Subject: Point of point of order order: You're right.
Author:
Posted on: 2020-07-11 08:54:01 UTC
But you're right for the wrong reason. Doc wasn't commenting on the hyphen, but on the use of 'they're mites so strong' instead of 'there're mites so strong'.
But that's still not a typo, because 'Suppose they are really strong mites' makes as much sense as 'Suppose there are really strong mites'.
:D
hS mostly just wanted to do the subject line gag
Wow! Uh. Hi. I think it's been like a year since I've posted on the Board? Folks, theres a lotta backstory here. I, er, wasn't supposed to not post here so long. Let's summise it with just, you know, IRL will do that, and all.
I've had this damn story written for maybe over a year by this point. It feels like I've been holding onto it for centuries. I haven't wanted to release it in part from the IRL stuff and the 'not having posted on the Board for ages' thing (it feels a little rude to just sort of appear outta nowhere and drop a story, you know?), and also because it's maybe the least PPC-feeling thing in the entire Flaming Broomsticks series, which already diverged uncomfortably away from the PPC (as I saw it.)
By this point I just want the thing out! It's hanging in me like a clump of gross cat hair!
Hence, here it is: The Angsty Story! That's right folks, they're finally getting serious. I'm finally writing angst.
Took me long enough, but I did it.
As always, your storytelling is wonderfully surreal. I'm not 100% certain what was just done to my brain, and that's okay! I so admire your ability to put words together in ways that I would never dream of to tell a great story that is at once funny, disturbing, and at least a little bit heartwarming probably. The Stock Brokers are terrifying, and they remind me of the Discworld's Auditors. I kind of wonder what would happen if they got together for tea sometime, but I also really don't want to find out.
And, hey... I think, if there's a lesson to be learned here, it's that there's nothing to be gained from angst for angst's sake. Some characters (and their cats) have a certain level of angst, and that's fine. Some characters are perfectionist dandelions and paranoid androids and fourth-wall-aware bald wizards who do Twentieth Dimensional Krav Maga, and that's fine, too! It takes all sorts to make an absurd meta fanfiction more-or-less-comedy world. ^_^
~Neshomeh
Dunno how to do all this review-y stuff very well, but I liked it, and the story and the style were captivating and all. And as you can probably tell from the other review-y things, lots of folk liked it.
So yeah. Is good.
From one of the PPC's very best ever writers.
I disagree with the Bingle-ideo-constructo-oojamaflip's assessment of Shift Twentieth as shallow comic relief, though; they're wonderful to be around and their lives feel lived rather than told. I wonder how much of that is your own negative thoughts about your writing ability seeping into the page. That's literally the only bone of contention I have with the story, though. Indrid was a wonderfully hateable doctor, Anne and Ninetwo are fascinating, Bingle and Finch are always a delight beyond words. And you write comedy so, so well. There were too many excellent jokes and turns of phrase to count, but everything involving the stockbrokers (especially Twentieth Dimensional Krav Maga) was just superb.
Shift Twentieth continues to be my favourite PPC spinoff of them all, including my own. When it comes to the PPC, you Get It, and you Get It in the most amazing way. I can't wait for the next one and I'm so glad you're continuing to write them.
Bingle tends, at times, to be the most direct 'voice of the author' in stuff I write considering he's the most self aware of any of the characters. To an extent, it was sort of the point--not in a self hating kinda way but more about how Shift Twentieth are, fundamentally, meant to be zany and unimportant but that they can, at the very least, find some sense of meaning with eachother et al and so on. But also yes there's a bit much writing self deprecation going on there, too.
Also. I mentioned it on the Discord I think. But the Twentieth Dimensional Krav Maga bit is just a big reference to that one Gaara versus Rock Lee fight in Naruto. The one where he takes off his leg weights. I put a Naruto reference in my story I'm very proud of this. Listen let's be fair, it's like the best fight scene I've ever seen it's unreal.
Larfen if you ever put down your own writing again I will perform All-Dimensional Krav Maga on you and make it look like an accident
I don't have much to say - I left my review brain somewhere and can't find it - but I read this, and it was... fun? Sort of fun? I'm not sure 'fun' is the right word for something so bewilderingly bizarre.
hS
I'm very proud about how weird this story got, if I'll be honest. I try to write Weird fiction, you feel? So, uh, it's good to me if it comes out as a little weird.
I can only hope that, at least, the plot is cohesive enough, and the characters likeable enough, that there's a glue there in all the weirdness that makes it still an enjoyable story! That's what I like in my fiction, anyway--that it gets really, really weird, as weird as it wants, so long as there's something, someone likeable there you can anchor with.
Or that it's at least fun! That's always good too.
I am flailing, man, flailing, okay? It's amazing, as usual.
So I just reread that all-caps introduction before the flashpatch symbol, and as tongue-in-cheek as it read initially, it basically foreshadows the entire story, doesn't it? Even the line about stock brokers, which seems like a throw-away gag line on the first read-through, turns out to be the actual conflict of the story. Brilliant. Genius. Even the title, calling it "The Angsty Story," is brilliant misdirection, because the story can only be said to be angsty in the most superficial way. It's about angst; it doesn't actually contain any! If anything, this is "The Sincere Story," considering the shift finally acknowledges both how ineffectual and lazy they are compared to most of HQ, and also the fact that they actually do care about each other, even though they're rarely so honest with each other about it.
Okay, now I'm rereading that first scene with the stock brokers, and am I seeing a hidden meaning here as well? "We must not retro-unlearn the problematics of incising with a Flower . . ." Does this actually take place after all the rest of the story?
