And here I thought, these ...

Subject: And here I thought, these ...
Author: Hieronymus Graubart
Posted on: 2017-10-16 20:30:00 UTC

… and the hearth or percolator or whatever Androia may have used, are glaring plot holes and every reader would immediately ask the questions Hieronymus eventually asks. But that's obviously only me, knowing a lot I didn't actually write yet.

Your advice would be quite good if this were meant to be a stand-alone story.

But if you could read it in context of the spin-off I still have to write, even the line about never having breakfast in the RC might be unnecessary exposition (and I was actually afraid of being called out for that). You would already know that Androia and Hieronymus always try to eat on missions at Hogwarts, because they don't like to go to the cafeteria and their RC didn't come with a kitchenette and they both don't know how to cook anyway. The sudden change would probably be more obvious then.

Unfortunately, you can't read it in context, because my spin-off currently only consists of writing exercises for workshops and of other small pieces like this here, spread all over the board archives, self-consistent (I hope) but not quite canonical, because most of it was written before I got permission.

So, I will not change this right now, but I will keep in mind that, when the missions and interludes that go first are available and I make this a canonical dream, it may need some revision to adapt to what's actually published then. (Note to self: On return from their second or third mission, the agents bring some extra food back to the RC, but then they don't know how to keep it fresh – there is no fridge.)

Thank you.

HG

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N+1th Monthlyish PPC Writing Challenge by Huinesoron on 2017-10-13 10:07:00 UTC Reply

The last one was in March, so that's only seven months! I think that's a new record! It looks like I didn't actually write anything for the last round, so hopefully I can do better this time.

The rules of the Monthlyish PPC Writing Challenge are simple:

-I will give you a prompt.
-You write a PPC-related story based on it. You do not need Permission to do this. Length is not important: we've had 100-word drabbles, vignettes, and longer pieces.
-You post your story in this thread. The emphasis here is on speed rather than perfection - get it beta'd if you want, but it's not essential, because:
-If you post a story, you should also provide constructive criticism for another story in the thread. Your concrit should not focus on SPaG errors (though you can point at them, too), but on issues of character, plot, realism, setting, and the like. And it should be constructive! Suggest improvements, don't just point out what's bad. A good rule of thumb is to include something you liked, something you thought needed improvement, and guidance for how to improve it.
-If (when!) you receive concrit, you should rework your story based on it. This isn't essential, but is highly recommended.

Got that? Good! Feel free to ask if anything's unclear, but, uh, 'write a story and get it concritted' isn't all that complicated. ;) Now for your prompt:

It's Friday 13th today, which to the superstitious among you means all sorts of trouble (assuming you're of Western European descent). It's also October, scientifically proven* to be the spookiest month. So the prompt, naturally enough, is:

Friday 13th October.

Interpret that however you please. ^_^ Let's get writing!

hS

*Not actually scientifically proven.

Let me try: Dark Lord's Emporium and Armoury by darklordaakmal on 2017-10-20 04:03:00 UTC Reply

"WHERE HAD MY ORCS BEEN?!" Just because I often leave my shop at the hands of Golnash doesn't mean he can skip work as much as he wants.

"I KNOW IT'S DAYTIME! YOU AREN'T AS WEAK TO SUNLIGHT AS YOUR ANCESTORS WERE!" I look under the shirts on display, carefully so I don't have to fold it back. I have fermented durian business to run too, and durian-scented shirts aren't in vogue since... First Age, I guess?

I found a snoring snaga curling peacefully under a mannequin pile. I flick her nose. "Wake up! Job!"

She yawns lazily as she extended her arms. The mannequins slide down, covering her again. She jolts, "Ahh! Avalanche!"

I pinch her nose, moving it side to side a few times. "Avalanche your head! Get up, and send these mannequins to the storeroom!." She quickly starts with her work, tying the same body parts together.

I look around, trying to see if any orcs and snagas are hiding around. "Hey, Trahan, where are the rest?"

She looks up at me. Her eyes are filled with fear. That's odd, usually their eyes are filled with mischief when they look at me.

"My Lord, they are having a holiday..."

"A Holiday? A HOLIDAY???!!!" My roar is befitting Morgoth's at Lammoth, if I may enter my basket and lift it myself. I bring out my mace and swing it around a few times. "Well, where are they holidaying? I intend to give them holidays, lasting forever!"

"My Lord, you don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Today's Friday the Thirteenth!"

My face loses its wrath, and now it is only filled with puzzlement. "Today's Saturday! Friday the Thirteenth's yesterday!"

"Our clock here follows Washington DC. It's 8.00 am Friday!"

I swapped my smartphone's screen. World Time... Oh yes, it's Friday. "Well, why are you not with the others? Don't you want to escape work too?"

"I want overtime. More money, can buy a Samsung android."

I clutch my stomach, laughing at her answer. "I haven't said today's a holiday!" I slam my fist at my chest, trying to stop my laughter. "You get paid your monthly wage. Unless you want to work past 5.00 pm?"

"Oooooh, yes! I get free lunch, right?"

I growl at her. "Don't empty the pantry."

She squeals in happiness and quickly cleans the shop, slapping an "OPEN" sign on the front door. I sit at the cashier's counter, throning with gloom as I wait for the first customers to arrive. This will be a long day, even with no ill luck.

Well, that was certainly a fun read. by Zingenmir on 2017-10-20 07:49:00 UTC Reply

It's also a bit of nostalgia seeing you around again, since you were pretty active in 2013 when I joined (this is DawnFire, by the way, in case you didn't catch the name change post. May as well head off potential confusion at the start; it's happened before). I still even have some notes somewhere about Dawn and a handful of other early agents of mine going to this emporium to get fireproof clothing so they could play with their mini-Balrogs...no idea if that'll ever happen now, but the notes still exist.

Anyway. A fun read, like I said, but there are some things I want to point out (briefly, because it seems that's not meant to be the focus). I'll put them in a list, because I rather like lists:

1. You have a few tense problems. You've written this mostly in present tense, but there are a few times where you slip into past tense. These include:

"I found a snoring snaga"->should be "I find"

"I swapped my smartphone's screen"->should be "I swap", though I'm not completely sure that's the right verb. Did you mean "swipe", or that he's switching screens? If it's the latter, then it's fine, just slightly unusual word choice.

"as she extended her arms"->should be "as she extends her arms"

And...that's it for tense problems, actually, unless I've missed something. That's pretty good--based on past experience, that's a fairly normal number of accidental tense changes if you normally write/read in past tense.

2. There are a number of places where the wording is a little odd. Things like "Where had my orcs been" instead of "where are my orcs" (or "where have my orcs gone"). (That's actually the main one--the rest is a count or two of slightly misused punctuation or a missing "a", which...isn't exactly wording, but I'm pre-breakfast here, give me a break with categorization).

I also love the expression "if I may enter my basket and lift it myself." I've never heard it before (though I feel like I know an equivalent); I'm guessing it's translated from Malay? It's fun.

Technical stuff aside...yeah, this was fun to read. This dark lord has a sense of humor to go with his hints of darkness, and Trahan...while she doesn't yet feel like a fully fleshed out character, she also doesn't feel like a cliche or a cardboard cutout. I like the interaction between her and the dark lord.

