She WANTS to be a doctor... by
meow139
on 2012-12-10 22:26:00 UTC
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That was a stupid typo. Don't worry, I plan to have betas when I actually write. Ugh.
Small note. by
Neshomeh
on 2012-12-10 16:52:00 UTC
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The description "copper ringlets" smells a bit purple to me, as opposed to "curly red hair" or something like that. It's just one description, and not a problem by itself, but lavish, overblown catalogs of the OC's appearance is a writing feature commonly associated with Sues. They have orbs where there should be eyes; they have waterfalls where there ought to be hair; they have rosebuds where lips should be; they have porcelain instead of skin; etc. Figurative language is fine now and then, but if it comes up all the time, it adds up to some very impractical and inhuman-looking characters. So, just be very selective about where you use it. {= )
I'm also confused about the part where she "wasn't to be a doctor." Did you mean "wants to be a doctor"? If not, why is this important? If so, how come she joins the PPC instead of going to college to study medicine? Is she signing up for Medical, perhaps? We haven't had too many stories set there, and definitely not from a staff member's point of view, so that could be fun.
~Neshomeh
Hmmm... by
Sevenswans
on 2012-12-10 14:51:00 UTC
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Springing off the previous discussion about Ava, it's possible that making her traits more specific will help. Say, she's loyal to her family, can be a bit vain and selfish, and makes friendly acquiantances easily, but might not have them as really good friends due to the aforementioned vanity and selfishness that shows up.
As far as her cousin, there are possible ways that you could play that (her idolizing her cousin and being naive to what the job actually entails, more than the cousin actively encouraging her, or possibly that her older cousin introduced her to fanfiction and mary sues before she joined the PPC, igniting a hatred of sues or something,) but as far as the rest of the family, I'd like to know how having the siblings affects her personality and daily life. For example, being the middle child might reinforce the vain and selfish aspects, because she's looking for more attention. Or perhaps the siblings are why she can affect a cheerful demeanor and get along with people at a very basic acquaintance-type level without having any deeper friendship.
I have no idea why not wanting to be a doctor was on there. Does someone expect that of her? Was that something she previously wanted before she realized how much she hates messes? (I'm also not sure why her activities are listed under personality, but that's just a formatting nitpick.)
It might be interesting if she thinks a lot of the PPCing like she would watching and critiquing a film, and then learns otherwise. Also, given that she's from world one, it might be convenient to have her be an intern so she wouldn't miss too much real world and school, like everyone else said.
Springing off hermione-of-vulcan's post: by
Lily Winterwood
on 2012-12-10 07:15:00 UTC
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I'm also rather iffy on how someone self-centered and vain can make friends easily, unless she's the sort of popular queen bee cheerleader-type of character who has an army of backstabbing 'friends' and acquaintances. And loyalty usually calls for caring for more than the self, so... yeah, selfish might contradict that.
I'd prefer to see a scenario written out before making any calls, but yeah, I can definitely see it going either way from here. I have an Agent who hates getting dirty, too, but I purposefully paired her with a slob for a partner because it's funnier that way.
I didn't know there was an age requirement for the PPC, to be honest, and having a relative already in the PPC hearkens a little too much towards Suedom - of course, it's fine to have siblings I suppose, but given that the PPC isn't exactly the Multiverse's best workplace, I find Katie encouraging her sister to join a bit questionable.
Have you considered letting her already be at the PPC as an intern? Cale Serfe, the other intern that I know of, is Ava's age. It's a way for her to get some mission experience with other Agent teams and to see exactly what she's getting into.
It all dependsÂ… by
hermione of vulcan
on 2012-12-10 03:13:00 UTC
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…on how you write her. The character profile seems balanced: she does have flaws. The only discrepancy I can see is a tendency to be self-centered while making friends easily.
So it all comes down to how you write her, because characters can have flaws and still be Sues. Bella Swan's clumsiness is a good example. It could be a flaw, but if I remember correctly all it does is allow her to trip in Edward's arms. As long as Ava's flaws are shown to actually be hinderances, then she won't be Sue-y. This has to do with the scenarios you put her in. If she hates getting dirty, and she always gets missions where she stays clean, that would be Sue-y (and also against all the PPC ideas of putting the agents into what will annoy them the most, e.g. Jay and Acacia beng sent into fics where Elrond and Boromir were OOC).
I should probably tell you that I do not have Permission myself. Good luck!