Huinesoron Derails the Silmarillion (hS/...Fëanor)

Subject: Huinesoron Derails the Silmarillion (hS/...Fëanor)
Author: Zingenmir
Posted on: 2021-03-08 09:12:33 UTC

Yes, I'm serious (to a point).

Quick name key, because I've used Quenya names for a pair of Elves better known by Sindarin equivalents:

Curufinwë Fëanáro = Fëanor

Nolofinwë = Fingolfin

“Ooh, you have such lovely ears,” the stranger cooed.

Curufinwë Fëanáro, heir to Finwë (who was High King of the Noldor), renowned inventor of Tengwar and palantíri and, recently, three Silmarils and actual weapons, father of seven sons, hand still on the hilt of his sword where he’d begun to draw it against his half-brother Nolofinwë (!)...blushed.

It was even odds, Nolofinwë thought, whether the stranger hadn’t noticed or simply took the blush as encouragement. Either way, he went on.

“So very, very lovely, all pointed and leaf-shaped…”

Much of the crowd appeared to have...not quite frozen, exactly, but certainly halted in place, watching this new turn of events with interest. Fëanáro had already drawn their attention, entering with a sword at his hip and harsh accusations against his half-brother on his lips. To see this terrible scene curtailed was a blessing, but the confusion that had taken its place…(and how long, really, could it last?)

The stranger was, indeed, a stranger; or at least, Nolofinwë did not recognize him, and he had yet to hear anyone in the crowd of his father’s lords voice a name. He appeared to be a Noldorin Elf, with the typical dark hair and grey eyes.

Typical Noldorin Elves, however, were not often inclined towards…

Well. Nolofinwë could hardly claim Noldorin Elves were not bold, particularly not while standing in his father’s court and (previously, at least) seemingly only seconds away from his older half-brother drawing a sword on him—but this?

His brother was still blushing. His married brother with seven sons. Bold, haughty, shameless Curufinwë Fëanáro.

Blushing, because…

Well, to be fair, the stranger was practically wrapped around him by now, still cooing compliments about his ears. Nolofinwë covered a smile and glanced at his father.

Finwë leaned back in his throne, a bemused expression on his face. He seemed unwilling to interrupt, which was, perhaps, fair given the previous sequence of events had very much appeared to be going the way of his beloved oldest son publicly threatening his second son immediately after said second son had been trying to convince Finwë to rein in his oldest…

“...go somewhere more private?” Nolofinwë caught the stranger murmuring.

Fëanáro hesitated, and motioned to Nolofinwë. “Yes, but I was about to—”

The stranger pressed scandalously close. A particularly gossip-minded lord looked delighted, and nudged his long-suffering neighbor excitedly. “Surely that will keep. Maybe forever. Hopefully forever, actually, since you’re mistrusting the wrong person—but certainly at least for as long as it takes to properly admire your beautiful ears…”

As Nolofinwë watched in mild disbelief, Fëanáro blushed again.

“We will resume this later,” he said, pointing at Nolofinwë. As he’d done the pointing with a finger rather than his sword (which was by now fully sheathed again), Nolofinwë couldn’t quite bring himself to object. (And what exactly had the stranger meant by ‘mistrusting the wrong person’? The more he thought about it, the less it sounded like it was only an endorsement of Nolofinwe himself…) “Much later,” he added, and let the stranger draw him away, still blushing, as Nolofinwë obligingly gave him a shallow bow of acknowledgement. He was hardly unsupportive of his brother’s position as their father’s heir, no matter what the man himself might think.

The stranger grinned at the assembled court and waved jauntily before wrapping that arm back around Fëanáro as well. “See you around! Eventually!”

Three of the lords waved back. Finwë inclined his head.

The assembly as a whole began to murmur, some rather cheerfully, as Fëanáro and the stranger strode out of the hall. A good number of them seemed relieved.

Nolofinwë hid another smile. Perhaps matters would resolve themselves. After all, Nerdanel had been looking more relaxed since the recent appearance of...yet another stranger, come to think of it, an Elf maid who’d seemed quite at home helping her corral Nolofinwë’s many nephews. Fëanáro certainly hadn’t seemed to object to her presence; or at least, he’d been seen to greet her in as friendly a manner as he typically used for anyone. Presumably this new stranger would obtain similar approval from Nerdanel, particularly if the blushing remained in effect.

...and on that note, Nolofinwë was going to cease ruminating on his half-brother’s personal life and simply feel grateful that the Elf’s temper had been defused before he could truly begin to threaten (! It still seemed incredible that such a thing could come to pass. Had their relationship—or Fëanáro’s mind—truly deteriorated so completely?

Perhaps he should pursue the train of thought the stranger had prompted with his comment on Fëanáro’s distrust of the wrong person…)

Huinesoron/Fëanor, implied background Kaitlyn/Nerdanel and some sort of open marriage type thing? Or possibly just ‘open for flirting’? Who knows. Take it as either Fëanor breaking some more rules of Elven society or just Shipfest silliness. Or even a veil of ‘more innocent than it looks’: it’s entirely possible Nerdanel is more relaxed because she’s gained a (very close) friend (who perhaps gives her some missing emotional support as well as a hand with her big family with its many talented and occasionally arrogant people), and Fëanor’s going to sit down somewhere with hS and be read sonnets to his ears until the blushing wears off!

...actually, I’m very amused by that concept. No matter what your reading, more or less innocent, I move that both of those things should at least be part of it.

As to how thorough a fix-it this is: who knows? Maybe Fingolfin looks into Melkor and, together with hS, manages to open Fëanor’s eyes to the fact he’s being influenced. Maybe some other people start watching Melkor, and perhaps even manage to prevent him from damaging the Two Trees. Mayyyybe the whole Melkor-killing-Finwë-and-taking-the-Silmarils-followed-by-Oath-swearing-and-Kinslaying-and-doom plot gets averted! Maybe it just gets delayed! Maybe it still happens in some form, but some of the worst parts get softened by virtue of Kaitlyn talking sense and hS distracting Fëanor when he’s about to do something stupid and thus keeping him from making bad decisions while worked up! Maybe it becomes a war against Morgoth without the Oath and the Kinslaying. Who knows. Certainly not me. I doubt I’ll write it.

Someone else is quite welcome to, though ;)

PS: Written without easy access to the Silmarillion itself; I relied on my memory and wiki articles from Tolkien Gateway. Hopefully the (interrupted) confrontation details aren't too far off, and the same with the non-Fëanor characterization, to a point (although, even if they are...shipfest).

PPS: Why does fic!hS never bother to give his name? First of all, no one seems to have asked. Second, while I'm pretty sure hS has posted something with a Quenya version of his screen name, I wasn't in a mood to go try to dig it up. (Why not just use "Huinesoron"? Wrong language to the point where it wasn't in use in Valinor at the time and I'm not even completely sure it existed yet in Middle-earth. Either way, it wouldn't be there.)

Why doesn't Kaitlyn get named? Because I didn't feel up to trying to figure out a Quenya name with the same meaning (or a similar one) to "Kaitlyn", that's why :D Very simple, really.

And on that note...enough notes!

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All right, PPC - let's get shipping. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-07 18:35:55 UTC Reply

Anyone who hasn't opted in is free to still do so in the previous thread, but I feel like we should get this show moving.

The Official Ship List & Opt-ins/outs

Welcome to the thread where we write terrible shipfics featuring our fellow PPCers. ^-^ Typically with one another, but nobody's going to object to the occasional agent, canon, or random object (except the people who've said they will). Generally try to keep it PG-13 or below, respect people's conditions, and don't worry about accuracy - this is the Shipfest, not the accurate-representation-fest (we don't have one of those)!

You're free to take inspiration from the Official Ship List, or to come up with new 'ships on the fly. You are allowed to write about yourself, but 1) be aware of how you might make people uncomfortable, and b) try to stick to 'ships of you that other people already suggested. Don't worry - there's plenty to go around, and no restrictions on multiple people writing the same 'ship. And remember: if someone writes a terrible shipfic about you, the best form of revenge is to write one right back!

