Subject: I love this.
Posted on: 2019-10-27 17:36:44 UTC
Ix, you are a genius. Is it possible to learn this level of madness? Because it is truly glorious.
To be more specific, I like how you described the goose as a "picture of innocence" in the beginning before the mayhem began, as well as the part where Lorson stopped laughing at Alex's plight. I could really feel the jazz music stops energy there. I also liked the Andalite character's shrill reaction to the goose taking the lightsaber and Alantha getting tripped by the goose and Emiran losing his sandwich... Oh, phooey, now I'm just summarizing it. I liked the whole thing.
There is a double space on the third line: "The pair’s heads shot up, and Alex spun his stool around to stare at the white goose standing by his knee." Unfortunately, you can't see it because the Board is eliminating the other space, so you'll have to find it yourself. But other than that, I think you've done a good job.
As a matter of fact, I do believe I learned a thing or two about descriptive writing and how and when to place description so as not to bog the reader down. So, arigato gozaimashita, sensei.