...of course, I also just like the idea of a dark lord running a couple of businesses. It's interesting. It also makes me want to read more and see everything get really developed. I liked this idea four years ago (no, wait, it's about five now, isn't it? Four and a half? Well, it'll be five at the beginning of 2018, anyway, which, woooow), and it seems my opinion hasn't changed. I'd still like to see more of this (and to know if you've got an overarching plot figured out, because I'm pretty curious), and it's good to see you back.

~Z

Writing the ficlet as quickly as I can... by darklordaakmal on 2017-10-20 08:38:00 UTC Reply

therefore, I do miss some tenses. Yes, I do mean swipe the screen, to switch to other apps. "if I may enter my basket and lift it myself." Yes, it's a Malay expression, something a bit stronger than 'patting yourself on the back'.

I don't think I can commit to developing this Dark Lord character for now. Real life, they are quite a priority. But I will revisit this idea again, if I am not too busy with other stuffs.

Friday, August 13, 2027 by Iximaz on 2017-10-16 05:36:00 UTC Reply

Faolan flicked her wand, and yards of red sequined silk flew out of the bag and laid itself neatly on the floor. Another wave and the pattern laid itself on top, held in place with magic.

"So, after you're done with the Jessica Rabbit costume, we've got a Sixth Doctor order," Charlotte said, "Can't believe how hard it was to find all those different fabrics."

"That lining had to be specially made," Faolan said, nodding. Several quick Diffindos and the sequined fabric was neatly cut into pieces. "Glad we got these when we did, though. I was worried we'd have to start looking at letting the gas bill go."

Charlotte sighed and set her folder aside. "Hon, do you ever think about maybe going back to the PPC?"

Faolan paused, lowering her wand. "All the time," she said quietly. "Why?"

"Just, you don't seem very happy here," Charlotte said. "I know you were thrilled at the idea of retiring, but ever since it actually happened you keep eyeballing the beacon, waiting for it to go off."

Faolan glanced at the metal disc on the mantle and sighed. "I'll be fine," she said. "Once I get used to the full moon again. It's been ten years since I've had to deal with them, save for the odd accident on a mission."

Charlotte nodded slowly. "And the rough startup with the shop's not helping, either," she said. It wasn't a question.

Faolan shrugged. "I mean, we're making ends meet, and that's all I can ask for," she said, but Charlotte shook her head.

"We've already had to cut electricity," she said, gesturing around at the candles flickering from the tables and mantle. "Ix—Fwai, you're scared things will go back to the way they were before."

Faolan turned to face Charlotte. "As long as we've got a roof over our heads and food on the table, I'm not going to complain," she said, "but when I married you, I promised I'd give you a good life, one that you deserved. I thought... I was foolish enough to think someone like me could do that."

Charlotte opened her mouth to protest, but what came out was a shrill, "POLLY, NO!"

There was a loud clunking noise and Faolan whirled around to see one of the candlesticks on the coffee table had been knocked over by the cat, landing on the stack of Sixth Doctor fabrics and setting it ablaze. A jet of water from Faolan's wand extinguished it, but the damage was already done.

"Oh no," Faolan whispered, staring at the mess.

"Hey. Fwai, don't worry, it'll be okay," Charlotte said, going over and wrapping an arm around her waist."You can just repair the cloth, right?"

Faolan shook her head. "If it was just torn, then yes, but it's not," she said. "And I can't conjure more, either, it would just vanish after a while."

Charlotte bit her lip. "How much would it cost to get more made?"

"Too much." Faolan slowly sat down on the floor, and Charlotte moved with her. "I—we're going to have to cut the gas now, too. Lottie, I..." She buried her face in her hands.

Charlotte rubbed her back, unsure of what else to say.

She was saved from having to say anything when the beacon on the mantle went off with a shrill [BEEEEEP!] She got up, silently cursing. If they were being called in, things were going to get ugly, and fast. Not exactly what they needed to be dealing with at that moment.

Faolan summoned her knee brace and slowly strapped it on, cursing under her breath at their rotten luck.

The PPC is the brainchild of Jay and Acacia; Ix and Charlotte belong to me. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, and Twilight to Stephenie Meyer.

Review by Tomash on 2017-10-16 10:28:00 UTC Reply

Overall, this was well-done. I can't think of any particular aspect that stands out as "the thing I liked the most", just that is was pretty good.

General thought: Your characters are never going to get long-lasting happy endings, are they? (Not that that's inherently a bad thing, just something I noticed)

The one thing that's sticking out at me is the sudden transition between the talking about the gas bill and Chartotte asking about going back to the PPC. It felt like the conversation just jumped without any setup or reason for it to do that. Like, I don't think I saw enough of what was happening or what people were thinking to justify that. It was propped up by a sigh and a folder close without much else.

I'm not even sure this is all that much of a problem, given the story length and such, but it was something I thought I'd mention that I noticed.

- Tomash

Alrighty, take two: by Iximaz on 2017-10-17 05:14:00 UTC Reply

Faolan flicked her wand, and yards of red sequined silk flew out of the bag and laid itself neatly on the floor. Another wave and the pattern laid itself on top, held in place with magic.

"So, after you're done with the Jessica Rabbit costume, we've got a Sixth Doctor order," Charlotte said, "Can't believe how hard it was to find all those different fabrics."

"That lining had to be specially made," Faolan said, nodding. Several quick Diffindos and the sequined fabric was neatly cut into pieces. "Glad we got these when we did, though. I was worried we'd have to start looking at letting the gas bill go." She glanced at the mantle and bit her lip.

Charlotte sighed and set her folder aside. "Hon, do you often think about maybe going back to the PPC?"

Faolan paused, lowering her wand. "All the time," she said quietly. "Why?"

"Just, you don't seem very happy here," Charlotte said. "I know you were thrilled at the idea of retiring, but ever since it actually happened you keep eyeballing the beacon, waiting for it to go off."

Faolan glanced at the metal disc on the mantle again and sighed. "I'll be fine," she said. "Once I get used to the full moon again. It's been ten years since I've had to deal with them, save for the odd accident on a mission."

Charlotte nodded slowly. "And the rough startup with the shop's not helping, either," she said. It wasn't a question.

Faolan shrugged. "I mean, we're making ends meet, and that's all I can ask for," she said, but Charlotte shook her head.

"We've already had to cut electricity," she said, gesturing around at the candles flickering from the tables and mantle. "Ix—Fwai, you're scared things will go back to the way they were before."

Faolan turned to face Charlotte. "As long as we've got a roof over our heads and food on the table, I'm not going to complain," she said, "but when I married you, I promised I'd give you a good life, one that you deserved. I thought... I was foolish enough to think someone like me could do that."

Charlotte opened her mouth to protest, but what came out was a shrill, "POLLY, NO!"

There was a loud clunking noise and Faolan whirled around to see one of the candlesticks on the coffee table had been knocked over by the cat, landing on the stack of Sixth Doctor fabrics and setting it ablaze. A jet of water from Faolan's wand extinguished it, but the damage was already done.

"Oh no," Faolan whispered, staring at the mess.

"Hey. Fwai, don't worry, it'll be okay," Charlotte said, going over and wrapping an arm around her waist."You can just repair the cloth, right?"

