Subject: IÂ’m beginning to wonder whether my beta reading is cursed.
Author:
Posted on: 2014-10-26 10:25:00 UTC
There is still no new content on my talk page.
I have to go biking with my wife now. I’ll be back this evening (mid-european time).
HG
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vuzx2VH4Qs9_J2nODiZ7xCvScdk3rguT1zzoulSA16A/edit?usp=sharing
My impatience is probably gonna get the better of me one of these days. Still, I quintuple-checked everything this time around; hopefully it'll be enough!
I'm editing the Wiki right now, but I seem to be having some problems (yes, I'm using the tutorial, Nesh), but that'll be all fixed up ASAP.
Halt moved silently through the portal. By the time Randa stepped through behind them and got the portal closed, he had already bound and gagged the possessed Rangers.
Behind Halt and who else? This should be "him".
I see that doctorlit already mentioned the continuity problem, so I’m not sure whether you tried to fix it, but it’s still there. I’d sugest to split this one paragraph, like:
"And the Bleeprin is like a job-required vaccination," Randa added. "You wouldn't send relief workers into Africa without making sure that they were safe from malaria or whatever, would you? Rina just had an allergic reaction to it –"
"So I'll use Suebuprofen instead," interjected Rina.
Randa shot Rina a glance and shook her head almost imperceptibly. Rina frowned, wondering what her friend was trying to say.
Thus Randa doesn’t contradict herself when she explains that Rina cannot use Suebuprofen either.
Other than that, it’s a really good mission. I like the ongoing effects of the melted trees and how you brought Rina’s family in.
HG
I was trying to figure out how that was a continuity problem- I guess when I wrote it, I was thinking Randa would suggest it and then glance at Rin a to say, 'sorry, it's actually not gonna work', but now I see how that would be confusing.
And AGGHHH! *tears at hair* I knew being impatient would trip me up, and I think there have been about three typos pointed out now. *bows head in shame* I promise I'll use your wonderful Beta services next time, O Great Greybeard. (Funny story, in Ranger's Apprentice, Will makes up a song about 'Greybeard Halt'. Just thought you'd be amused.)
Speaking of next time, the next mission's already finished due to the fact that the badfic was so short. Mind if I send you the link?
I tried using the email you provided in the thread below, and got the message that it's not a valid email address. Any idea why?
I receive automatic messages from the board, so it obviously works.
You may leave the link on my user talk page on the wiki. It’s less public than the board, and I can edit it out when I have seen it. You may also leave your e-mail adress. Then we can check whether you can receive a mail from my account and whether you can respond to it.
HG
I'll derp around, see if I can find it. :P
There is still no new content on my talk page.
I have to go biking with my wife now. I’ll be back this evening (mid-european time).
HG
...that I went out with Darkotas to celebrate his upcoming birthday, and was unable to access a computer for the rest of my Saturday? No? :(
Anyway, I'll go post the link and my email there. Thanks for linking it; I honestly was unable to find it. I'm so bad at the internet.
I'm really liking your missions. They're extremely character-driven, without going into crazy, complex back-stories: it's just two gals talking to each other, doing their job and suffering together.
Another thing you're really good at is keeping track of details, instead of forgetting them down a plothole like the author did to that poor wolf. I was actually hoping you feed the Sue to wolves at the beginning, because of that whole, "my mom got eaten by wolves but I'm totally okay with this one" thing. I'm especially glad you let the actual CAF wolf be the one to do it, poor thing! It must have been so hungry! Uh, but I was saying, you did a great job not forgetting the melted tree gunk and the pain in Rina's fist from hitting another tree, but making them continue to affect the characters and their equipment over an appropriate time. (Super empathy with the punching thing, 'cause I've done my share of smacking hard, inanimate things when I get frustrated.)
Also, on behalf of some of my coworkers, thank you for that moment of rage at leaving a horse saddled overnight. People don't realize how INCREDIBLY painful and sore it is for horses to be left saddled for extended periods. Between the wolf and the horse, Alis was treating every animal she came across like a tool. Ugh.
The scene with Rina's family at the end is interesting. Different for sure, since we only see interaction with an agent's family once in a blue moon. I admit, I found Mr. Dives' reaction to be unrealistically mellow about the situation. I know it's not his initial reaction, since he's been in HQ a while before we see him in Medical, but it still seems like he would be more defensive of his daughter. (If Mr. Dives is based on a real personality, then I apologize for, uh. Being completely wrong about the unrealistic thing.) I do like the reactions of Mrs. Dives and Alex, though, and I love that the whole family seems to have some level of active fandom. I'm totally calling Alex becoming an agent eventually!
The one major error I noticed is that Randa is the one who initially suggests Rina can use Suebuprofen in lieu of Bleeprin, but for the rest of the story, they act like Rina is the one who said it, and Randa is the one to later say Rina can't use Suebuprofen due to her allergy.
