Subject: A Personal, and perhaps relevant, Anecdote
Author:
Posted on: 2018-05-01 05:29:00 UTC

So I started graduate school last year. I have a friend, who has become one of my closest friends, and who gets a LOT of the same reactions hS does from people who don't know him. Fear, awe/respect, and some suspicion of arrogance/condescension. This is for three reasons.

First, he has an incredibly wide vocabulary. Dude is smarter than anyone I know. People suspect him of using large words and precise language to be a jerk, often not realizing that's just how he talks.

He LOVES language, and loves using it, and is incredibly thoughtful in his responses and statements. This often leads to people feeling overwhelmed with how to respond, and slinking away from dosagreements rather than trying to think carefully and craft a response. In arguments with my friend, I often have to tell him, hold up - I need a minute to analyze and get back to you. When he makes long, exhaustively detailed responses, he isn't trying to shut others down, but the opposite - he's trying to give their perspective the full attention and care it (and they) deserve(s).

I'm being deliberately vague about which person I mean, because I do think this is a people being intimidated by communication style thing, but the third reason is that my friend dresses nicely, wears Serious Glasses and a beard, and always looks like he's Very Seriously and Potentially Angrily disagreeing, even when he's not at all.

He combats this impression of himself by being aggressively cheerful, friendly, and also a genuinely kind person whose critique is always intended to be helpful rather than mean.

Huinesoron does this also, but doesn't have the option of grinning widely and using a Super Cheerful Tone, which means that even his super-friendly, super-helpful posts scare people, because they're long and use a certain formality of speech. So I'm at a loss, as I always am when this has come up, for the past thirteen years, for ways to explain to newbies that they should always, always apply the constitution to hS, specifically the part about assuming the best intentions, because, and I cannot stress this enough, he does have the best intentions* and try to have the self-confidence to think through his replies and respond to them honestly and thoughtfully, rather than back away scared.







* How can you tell the difference between someone who's an arrogant ill-intentioned person who likes to sound smart, and a well-intentioned person who loves language and words? The person who is your friend and ally will admit when they are wrong, and if asked for more explanation, will cheerfully provide it. I have never seen hS fail to do either.

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