If you need some inspiration, check out the Shipfest Archives, now complete(!). As usual for the PPC, the more recent the story is, the more it represents our current ideas.

Let the shipfic commence.

Cool and Collected (Larfen/Their Fridge) by Good Mod Addict on 2021-03-17 21:34:49 UTC Reply

(A/N: So I noticed that nobody has shipped Larfen yet. I also noticed that they said something about "the eroticism of humanised household appliances" in the Discord way back in 2018. Then I blacked out, and when I came to, this was written.)

Larfen refreshed the page to the new PPC Board, taking a breath to calm their nerves before scrolling down. Surely someone had done it by now, right? This was the PPC, there were loads of funny people about, all typing funny things on their funny keyboards and going about their funny lives...

Alas, it was not to be. Somehow, none had dared to ship them; the humor requirement was too daunting. Cowards. It was the problem with being a postmodernist genius; the humor of others could never hope to measure up. The small voice of a narrator hoping to move the plot along sounded in Larfen's head, telling them that this could be a freeing moment if they just accepted fate and stopped tying themselves to a Web page in the vain hope of satirical romance.

Larfen seized upon this newfound freedom and used it to collapse with gusto upon their keyboard, sobbing in despair. Dadaist polyhedrons of their tears clinked against the floor. Larfen's anguish, however, was rendered meaningless by the pointed absence of a sufficiently pretentious literary scholar. This absence only sent Larfen spiraling further into the depths of despair, to the point that they hardly noticed the heavy footsteps of their roommate.

"What's wrong, Larfen?" the fridge asked, sauntering over to its greatest friend in the world.

"N-no one wants t-t-to ship me," Larfen sobbed, wiping away their tears.

"That's why I'm here," the fridge whispered, bending down on one knee and throwing a well-insulated arm around the distraught figure. Larfen looked up, and the surge of warm love that shot through the fridge as its eyes met with their was so great that its compressor turned on.

"You mean... You'll be my shipfest partner?" Larfen asked. What they saw in the fridge's eyes told them all they needed to know, and they leapt out of their chair to embrace the appliance. A soft bing! indicated to any who would listen that the Turbo Cool feature had been activated. "I love you, fridge-senpai."

The fridge remained unperturbed by the out-of-place honorific (which sounded even stranger in an Australian accent) and silently carried Larfen out of the room. There were cuddles to be had.
Huinesoron's Tediousest Day Ever (all the hS ships) by Huinesoron on 2021-03-15 09:37:36 UTC Reply
(Previously: Huinesoron's Very Tedious Day -- Huinesoron's Even Tediouser Day)

(Previouslier [and rather smuttier]: Huinesoron's Very Odd Day -- Huinesoron's Even Odder Day -- Huinesoron's Oddest Day Ever)

Huinesoron's Tediousest Day Ever

"I've tried everything," Huinesoron lamented. "I've tried cutting my hair. I've tried changing my clothing choices. I've tried moving house, for Someone's sake, but it does no good. They're still out there."

Leaning back on the sofa, Kaitlyn didn't look up from her book. "I really think you're overreacting."

"I'm not." Huinesoron twitched the curtain aside and glared out at the road. "Iximaz is out there." He gasped and ducked back. "She waved"

"People do that." Kaitlyn craned round and waved back at Ix. "It's a greeting; you could try it."

"Not the way she's doing it," Huinesoron said darkly. "It had connotations."

"Of friendliness." Kaitlyn closed her book and got to her feet. "Come on, you need to get out more."

Huinesoron allowed himself to be pulled by the wrist across the sitting-room. "But they're out there."

"Sure they are, love." Kaitlyn opened the door and checked the temperature. "You won't even need your coat. Got your shoes on?"

Huinesoron slipped his feet into his trainers. "Yes, but-"

"Good." Kaitlyn stepped behind him and shoved. "And out you go…!"

Huinesoron stumbled over the doorstep, hearing his wife lock the door behind him. For a moment he considered just curling up on the floor and waiting for her to let him back in - but no. He must be strong. He was, after all, Huinesoron.

Iximaz was nowhere to be seen when Huinesoron finally crept out of the driveway. He didn't consider this to be a good thing - it was simply proof that her nefarious-slash-lustful scheme was more cunning than he could have imagined.

Huinesoron made his way cautiously down the road. Each wall he passed had to be glanced over, each gate peered behind, because he knew the PPCers would stop at nothing to catch him. As he neared the bottom of the hill, he stooped to look through a hedge - and there was something there!

With trembling hands, he reached in and pulled out what seemed to be the carelessly-discarded and somewhat rain-warped head and shoulders of an old Fellowship of the Ring Legolas standee. "Oh, sure," Huinesoron muttered, turning it over in his hands. "I'm expected to believe that's a coincidence? No - they're trying to distract me with his pointy ears."

He shoved the battered cardboard back under the hedge and jumped to his feet. "But I won't fall for it!" he announced to the street at large. "If this is where you want me to be - then I'm getting out of here!" And off he marched, down onto the main road.

Around the time he passed the old workers' club, Huinesoron's heart sank as he heard a voice behind him: "Morning, hS!" There was only one person that booming, bear-like voice could come from, and sure enough, when he turned round it was to see Phobos' beaming, bearded face.

"So glad I ran into you," Phobos said. "I don't suppose you've seen my wife anywhere?"

"Wh-why would I have seen Neshomeh?" Huinesoron stammered. He knew full well what Phobos was thinking, but nervous as he was, he couldn't think of anything else to say.

Phobos shrugged. "No reason," he said (or 'blatantly lied', as hS would have put it). "I just thought she might have come this way. I don't suppose you could help me look for her?"

Huinesoron flinched back from the innuendo he was sure was there. "Sorry," he said, "got things to do." He glanced quickly to both sides, then hurried across the road and down a side-street.

"No problem!" Phobos called after him. "But if you see her, could you let her know I'm…"

"Sure," Huinesoron muttered, safely out of earshot. "Because I definitely want to have to run away from Neshomeh, too."

"Who's running where?"

Huinesoron stumbled to a halt and stared at Neshomeh. She was standing in a front garden, leaning on the wall. "Um," he said, trying to keep his voice level. "Nobody. You… you don't live here."

"Oh, no, I'm visiting Zingenmir." Neshomeh half-turned and waved at the house. "Come on out, Zing; look who it is."

Zingenmir poked her head round the door. "hS!" she exclaimed, waving. "Lovely to see you. How's Kaitlyn?"

Huinesoron couldn't see anything of Zingenmir besides her head and arm, but felt sure she was scantily-clad back there, if not outright nude. "She's… fine," he said. "Why do you ask?"

Zingenmir shrugged, somehow still not showing any of her surely indecently-garbed body. "I just feel like it's been ages since I saw her," she said. "We should get together sometime."

Huinesoron restrained a snort of disbelief - they'd probably just take it as a come-on. "I'll tell her," he said in his most neutral tone. "Well, it's been… I should get moving."

"Oh! Wait." Neshomeh beckoned at Zingenmir. "Go on, ask him."

Zingenmir didn't move from the doorway, confirming yet again that she was definitely not dressed. "We've got a bit of a Silmarillion book club going," she said, smiling at Huinesoron. "Nesh was wondering if you'd like to-?"

Huinesoron backed away, his hands rising defensively. "I know what you're thinking," he said, "and I'm not interested."

"Oh, go on," Zingenmir said. "Kaitlyn's invited too! We're doing Fëanor and Nerdanel, so there's something for each of you-"

Huinesoron had heard enough. Turning on his heel, he strode off at a speed just shy of headlong flight. He heard Neshomeh's voice fading behind him - "Okay, that was weird; do you think I should…?" - and then he was around the corner, safely out of sight.

Leaning against a street sign, he tried to catch his breath. "This was a mistake," he muttered, staring down at the treacherous street. "I should never have let Kaitlyn send me out for a… walk." He shuddered, remembering all the narrowly-avoided lustful encounters he was sure he had faced. "I'm going home," he added. "I'll sit on the doorstep if I have to, but I'm going-"

"hS?"

