one at some point. Apparently, one of the universities in my city offers one. But it's certainly possible to study Talmud without it! Why, I'm living proof!)
/backs away from the computer and goes to make tea/
---
**I should mention that this case/exchange is completely made up; there is, however, at least one dealing with what you can do with branches that have fallen on a holiday, including what you can do if they've fallen of their volition into your outdoor oven. I think it's in Masechet Beitzah (aka, Tractate Egg).
(It takes its name from the first word in the tractate, which is, of course, 'egg'. Specifically, 'an egg that was laid on a holiday, the house of Shammai says it may be eaten, the house of Hillel says it may not be eaten.' That was a fun tractate. Apparently, one of the physics teachers actually came into the other class to show them how an egg's structure meant that it actually could be used to prop up a bed--or in this case, a desk--without breaking. And yes, that's one of the purposes of eggs being discussed in the tractate. Pretty sure we were all incredulous when we first read that.)
... came from the same place as most of my other knowledge: Wikipedia, plus random wanderings. I actually read a portion of the Talmud at one point, for want of anything else to do; I found the conversational-anecdotal style really interesting as a structure. Come to think of it, it's probably what's being referenced by the annotations to the Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch in Good Omens, with the whole conversation-carried-out-over-centuries thing.
One question I have is... not really a question: it sounds from what you're saying like the Talmud isn't really an authoritative document. It's more like a series of cases for and against certain readings, which implies that a) it can be disagreed with (on evidentiary grounds, naturally), and b) it could theoretically be added to? How far off the mark are those two notions?
hS
That was an epic fail on my part. Thanks for the correction.
There's pretty much no way you could have known what a Talmud is; in your shoes, I probably would have just assumed it was a Babylonian word, and reacted as you did. Quite understandable.
~DF
Hey, okay, I've been reading this throughout a long work shift and I need to go sleep bed soon, so I'll say some stuff but not as much stuff as usual and then go bed sleep. Sorry for short wording.
"Scarlet Disgrace"
Things I like:
-Sarah's forced references to Incredibles. Shows pride in home.
--Also, fact that she has studied other superheroic continua. Feels appropriate.
-Rashida not as demanding/controlling as early missions; shows character development, better leaderships.
-Falchion also character develops with the not speaking as Pteranothing. Better self control/think before speaking.
-VERY LIKE intro with Beast Boy. Like the unique angle and mostly untouched writing angle to explore. Ties in well with Beast Boy's team-up with agents later.
-Having Beast Boy and Robin join up with agents. You actually handled it very well here. I think I'm supposed to caution you here not to do it too frequently, but really I know other PPCers have had similar set ups in missions, and again, you did it well, and it's not that big a deal to me anyway. (Old timey agents did way more character interaction than we do nowadays.)
Things I dislike:
-I know Cyborg was ignored by the fic, but you also ignore him until the finale. He suddenly appears at the end of the mission, and this could confuse readers unfamiliar with the characters.
Things I meh:
Don't know if fic presented quite enough of vampire!Robin to warrant recruitment, but I guess it's better than just another uninteresting kill, and I pretty much did the same thing with Mollie and Ollie so yeah whatever works.
"When Good Banishments Go Bad"
I liked the setup here: that it looks like a fairly plain assassination, and then he gets to the SO's office and sees her there, I went, "Wait, why did the Weeds bring her back here?" And then the SO drops the bomb that Rayner portalled her there, and I was uite shocked and surprised so kudos there.
*Ahem* Okay, cutting the sleepy gag for a moment. It's fine that you're into foot-tickling, and it's fine to represent that in your PPC writing. I didn't bring it up on Sarah's profile back when you posted it, because I clearly saw the reason behind it in the fic from which she was recruited. I see on this pair of bios that Rayner has ticklish feet and E.V.L. is mentioned to have "huge" feet. I just want to make sure this isn't a "pepper-jack cheese" situation: Are these traits a part of these characters' person, something that helps to define them and identify them? Or are they something you, as the author, want to see there? Again, I want to stress that I'm not judging you in any way for your tastes; I'm totally fine with you. I'm just asking this as a reflection exercise on designing the characters. (If I've offended anyway, please let me know, so I can do better in the future.)
Okay still sleepy almost 11 o'clock, need to go review hS now bye.