Faolan shook her head. "If it was just torn, then yes, but it's not," she said. "And I can't conjure more, either, it would just vanish after a while."

Charlotte bit her lip. "How much would it cost to get more made?"

"Too much." Faolan slowly sat down on the floor, and Charlotte moved with her. "I—we're going to have to cut the gas now, too. Lottie, I..." She buried her face in her hands.

Charlotte rubbed her back, unsure of what else to say.

She was saved from having to say anything when the beacon on the mantle went off with a shrill [BEEEEEP!] She got up, silently cursing. If they were being called in, things were going to get ugly, and fast. Not exactly what they needed to be dealing with at that moment.

Faolan summoned her knee brace and slowly strapped it on, cursing under her breath at their rotten luck.

The PPC is the brainchild of Jay and Acacia; Ix and Charlotte belong to me. Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, and Twilight to Stephenie Meyer.

I'd say that's a reasonable fix by Tomash on 2017-10-17 20:20:00 UTC Reply

The glance at the mantle gets explained a few lines down, so the topic change makes sense if you just read on a little longer from the moment it happens.

- Tooooooomh

Stupid keyboard, making me create a mini-me (nm) by Tomash on 2017-10-17 21:10:00 UTC Reply

Broken Equipment, Demons, and other Occupational Hazards by Thoth on 2017-10-15 20:31:00 UTC Reply

Tom Andrews was not having a good day.

Picture, if you will, the inside of RC #65536+3i - a number that Tom was certain had been designed specifically to annoy him. Given that this was HQ, it was entirely possible.

The small room was neatly partitioned. One side was fanatically clean, with a carefully organized bookshelf and a neatly organized desk taking up most of the space. Well, most of the space that wasn’t taken up by a very large form that appeared to be sleeping. Tom was about 80% sure his partner wasn’t actually sleeping, but he was equally sure that making any deliberate effort to “wake” him was a bad idea.

The other side of the room was taken up by what was seemingly a swamp composed entirely of books, which seemed to have obtained their current placement when a hurricane blew through. There was a supply of Coke in the corner, from which empty cans had been strewn about carelessly. A small desk held a laptop, two precariously-stacked monitors, and a console. Not to be confused with the RC’s console, which was prominently positioned in the center of the room. This one was monochrome, text-only, and came straight from the 80s. And it was currently showing no text at all and beeping quite loudly at Tom.

*SMACK SMACK SMACK* “Work!”

The console refused to budge, even after being hit several times - which was surprising: this technique had been fairly effective in the past. Tom sighed and opened the thing up, jiggling about any components that might be loose. However, the console was still entirely nonfunctional.

And this was how Tom came to be carrying a very heavy piece of vintage hardware through the corridors of the PPC, in a vaguely DoSAT-wards direction. Probably. It was hard not to think of your destination when you were lugging something this heavy. After his tenth break along the way, he briefly considered working out how to summon some demons to do it for him. After the twelfth, he was halfway through the equations before he remembered why this was a Bad Idea.

In the end, it took him around 15 minutes to get to DoSAT, by which time he was panting like he’d run a marathon. He looked around for the nearest tech. “I’d like… this thing… repaired please…” he gasped.

The tech looked at him with a mixture of annoyance and bafflement. “That’s an Heathkit terminal from the 1980s. It’s ancient and not particularly good. You sure you don’t want to just chuck it?”

By this point, Tom had placed the console down, and was feeling a bit less winded. “I quite like it, myself. And I would like it repaired if you can do it.”

“Well, I guess I could try and find someone to- wait a minute. What continuum are you from?”

Tom glanced around awkwardly. “Weeell… um… you see… I can’t actually tell you that...”
The tech grabbed his CAD and pointed it at Tom:

Tom Andrews. PPC Agent. Continuum of Origin: Laundryverse. OOC: 3.127%. Error Margin: 5%. Suggested Action: Nothing.

“I knew it!” said the Tech. He glared at Tom. “Look, I’m not touching that thing until you clear it first. I happen to value my life.”

Tom rolled his eyes. “Look,” he said, “there’s nothing in there. But if makes you feel better, I’ll run scan on the thing just to make sure.” He ran his phone over to terminal.

His phone beeped.

Tom sighed. “Of course. Just my bloody luck today. Gloves?”

And that was how Tom Andrews ended up poking around the inside of his terminal, looking for and attempting to banish whatever minor demonic entity had taken up residence with a bin of electronic components, the scanner app on his phone, and a working knowledge of Old Enochian. After a few hours of careful work, he managed to trap the thing in an improvised circuit for examination or banishment. This circuit disappeared into a ziplock, which itself disappeared into another ziplock - touching it would be a Bad Idea now. However, his terminal was clean of any sinister influences now, so he could finally hand the thing over to a technician for examination and repairs.

By the time he got back to his RC (once again lugging his terminal), it was significantly later. His partner sat at the cleaner desk, reading through the Horus Heresy novels at an alarming speed. “I trust that you have taken care of the issue with your terminal device?” he asked, gesturing at the terminal as Tom set it back down on his desk.

“Yes, Thoth,” Tom said, irritatedly. “I took it down to DoSAT and… wait a minute. How did you… You could have helped!”

Thoth shrugged, a gesture that looked strange on a Space Marine. “You should have checked to see if I was truly sleeping. Besides, I had more important things to do than aid you.”

“You- you- you- you-” at this point, Tom made a shockingly creative word choice.

“I believe that was my original job in my home continuum, was it not? I am, after all, a Thousand Son.”

Tom sighed. “I’m not even going to try and argue.” He grabbed a can of Coke. “I’m going out.”

“Where?”

Tom grabbed a his laptop and some reading material (a tattered copy of Compilers: Principles, Techniques, and Tools) and stepped out the door. “Rudi’s!”

Dutifully reporting to review. by Hieronymus Graubart on 2017-10-16 11:37:00 UTC Reply

Well, there is not really much relating to "Friday 13th October", other than "bad day – new demon arrived" (but then we don’t know when Tom checked last, and how long the demon may already have been there). But using every opportunity to write your agents before you ask for permission is a smart move, so congrats on that. And you write them well. I don’t know the Laundryverse, or which continuum Tom’s Space Marine partner may have come from, but I still feel like I understand most of what is going on there.

But one sentence confused me. Not being a native speaker, I’m not sure whether it’s grammatically possible that a minor demonic entity had taken up residence with a bin of electronic components or whether it should be obvious that Tom used a bin of electronic components together with the scanner app on his phone, and a working knowledge of Old Enochian (but where had the demon taken up residence then? Or should this be obvious too?) Maybe some words or some punctuation are lacking there, but I guess breaking the sentence up to make it more clear would be best.

Overall, I get a good first impression of your agents, and I can picture their RC. (Or should I imagine it? I’m not sure about that choice of word.)

HG, before reading the notes.
Notes by Thoth on 2017-10-15 20:50:00 UTC Reply

I always forget to do this stuff...

The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia, in custody of the board and its Mighty Permission-Givers (TM). I don't have permission, but this is considered acceptable in this case, by virtue of blanket Permission from a permission giver for this event.