Huinesoron practically jumped out of his skin. Neshomeh had crept up behind him! Any moment she was going to grab him and do unspeakable things! He whirled, ready to push her away.

It seemed she had betrayed her presence early: she was still several steps away, too far to catch him unawares. "Are you all right?" she asked, the concern on her face barely masking the uncontrolled lust he knew was there. "You seem a bit skittish."

Huinesoron stared at her, mind whirling. He knew this was a seduction attempt, but how? Instantly he settled on the obvious conclusion: she was about to compare him to a frightened kitten, and then waggle her eyebrows and say 'sex kitten.'

"I'm fine," he said in a level tone. "You just surprised-"

"Oh, hey, hS!"

Huinesoron yelped and span around again. Delta Juliette had also mistimed her greeting; she was almost ten meters away, not close enough to ambush him. But now Neshomeh was behind him, and closer-

He felt a hand on his arm as Neshomeh took advantage. "I know it's been a rough year," she said. "If you're… Delta? You free?"

"Sure," Delta said, grinning, only her stage skills hiding the salaciousness behind it. "We could go get a coffee - hot chocolate, sorry hS - talk about old times…"

Huinesoron wanted to cry out a defiant "NO!" and denounce the pair for their shameless debauchery. Unfortunately, all he managed was a frightened squeak - but it was enough to loosen Neshomeh's grip (which wasn't all that tight anyway). Twisting away, Huinesoron backed out onto the road, stared at the two Oldbies for a moment, and then turned and fled.

As he ran, he found himself stumbling through a labyrinth of streets he didn't recognise. On either side of him, the signs proclaimed unfamiliar names: Ångström Avenue. Bjørn Boulevard. Cachaça Close.

"They're taunting me!" he yelled, hurtling past Dégât Drive. "The diacritics - they're using them to seduce me!"

At last the main road appeared ahead, and Huinesoron put on an extra burst of speed. He was terrified someone would leap out, probably naked, and take shameless advantage of him - but no, he was out of the maze, and his own street lay just ahead.

He slowed down as he climbed the hill, and began to think that perhaps he'd been a little bit silly. Sure, everyone was clearly trying to jump him, but it was possible that they wouldn't actually have clubbed him over the head and chained him to their various beds.

By the time he reached home, Huinesoron was feeling much better. He pushed the door open, kicked his shoes off, strolled into the living room - and stopped dead.

Kaitlyn was there.

So was Iximaz.

And Delta Juliette.

"Oh, hi, hS," said a voice from behind him, and he whirled to find Scapegrace standing in the doorway. "Kaitlyn asked us over - she's got some sourdough starter that needs using up."

She waved a plastic container, but Huinesoron was no longer listening. He crumpled to his knees on the rug, clutching his hands to his chest, and threw his head back in anguish: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Delta looked over and raised an eyebrow. "Kaitlyn - your husband is strange."

Kaitlyn sighed, pushed off the sofa, and walked over to put her arms around Huinesoron. "Believe me," she muttered, "I know."

Being all the hS and Kaitlyn ships from this year's Shipfest, specifically:
- Huinesoron/Kaitlyn
- hS/Iximaz
- Iximaz/Kaitlyn
- hS/various Tolkien elves
- PhobohS
- Kaitlenmir
- Neshomeh/Huinesoron/Zingenmir
- Huinesoron/Fëanor
- Kaitlyn/Nerdanel
- Huinesoron/Neshomeh/Delta
- Huinesoron / diacritical marks
- Ixilyn-Deltagrace: the New Corset Ship
- hS/Shipfest
With many thanks to Kaitlyn, who suggested back in 2015 that for the final installment I should turn 'everyone is after hS's body' into 'hS thinks everyone is after his body'. It's a little late, but was tremendously fun to write.

hS

If only I had known about this series earlier by GeniusGamer on 2021-03-16 14:15:04 UTC Reply

It's beyond incredible. Though Ĥüíņềșøṙớɳ is the only real pairing here, as I'm sure we're all aware. Poor hS should have just accepted the diacritics.

Snerk. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-16 18:46:15 UTC Reply

I mean, it's been six(!) years since Tediouser Day, and I think this the first time Odder and Oddest have been online since about 2008, so you can be forgiven for not knowing they existed.

Amusingly (to me, at any rate), the 'desperately avoiding shipping' style of the Tedious Days is just as outdated now as the 'and then they did the sex' style of Odd Day and its sequels. The Shipfest has drifted more towards... six parts cute fluff, six parts wacky literal interpretations of stuff? So if I wind up doing a third trilogy, it'll need to shift that way.

hS

Ahahahaahaaahahaaaahaaaaa (nm) by Thoth on 2021-03-15 20:58:21 UTC Reply

Guess what? (Granz/Thoth) by Tomash on 2021-03-13 19:36:35 UTC Reply

Someone knocked on Granz's door. After he'd calmed his dogs down, he called out "Who is it?"

"It's Thoth," Thoth shouted through the door. "I've got something for you!"

Granz rushed up to the door but didn't open it, balancing his excitement for the surprise with his multi-kilometer-long paranoid streak. "Is it a video game?" he asked. "One with lots of complex bits I can get lost in?"

"No," Thoth replied. "Not this time. How's TIS-100, by the way?"

Granz blushed. "Well, uh, I'm still going and I stayed up really late playing it last night ..."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. It's why I'm not bringing more games."

"So is it tabletop rulebooks?!"

"It's not those either," Thoth said. "You've got plenty, last I checked."

"But I can never have enough rulebooks!"

Thoth chuckled.

"Ok, so, uh ..." Granz tried to think of what else the surprise could be. "Pictures of cute guys?"

"You're getting closer..." Thoth said, stretching out the last word flirtatiously.

Granz was quiet for a minute, trying to come up with a guess. "I give up," he finally admitted, "what is it?"

"It's me!" Thoth said. "I came all the way over here to smooch you and hug you and, well, maybe later we can play Magic ... oryoucanravishme."

Granz threw the door open. "Did you say Magic?!"

"Well - maybe - but I want to kiss you first."

"Sure thing. You've come all this way, we might as well ... enjoy each other."

And so, Thoth threw himself around Granz in a passionate embrace that featured much smooching. Soon, they migrated to Granz's bedroom, where [details of what Granz can do with a control deck removed because no one needs to see that level of trouncing in this good Christian shipfest].
Sunday brunch (hS/Nesh/Delta) by Tomash on 2021-03-13 16:50:40 UTC Reply

Huinesoron, Neshomeh, and Delta gathered around a table at their favorite brunch spot, as they had almost every Sunday for the last several years. They'd used to meet up in Rudi's, but they moved to a quieter part of the multiverse due to "those darn Time Gentry and their bloody drama".

"Did you know it's Shipfest time already?" Nesh asked, hoping to kick the conversation off. "It really snuck up on me."

"Yeah," hS replied. "Kaitlyn already got out the corsets last week."

"I'm glad I got in on that trend," Delta said, her eyes brightening. "They're surprisingly comfy!"

"I know, right?" hS. "And then, once I've put it on, Kaitlyn ..., well I'll leave that to your imaginations."

"Please do," Delta said. "I get enough of that from the badfic channel."

hS chuckled. "You kids and your chat rooms. I remember when all we had was a Board and email."

"Hey," Nesh objected. "I'm not that young! I remember the original Lounge. Now, those were the days, let me tell you."

"The IRC, though, that was the best," Delta said. "Busy, but not too busy, and you could go wandering around the place in kitty mode."

"Bah humbug," hS said, putting on an exaggerated old man voice for comedic effect. "You two have no respect for MSN Messenger."

"Things really are different these days, though," Delta said. "Not bad—the kids are doing a pretty good job keeping the place going, but it sure isn't like it was back in the day."

"Sure isn't," Nesh said, taking a sip of water.

"They do need to get off my lawn, though," hS added. "Don't want them trampling the Sunflower Official."

The oldbie brunch nodded. Nesh's folowup comment, however, was interrupted by the arrival of the appetizers.