Regarding "Scarlet Disgrace":
Thanks for all of the good points you have made about the characterization! And as for BB's intro and the team-up, I've been meaning to do that ever since I found out that he barely showed up at all in the fic, which was interpreted by myself as him standing on the sidelines and facepalming at the whole thing. Robin's joining in was a last-minute addition when I decided on his character being replaced but I'm glad that worked out too. BTW, Falchion was disguised as a Quetzalcoatlus; I find it interesting that this fact wasn't explicitly noted, but then again I hinted at the possibility of this species hypothetically existing within the continuum, so I guess it works out.
Cyborg actually is mentioned a few times during the beginning and throughout the badfic narration, though you're right in that he doesn't get that many lines until the end. I may go back and fix that up at a later time, but I don't know how much I can get away with - he wasn't that much more involved than Beast Boy was in the actual fic.
Regarding "When Good Banishments Go Bad":
Again, thanks for the positive feedback on this one - something like this has been coming for a LONG time, and I hope it'll give me something to do should production get delayed for my Floaters team.
Concerning the fetishes, I was actually surprised that this was brought up as a point of discussion, and honestly, before reading a little closer, I actually had horrible flashbacks to a few years ago when I got a number of people mad at me for being a huge prick - these people labeled the very fact that I have a tickle fetish in the first place as a metaphorical red flag. This is why I have become extremely cautious about introducing it to any social group on the Internet, obvious niche interest groups aside. Granted, my first mission might have actually disabused that notion to some degree, since I co-authored the fic itself and thus showcased most of my interests while writing it, but it's a relief to see that I won't be judged for specific kinks nonetheless.
To answer your specific question, Rayner and E.V.L. both have fetishes incorporated into their respective history - the actual use I had planned for Rayner was an ask blog that included tickling among other content (though Cupcakes-inspired slash may have been involved, hint hint), and E.V.L. has incorporated my idea of female fanservice into some of her later revisions to her design (Her big feet are because she's a freakin' amazon - not many of the women I've met have come even close to 6 feet tall!). So I can say with confidence that fetishes have been a part of their character throughout their creative history, and exploring their sexuality in general is definitely something I'll consider for future missions with them (mostly in the NSFW missions, of course, gotta keep things organized around here).
Heck, I'd probably even have E.V.L. take advantage of Rayner's ticklishness and his broken leg in the pre-mission of their first assignment together - after all, it's only fair that she'd start off by being as intentionally annoying as theoretically possible. XD
I'm not sure which bits of this I'm going to reply to, so I'll just do it a bit at a time, starting in this post with Rayner and E.V.L.
The story/prologue is good; it really gets Rayner's character across, and E.V.L.'s, er... psychoticness? Whatever. And the idea of a 'good' (using the term loosely) and evil character being bound and forced to work together is always interesting - have you by any chance played Beyond Divinity? Similar set-up.
But, er... why can't they just kill her? The PPC has access all the destructive technology in the universe. Why not just, say, wait for the next time DOGA decide to air out a Sun Crusher, drop her into the star in question, and then send it supernova? I'm pretty sure she's not coming back from that, and since the Weeds can hold her down, she's clearly not overpowered enough to escape it.
One possibility occurs to me - bind her life to Rayner's. A magic spell which means anyone who tastes her blood is bound to her, and that in order for her to die, he would have to be killed as well, isn't exactly far-fetched - heck, it's just a straightforward adaptation of Horcrux technology. It wouldn't even need an edit to the prologue, since you haven't reached that point yet.
(It's probably a good thing he didn't get to send her to Dante's hell - I get the impression she would have taken it over)
hS
The concept of blood magic as a means of immortality actually makes a lot of sense for E.V.L., and would be perfectly in line with her being a demonic entity. I may have her bring up the fact that since Rayner consumed bits of her when they first met, she's now bound to him and can only die when he does. So thanks for suggesting that idea!
I'm unfortunately unable to play any video games at all nowadays due to way too many real life reasons, but I can understand the point you were making. I was thinking of this as a character development experiment, though, with both of them learning self control and respect for each other. While killing Sues, of course ;)
As an aside, not trying to pander for attention here, but I've noticed that I haven't gotten a single request for a fanfic for these two to tackle yet - I don't know if I can get the time to look for promising candidates myself with studying and the like. ^^;
Name-space collisions can be rather traumatic.
My agent Robin Thorne may take issue with name-stealing. *amused*
...but Vamp!Robin probably needs a new name as well, so as to avoid confusion with not only any agents named Robin but the canonical Robin from Teen Titans as well.
Ah well, at least you now know that! XD