Subject: Thoughts:
Author:
Posted on: 2018-08-06 01:02:00 UTC

  1. Please make him bump into things a lot because he constantly wears sunglasses. It would be so humorous. X)

    2. I see a lot of flaws in the personality. I do kinda get the implied strengths (because I can relate to the flaws and thus I sorta mentally superimposed my own strengths onto him - bad Twistey, bad), but can you go a little further into them so that we have a better idea of what he's like?

    3. The "they were experimented on that's why" thing is kind of a cliche, but you seem to have pulled it off with how the experiment ended. I almost was about to warn you about giving the alter ego a cool name, but then I realized that the name was self-given due to said ego explosions. I also don't see how the dog ears relate to the effects of the experiment - it seems like they were kind of tacked on as a means of achieving the appearance you want your avatar to have. Maybe either come up with a different explanation for the dog ears (keeping the backstory, that's cool) or scrap them altogether.

    -Twistey
    P.S. The dog ears thing reminded me of this bit from a Springhole.net article that deals with tacked-on drawbacks/effects. I could probably find something better for this situation, but nonetheless, check this out:
    http://springhole.net/writing/pointlessly-edgy-tropes-to-reconsider.htm#pointless-drawbacks

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