:D by Huinesoron on 2021-03-13 18:34:39 UTC Reply

It's kind of you to claim the old man voice is exaggerated... today's iteration was "These McDonald's transparent lids are new... I don't like them". I did grin out loud at the MSN mention.

And... yeah. It amp't the old PPC around here, but you kids aren't doing too badly. But don't tell anyone I said that, or I'll be forced to complain about something trivial at length.

(And as someone who remembers /hearing/ about the Original Lounge... yikes, fic!Nesh, were those indeed the days? ^_~)

(Also, for Reasons, I am very glad to have been in another shipfic...)

hS

AFAIK, the IRC was the original Lounge. by Neshomeh on 2021-03-14 19:33:07 UTC Reply

Wasn't it? Or was there something we used before IRC? Like... Bravenet? That sounds plausible, actually. Did the Fellowship of the Thing RP take place there? Weren't you in that, hS?

If so, I wasn't in there enough to know what it was like. I poked my head in a couple times, then got hauled off to RP on AIM with Blayze, Hawkelf, and Oracle (and others, but mainly them). THOSE were indeed the days. I have very fond memories of AIM-based Lounge RP shenanigans. MSN, too; we went back and forth. {= )

I find the Discord much more manageable than any of the old platforms, though. It provides the best aspects of group and individual chat, with lots of flexibility to be as available (or not) as you like. I'm still most at home on the Board, but it's good to have a foot in both worlds and be able to go both ways, ifyouknowhatImean. ^_~

~Neshomeh

Yep, Bravenet. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-14 21:06:04 UTC Reply

I want to say there was another host before that, but if so it was just a different chat room.

And yes, Lord of the Things took place there! It was one of the few times I set foot in there - even back then, group chats weren't at all my thing. Had a few on MSN with a handful of PPCers, but that was much easier to control who I had to think about.

hS

[concerns intensify] by Tomash on 2021-03-13 18:36:42 UTC Reply

(But also, I wasn't around for the old Lounge, so I have no idea how it was.)

Let me put it this way: by Huinesoron on 2021-03-15 09:47:10 UTC Reply

The Wiki still states it was used "to celebrate PPC anniversaries, birthdays, and plain old bacchanalia," and I've never thought that was particularly metaphorical. ^_~

hS

The Corsettes (Deltagrace-Ixilyn) by Huinesoron on 2021-03-11 08:39:46 UTC Reply

"I used to be in a band, you know."

Scapegrace eyed Delta Juliette over her stack of sheet music. "And you still are," she said, "so stop fussing."

Delta sighed and tugged at her tight corset. "A proper band," she said. "With class and style and suchlike."

"Excuse you." Iximaz looked up from tuning her guitar. "I happen to think we're very classy."

"Corsets are extremely classy," Kaitlyn said, running her hands over her synth. "Much classier than, say… leather?"

Delta suddenly looked very cagey. "Maybe we don't need to talk about-"

"Tight leather," Kaitlyn said, grinning. "With spikes."

Delta winced and held up a hand. "I surrender."

"Never surrender," Scapegrace said, wandering back past the trio with her arms full of black velvet. "That's how you end up trying to sing in a corset."

Delta plucked at the tight garment again. "You say that like it was my idea."

Scapegrace tilted her head. "No, I don't." She put the stack of fabric down and ducked to check the microphone wiring. "You wouldn't surrender to your own idea."

Iximaz swung her arm across Scapegrace's shoulders. "Hence why you're the only one not in bondage-wear?"

"No, bondage-wear would look dif-" Scapegrace cut herself off with a headshake. "I'm you're manager; I have standards to uphold."

"Hey!" Delta protested. "We have standards too!"

Kaitlyn snorted. "I have photos which say otherwise."

Delta froze. "There are photographs?!"

"Oh yes." Kaitlyn tapped out a sardonic tune on the keyboard. "So be a good girl and get ready for the show - or I might have to suggest to Scape that we need some promotional pictures taken."

((I had to reread The Boyband Fic for this. Feel my pain. -_- Thank you, Scape, for the title.))

((This is the last one I have pre-written. Well... no. I have another, but I'm waiting to see if I get shipped with anyone else before I post that one. ~hS))
Fondling (Cal) by Tomash on 2021-03-11 03:32:47 UTC Reply

"I've got so many plans for you," Cal whispered as they ran their hands back and fourth over their partner's skin. They smiled as they enjoyed the sheer smoothness brushing past their fingertips.

They quickly undressed their partner, and took them by one arm. Then, they guided them over to a hook near their bed, and carefully tied their arm up. Their partner seemed rather happy about this and stretched out to make Cal's job easier.

"You'll make a great hat," Cal said, admiring said partner's deep shade of red. "You're a very nice ball of yarn."

(( This idea brought to you by me suddenly deciding to do a thing. ;Quality not guaranteed. ))
Birdsong (Iximaz/Delta Juliette) by Scapegrace on 2021-03-10 21:28:42 UTC Reply

"Have you even been to bed yet?"

Ix shuffled her feet, invisible to the webcam. "... How much trouble am I in if I say no?"

"All of it."

"Then I'm just an early riser today. Honest."

Delta sighed. "Dammit, Ix, why did you do that? Your sleep cycle is important-"

"Not as important as you! Not as important as the woman I love!"

There was silence on the call.

"Did you mean that?" Delta's voice trembled, leaf above a gutter.

"... Yes."

And, steeling themselves, Ix went on. "You're so far away. Ever since the big move to London, then Italy... you're hours of time and thousands of miles away. But you're still there for me. And I love you for that, and for so much else. So the least I can do is say goodnight."

Delta didn't know what to say. They talked some more, the call crackling, but neither said anything after that. Not until the end.

"Goodnight, Delta."

"Goodnight, Ix. I love you too."

And the call closed, just as the sun crept over the Sicilian countryside, and Ix looked out over the golden hills, and listened to the dawn chorus.

"I love you," they said.

"I love you," they said.

Aww, this is really sweet! by Delta Juliette on 2021-03-22 04:49:33 UTC Reply

I have had time-zone conversations with distant friends before, albeit without the declarations of love. I love the framing, and the wording, and the way it slips from night in one place to morning in another. It's really soft and beautiful.

hS + Kaitlyn, musical theatre edition by Delta Juliette on 2021-03-10 21:02:27 UTC Reply

It had been a good run. The Dark Elf had been a hard sell, especially for the Players of the Plot Continuum's resident elves, but a few good costumes, a few well-written songs, and the company had pulled together once again. Tech week had been frantic, dress rehearsal had been properly horrendous, only a late-night duct-tape session had gotten the Kudzu back together in time, and then...

Opening Night had been perfect, down to the warm August weather. The house was full, the mood set when the lights dropped in time with the sunset, and the stage, the paint, the makeup all did its most subtle magic and vanished, transported the audience to Middle-Earth once again, carried them through the joy, the horror, the final, emphatic triumph.

The run was perfect, the reviews rave, the house full, every night.

And then it was September, and the summer was ending, summer theater season ending. New friends and old started saying their goodbyes, going their separate ways, back to the rest of their years, the rest of their lives.

Huinesoron had been with the company long enough to see many arrivals, many departures, over the years and performances. The elf had been there since practically the beginning, drafted to play the Sunflower by virtue of being one of the two people with the right gender for the role, despite protestations that puppeteering was hardly an elvish art.

This year had been a new one, a newer, bigger, more complicated Flower playing a bigger part in the conclusion of the story. A differently-gendered Flower, one for whom they'd pulled another person out of the crew to voice, and to spare an extra couple hands for the critical moment where many tendrils did many things simultaneously. Puppeteering had suddenly become strange and awkward again, and if his assistant hadn't been a veteran, someone he'd worked near for years...

Well. He wouldn't have bailed, couldn't have bailed. There was a reason the theater was called a 'house', and it was a home to him too. He loved it, in all its seasons, including the bittersweet autumn of departures.