And a little typo:
"'. . . the horse is named Nudge . . . and the wolf if Max?'"
Glad to hear you liked the mission! You can congratulate Randa on coming up with the idea of feeding the Sue to her pet wolf. And I do agree, the poor thing must have been nearly dead. I almost adopted him, but the RC's already getting crowded enough what with the barking owl and mini-Aragog.
There's something just so... therapeutic about punching things. It's when they hit back that you start having problems. >D As a matter of fact, when I read that she left the poor horse saddled overnight, I nearly punched my screen. YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT. EVER.
*ahem*
Believe it or not, unless you wake my dad up when he's trying to get some sleep, he's actually that mellow. Between his relaxed attitude and my mom's uptight, Percy Weasley-ish approach, they balance each other out pretty nicely.
And Alex has already introduced himself on the Board as Kranlor, but he's not much of a writer. I think he secretly lurks on the Board and reads missions when I'm not looking, because he mentions stuff like character replacements in casual conversation.
And thanks for pointing that stuff out- I'll take a look at it right away!
I swear I was still logged in when I first started typing, so I must have been writing that comment through the exact moment I last logged in a month ago. Stupid machines.
Yeah, that wolf is better off in the wild. Maybe he'll hunt down some Sues of his own, now that he's got the taste!
Oh, uh, I totally forgot your brother popped in before. Uh, SORRY, LURKING KRANLOR! You are a VALUABLE and WELL-APPRECIATED PART of this community!
You reveal that Rina has a bleach allergy - in a story which has bleach in it - and you didn't make use of that fact? Tsk, tsk. ;)
But no, that was fun. I'm not a big fan of the 'quote all the things!' style of missions, but it was fun anyway. I think I could ignore it more because I don't know the first thing about the canon, so the badfic quotes served as an introduction of sorts (at least, once R&R had corrected them ^-^). I particularly liked the part where Randa had to muddle through by herself after Rina was invalided out; always fun to see agents in a fix.
And the ending -- eek. I'm glad none of my agents have ever let their families come through to HQ. I thought the scene was well done, and definitely agree with Mrs. Dives' hallucination theory - though I would have liked to see her ranting at the Sunflower Official.
I guess that sequence was a bit like the New Who habit of letting companions go home occasionally... okay, now I'm imagining the SO as a Time Lord (Thyme Lord?) complaining about 'domestics - in my TARDIS HQ!'. And now I'm imagining The Time Lord AU PPC - the Multiversal Intervention Agency? Oh dear. Look what you did.
hS
Multiversal Intervention Agency, Take One
The Multiversal Intervention Agency had only two rules: first, no skiving off. And second, no building death rays.
The third rule was 'don't be lasagna', which had actually happened once, whereupon the rule had been tacked on. With actual tacks.
The Thyme Lord would have liked to think it ruled the MIA* with an iron fist, but as it lacked both fists and iron, it had to make do with tasty leaves instead. That is, the agents assumed they were tasty. No one had ever dared to find out.
(Once, an agent had attempted to determine whether the Thyme Lord was really made of thyme, or was simply a hologram. Of course, the agent attempted to find out by going up close to the Thyme Lord...and sniffing. Being Jewish, the agent first made the blessing of 'boreh minei b'samim'--'Creator of fragrant grasses'.)
(The Thyme Lord was in no way amused.)
The Sage, who ran the Department of Untangling, did its best never to be afraid of being put into a lasagna. Despite this, some fear did seep through, to the point where agents were forbidden to eat--or even chew--within two rooms-lengths. As MIA HQ had a tendency to transport its those who transversed it in both time and space, most agents elected to simply leave, eat, and then attempt to come back earlier.
('Attempt' was the key term. It was hardly unknown for agents to get lost in time and emerge weeks, months, minutes, or years later. Agent Acacia had once switched places with some kid with the surname Illian; five Technicians had worked feverishly to fix this, and managed with some helpful prodding from Acacia's friend, the Thorn--well, Agent Thorntree, really, but only Acacia called her that.)
The Parsley Duke, who headed up the specialized Tea Cafeteria, greatly enjoyed eavesdropping. It (or, occasionally, he) most certainly did not relish the thought of one day being mistaken for tea leaves; fortunately, most agents tended to avoid trying to put giant stalks of parsley in their cups of boiling water, and simply talked instead.
"Lady Rosemary wants to see me," one agent said mournfully. She sipped at her tea, and made a face. "I did fine on my last mission, you know. No one regenerated. No Reapers turned up. I didn't even create any temporal paradoxes. Why's she want to see me?"
The second agent (on xir fifth cup, the Parsley Duke noted approvingly) shrugged. "Was it a Doctor/Master fic again?"
