Subject: Re: mission
Author:
Posted on: 2014-10-22 17:24:00 UTC

I'm really liking your missions. They're extremely character-driven, without going into crazy, complex back-stories: it's just two gals talking to each other, doing their job and suffering together.

Another thing you're really good at is keeping track of details, instead of forgetting them down a plothole like the author did to that poor wolf. I was actually hoping you feed the Sue to wolves at the beginning, because of that whole, "my mom got eaten by wolves but I'm totally okay with this one" thing. I'm especially glad you let the actual CAF wolf be the one to do it, poor thing! It must have been so hungry! Uh, but I was saying, you did a great job not forgetting the melted tree gunk and the pain in Rina's fist from hitting another tree, but making them continue to affect the characters and their equipment over an appropriate time. (Super empathy with the punching thing, 'cause I've done my share of smacking hard, inanimate things when I get frustrated.)

Also, on behalf of some of my coworkers, thank you for that moment of rage at leaving a horse saddled overnight. People don't realize how INCREDIBLY painful and sore it is for horses to be left saddled for extended periods. Between the wolf and the horse, Alis was treating every animal she came across like a tool. Ugh.

The scene with Rina's family at the end is interesting. Different for sure, since we only see interaction with an agent's family once in a blue moon. I admit, I found Mr. Dives' reaction to be unrealistically mellow about the situation. I know it's not his initial reaction, since he's been in HQ a while before we see him in Medical, but it still seems like he would be more defensive of his daughter. (If Mr. Dives is based on a real personality, then I apologize for, uh. Being completely wrong about the unrealistic thing.) I do like the reactions of Mrs. Dives and Alex, though, and I love that the whole family seems to have some level of active fandom. I'm totally calling Alex becoming an agent eventually!

The one major error I noticed is that Randa is the one who initially suggests Rina can use Suebuprofen in lieu of Bleeprin, but for the rest of the story, they act like Rina is the one who said it, and Randa is the one to later say Rina can't use Suebuprofen due to her allergy.

And a little typo:
"'. . . the horse is named Nudge . . . and the wolf if Max?'"

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