The Laundry Files and the entities therein belong to Charles Stross. So does OFCUT (although I never explicitly mentioned OFCUT...).

Warhammer 40k, Adeptus Astartes/Space Marines, The Thousand Sons, The Horus Heresy, The Warp and so on belong to Games Workshop. With luck they won't sue me for anything in the future.

Thanks to Tomash for pointing out my stupid mistakes in writing this and generally helping out.

Pager Duty by Tomash on 2017-10-15 01:19:00 UTC Reply

2017-10-13 06:16:00 [ecosystems3.rack5.qq45ld09β-tl1.routing] tty1: NO CARRIER 2017-10-13 06:16:00 [cisco2.rack2.rr12zh34ε-tl1.routing] eth3: link down [55385 similar messages elided] 2017-10-13 06:16:15 [ecosystems3.rack5.qq45ld09α-tl1.routing] no route to host vault-tec1.rack1.qa01aa04ξ-tl1.routing 2017-10-13 06:16:19 [cisco2.rack2.rr12zh34ε-tl1.routing] no route to host console04ab9e221e44b490ff.rc112358.dms [103287 similar messages elided] 2017-10-13 06:16:59 [monitoring13.dosat] Region qa01 probably down - sev2 ticket #23499101 logged
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEP]
Technician Tomash was startled awake by the console. He groped around for his glasses, put them on, and then took a look at the time.

"It's 6 in the morning, dammit." he grumbled. "What'm I getting woken up for?"

Tomash walked over to his console
2017-10-13 06:20:51 [ingress1.rack6.ra01aa07ν-tl1.routing] nlan1: link down (warp fluctuations) 2017-10-13 06:20:52 [tuberosum55.box2b.בc23ln43λ-tl1.routing] prot1: link down [298232 similar messages elided] 2017-10-13 06:20:55 [console050102ky332761.rc007.dosat] no route to host monitoring.dosat 2017-10-13 06:21:01 [ingress1.rack6.ra01aa07ν-tl1.routing] no route to host console02.dosat [408214 similar messages elided]
and started reading the logs. "OK, this'll be annoying. Let's see where that is..."
tomash@rc2718282 ~ 06:23 $ network-map qa01 Fatal error: Cannot look up room layout: no route to host
"The heck?"
2017-10-13 06:23:23 [aperture4.control.dosat] External corruption on link fib3, preemptive halt 2017-10-13 06:23:24 [monitoring08.dosat] Kernel panic: Core nyph14tnyd,eucrkaogutns1\2443h4prs^X@ [10 similar messaged elided]
Tomash leaned down to make sure his console's network cable was still plugged in. This was fortunate, as, about 30 seconds after that command had failed, the console's screen and keyboard started glowing green.

Bits bits bits said the thing in the console.

Tomash wasn't quite sure what was going on, but had a general sense of how to respond to this situation. He ran outside, without bothering to put on shoes first, and started heading for the main computing facilities. Headquarters, fortunately, was being cooperative, and he made it there rather quickly.

And so, about a minute later, a heavily breathing technician charged into a room full of routers, servers, and even more unusual equipment. Some of this equipment was glowing, and the fraction of eerily-green equipment was slowly growing. Tomash grabbed a nearby hammer, smashed some glass, pulled up a molly-guard, and slammed the big red button by the door.
2017-10-13 06:24:32 [panel.th02ln44μ.routing.dosat] Emergency shutdown logged
The blinking lights on the machines turned off.

The box of potatoes half a mile down the hall to the left stopped vibrating.

Everything was quiet.

Too quiet.

But that might have just been the fact that piles of technical stuff are always at least somewhat noisy under normal circumstances.

Fortunately, the glowing started receding out of the servers. Hungry hungry hungry it said.

Tomash looked at the diagram on a nearby wall and found out where qa01 should be. He started walking his way down the now emergency-lit hall, using a phone flashlight to check the door signs. Unfortunately, that was a rather theoretical diagram since HQ was back to its usual self. Now that the immediate threat was past, looking for a large bay full of equipment was a terrible strategy for finding it.

After a few increasingly frustrating minutes, Tomash made it to area qa01, where he started listening for eldritch muttering and glowing. He paced around the room, looking around every few steps, and didn't find anything. That was a bit concerning.

"OK, wait, the first thing that showed as down is in aa03 or so, hm let's see..." Tomash started walking over there, and then he looked around more carefully. "OK, so none of this stuff is glowy. Where the heck could that have been coming from?"

During all the staring, a faint blue shimmering from a cable run caught Tomash's eye. He went over to where the room's backup CAD was, and pointed it at the plothole in the cable run.
Natural portal to Laundryverse. Close? Y/n
Tomash hit the button to close the plothole, ending the shimmering. He then left and started heading for the main DoSAT labs.

Once he'd gotten there, he went through the Makes-Things Memorial Blast Doors (which were still named that even though Makes-Things had always been very alive) and called out. "Anyone know how to restart main routing? I got the scary green stuff out, but I can't find the startup docs."

"They're on the wiki!" said a nearby tech. A moment later, she'd remembered what was going on and added "Which is under that desk over there.", pointing towards said desk.

Tomash went over to the wiki server, turned it on, looked up the directions, and started the process of getting a good chunk of the network back up.

After the initial steps were dealt with, the procedure sped up significantly since it turned into something that could easily be split up among many people, and there were a lot of techs waiting around twiddling their thumbs (or other manipulatory appendages, if any) while waiting for the outage to clear up. Most of the work involved going to each part of the shut-down infrastructure, disengaging the emergency stop mechanisms, and turning certain supervisory computers on by hand, as they would restore the rest of the system automatically.

Even with all the help, getting everyone back online took a few hours, as there was a lot of infrastructure to restart. There were also the inevitable issues with bugs, such as the ones that got into the boxes of computational potatoes.

Once everything was mostly back up and running, Tomash went back to bed, yawning frequently along the way, since he really hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before.

He'd just about managed to settle into a nap when
2017-10-13 13:13:13 [aperture4.control.dosat] Emergency stop. In-progress canon integration detected. 2017-10-13 13:13:16 [monitoring01.dosat] Control AI unresponsive - sev3 ticket #23499666 logged
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEP]

This is not intended to be canon, since it might constitute a minor Emergency if it were. (That is, unless you want it to be canon, in which case you are free to adopt it into your own work.) The Laundry Files universe belongs to Charles Stross, and the entities in this story could very plausibly reside there.

Thank you to Thoth for looking things over and pointing out several problems with previous versions of the story.

- Tomash

Pager Duty, v1.1.0 by Tomash on 2017-10-17 23:06:00 UTC Reply

(( 1.1.0: Expended on a few elements and tweaked vocabulary per some reviews. Further comments are welcome and appreciated. ))
2017-10-13 06:16:00 [ecosystems3.rack5.qq45ld09β-tl1.routing] tty1: NO CARRIER 2017-10-13 06:16:00 [cisco2.rack2.rr12zh34ε-tl1.routing] eth3: link down [55385 similar messages elided] 2017-10-13 06:16:15 [ecosystems3.rack5.qq45ld09α-tl1.routing] no route to host vault-tec1.rack1.qa01aa04ξ-tl1.routing 2017-10-13 06:16:19 [cisco2.rack2.rr12zh34ε-tl1.routing] no route to host console04ab9e221e44b490ff.rc112358.dms [103287 similar messages elided] 2017-10-13 06:16:59 [monitoring13.dosat] Region qa01 probably down - sev2 ticket #23499101 logged
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEP]
Technician Tomash was startled awake by the console. He groped around for his glasses, put them on, and then took a look at the time.

