Subject: Small note.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-12-10 16:52:00 UTC

The description "copper ringlets" smells a bit purple to me, as opposed to "curly red hair" or something like that. It's just one description, and not a problem by itself, but lavish, overblown catalogs of the OC's appearance is a writing feature commonly associated with Sues. They have orbs where there should be eyes; they have waterfalls where there ought to be hair; they have rosebuds where lips should be; they have porcelain instead of skin; etc. Figurative language is fine now and then, but if it comes up all the time, it adds up to some very impractical and inhuman-looking characters. So, just be very selective about where you use it. {= )

I'm also confused about the part where she "wasn't to be a doctor." Did you mean "wants to be a doctor"? If not, why is this important? If so, how come she joins the PPC instead of going to college to study medicine? Is she signing up for Medical, perhaps? We haven't had too many stories set there, and definitely not from a staff member's point of view, so that could be fun.

~Neshomeh

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