Subject: Dutifully reporting to review.
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Posted on: 2017-10-16 11:37:00 UTC

Well, there is not really much relating to "Friday 13th October", other than "bad day – new demon arrived" (but then we don’t know when Tom checked last, and how long the demon may already have been there). But using every opportunity to write your agents before you ask for permission is a smart move, so congrats on that. And you write them well. I don’t know the Laundryverse, or which continuum Tom’s Space Marine partner may have come from, but I still feel like I understand most of what is going on there.

But one sentence confused me. Not being a native speaker, I’m not sure whether it’s grammatically possible that a minor demonic entity had taken up residence with a bin of electronic components or whether it should be obvious that Tom used a bin of electronic components together with the scanner app on his phone, and a working knowledge of Old Enochian (but where had the demon taken up residence then? Or should this be obvious too?) Maybe some words or some punctuation are lacking there, but I guess breaking the sentence up to make it more clear would be best.

Overall, I get a good first impression of your agents, and I can picture their RC. (Or should I imagine it? I’m not sure about that choice of word.)

HG, before reading the notes.

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