"It's 6 in the morning, dammit." he grumbled. "What'm I getting woken up for?"

Tomash walked over to his console
2017-10-13 06:20:51 [ingress1.rack6.ra01aa07ν-tl1.routing] nlan1: link down (warp fluctuations) 2017-10-13 06:20:52 [tuberosum55.box2b.בc23ln43λ-tl1.routing] prot1: link down [298232 similar messages elided] 2017-10-13 06:20:55 [console050102ky332761.rc007.dosat] no route to host monitoring.dosat 2017-10-13 06:21:01 [ingress1.rack6.ra01aa07ν-tl1.routing] no route to host console02.dosat [408214 similar messages elided]
and started reading the beginning of the logs after glancing at the last few entries, which had come in around 6:19. "OK, zone outage, this'll be annoying. Let's see where that is..."
tomash@rc2718282 ~ 06:23 $ network-map qa01 Fatal error: Cannot look up room layout: no route to host
"The heck?"
2017-10-13 06:23:23 [aperture4.control.dosat] External corruption on link fib3, preemptive halt 2017-10-13 06:23:24 [monitoring08.dosat] Kernel panic: Core nyph14tnyd,eucrkaogutns1\2443h4prs^X@ [10 similar messaged elided]
Tomash leaned down to make sure his console's network cable was still plugged in. This was a fortunate decision, as, about 30 seconds after that lookup command had failed, the console's screen and keyboard started glowing green.

Bits bits bits said the thing in the console.

Tomash wasn't quite sure what was going on, but whatever was in his console sounded like an infovore, and he'd gotten the talk on what to do about an actively spreading one a few weeks after he'd transferred in to DoSAT. Namely, kill the affected network and hope it leaves through the plothole it used to get in, and get the Weeds if it didn't. Therefore, he ran outside without bothering to put on shoes first and started heading for the main computing facilities. Headquarters, fortunately, was being cooperative, and he made it there rather quickly.

And so, about a minute later, a heavily breathing technician charged into a room full of routers, servers, and even more unusual equipment. Some of this equipment was glowing, and the fraction of eerily-green equipment was slowly growing. Tomash grabbed a nearby hammer, smashed some glass, pulled open a protective plastic cover, and slammed the big red button by the door.
2017-10-13 06:24:32 [panel.th02ln44μ.routing.dosat] Emergency shutdown logged
The blinking lights on the machines turned off.

The box of potatoes half a mile down the hall to the left stopped vibrating.

Everything was quiet.

Too quiet.

But that might have just been the fact that piles of technical stuff are always at least somewhat noisy.

Fortunately, the glowing started receding out of the servers. Hungry hungry hungry it said.

Tomash looked at the diagram on a nearby wall and found out where qa01 should be. He started walking his way down the now emergency-lit hall, using a phone flashlight to check the door signs. Unfortunately, that was a rather theoretical diagram since HQ was back to its usual self. Now that the immediate threat was past, looking for a large bay full of equipment was a terrible strategy for finding it.

After a few increasingly frustrating minutes, Tomash made it to area qa01, where he started listening for eldritch muttering and glowing. He paced around the room, looking around every few steps, and didn't find anything. That was a bit concerning.

"OK, wait, the first thing that showed as down is in aa03 or so, hm let's see..." Tomash started walking over there, and then he looked around more carefully. "OK, so none of this stuff is glowy. Where the heck could that have been coming from?"

During all the staring, a faint blue shimmering from a cable run caught Tomash's eye. He went over to where the room's backup CAD was, and pointed it at the plothole in the cable run.
Natural portal to Laundryverse. Close? Y/n
Tomash hit the button to close the plothole, ending the shimmering. He then left and started heading for the main DoSAT labs.

Once he'd gotten there, he went through the Makes-Things Memorial Blast Doors (which were still named that even though Makes-Things had always been very alive) and called out. "Anyone know how to restart main routing? I got the scary green stuff out, but I can't find the startup docs."

"They're on the wiki!" said a nearby tech. A moment later, she'd remembered what was going on and added "Which is under that desk over there.", pointing towards said desk.

Tomash went over to the wiki server, turned it on, looked up the directions, and started the process of getting a good chunk of the network back up.

After the initial steps were dealt with, the procedure sped up significantly since it turned into something that could easily be split up among many people, and there were a lot of techs waiting around twiddling their thumbs (or other manipulatory appendages, if any) while waiting for the outage to clear up. Most of the work involved going to each part of the shut-down infrastructure, disengaging the emergency stop mechanisms, and turning certain supervisory computers on by hand, as they would restore the rest of the system automatically.

Even with all the help, getting everyone back online took a few hours, as there was a lot of infrastructure to restart. There were also the inevitable issues with bugs, such as the ones that got into the boxes of computational potatoes.

Once everything was mostly back up and running, Tomash went back to bed, yawning frequently along the way, since he really hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before.

He'd just about managed to settle into a nap when
2017-10-13 13:13:13 [aperture4.control.dosat] Emergency stop. In-progress canon integration detected. 2017-10-13 13:13:16 [monitoring01.dosat] Control AI unresponsive - sev3 ticket #23499666 logged
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEP]

Unhelpful review by Hieronymus Graubart on 2017-10-18 11:31:00 UTC Reply

Those messages look familiar, although I don’t get to see this stuff often; I’m in software development, not in network administration.

I don’t get how Tomash knows that the first thing that showed as down is in aa03 or so. Having Tomash explicitly reading the beginning of the logs in the new version, rather than just reading the logs may have drawn my attention to this, because to me it implies that the messages at the beginning of the story, before the break between 06:16 and 06:20, are the beginning of the logs and something indicating "aa03" should be up there. (Below the break is apparently the end, but not all of the last few entries, which had come in around 6:19.) In the previous version, it was easier to assume that I can’t find "aa03" just because I don’t see everything Tomash reads.

Is aa03 or so meant to imply that Tomash actually misremembers what he read and the problems started in qa01aa04 (fourth line of the messages)? Am I overthinking this?

I like that the Makes-Things Memorial Blast Doors are still a thing, and that bugs get into the computational potatoes. Strange technology, very PPC.

Weirdly, the bugged potatoes or whoever got the "[insert number] similar messages elided" right four times, but then made a spelling mistake.

HG

Replies by Tomash on 2017-10-18 21:16:00 UTC Reply

Yeas, that was meant to imply Tomash misremembered. You're not overthinking that.

(and yeah, Tomash isn't seeing every message you are)

I'm glad you liked the details I tried to put in there.

~~And clearly, that type was the effect of the scary stuff getting to the monitoring systems~~ That was a typo, thanks for catching it.

...yeah, that sounds about right by Delta Juliette on 2017-10-15 01:37:00 UTC Reply

One comment: I know what a Molly-guard is (because tech nerd), but it's not common vocabulary, even among the tech people I know.