Kaitlyn had been with the company long enough to see all the same arrivals, all the same departures. She'd pricked her fingers sewing the beautiful, horrid "gown" for Rambling Band, at the beginning of it all, and had been surprised when she'd volunteered for the second summer, the second run, the second mad chaos of sequins and glitter and quick costume changes.

This year had been new. This year had thrown another wrench in her plans, pulled her up to the stage to voice the slightly-malevolent Kudzu, along with still trying to ride herd on the chaos of Costuming. It'd be simple, they said. Just a couple minutes out of each run, working with a reliable, experienced partner.

She hadn't realized that performing was fun right up until the last curtain had dropped, when summer had become autumn.

Eventually, inevitably, Kaitlyn went to say her goodbyes to the stage, to the house, to the scarred black plywood where the Kudzu had sat.

For all that there was work happening, techs resetting lights, laughing about ridiculous ideas (who were the techs of the in-universe PPC? What stories could they tell, of broken hardware and last-minute fixes and maybe finding who you really were along the way?), the house was quieter than it had been all summer. The house was calmer than it had been all summer, the intensity, the purpose of a show in progress gone.

The house was, Kaitlyn was somehow not surprised to find, where Huinesoron was also spending time. Saying goodbye, perhaps, in his own way, from a seat on the stage.

Kaitlyn didn't join him, exactly. She took her own seat, left him enough space that they could each be alone with the moment, if they wanted. Let the moment happen around them. If it had been a play they might have soliloquized, two actors reading thoughts from their own scripts in turn.

"I'll see you next year?" Huinesoron asked.

"Always," Kaitlyn promised. "The grind's just a grind, it won't keep me."

A light flickered on, sweeping across the stage before a tech in the rafters unceremoniously unplugged it, unhooked it from the rack. In the wash of its beam, the glitter in Kaitlyn's dark hair sparkled like stars.

"You'll be here?" she asked.

"I don't go far," Huinesoron said.

Kaitlyn went to stand, pushing herself off the hard plywood. Starting the journey away from the theater, away from the family who'd cared enough to sand the stage so it'd stop snagging her costumes. Away from the warmth of lights on plastic leaves, the hushed glee of waiting for their scene to begin. Away from...

She looked back. Huinesoron was looking at her. In that moment, as another light came on, they were center stage. There was no one else to dress up, no puppets to hide behind. It was just them. It had, perhaps, always been them, one short summer at a time.

"Stay?" Huinesoron asked.

Oh.

Kaitlyn didn't answer with words. She just stepped closer, sat close enough that they were together. One couple, one dialogue, instead of two individual soliloquies.

Oh that is just lovely. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-11 14:30:41 UTC Reply

As an ex-AmDram geek I am all the way here for the setting, and the way you build it up is utterly perfect. I love the way you've woven the shippiness through the whole thing, and the final lines capture it beautifully. I am also bitterly disappointed that Musical Theatre PPC isn't an actual thing. We could do that, right? It wouldn't be too hard... ;)

"Halfway between rock-opera and folk concert, geeky tribute and scathing putdown, I really didn't know what to think of PPC: The Dark Elf - except that I couldn't get enough of it! ★★★★★" - The Multiverse Monitor

hS

But also you are a terribly cruel woman. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-12 13:56:27 UTC Reply

Because you knew I was going to get nerd-sniped on this one.

Rambling Band: A PPC Musical

-1. Protecting the Plot Continuum [Sunflower Official & Agent Chorus]

-2. Through the Portal [Jay & Acacia]

J: It's happened! / A: What? / J: It's happening again! / Somebody is mucking with the plot continu-em. / We've got one! / A: Who? / J: We have a Mary Sue! / A Mary Sue is mucking with the plot continu-oo.

-3. Robes and Gowns and Hairdos (Oh My!) [J&A, Arwen, Laurel]

-4. Egyptian Rat-Screw [J&A, Laurel, Geoff, Cole] - (A manic piece where J&A alternate playing cards with hiding from the OCs; their SLAPping of the pile provides part of the beat to the song)

-5. Dream of the Archer / Fix It [Legolas & Jay] - (A haunted ballad by Legolas, with Jay's replies)

-6. Can We Kill Her? [J&A] - (Moved further on in the story, from just after #3)

-7. Stairway to Suedom [Laurel, J&A] - (A bit of a physical theatre piece, with Laurel ending up puppetting the canon characters.)

Laurel: There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold / But I think we can make some improvements. / With some diamonds and jewels, add more glitter - this rules! / I'll be seen from the top of the mountains! / Ooh, ooh - now we're climbing the stairway to Suedom!

-8. Lust Objects [Laurel, Gandalf, Elrond, Boromir]

-9. Can We Kill Her? (First Reprise) [J&A]

-10. Killer and a Flake [J&A] - (Polaroids and Acacia's target practice / burrs)

-11. Dusk to Dawn [J&A, the Fellowship]

-12. Can We Kill Her? (Second Reprise) [J&A]

A: I've followed the rules / We're out in the hills / The canon is broken / She's going to sing again! / So now can we kill her? / Please let me kill her / PLEASE can I kill her? / J: YES!

-13. "It is my duty to inform you..." [Jay, Laurel, others] - (With shades of "I have the honour to be / your obedient servant...")

-14. Ye Olde Poisonous Poison [J&A, Laurel, Cole, Geoff] - (Including Jay extolling the virtues of headshots)

A: Ye Olde Poisonous Poison / What would I do without you? / Laurel: Come here and face me, you coward! / A: Hush, dear, I'm getting to you.

-15. The Fellowship of the Ring [the Fellowship] - (After the OCs are thoroughly dead)

-16. Cutie in the Water [J&A, the Watcher]

-17. Protecting the Plot Continuum (Reprise) [J&A, Agent Chorus]

FIN

Probably Geoff and Cole would be consolidated down to one character, while Fellowship members not named would be the chorus. They may well be the entire chorus - six seems not unreasonable - meaning they'd have to change quickly into black during 'Cutie'.

Look what you made me do. -_-

hS

Songs? Whoops, my hand slipped. by Zingenmir on 2021-03-13 16:41:48 UTC Reply

By which I mean, I wrote a snippet for one song after thinking, oh, hey, that reminds me of an existing song! ("Cutie in the Water" -> "Blood in the Water".) And then.

And then.

Yeah, I kind of wrote the entirety of "Dream of the Archer/Fix It" yesterday, complete with minimal stage directions, and recorded both parts as well, since Legolas' had a pretty clear tune in my head as I wrote and I figured I could at least try to get something for Jay. Don't know how well they mesh, but they both exist. Can I blame you for this?

Also, the only thing keeping me from doing a bit of track 13 is that I don't feel like trying to filk a charge list, especially Hamilton style.

~Z, who owes a bunch of Board responses and will get to them. Really. In preview, though--glad the story amused you (:D), and whoops, right, of course "Huinesoron" is Quenya--it uses -soron rather than -thoron. It's just been a while.

YES YES SONGS SHARE NOW by Huinesoron on 2021-03-13 18:14:19 UTC Reply

I know, I know, hS/musicals... not even tryin'a hide it at this point...

hS

XD As you wish! Behold, songs. by Zingenmir on 2021-03-13 19:00:35 UTC Edited Writing Reply

Just the text for the moment, because it'll take a little longer to get the recordings uploaded.

“Cutie in the Water” sounds like “Blood in the Water” to me (from Legally Blonde: the Musical, which honestly isn’t all that off thematically given the Watcher is, in fact, pretty dangerous despite Jay’s baby talk), so (to the chorus)…

Jay: Cutie in the water

Dangerous and sweet!

Oo’s a good boy—

Acacia: Jay—

Jay: Smile—great, sweety! /click! Jay snaps a photo/

Momma’ll be back soon!

Acacia: /spoken/ Open the portal, okay?

Jay: Yup!

--

Dream of the Archer/Fix It (aka, whoops, I think I wrote a page and a half there? And have a tune in mind for Legolas, at least? Recorded it; tried out something for Jay, too, though it was much sketchier to start with and might not mesh too well for all I know):

Legolas: /singing dazedly, slowly. It could almost be a love song, that flush of new attraction and dreaminess, but for the occasional unsettling tone in the music and the fact that he sounds rather…drugged/ Beautiful Laurel…

Jay: /far more alert and snappy counterpoint, faster time signature/ Wait, what is this?

