Subject: An Unexpected Primarch
Author:
Posted on: 2018-03-21 04:32:00 UTC
Just before tea-time, there came a tremendous knock on the door to Phobos' response center. He suddenly remembered: he had promised Neshomeh a date to make up for sharing her tea with Kaitlyn. But, he'd been so busy building a deck for his latest MTG blog that he'd clean forgotten! He rushed and put the kettle on, then ran to the door.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," he was going to say, when he saw that it wasn't Neshomeh at all.
It was a bald man about a foot taller than him, with coppery skin, and very bright eyes under his dark green hood. As soon as the door opened, he pushed inside, just as though he had been expected. He hung his hooded cloak on the nearest peg and said "Alpharius, at your service!" with a low bow.
"Uh. I'm Phobos. At yours?" said Phobos, too surprised to ask questions for the moment. When the silence that followed became too uncomfortable, he added, "I was gonna have some tea." He didn't add: with my wife. "You want some?"
He showed Alpharius in and had barely poured him a cup when there came an even louder knock.
"'Scuse me," said Phobos, and off he went to the door.
"Here you are!" he was going to say to Neshomeh this time. But it was not Neshomeh. Instead there was another man indistinguishable from the first, except that he wore a scarlet hood, and he too hopped inside as soon as the door was open, just as if he had been invited.
"I see they have begun to arrive already," he said when he caught sight of Alpharius' green hood hanging up. He hung his red one next to it, and "Alpharius at your service," he said with his hand on his breast.
"Thanks?" said Phobos with a raised eyebrow. It was not the correct thing to say, but he was badly flustered. "Come on in and have some tea, I guess?" he managed to say after taking a deep breath.
"A little beer would suit me better, if you have any, my good sir," said Alpharius with the red hood.
"Nope, sorry. Can't stand the stuff," said Phobos. "I might have some cider, though." He went off to the kitchen to look, and when he got back the two Alphariuses were talking at the table like old friends (in fact they were brothers). He plunked a cold can of cider in front of the second one, when a loud knock came at the door again, and then another knock.
Neshomeh for sure this time, he thought. But it was not. It was two more men, both with blue hoods and otherwise indistinguishable from the first two. In they hopped, as soon as the door began to open—Phobos was hardly surprised this time.
"Alpharius at your service!" said the one. "And Alpharius!" added the other; and they both swept off their blue hoods and bowed.
"Riiight," said Phobos.
"Alpharius and Alpharius are here already, I see," said Alpharius. "Let us join the throng!"
Throng! thought Phobos, wondering if there might end up being enough people for a quick draft of Magic. He had only just checked to see whether he had enough booster packs for an eight-person draft with prizes when, banga-banga-bang, there was more pounding at his door.
"Three people at the door?" he said hopefully.
"Some four, I should say by the sound," said the second blue-hood Alpharius. "Besides, we saw them coming along behind us in the distance.
Phobos shrugged. Nine people in a draft was a little awkward, but he could make it work. But it was not four after all: it was FIVE. Another huge bald man had come along while he was wondering in the hall. He had hardly turned the knob before they were all inside, bowing and saying "at your service" one after the other. Alpharius, Alpharius, Alpharius, Alpharius, and Alpharius were their names (Phobos was not at all surprised at this point), and very soon two purple hoods, a grey hood, a brown hood, and a white hood were hanging on the pegs, and off they marched with their broad hands stuck in their belts to join the others.
Okay, thought Phobos, ten-man draft. It sucks, but what can you do? He rushed around for a while, getting drinks and snacks for everyone and putting out enough basic Lands and life counters to go around. He had just about gotten set up to play when there came yet another loud knock.
He scowled. Eleven people would be even worse than ten. He'd have to split the draft into pods of six and five, and that was just dumb. Annoyed, he pulled the door open with a jerk, and they all fell in, one on top of the other. More bald men, four more! And there was another one behind, slightly taller than the others in a dark blue hood with a long gold tassel, laughing.
"Carefully, carefully!" he said. "It is not like you, Phobos, to leave friends waiting on the doorstep, and then open the door like a pop-gun! I am Alpharius. Let me introduce Alpharius, Alpharius, Alpharius, and especially Alpharius!"
"At your service!" said Alpharius, Alpharius, and Alpharius, standing in a row. Then they hung up two yellow hoods and a pale green one; and also a sky-blue one with a long silver tassel. This last belonged to Alpharius, the spitting image of the one in dark blue.
"Of course you are," muttered Phobos.
"Now we are all here!" said Alpharius, looking at the row of hoods hanging on the pegs. "Quite a merry gathering! Now we can begin."
"Sure!" said Phobos. "There's, what, fifteen total now, so that's a pod of eight and a pod of seven, not bad, not bad. I don't think I have enough packs for prizes, though."
"I have not come to draft," said Alpharius. "I have come for your Shipfest! Will you not entertain the Hydra?"
Phobos thought for a minute. He was, technically, still supposed to be having tea with his wife, but she was way late, and if she did turn up, well... that would make sixteen, and two perfect pods of eight.
"Okay, I'm down," said Phobos. "Let's do this thing!"
~~~~
Several hours later, the door to Rudi's opened once more, and Phobos staggered inside. His clothes were disheveled, his hair a mess, and his manly beard stuck out straight to the sides. He stood in the entrance, swaying slightly.
Neshomeh, who'd been cavorting with Vulkan and Granz in the form of a winged tortoiseshell cat, abruptly morphed back when she spotted her husband. "Oh man, I totally forgot our tea date! Crap, I'm so..." She noticed the glazed look in his eyes. "Hey, what happened to you?"
"I'm not sure," said Phobos. "But I think I'm Alpharius." He took one more step, tripped on a trailing leg of his jeans, and faceplanted onto the floor. There was a three-headed hydra brand on his left hip.
With apologies to the great J.R.R. Tolkien. And also to hS; I have no idea how he's going to draw this one. {= )
Oh, and yes, Silly!RP!Neshomeh can turn into a flying cat. Seemed like the right thing to do. ^_^
~Neshomeh