Thanks for catching that bit of word choice by Tomash on 2017-10-15 12:32:00 UTC Reply

I suspect that happened because I was thinking in a very tech-nerd way while writing this (for one thing, those hostnames and error messages needed to be plausible, dammit), which led to me tending to use vocabulary like that more than I usually would in something I'm writing.

- Tomash
Oh, so THAT'S what that thing is called... by Thoth on 2017-10-15 09:36:00 UTC Reply

I kind of just ignored the word and read the context. It certainly made semse to me.

I guess now I know what a molly-guard is. Or rather, that that thing is called that.

N+??ty Years Hence by Zingenmir on 2017-10-14 20:54:00 UTC Reply

"Oh, good, you're back," Inbal'l said. She sighed and waved the Reader over to the lobby sofa she was sitting on. "C'mere. I need you to explain me a thing."

The Reader obligingly sat down next to the New Earth native. She was on her seventh body by now, which had come out resembling nothing so much as an aging Silurian; she rather missed having hair, for very personal reasons, but she had quite enjoyed the one time she had run into a real Silurian while an outfit of the type her fifth self had once classified as "blinding, God, why did I wear that?!" Now, however, she was dressed far more conservatively in a comfortable skirt and a replica of a very, very old Arcadian 442 unit t-shirt.

Her newest companion was in her mid-thirties. Inbal'l had stumbled into the TARDIS one day as the Reader and her long-term companion had been heading out, and had been traveling with them ever since. She kept her hair in a lively mass of colorfully beaded braids, with little pom poms attached to the ends in accordance with a style that had become quite popular on New Earth in the last few years. Her clothing, by contrast, was off-white and had orange buttons and zippers to close the many, many pockets on it.

Inbal'l might have mentioned wanting an explanation, but--as was frequent--she took her time getting to the question once she had the Reader's attention. "Hey, you get her settled in?"

"Oh yes." The Reader nodded, and leaned back against the sofa. She watched a pair of guests check into the hotel as she talked. "She's quite happy with the rooms. She's even looking forward to going swimming."

Inbal'l glanced at her sidelong. "You can't tell me you've never liked swimming."

The Reader smiled. "I could. Of course, it would be a lie, but that's life for you: liars all around." Her smile faded momentarily. "No matter, though, so long as she's happy. That's the important part, Inbal'l."

"Yeah, yeah, you're sweet and joined at the hip." Inbal'l rolled her eyes. "You're such a sappy old lady, Reader. I'm surprised she puts up with it."

The Reader kept smiling. "I've earned my sappiness by now, I think. So: what was your question?"

"Oh, that." Inbal'l sighed, and unrolled the tablet she'd been holding to show a paused video screen. "I was watching this--from Old Earth, you wouldn't know it, it's not your style--but it makes even less sense than usual. What's so scary about the thirteenth Friday?"

"The what?" The Reader frowned and peered at the tablet.

"The thirteenth Friday," Inbal'l repeated. "They're partaking in all kinds of weird superstitions to avoid trouble, because it's the thirteenth Friday."

"It could be something specific to the canon," the Reader suggested, tilting her head to one side, but Inbal'l shook her head.

"It's not fantasy. I checked. It's meant to be a sitcom about daily life in Old New York."

"Then it's most likely Friday the Thirteenth," said the Reader. "I couldn't tell you why, but some Old Earth cultures considered it unlucky. I'm afraid I never found out more."

"But you read it somewhere, didn't you? And you always read the whole book, even if it's boring. I've seen you."

The Reader shrugged one shoulder, looking away. "Yes, well. This is something I heard, rather than read; and the person telling me wasn't from Earth. That really is all I know."

"Rats." Inbal'l sighed and rolled the tablet back up. "I s'pose I'll look it up sometime, then. Come on!" She jumped up and offered the Reader a hand. "Let's go before we're forced to do something horrible."

The Reader blinked up at her. "Something horrible?" she repeated. "I thought we'd chosen well this time. No trouble. What horrible thing did I miss?"

"Swimming," Inbal'l replied, and snickered when the Reader sighed and took her offered hand. "There we go. C'mon, Reader--adventure awaits!"

"We're going to a museum," the Reader said. They began to walk towards the exit.

"A fun museum."

The Reader sighed, but her lips curled into a smile. "An interesting museum. Very quiet."

Inbal'l snorted. "Yeah, we'll see. Come on--TARDIS is that way!"

--

Are we doing disclaimers? Okay. This is PPC-related in that the Seventh Reader was once an agent (and still is in the present), but I don't see that it needs disclaiming. Uh, Doctor Who belongs presumably to the BBC, and Inbal'l (een-bahll) is my own invention. Her name apparently means both uvula and clapper of a bell in Hebrew (if you remove the second L, anyway); I chose it purely for the sound, though, which...is now feeling a little meta.

Also, canon-wise? I couldn't tell you for sure if I'll stick with the Silurian idea, but the situation makes sense for the Reader's future. So...consider it canon but with the Reader's appearance subject to change (though either the Seventh or the Eighth Reader is definitely going to look non-Time Lord, so that part won't change unless it goes to the Eighth in the end).

Review by Tomash on 2017-10-15 13:36:00 UTC Reply

This slice-of-life thing gave me a good sense of the contrast between characters, I'd say - the Seventh Reader's a quiet unadventurous person (that is, I could totally see her doing the "old grandma in a rocking chair" thing), while Inbal'l is more outgoing, energetic, etc.

I also think the descriptions at the beginning gave me a good sense of what people looked like without being too detailed, if that makes sense.

Now for the potentially-bad news: one aspect of the story left me rather confused. There seems to be some unnamed third person, "she", lurking around the background of this story. I have no idea who she is, or what she's doing other than staying at this hotel, or how she's related to any of the characters in the story other than that they seem to know her. If that was intentionally meant to be vague, then it worked. If not, some exposition about what's going on near the beginning might help.

- Tomash

It *was* intentionally vague. However... by Zingenmir on 2017-10-16 19:08:00 UTC Reply

After speaking to SeaTurtle (excitedly and at length), I can reveal that the mysterious woman skulking around the background of this story is none other than Naya (Naya'Keegan vas Headquarters), of the DIA in the present. You may know her as Terabyte and the Guardsman's partner, or as the person the Reader was married to in a Ten Years Hence from a couple years ago. Now, however, I'm making it officially canon: Naya and the Reader will get married in the future, and will eventually retire together. Fluff all around :)

Apart from that: I'm glad the descriptions worked well! They were fun to come up with.

I have also spotted a missing word towards the beginning--the Reader was *wearing* the blinding outfit when she met a real Silurian. Whoops.

And...that's it. Pending other reviews, I think I'll probably just rework the story slightly so that Naya is present in name and description as well, at the very least.

Thanks for reviewing! :)

(I shall get to reviewing as well at some point too, just...not quite yet. I need to go find dinner and then sleep is a thing I will need more of...)

~Z

Best Day Ever? by Hieronymus Graubart on 2017-10-14 18:59:00 UTC Reply

"Grumpyyy! Breakfast!"