"Ugh," the first agent agreed. "I don't remember what good slash looks like anymore, y'know?"
The second agent patted her hand sympathetically, and passed the tea leaves.
(At that point, the entirety of the Continuity Council of Gallifrey-in-Exile blew into the Tea Cafeteria, and the Parsley Duke was understandably distracted. That group drank a lot of tea, and in very odd combinations, to boot.)
"Cranberry-Cinnamon for the Notary," Morgan began. "Vanilla-Maple-Grass for Fish, the Reader'll have something orange with a dash of whiskey, Dis and the Agent can order for themselves, thanks, and I want the strongest black tea you've got in stock. Oh, and that stuff that smells like dust for the Librarian." With that done, everyone but the Disentangler and the Agent left to find tables, arguing all the way.
"Lemon Zinger for him, Blueberry Whateveritis for me," the Disentangler said, and dragged the Agent away from the counter.
This left the Parsley Duke to organize beverages, while keeping a wary eye on the Council of Time Lords...
--
*The MIA? hS, did you do that on purpose, or was it a happy accident?
------
And there I'm ending this, because it's getting long and I have no clue where it's really going after this. Well, apart from a Continuity Council conversation, but I think this is enough for one post, don't you?
(So, how's the AU that no one asked me to write? Talk about 'look what you've done'--I don't even remember why I clicked on this post to begin with, apart from possibly finding out what the missed opportunity was. I haven't even read the mission yet.)
(I'm curious, though...)
Well. Hope someone enjoyed. The bit about the Thyme Lord-sniffing agent is courtesy of a friend, who suggested it.
May we all have very good cups of tea. Yum!
~DF
Morgan took a swig of her black tea - it actually seemed to have edged into vantablack territory - and grimaced. "Yep, still vile."
"Then why are you drinking it?" the Reader asked.
"It keeps me alert and grumpy," Morgan said. "Now then, people - thoughts?"
"I still do not trust this place," the Notary said, and sipped her own concoction. "Ahhh. Though I must note yet again that they make truly excellent tea."
"'Don't trust?'" The Disentangler scoffed. "Wasn't it your TARDIS that brought us here?"
"Correction," the Notary replied in the tone of one who had said the same thing many times before (though she pretty much always talked like that), "it was my TARDIS that brought us here the first time. Which, a) did not require you to pick up your own and 'suggest' a return trip, and b) would not have happened at all were a certain Ruby Shipwright doing his job."
"Huh? Me? What?" The Fisherman turned a glare on his Vanilla-Maple-Grass tea. "That's what happens when I let myself get distracted by you," he accused it. "What've I done?"
"According to our precise colleague here, not your job," the Librarian supplied. "Though I remain unconvinced that fixing her TARDIS falls under your position."
"What, that old wreck?" The Fisherman shook his head firmly. "Nah, I'm responsible for HQ's TARDISes, not blockade runners stolen from the Time War."
"I did not steal it," the Notary growled. "I simply-"
"Borrowed it without the intent to return?" the Agent chimed in.
"Quiet, renegade."
"I have to admit I have some concerns about this place as well," the Librarian cut in, draining the last of his tea. "Professionally speaking, I mean."
Morgan frowned. "Does it really fall under the Jade Warden's responsibility?"
"I can't see who else would take it," the Reader pointed out. "It's not a TARDIS problem-"
"I dunno," the Fisherman muttered, "some of these temporal effects, their whole HQ might well be a TARDIS."
"- it's certainly not a theoretical issue," the Reader went on, not missing a beat. "It's not something I should be monitoring, it doesn't come from TV or other media canon, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't need the attentions of Rassilon's Advocate there. So what does that leave?"
"It could be a security issue," Morgan suggested in a low voice, one hand stroking the grip of her gun.
"Yeah, but it's not," the Reader countered. "It's a fake PPC filled with Time Lords."
"There's still no evidence of that," the Disentangler pointed out. "You three have been going on about 'oh, they're all Time Lords here, isn't it amazing-slash-terrifying', but have we seen anyone regenerating? Have we performed open-heart surgery to check? Can we feel them?"
"Not being able to sense them fits entirely within the theory that we have entered an alternate multiverse-" the Notary began, only to be cut off by the Disentangler.
"Sorry, was someone talking? I must have been ignoring them." She took one last gulp from her cup and set it down firmly. "Anyway, there's one thing we can all agree on, with the possible exception of Grumpy In Orange: whoever they are, they make fantastic tea."
"Hear, hear," the Agent said, getting to his feet. "Want another one?"
"Would blow up a star for one. Same again, please."
Neshomeh's Tea Cafeteria
"Seriously, do any of you know where this came from?" Agent Edgar crossed his arms, trying to spot a guilty knowledgeable face. "Anyone?"
Agent Desdendelle shrugged. "It's a Tea Cafeteria. Does anyone really care where it came from?"