L: I dream of this archer…

J: What? Analysis, now!

L: Gentle, gentle, beautiful…

[CAD shrills, loudly; Jay grabs it. Legolas pauses, swaying unsteadily, then keeps walking downstage]

J: /rather syncopated/ Sixty-five…character rupture?! Oh, oh, oh no.

[bridge, probably; Jay gets up, leaving Acacia sleeping, and hurries to follow Legolas]

L: Beautiful…beautiful…beautiful voice…!

J: What’s wrong, won’t you tell me—!

L: /not seeing her/ /music swells/ Dream of the archer! Of the gentle archer!

J: Hey, listen, look at me—

L: Laurel!

J: Won’t you, just for a moment, just pay me some heed!

L: Laurel! Beautiful Laurel…beautiful voice! Beautiful Laurel, don’t have a choice!

J: /catching him by the arms/ Just look for a moment, yeah, see me, okay? Great, now fight it, and see me—

L: /daze beginning to break down/ Dream of the—beautiful—dream of her—gentle—gentle, so—Lau—

J: /counterpoint/ Fight it, I know you can, come on and try! /shakes him/ Look at me, pay some mind—I’m an agent, I’m here to help—

L: Laurel—Lau—Lau, Laurel… /gasps, staggers/

J: There you go!

L: /alert for a change, fear creeping in/ /still singing the melody he’s had all along, but now only a hair away from Jay’s time signature/ What is—I cannot—

J: Oh, hey, it’ll be—

L: Help me, I need you to—

J: Really, it’s fine! We’re here to help—

L: Need some help—

J: We’ll help—

L: Cannot fight—

J: We’ll fix it!

L: Cannot fight…

J: /pats his arm/ No need to worry!

L: Cannot do this alone—

J: You’re not alone! Now, ah. /lets go of him, cheerful and slightly awkward pat to the shoulder, backs away/ /spoken/ Ah, sorry. Can’t fix it yet. But we will! I swear!

L: /alarm, which gets swallowed by the returning daze as he sings/ Why will you not… /time signature slows, daze setting in; the creepy, unsettling notes in the song are out in full force/ I…I… /turns to face the audience, not seeming to see them/ I…dream of the archer…

J: /backing away; grimaces/ /spoken/ Sorry, buddy. I wish I could fix it faster.

L: Dream of the archer…sweet, gentle archer…beautiful archer, your beautiful voice…Yes, Laurel, oh, Laurel—be mine! /musical finish; Legolas spreads his arms like he’s ending a sweeping romantic ballad. Jay backs away into the scenery, visibly unhappy and uneasy/

--

As mentioned, there are recordings! I unfortunately don't have the time to let myself try to splice them together (and I'm not entirely sure I could switch back and forth smoothly without a lot more practice), but there's a Legolas recording and a Jay recording (demos? Sure! Demos :) ) and I'll probably try to get them up tonight? We'll see. It's mostly just a matter of uploading to gdrive (and retitling) and then linking and all that, which isn't too bad, except that there are other things I need to do as well, so.

Anyway! Behold, the text! Hopefully it lives up to any expectations that existed :D

~Z

And 'demos', faster than expected. by Zingenmir on 2021-03-13 19:21:46 UTC Reply

I mean, it was right there! So I did it. Please excuse the improvisational quality of Jay's segment. It was, funnily enough, made up on the spot rather than having been playing in my head as I wrote like Legolas' was.

"Dream of the Archer" - Legolas

"Fix It" - Jay Thorntree

Enjoy, hopefully! I recommend following along with the written version, since I just kind of sang (and spoke) my way through both parts without leaving great big pauses for the parts I wasn't singing.

(Artist's nitpicking: May (?) redo both at some point, to get something a bit more cohesive/polished (ish) for Jay and to stick closer to Legolas' singing speed at the very end (accidentally sped up a tiny bit where I shouldn't have) and make it that extra bit smoother that comes with having sung it several times through. Still, that probably won't happen for a while, if it happens at all, so in the meantime...demos! /tosses them in the air and retreats/)

~Z, apparently doing music this year?? What would probably be cool is if I finished the related projects of doing 'podfic' versions of a handful of interludes, one of which I actually recorded last year as a lockdown amusement thing and then...never did anything with? Apart from possibly going in and beginning to take out recording mistakes...? I should look into that if I can find a bit of spare time somewhere.

aaaaaaaaaaaomigoshaaaaaaaa by Huinesoron on 2021-03-13 21:29:34 UTC Reply

That is so utterly spot-on perfect aaaaaaaaa. The creepy 'just a little off' feel from Legolas is /perfect/.

I /may/ play around and try to splice them if you don't object; the PPC was the reason I downloaded Audacity in the first place (Radio Plays!), so it seems appropriate.

Also: can I email you on a not-entirely-related topic?

hS

:D :D :D by Zingenmir on 2021-03-13 22:42:15 UTC Reply

Fantastic! :D

And no, absolutely no objections! Go right ahead :) I definitely won't get to trying anytime soon, if ever, and I'd love to hear a spliced version, for sure!

And: of course! Go right ahead. If I take some time to answer, I apologize in advance (and feel free to prod me about it if it's been more than a couple days or so).

~Z

I spliced it! by Huinesoron on 2021-03-14 16:18:08 UTC Reply

This comes with the caveat that I have very little music sense, so it's pretty much just 'slam the lines together and try to keep Legolas' spacing'.

Dream of the Archer / Fix It

This is a really haunting song - in the literal sense, it gives me shivers.

hS

Oh gods... by Kittyauthor on 2021-03-31 01:11:57 UTC Reply

I was nearly in tears, wanting to help. But the singing, the singing was... beautiful, yet haunting, almost a love song, but not quite, an edge of oddity...

Oh gods, this has reduced me to comma splices. I'm sorry.

But, great job to Zingenmir and hS!

kA

!! by Zingenmir on 2021-03-31 07:17:35 UTC Reply

Amazing. I'm so glad this worked so well for you! Your description is certainly what I was going for, just...amplified beyond what I expected to achieve, I think. So, I repeat: !! :)

...I still really want to redo Jay's part, though >.> I feel like it could be much better, particularly if I record it while listening to Legolas' part instead of improvising it in isolation (especially since it's pretty much entirely a response to what he's saying!). Very much hoping to get there at some point.

Anyway: thank you!

~Z

Eeeeeeee. by Zingenmir on 2021-03-16 14:20:01 UTC Reply

Amazing to hear it spliced together :D Thank you for doing that! And for the compliments! I'm glad you think it came out so well too.

I'm actually getting inspired to try something different for Jay's part, and re-record Legolas'--I have some new ideas for Jay, and I'm thinking to maybe actually listen to Legolas' part and just pause on and off to record Jay's. We'll see. Initially thought I might do that right now, but given I'm cooking unexpectedly, there'd potentially be background noise, so I've decided to write instead. Maybe later today/later in the week, though!

~Z, who really was very thrilled to hear it put together :D

Oh no, I'm here for it. by Delta Juliette on 2021-03-12 23:45:36 UTC Reply

Egyptian Rat-Screw quickly becomes a favorite, thanks to the driving beat. Subsequent runs of the show occasionally integrate tap, when they have a cast that can do so, making their footsteps part of the beat as well.

It is my duty to inform you... is in 8, of course, and a proper tongue-twister when performed at its intended pace. With apologies to Gilbert, Sullivan, and Lin-Manuel...

It... is.. my... / duty to inform you that the / crimes you have committed to the / works of author Tolkien and the / world that we stand in have been / tested and found manifold and / utterly and horribally / BAD.

Yesgood. by Zingenmir on 2021-03-13 19:44:16 UTC Reply

Possibly shades of Something Rotten, too? There's a segment where Shakespeare and Bottom are tapping the beat for their lines (in "Bottom's Gonna Be On Top").

