Subject: Re: mission and also mission I guess
Author:
Posted on: 2014-11-13 05:54:00 UTC

Hey, okay, I've been reading this throughout a long work shift and I need to go sleep bed soon, so I'll say some stuff but not as much stuff as usual and then go bed sleep. Sorry for short wording.

"Scarlet Disgrace"

Things I like:
-Sarah's forced references to Incredibles. Shows pride in home.
--Also, fact that she has studied other superheroic continua. Feels appropriate.

-Rashida not as demanding/controlling as early missions; shows character development, better leaderships.

-Falchion also character develops with the not speaking as Pteranothing. Better self control/think before speaking.

-VERY LIKE intro with Beast Boy. Like the unique angle and mostly untouched writing angle to explore. Ties in well with Beast Boy's team-up with agents later.

-Having Beast Boy and Robin join up with agents. You actually handled it very well here. I think I'm supposed to caution you here not to do it too frequently, but really I know other PPCers have had similar set ups in missions, and again, you did it well, and it's not that big a deal to me anyway. (Old timey agents did way more character interaction than we do nowadays.)

Things I dislike:
-I know Cyborg was ignored by the fic, but you also ignore him until the finale. He suddenly appears at the end of the mission, and this could confuse readers unfamiliar with the characters.

Things I meh:
Don't know if fic presented quite enough of vampire!Robin to warrant recruitment, but I guess it's better than just another uninteresting kill, and I pretty much did the same thing with Mollie and Ollie so yeah whatever works.

"When Good Banishments Go Bad"

I liked the setup here: that it looks like a fairly plain assassination, and then he gets to the SO's office and sees her there, I went, "Wait, why did the Weeds bring her back here?" And then the SO drops the bomb that Rayner portalled her there, and I was uite shocked and surprised so kudos there.

*Ahem* Okay, cutting the sleepy gag for a moment. It's fine that you're into foot-tickling, and it's fine to represent that in your PPC writing. I didn't bring it up on Sarah's profile back when you posted it, because I clearly saw the reason behind it in the fic from which she was recruited. I see on this pair of bios that Rayner has ticklish feet and E.V.L. is mentioned to have "huge" feet. I just want to make sure this isn't a "pepper-jack cheese" situation: Are these traits a part of these characters' person, something that helps to define them and identify them? Or are they something you, as the author, want to see there? Again, I want to stress that I'm not judging you in any way for your tastes; I'm totally fine with you. I'm just asking this as a reflection exercise on designing the characters. (If I've offended anyway, please let me know, so I can do better in the future.)

Okay still sleepy almost 11 o'clock, need to go review hS now bye.

Reply Return to messages