"But it wasn't here before," Agent Agen_t put in. Ze crossed zir arms as well, for all of two seconds. "And no one can get into it."
At that, the door opened, and a woman's head popped out. "What are you all yelling about?"
Agent Supernumerary sighed. "Agent Neshomeh. It would be you."
"Neshomeh!" Des' greeting was more animated. "How'd you get in?"
Neshomeh shrugged. "I read the sign."
"What sign?"
"Oh--" The Archivist disappeared behind the door, and was presumably the source of the rummaging noises that followed. Soon after, she reappeared. "Here. It fell down, so I brought it in, but it was still up when I got here."
She held up a sign (more of a placard, really, made of heavy wood and with traces of sticky tack* on the back), and the other agents gathered round to read it.
This is Neshomeh's Tea Cafeteria, went the words. Prepare to drink, all ye who enter here!
There was a tiny Arrr! in the bottom right-hand corner, just in case anyone had missed the linguistic resemblance to a treasure map.
"Oh," said Desdendelle. "So this is yours, then." He seemed a little disappointed.
Neshomeh nodded, grinning. "Yes! It's mine. Want to come in?"
"Yes." The reply came from most of the agents there.
Supernumerary hesitated. "Exactly how loud--"
The Notary pushed past him, heading straight for the Earl Grey, and he lost track of the sentence.
"It's a Tea Caf, not a bar," Edgar told the older agent, and followed the others in.
After a little more thought, Supernumerary decided to try it, and joined the others inside.
--
*This is Blu Tac, if you're British. I've forgotten what any other variations are called, but it's basically that blue or white stuff that's mushy and will stick pictures to the wall. It...doesn't really work too well with a lot of weight, at least not for very long.
-----
You or someone else can take it from there, but there you go. You now have a Tea Cafeteria. Be sure to share the Bleeptea with Des (and anyone else who wants it!)
~DF
PS: A brief disclaimer—everyone but Edgar and Agen_t was not invented by me. Apologies to anyone who doesn't want their characters used in random scenes; if you let me know, I'll be sure not to do it again.
Bleeprin. Brain bleach plus aspirin.
*headdesk*
The really sad part is I actually cut out a fair amount from the badfic, and I'm not even including the last ten or so chapters that I cut out entirely. And I felt Randa should get her own chance to shine- glad to know it went well! Or , as well as can be expected? Hmm.
In all honesty? I kept scrapping the parts I wrote involving Mrs. Dives shouting at the SO because it kept getting repetitive and I got the niggling feeling I was misrepresenting his personality. Next time I want to write a mission with an appearance by the SO, I'll definitely wait to post until someone looks it over.
And great. Just great. Now I can't stop thinking about Thyme Lords. I hope you're pleased with yourself. :P
Thyme Lords indeed!
~DF
("Continua" is a plural noun, "continuum" is the singular. Just FYI)
Well done, Iximaz! That sequence with Rina's family at the end was very emotional. I'm not sure how I should feel about her mom's epic freakout; it's totally justified, of course, but the fact that it's just her mom freaking out while her dad and brother are calmer about this...yeah, that has some weird implications. (At least if you're like me and overthink these things.) Also, unless I'm missing some detail, she would more than likely have been in the room for Randa's infodump.
Another little detail I noticed was Rina and Randa's evaporating CAD. I liked that! Usually they BSOD, overheat and melt, or explode; somehow, the idea of a machine evaporating is funnier. (Good luck to whichever DoSAT guy/girl/starfish has to clean the tree goo off the RA, though...) Their banter/snark was good, too; relevant and witty without dissolving (too often) into CAPSLOCK OF RAGE.
This was an enjoyable read, even for someone who doesn't know Ranger's Apprentice (yet). *gives box of chocolate Klondike bars* Keep up the good work!
*blushie face*
You can probably tell, but I drew on past experiences to write the bit at the end. My mom is, believe it or not, extremely grounded in reality and needs solid proof of anything before she believes it. She's also extremely strict with me when it comes to rules. Admittedly, I was upset with her when I first wrote the scene, but ended up scrapping the original and redoing it.
(And, when I asked her what she'd do if she found out I was working for an organization where psychic plants were in charge and my job was to go out and hunt universe-warping people, she looked at me and said she'd ground me forever. Completely poker-faced. I still can't tell if she was messing with me or not.)
I'd never seen a CAD evaporate either- I'm glad you found the idea as funny as I did! I can't tell you just how insanely OOC it is for Halt to laugh- it takes a lot for him to give you a genuine smile, and I can count on one hand the number of times that happened over twelve books.
I've got the next mission finished, due to the fact that the offending fic was only two chapters in length, but there won't be any mention of the poor sap who gets to deal with the gunk until mission five, which is already started. I'll probably post it sometime next week.