~Z
All of this is fantastic and I want more. {= D by Neshomeh on 2021-03-13 15:06:59 UTC Reply

I wish I had the slightest bit of brainpower to devote to expanding on this, but it's been kind of a stressful week and I'm not even getting my usual break on Sunday, so that's not happening at the moment. Sigh. Maybe sometime later, though!

(Also, did you guys know I harbor a pipe-dream about adapting TOS as a radio drama? It would work so well... Just saying, if we're thinking in terms of scripts anyway...)

~Neshomeh

Ooh. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-14 10:27:14 UTC Reply

Y'know, the twentieth anniversary of TOS is coming up next January... just saying, if anyone had any Rambling Band-inspired projects in mind, that would be the ideal time to release them... >:D

hS

January, huh? by Neshomeh on 2021-03-14 19:38:40 UTC Reply

Hmm, do I think I can produce an audio script, find a bunch of free SFX files, record a decent take, and learn to edit it all together by January?

Maybe.

Will it actually happen?

Not with my present amount of free time and all the other things I want to get done this year.

Will I try anyway?

... Maybe.

~Neshomeh

[Raises hand] I can does editing. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-14 21:09:27 UTC Reply

I wouldn't know where to start with scripting, but I'm always happy to muck about in Audacity.

I'm /slightly/ worried I may try and turn Rambling Band into a comic by Jan... that might be a stretch, though the Lego LOTR game might work as a palette...

~a hS's reach should exceed his grasp / or what's a Valinor for?

So, I've been collecting sounds on Freesound.org. by Neshomeh on 2021-03-27 16:38:46 UTC Reply

I wonder, can you see my bookmarks? I think you need an account to download things, which is why I now have one, but it may help if you (and other people) can listen to stuff.

I might try my own hand at putting some of the bits together to make portal noises and such, though, just because I have particular ideas about how they should sound. >.> I am VERY tempted to use the one that sounds like an original Star Trek scanner for the CADs, but I will resist. Probably.

I also have about half a script! ... "Rambling Band" doesn't have much narrative structure, does it? It's a bit odd, the things I notice as I adapt it. Like, it really doesn't tell us much about what the badfic is doing, and a lot of the story is the agents waiting around between scenes; portaling within the fic wasn't a thing yet. It's so very much a first episode. {= )

~Neshomeh

Confirmed! by Huinesoron on 2021-03-29 12:22:38 UTC Reply

I love the 'Blueish Danube' re-recording of a 1902 cylinder, that's adorably geeky. ^_^

I see no reason to resist the Star Trekking. I'm pretty sure the script for the (unmade...) first episode of OFUM says Elrond should appear with a Trek transporter sound. ^_~

'First episode'... well, it is. But also, Jay's A/N says "If you haven't read the fic this is derived from", and I think the expectation was that most people would have. It's the approach I took with Clbr__n (though for a different reason): if you assume the audience is familiar with the badfic, you don't have to go through it point by point. It becomes more about your agents' reactions to the whole thing than them MSTing.

As the person with a huge, nearly-finished mission where Agent hS walks the whole way from Rivendell to Lorien, I feel portalling within fics is both hugely overrated, and incredibly useful.

hS

PS: Is there any way I can write the name of Teh Bad Fic with four underscores? I've tried all three semicolon-ending versions here and they still just make the L italicised. ~hS

Yay! by Neshomeh on 2021-03-30 16:14:36 UTC Reply

Right now, I'm digging this (which doesn't have a real name) as potential theme material. I've started learning my way around Audacity by adding a shaker that speeds up and fades out at the end, making clips, copying & pasting to make it longer, and so forth. Turns out it's not that scary. ^_^

I think you're right that TOS probably assumed people had read the fics in question, at least at first. It's a shame most of them are lost now, so I'll never know, for instance, what the Sue was doing on the balcony besides kissing Boromir that was so horrible. (Though, I mean, if you're Acacia, maybe that's bad enough...) Lucky that it's just enough information for sound design purposes, though.

Agreed about portaling being a blessing and a curse, too. Like any convenience, it may be prone to overuse and/or result in missing opportunities that might arise from taking the long way, but then, there's only so many times you can write "the agents passed the time by doing X" before it gets a) boring or b) absurd due to escalating attempts to not be boring. If you're going to skip ahead in the narrative anyway, it's nice to have an in-universe plot device for that. {= )

~Neshomeh
To write _, use \_ (nm) by Tomash on 2021-03-30 03:15:49 UTC Reply

Thank you! by Huinesoron on 2021-03-30 07:48:36 UTC Reply

C_l_br__n

Eeeexcellent, thanks very much. Is there any chance that concept could sneak into the Formatting Help? I know to a programmer "Markdown characters can be escaped" is pretty obvious, but many of us amp't programmists. :)

I feel like there was some other format quirk we discussed at some point... was it how to insert a code block/plain text block/whatever? I can never remember how to do that one either.

Alsø alsø wik, purely out of curiousity, the Guide mentions both 'i' and 'em', both 'b' and 'strong', but only 'del', not 's'. Is 's' for strikethrough discouraged in modern HTML? (I didn't even know about 'del' until I saw it here... :))

hS

Thanks for the feedback! Fixed (nm) by Tomash on 2021-04-01 03:24:10 UTC Reply

Okay so we need a good [BEEP!], that's key. by Neshomeh on 2021-03-14 23:02:47 UTC Reply

Something that's suitably annoying but not so high-pitched it's painful.

Also a title theme, possibly something upbeat and jazzy like "Tank!" from Cowboy Bebop, which is in at least two PPC playlists. A quick search in the Free Music Archive turns up "Top Secret Observation (ID 1513)" by Lobo Loco, which is a little bit Torchwood, but I'm not sure I'm into the jazz organ... though we could claim it's a nod to Monty Python, I suppose...

Maybe "The Torture Disco Chamber: Death by Disco" by Cherly KaCherly, which isn't really disco at all? More downtempo than I'd like, but quirky and wouldn't compete too much with a voiceover except for the high-pitched dings, unless those can be toned down...?

Or maybe "Vibe Ace" by Kevin MacLeod, whose name I've seen before in the credits of other people's videos? Light, cheery, easy on the ears; could work.

I like the first and third best, but IDK really; I'm not married to jazz, and I'd want to go through, um, everything. I only looked at jazz tracks under two minutes long to start, and technically I didn't have time to do that. >.>

~Neshomeh

For Radio Nutmeg, I made my own [BEEP] by Huinesoron on 2021-03-15 08:28:53 UTC Reply

Audacity will happily generate tones all day... I think I wound up using sawtoothed waves, which gives it a grating edge even if you don't make it obnoxiously loud or high.

I remember "Tank!" from July's playlist way back; I still have that floating around on iTunes. I mean I can't remember which one it was, but I remember it existed and fit the concept well. :) (I know, I could easily look it up...)

hS
I'd suggest something punchier by Thoth on 2021-03-15 03:13:40 UTC Reply

TOS, in particular, reads like an older radio or comicbook serial in terms of style and tone. It's silly, each installment is short, and continuity is comparatively minimal. Jazz feels... overly sophisticated. Something blunter and more immediately action-ey feels more in order.

If anyone wants to help me scout good tracks, please do! by Neshomeh on 2021-03-17 04:36:00 UTC Reply

I'll also need a few music cues to mark scene changes, time passing, and an outro. These should ideally share a musical identity of some sort, so as to create a unified sound design, but I have no idea how plausible that is. I also don't yet know how to deal with the fact that we spend most of our time in Middle-earth, yet the PPC itself is a weird Men in Black-esque sci-fi setting, and the main characters like German metal and 90s alt rock.

I did find this one track... "Crunk Knight" by Kevin MacCleod. It's a bit medieval, but only if they had electronic beats in the medieval age. I really dig it. But that doesn't mean I think it's suitable.

Point is, a weird fusion of some sort might be the way to go, but FINDING this stuff is kinda up to chance, so the more people sifting through what's out there, the better.

~Neshomeh always knew this would be the hard part.