I love that you focus so much on Ninetwo's state of mind in the janitors' first scene that you manage to sneak the Local Unraveller right by us, with no indication it's going to be important later. I also love the detail that Ninetwo, finding herself suddenly feeling angst, has been studying how to angst correctly rather than recognizing that there's a problem.
Oh man. I took it for granted that all of Medical's staff had to be, like good at their jobs, and have bedside manner. Indrid has opened my eyes to what Medical has been lacking: a doctor with as much professionalism as most field agents have. I'm also amused the cat was somehow developing an angsty backstory before the doctor caught it.
And some of the next part of the story gets downright spooky, and I am in awe that you managed to continue with your usual surreal unseriousness, while still giving us a gravestone that arises from nothing with unreadable gibberish text, Ninetwo having a legitimate existential break-down in a graveyard, and an entire dream plane of featureless humanoids that seem to only speak in business buzzword jargon and manipulate people's emotions in the name of profit margins. It's all very unsettling, but never actually dips into scary or dark territory.
Finally, I have to say I love that you finally really showed off Bingle's magical potential, while still keeping him Bingle and making him largely useless. It was nice seeing Ninetwo get to flex her thought muscles for some actual combat, as well.
But no matter how well you write, you can never escape . . . doctorlit's typo lists!
"‘Your mites are perfectly content with the--frankly ridiculous--ambient levels of angst emananting, constantly, from yourself.’"
"‘Suppose they-re mites so strong, they eat and kill angst mites. And they move fast the doctor can-t even see them.'"
I think you wanted "there're" (or "there-re" I guess). Also, the "so" is missing from "move so fast".
"‘Good Heavens,’ Bingle said, briefly horrified . ‘Well. Thank you, Ninetwo!’"
One of the periods is horrified, too. It is so horrified, it's sliding away from the word "horrified".
—doctorlit thanks Larfen for teaching him the new word "abseiling"
(it wasn't lol but, I mean, I guess it could be. They're in a whacky dimension who knows how time works there right?)
I'm glad it felt a little spooky--I wanted it to be a little spooky! My writing is influenced a lot by cosmic horror and weird fiction and all, so I always want there to be some element of horror in whatever I write, even if it's predominantly comedic.
Rereading over this, I actually realised how much I love Bingle as a character like, man, I forgot how fun he is to write. Absolute blast having a character who is just a complete, absolute idiot. He's the closest they have there to being a Sue except maybe Anne, considering he just kinda knows basically everything and pulls skills out of his rear end arbitrarily. The fact that he's such a horribly focussed hyper-senile moron smooths that out a lot, I find.
I'm surprised people like Doctor Indrid as much as they did considering his whole thing was just sort of. On a whim. It just sort of appeared. I just figured, I gotta write a doctor scene, so I may as well have the doctor be funny, and all that.
"Emanating" is a word meaning spreading or radiating outward from a source, while the use of hyphens instead of apostrophes in contractions is simply Finch's speech pattern. You'll notice he's speaking at the time.
But you're right for the wrong reason. Doc wasn't commenting on the hyphen, but on the use of 'they're mites so strong' instead of 'there're mites so strong'.
But that's still not a typo, because 'Suppose they are really strong mites' makes as much sense as 'Suppose there are really strong mites'.
:D
hS mostly just wanted to do the subject line gag
If you take a closer look at doctorlit's typo list, his issue was not that he thought "emanating" wasn't a word, but rather that it was misspelled as "emananting." So there was an actual misspelling there.
I think we achieved a lot today folks. I fixed emananting, for instance. And also that comma.
They-re was intentional, being that Finch was referring to theoretical mites on his body, but I do think there-re is, sorta, less confusing, and works just as well.
Here is my evidence:
In conclusion, it is abundantly clear that Larf has not only withheld good writing from us that could have helped the setting, but failed to provide a proper excuse to do so. There is simply no way that this can go unpunished. It is untenable. It sets bad precedent. If we let this go, soon everyone will be keeping perfectly good missions, interludes, and RP logs to themselves! Nothing will ever be published in the PPC again! Larf must be swiftly and harshly punished to show future writers what happens when you withhold good writing from a writing group.
It's sometimes really refreshing to read different types of story within the same universe, so Kudos. That said, I have to admit I hope the Angst-Mites don't spread too far throughout HQ, that has the makings of some serious danger.
I figure its like measles or whatever, as long as you get the inoculations going every now and then it's mostly fine, and when there is an outbreak it's like, mostly just kind of inconvenient. Really weird but inconvenient. Ninetwo was just in a really, really good position to get angst mited.
and I'm glad I was awake at my 3 AM or so to encourage you to post it.
Sure, this isn't quite a typical PPC piece, but it's a very nice bit of surreal meta humor - which is a big component of the PPC. The writing style's also got (from my vague memory of part of that book) Catch-22 vibes.
I wasn't expecting angst mites, and they were a pretty neat concept.
Other particularly memorable bits are the doctor, that Krav Maga bit, the thing with the atom rent crashing out of the computer, the Brooding Bluffs scene, and Bingle's encouraging speech.
The ending was also rather heartwarming and I hope Shift Twentieth grow closer together etc etc.
In summary, Larf, you did a good, thanks for sharing.
I mean it's just been hanging around for a while and everytime I've brought it up someone's gone, like, 'you should upload it'. So, uh, I did, and, phew, it is OUT. Thank goodness.