Subject: There was an iron clank
Author:
Posted on: 2016-04-29 08:56:00 UTC

As Finch’s hoverplates shut down.

‘Oh, dear. Are you okay, Finch?’

Finch’s ocular had gained a life of its own, and darted and spun and twisted and blinked in wild panic.
Dog is pony is dog is pony, ERROR,
Dog is not pony, pony is not dog unicorn ERROR not in database ERROR, unicorn is not pony is not dog pony does not have horn ERROR,

‘Oh, heavens. I think his brain is overloading.’

Narwhal narwhal narwhanarwhalnarwhal ERROR dog does not equal pony dog does not equal unicorn dog equals narwhalnarwhalnarwhalwhalnarwhal,

I-m sorry, but it seems that your robot is malfunctioning. Would you like to attempt a full reinitialisation?
The voice now leaving Finch's speakers was high-pitched, female, and pleasant like a steel pillow.

Almost instantly, Finch’s ocular steadied itself. Its half tilted gaze that flew off somewhere into the distance like a poorly planned gunshot looked nothing short of mad.
Do NOT, unicorn ERROR dog, reinitialise me, I am perfectly narwhanarnar, functional,

I-m sorry, could you please repeat that?

‘Don’t reinitialise him,’ Bingle exclaimed, crouching and holding Finch.
‘Finch, are you okay?’

One-hundred percent fine.

Your robot is an assumed 225% less functional than standard, would you like a full reinitialisation?

‘Do not, this is – I order, I am ordering you, do not reinitialise him,’ Bingle said, pointing an accusing finger at Finch.

Error. Your robot is a mech-model, and does not possess gender pronouns. Are you certain that you are functioning correctly?

Bingle stopped in his tracks, deeply considering this.
‘I’m quite certain that I’m not malfunctioning.’

When did you last check with your local roboticist?

Bingle was horrified.
‘It’s true! I might be malfunctioning!’ He moaned, falling to his knees.
‘I haven’t seen a roboticist in my life!’

You too, Bingle!?

‘Even humans can malfunction!’ Bingle wailed. ‘We all truly are the same beneath the skin!’

Gah, Bingle, just do something magic while I, narwhalnarwhalnarwhal, sort this out, right?

‘Um, okay, of course,’ Bingle said, standing, wiping imaginary dust off his clothes, straightening his tie, turning and smiling at Ami once again.
Finch spasmed and swore in the background.

‘Well, I can’t do proper magic sans tools, and I might be completely broken right now, but I do remember – Finch, honestly, are you okay?’

I-m, ERROR unicorn, okay! Finch shouted, four arms now twisting and flailing like wheat in a wind tunnel.

‘Um. Do excuse him, he is a very, er, unfortunately designed model.’
Bingle ran a hand over his face. ‘I suppose I did some abnormal geometry in my younger days, if you’d prefer to see that? It does drive men insane. Eldritch secrets, and all.’

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