"Keep in mind that this is a man with very high standards for himself and others. And by high, I mean "There are only three qualities of writing – amazing, spork-worthy, and not worth reading" high."

Mind, I'm also new at "imbed the story, with quotes, within your story." I will get better with practice. That being said, I'll be open to any criticism you have.

"This... didn't really draw me in on the first read. The prose felt very beige. The characters didn't feel bright and vibrant. Their interactions lacked the energy they should have. They didn't react to the fic's shenanigans as often or as violently as they should. Part of that was probably yesterday's mood, but upon reading it again now, it still lingers. It's just not funny."

The first writing was terrible, then. If this isn't funny, then the first write was spork-worthy.

grabs shovel I shall dig into it.

"The prose felt very beige."

I felt that my own writing was growing very beige towards the end because I wanted it done. Through my own reread, I see what you mean. It seems... rushed, like I'm going through the events at sonic speed.

"The characters didn't feel bright and vibrant."

Indeed. Something you didn't point out, but I noticed, was that I seemed to be shoving O'Ryan's curse down the reader's throat. That probably is in the "not vibrant" part, but something I wanted to point out about my own writing.

"Their interactions lacked the energy they should have. They didn't react to the fic's shenanigans as often or as violently as they should."

Noted. Kittyauthor probably should've been more scared from the events. O'Ryan... not so much, but still some.

"So, here are some tips for improvement."

I'm not going to go through them all in this reply, but all have been noted.

"While Tomash's comment on AO3 is correct - this is pretty solid and doesn't overquote the fic – it could use some work before it becomes truly good in my eyes. Don't worry, though – as long as you take criticism, I'm sure you'll get the hang of this."

As I do.

Wait, Tomash commented on my mission?

But, either way, valid points, valid points. I know, one of these days, I'll look back on it and cringe, and it will all be related, somehow, to the things you pointed out.

All in all, it may have been just a-

Kittyauthor falls down

Well, fudge.

Kittyauthor, who thought they themself would take the criticism badly, but didn't and will try better next time.

(P.S. Criticism is criticism, no matter how sophisticated the tastes are. Thank you.)

(Edit from way into the future: Yes, past!kA was right. I am cringing a bit as I reread it. That being said, it isn't horrible. I see my mistakes more clearly now. It'll be something I learn from.)

"This was a good introduction mission! It gives a simple first impression of the agents and their dynamic together, and also highlighted very clearly how the fanfiction didn’t work with canon."

Thanks! I was afraid that it wasn't going to be good, which is why I tried to wait for another beta. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

" I liked the unique idea of O’Ryan needing to read the words through a spinning yo-yo string."

Like I said to hS, I figured O'Ryan wouldn't get off too easily with reading the words because of his curse.

"One thing that wasn’t clear to me was why O’Ryan kept getting affected by the narration of the fic, but not Kitty. Is that a problem that’s unique to him, or is Kitty’s nature as a Mii blocking the fic’s ability to control her?"

It's a problem unique to O'Ryan. He has an IO curse of sorts which makes the narration affect him more than Kitty.

"Congratulations on your very first doctorlit typo report"

Yes!

"I look forward to hearing more from you!"

Thanks!

"Oh, also, I would like to adopt Cyberteonian."

scribbles that down

"Since you created the mini type, are there any notes you’d like to share about how mini-Vehicons look and behave?"

They tend to be loyal to their owner, a carryover from the Vehicons being loyal to Megatron minor Prime spoilers. You could probably command them to do something and they would do it. They are shorter in height than Kitty (who is 3 foot 2) and they adopted their canon counterparts' "speak only when it's funny to do so" behavior. Their canon counterparts could speak in full, grammatically correct sentences. Most of them are purple, although TFwiki said they could come in other colors as well (I need to check which). They have two forms: their not form and one vehicle form. Said vehicle form can be a car, airplane/jet, a tank, or a helicopter. Their vehicle form is about the size of a model car/jet/helicopter/tank.

Here's an image from Prime

Note that these transform into cars, notable with the car wheels. Airplane versions don't have that.

Since your mini is a species name, you get to decide what it transforms into.

Kittyauthor, who had to edit this post a few times because the image wasn't showing up.

"Your writing style sends me right back to the early days of the PPC - back before we all stumbled into mile-long missions which were only complete when somebody died."

I don't like killing off my characters. And mile long? As in, 10k words and over? I saw quite a few of them, but I also saw 2k-3k word fics as well, so I'm not the only one who writes short missions. Either way, I'm glad I remind you of the early days.

"Things that stuck out were the yoyo (which amused me)"

Thanks! I thought I was going to make people mad by breaking that mold a little bit. Every mission I saw had characters that could just stare at a space and see the words or look off into space and see them. I wanted to be a bit different with O'Ryan, and I figured that his curse wouldn't allow him to get off too easily with the words, you know?

"and the maths discussion (which charmed me)."

They love math. I love math. It's easy to talk about for me. I'm glad you liked it so much!

I'll get to the SPaG. Doc pointed that one out too.

"Welcome to Team Mission Writing. Hope you have fun!"

Thanks! Hope you have fun reading my stuff!

Kittyauthor, who is glad that their first mission wasn't a flop.