Grmph. Really? I thought. Is it morning already? With some effort, I managed to open one eye, to glance at the calendar on the wall. Friday, October 13^th, 2017, it said in glaring letters. So, it was one of those days when you best just stay in bed. "Lemme alone, I’m sleep-deprived!" Besides, we never have breakfast in our RC, because we lack the supplies and kitchenware, and I didn’t feel like walking to the cafeteria. I closed my eye and turned around. But I wasn’t allowed to fall asleep again.

"Grumpy? I found you some coffee. And toast and butter."

You see, I have a reputation to hold up. But then, disappointing Androia, when she tries to be nice, would be a bad thing. I jumped out of the bed, my head barely missing the upper frame, and bumped into my girl, who had just entered the bedroom, carrying a mug of deliciously smelling coffee and a dish. Brought to such a sudden halt, the toast promptly slipped off the dish.

Well, you know what always happens when a buttered toast is dropped. The thing is, it didn’t happen. In one swift movement, like it had been choreographed, Androia shoved the mug in my hand, dived for the toast and caught it on the dish, just before it could hit the floor. Also, the toast had performed a perfect somersault; the buttered side was up again.

"That was amazing", I said, lending Androia a hand to help her get up. Apparently, she had dismissed her ugly black uniform in favour of the blue novice gown I liked so much. And from the corner of my eye, I noticed that something was off with the bunk bed. There had been no blankets on the upper bed since I-don’t-remember-when. Had she decided to move in again while I was asleep?

"You are amazing", I said. "Where did you find this coffee?"

"In the locker we never bothered to open. And did you know that there is a small fridge under our console? There I found the butter."

I took a sip from the mug. "Ah, it tastes as delicious as it smells."

"I guess you have to let go of my hand if you want to eat your toast." Androia presented the dish to me, smiling.

"Actually, I’m not that hungry right now." Not for toast, anyway. Your lips, on the other hand ...

Of course, the console decided that this was the right moment to interrupt, and we had to run to cut the annoying beep off. Well, maybe I should be glad about that; playing it too fast might have gone terribly wrong. While Androia checked the Intel report, I quickly looked to the far corner, where she had set up camp. There were definitely no blankets on the floor anymore.

"Somebody must have made a mistake", Androia said, looking up. "We are in the Harry Potter division; this is My Little Pony."

"What! Are they kidding me? Will this be Neverfree all over again? I’m not made to walk on four limps! I even kept the brace and the crutch for evidence!"

"There is no sense in fretting, and complaining to Upstairs would not be worth the paper work. We should just roll with it." Androia had already started to fiddle with the console.

"Wait, I’m still in my pyjamas."

"So what? Earthponies again?"

"At least let me be a unicorn. I need some replacement for my hands."

Well, the adventures of the pyjamas-striped unicorn are for the mission report. Suffice to say that Equestria is beautiful, I didn’t sprain my ankle again, we flawlessly mastered unicorn magic, and the OC was actually a decent character who could just be left alone.

We didn’t even stumble when we stepped back into our RC and became bipedal again.

"This is weird", Androia said, pointing to the console’s calendar widget. Usually, we skip months whenever we go on a mission, but this time, we had returned on Friday, October 13^th, 2017, and it was not even noon.

"BEEP!"

"This is weird, too. What did we ever have to do with RWBY?"

"Uh, I watched it, and I’m looking forward to Volume five premiering tomorrow?"

Beacon Academy is gorgeous, Sun Wukong dropped banana peels on us, but we never slipped, and we didn’t even bother to take notes, because the evil wraith fled on seeing us although we aren’t even exorcists.

"BEEP!"

"Doctor who?"

He’s hilarious, by the way, and the TARDIS is just indescribable. So that’s what it came down to: On Friday the thirteenth, we kept getting short, easy missions to worlds I like, and nothing ever hurt. Eventually, the penny dropped.

"Uhm, Androia. There’s something I must tell you. That guy who created you while playing World of Warcraft, that – uh, that’s me."

"Finally opening up, Hieronymus? I figured this out ages ago, and I forgave you. After all, I would not even be here if it were not for you."

Because apparently, unlike a common believe elsewhere, in PPC HQ Friday the thirteenth is the day when nothing can go wrong.

But now I’m wondering why we never bothered to open that locker, and how we didn’t notice the fridge earlier. And why would we have a tear-off calendar on the wall of our bedroom? If the timeline didn’t go haywire again, today should be Saturday, October 14^th, 2017. I may have been woken by a noise from the upper bed; I guess I should just check whether she’s there. But I don’t even dare to open my eyes. What if there is no calendar on that wall?

DISCLAIMER: The PPC was created by Jay and Acacia, and is used with permission. World of Warcraft, Androia’s home continuum, is property of Blizzard Entertainment. As far as a Player’s Character can be owned, Androia Avatar belongs to Hieronymus Graubart, who belongs to himself. The Harry Potter series of books was created by the magnificent Joanne K. Rowling. My Little Pony – Friendship is Magic belongs to Hasbro, RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. "Neverfree of Work" belongs to Iximaz; Hieronymus spraining his ankle while participating in the mass exorcism happened off-page there, but it is canon.

HG

My attempt at a review by Thoth on 2017-10-16 13:48:00 UTC Reply

I really liked the concept of this fic. It's a pretty cool idea. And generally speaking, you executed it pretty well. The whole Inception/Groundhog Day ending was neat, and you gave us some very nice initial clues in the lead up.

The only issue I had - and this might be just me - is the precise way the ending is written. I don't know if I'm the only one, but I got to that last paragraph, and my first thought was "wait... what locker? What fridge?" They were such minor details in the early story that I didn't even remember them. I would suggest - if I may be so bold as to do so - making them more prominent or somehow unusual so that they stick in our minds better.

And here I thought, these ... by Hieronymus Graubart on 2017-10-16 20:30:00 UTC Reply

… and the hearth or percolator or whatever Androia may have used, are glaring plot holes and every reader would immediately ask the questions Hieronymus eventually asks. But that's obviously only me, knowing a lot I didn't actually write yet.

Your advice would be quite good if this were meant to be a stand-alone story.

But if you could read it in context of the spin-off I still have to write, even the line about never having breakfast in the RC might be unnecessary exposition (and I was actually afraid of being called out for that). You would already know that Androia and Hieronymus always try to eat on missions at Hogwarts, because they don't like to go to the cafeteria and their RC didn't come with a kitchenette and they both don't know how to cook anyway. The sudden change would probably be more obvious then.

Unfortunately, you can't read it in context, because my spin-off currently only consists of writing exercises for workshops and of other small pieces like this here, spread all over the board archives, self-consistent (I hope) but not quite canonical, because most of it was written before I got permission.

So, I will not change this right now, but I will keep in mind that, when the missions and interludes that go first are available and I make this a canonical dream, it may need some revision to adapt to what's actually published then. (Note to self: On return from their second or third mission, the agents bring some extra food back to the RC, but then they don't know how to keep it fresh – there is no fridge.)

Thank you.

HG

Review by Tomash on 2017-10-15 12:56:00 UTC Reply

Ok, first off, that ending! You'd set me up for the idea that you were taking the prompt and turned it on it's head with the "day nothing can go wrong" thing (which would make sense as a PPC story) and then, dam, it might have all been a dream or something. Or not. Who knows? I don't, and that was really neat.

In retrospect, the missions were rather uncharacteristically easy for the PPC, which adds to the weirdness factor when you go back and look.

This will be a somewhat unhelpful review on the concrit side, since I'm having trouble finding something that could use work other than grammar and word choice stuff (I remember "dismissed" applied to choice of clothes jumped out at me). If you want me to go list that stuff out, let me know.

- Tomash

After some digging in the dictionary by Hieronymus Graubart on 2017-10-18 10:01:00 UTC Reply

Androia may have ditched her uniform. So, take two (now grammar checked by my old friend, Microsoft Word):

Best Day Ever?

"Grumpyyy! Breakfast!"

Grmph. Really? I thought. Is it morning already? With some effort, I managed to open one eye, to glance at the calendar on the wall. Friday, October 13^th, 2017, it said in glaring letters. So, it was one of those days when you best just stay in bed. "Lemme alone, I’m sleep-deprived!" Besides, we never have breakfast in our RC, because we lack the supplies and kitchenware, and I didn’t feel like walking to the cafeteria. I closed my eye and turned around. But I wasn’t allowed to fall asleep again.

"Grumpy? I found you some coffee. And toast and butter."

You see, I have a reputation to hold up. But then, disappointing Androia, when she tries to be nice, would be a bad thing. I jumped out of the bed, my head barely missing the upper frame, and bumped into my girl, who had just entered the bedroom, carrying a mug of deliciously smelling coffee and a dish. Brought to such a sudden halt, the toast promptly slipped off the dish.

Well, you know what always happens when a buttered toast is dropped. The thing is, it didn’t happen. In one swift movement, like it had been choreographed, Androia shoved the mug in my hand, dived for the toast and caught it on the dish, just before it could hit the floor. Also, the toast had performed a perfect somersault; the buttered side was up again.

"That was amazing", I said, lending Androia a hand to help her get up. Apparently, she had ditched her ugly black uniform in favour of the blue novice gown I liked so much. And from the corner of my eye, I noticed that something was off with the bunk bed. There had been no blankets on the upper bed since I-don’t-remember-when. Had she decided to move in again while I was asleep?

"You are amazing", I said. "Where did you find this coffee?"

"In the locker we never bothered to open. And did you know that there is a small fridge under our console? There I found the butter."

I took a sip from the mug. "Ah, it tastes as delicious as it smells."

"I guess you have to let go of my hand if you want to eat your toast." Androia presented the dish to me, smiling.

"Actually, I’m not that hungry right now." Not for toast, anyway. Your lips, on the other hand...

Of course, the console decided that this was the right moment to interrupt, and we had to run to cut the annoying beep off. Well, maybe I should be glad about that; playing it too fast might have gone terribly wrong. While Androia checked the Intel report, I quickly looked to the far corner, where she had set up camp. There were definitely no blankets on the floor anymore.

"Somebody must have made a mistake", Androia said, looking up. "We are in the Harry Potter division; this is My Little Pony."

"What! Are they kidding me? Will this be Neverfree all over again? I’m not made to walk on four limps! I even kept the brace and the crutch for evidence!"

"There is no sense in fretting, and complaining to Upstairs would not be worth the paper work. We should just roll with it." Androia had already started to fiddle with the console.

"Wait, I’m still in my pyjamas."

"So what? Earth Ponies again?"

"At least let me be a unicorn. I need some replacement for my hands."

Well, the adventures of the pyjamas-striped unicorn are for the mission report. Suffice to say that Equestria is beautiful, I didn’t sprain my ankle again, we flawlessly mastered unicorn magic, and the OC was actually a decent character who could just be left alone.

We didn’t even stumble when we stepped back into our RC and became bipedal again.

"This is weird", Androia said, pointing to the console’s calendar widget. Usually, we skip months whenever we go on a mission, but this time, we had returned on Friday, October 13^th, 2017, and it was not even noon.

"BEEP!"

"This is weird, too. What did we ever have to do with RWBY?"

"Uh, I watched it, and I’m looking forward to Volume five premiering tomorrow?"

Beacon Academy is gorgeous, Sun Wukong dropped banana peels on us, but we never slipped, and we didn’t even bother to take notes, because the evil wraith fled on seeing us although we aren’t even exorcists.

"BEEP!"

"Doctor who?"

He’s hilarious, by the way, and the TARDIS is just indescribable. So that’s what it came down to: On Friday the thirteenth, we kept getting short, easy missions to worlds I like, and nothing ever hurt. Eventually, the penny dropped.

"Uhm, Androia. There’s something I must tell you. That guy who created you while playing World of Warcraft, that – uh, that’s me."

"Finally opening up, Hieronymus? I figured this out ages ago, and I forgave you. After all, I would not even be here if it were not for you."

Because apparently, unlike a common believe elsewhere, in PPC HQ Friday the thirteenth is the day when nothing can go wrong.

But now I’m wondering why we never bothered to open that locker, and how we didn’t notice the fridge earlier. And why would we have a tear-off calendar on the wall of our bedroom? If the timeline didn’t go haywire again, today should be Saturday, October 14^th, 2017. I may have been woken by a noise from the upper bed; I guess I should just check whether she’s there. But I don’t even dare to open my eyes. What if there is no calendar on that wall?

DISCLAIMER: The PPC was created by Jay and Acacia, and is used with permission. World of Warcraft, Androia’s home continuum, is property of Blizzard Entertainment. As far as a Player’s Character can be owned, Androia Avatar belongs to Hieronymus Graubart, who belongs to himself. The Harry Potter series of books was created by the magnificent Joanne K. Rowling. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic belongs to Hasbro, RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, and Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. "Neverfree of Work" belongs to Iximaz; Hieronymus spraining his ankle while participating in the mass exorcism happened off-page there, but it is or will be made canon.

HG
Ha, it worked. Thank you for the kind words. by Hieronymus Graubart on 2017-10-16 10:30:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, my train of thought went: Turn it on top – how would this manifest to my agents – but how would this be spooky? – And although I’m afraid of having to write the drama that should ensue after "I am your creator", this easy copout should better not be canon.

Since I’m not a native speaker, grammar and word choice is actually what I need most help with; I would appreciate that. (Note: While my posts on the board are mostly American English because that’s more common here, in stories about my agents I try to follow British rules, because that’s what they do in the Harry Potter division.)

HG

OT: Pronouncing "N+1th" by Tomash on 2017-10-13 18:55:00 UTC Reply

How were you imagining that number being said, hS?

I was a bit thrown by that since I would've written "N+1st", that is "N plus first", as in "first, second, third ... Nth, N plus first, N plus second, ..."

- Tomash

'Enn plus oneth', obvs. :D (nm) by Huinesoron on 2017-10-13 18:57:00 UTC Reply

Your version would be written 'Nty-1st'. :D :D (nm) by Huinesoron on 2017-10-13 19:17:00 UTC Reply

Having stared at that for a moment by Tomash on 2017-10-13 19:48:00 UTC Reply

it actually makes sense as a way to say {2,3,...9}1st, or maybe {1, 2, ... 9}1st depending on how strict you're being with inglish (or even including 1st, but that's pushing it)

- Tomash