Embrace the genre shift! by doctorlit on 2021-03-17 11:53:12 UTC Reply

Part of the PPC's . . . mood? Tone? Is the connecting of all of fiction! ~~Until Sergio blew it all up, lol.~~ So the presence of sci fi, fantasy, Rammstein and alt rock as potential background isn't a defect, it's a feature! But that's just my take. : )

I would, uh. Be super stoked to provide my voice to this project, though! If there's a use for me. >.>

—doctorlit really wishes he had kept up with learning piano in the college era, so he could just create some music for you . . .

Willing to help by Midnight on 2021-03-17 14:53:49 UTC Edited Reply
Midnight offers her voice (although maybe not this week, since I have a cold and sound congested) to this project. I have no formal training, but I haven’t made anyone’s ears bleed yet and my voice has mostly stopped cracking, sooo I’m here if you want me.
```
                                                                       Midnight, who wishes she kept playing drums
```

Thanks, but voice acting is the last thing I'm worried about right now. ^_^; by Neshomeh on 2021-03-17 18:38:24 UTC Reply

Seriously, the kind of help I can use most is scouting decent-quality theme/background/transitional music. (All must, of course, be free to use, modify, and redistribute.) That will be the most time-consuming thing if I do it all myself. Not that I wouldn't happily do it, but I have limited person-hours.

~Neshomeh

Would any of these work? by Midnight on 2021-03-17 20:45:27 UTC Reply

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-Gxd7a7KyE&t=1771s. It’s background music from the Moomin show, which could fit with some things? IDK.

Noooot if it's protected by copyright. by Neshomeh on 2021-03-17 23:06:58 UTC Reply

I don't intend to shell out for the rights to use copyrighted material and I don't want to risk being sued, so we have to choose from whatever's in the public domain or licensed for use under Creative Commons or some such. So far, I've been looking in the Free Music Archive, but there are probably other sources, too.

Note also that the episodes (ha, look at me using the plural) will be short, so I don't need more than, say, 30 seconds of anything. Meaning, the whole track doesn't have to be good if there's just a bit of it we like; that's fine. Though, I think the license has to allow derivative works if we intend to clip out a piece of it to accompany another work? Creative Commons isn't terribly clear about that, so best to avoid anything with "ND" in the license.

If this all seems complicated, you understand why I haven't done it yet. {= )

~Neshomeh

You should be all right with NDs, actually. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-18 09:32:38 UTC Reply

This FAQ specifically talks about using clips of songs, and says that it's only forbidden "when the excerpts are combined with other material in a way that creates some new version of the original from which the excerpt is taken". So if you had the characters sing along to it, that would be derivative; if you ran two pieces into each other, that would be too; but just using it as standalone soundtrack music would be fine.

I also had a glance over the definition of Fair Use, and unfortunately for "Rambling Band" purposes this is one case where it doesn't apply: you couldn't include a clip of actual Led Zeppelin being played, because you're not intending to comment on, critique, or parody the song.

Having recently spent a good ten minutes hunting down a Public Domain parchment background specifically so I didn't have to extend my credits, I completely feel your pain. :)

hS

But what if it's played so badly it's barely recognizable? by Neshomeh on 2021-03-18 15:06:23 UTC Reply

See, I just remembered that you have a harp. Whaddaya say to intentionally mangling some classic rock for the Greater Good? {= D

Anyway, there's the six-second rule for musical quotes, right? Kinda banking on that for when the agents sing stuff, if I get that far.

In other news, this "Fanfare for the Slightly Uncommon Man" comes so close to being a serious contender for PPC theme music. Just... not quite. {X D

~Neshomeh

You're very kind... by Huinesoron on 2021-03-18 19:51:35 UTC Reply

... to suggest I'd have to /intentionally/ mangle it.

I'll track down some music for "Stairway to Heaven" and see what I can produce for it. It'll be... an experience.

hS

"Stairway to Heaven" would actually work, though. by Neshomeh on 2021-03-18 20:36:24 UTC Reply

How about one of their harder-rock pieces that no one in their right mind would attempt on a harp? And then I can add myself singing poorly over it as Laurel; it'll be great!

Okay, no, it won't. But that's the idea!

In any case, you are a generous and lovely man for going along with this madness.

~Neshomeh

I mean, like... by Huinesoron on 2021-03-18 22:36:32 UTC Reply

... baby steps? I can't actually /play/ the harp, you know... :D I'll see what I can track down; I don't know how much LZ guitar chording there is out there!

(I only go along because a) I sort of badgered you into it and b) it's hilarious!)

hS

{= D by Neshomeh on 2021-03-19 00:10:45 UTC Reply

Well, saving your fingers, I did come up with an alternative to presenting the scene faithfully. BlizzCon happened recently, and they had Metallica on to play... but on the Twitch stream of the event, Twitch cut away from their audio and instead played some silly 8-bit folk music over them due to copyright concerns.

Seems to me it would be a pretty good joke, quite in keeping with the spirit of TOS, to play a few chords of LZ, then cut in something ridiculous and have the agents go:

JAY: Huh. Guess they can't do that in an unlicensed audio play.

ACACIA: What?

JAY: Good thing, too; Led Zeppelin just wasn't meant for the harp.

ACACIA: ... You're strange. Ugh, why didn't I bring anything to drown this out?

And so forth. Seamless, no? {= D

~Neshomeh

I can try my hand at some 8-bit folk music, if it'd help... by Thoth on 2021-03-19 14:38:43 UTC Reply

I lack in skill, but I do have the tools and more or less know how to use them.

There's plenty of free 8-bit stuff out there. by Neshomeh on 2021-03-20 16:09:34 UTC Reply

Anyway, dunno if I'd use 8-bit in this case. More likely, the corniest acoustic stuff I can find.

~Neshomeh

Agreed on the awesomness of this tangent (nm) by Tomash on 2021-03-13 16:18:27 UTC Reply

A Shipper's Lament (KaitchS) by Huinesoron on 2021-03-10 10:08:30 UTC Reply

Kaitlyn knocked on the door of her husband's office. "hS? What're you up to in there?"

There was a long silence, and then Huinesoron called back: "Lamenting."

Kaitlyn frowned and pushed open the door. Huinesoron was slumped over his desk, staring at his laptop. Around him, scraps of paper littered the desk.

"Er…" Kaitlyn pushed her glasses up and peered at the screen. "Oh, the Shipfest? Having fun?"

"No." If his voice was anything to go by, Huinesoron's woe was as deep as the chasm of Khazad-Dum stacked on top of the Mariana Trench. "It's all gone horribly wrong."

Kaitlyn blinked and studied the screen again. "Looks like people are getting really into it - hem, hem."

"Sure." The lack of enthusiasm in Huinesoron's voice could have moved mountains, except it couldn't be bothered. "But I can't write the stories I want to write."

Kaitlyn patted his shoulder. "People attaching too many conditions to their participation?"

"No, they're actually really good about that. But-" Huinesoron searched through his heap of papers and held one up. "I had this really good Space Ranger joke to make about Thoth in my 'tallest Boarder' fic, but he never mentioned his height."

Kaitlyn's eyebrow rose above her glasses. "Uh-huh."

"And, and Zingenmir." Huinesoron hunted for another tattered note. "Her name's Zingenmir."

"... yes, I gathered that."

"But if she was still DawnFire, I could have done this whole thing with Midnight, or Moons, or," he checked the paper, "SunAndMoon, it would have been perfect."

"I feel like it's been a few years, you've had time to-" Kaitlyn began, but her husband was already rooting out another torn paper.

"And I really wanted to ship Kittyauthor with KittyNoodles, KittyEden, and kittythekatty." Huinesoron frowned at the paper. "Possibly Kitty's Muse too, but I'm not sure she was real."

Kaitlyn leant across him and plucked the note from his fingers. "hS… haven't most of these people been gone for years?"

"That's the problem," he confirmed gloomily. "I hoped they'd come back for a visit just in time, but…" He shrugged, then returned to staring at the screen.

Kaitlyn sighed and knelt down next to his chair. "Huinesoron."

"Yes?"

"You're being ridiculous."

Huinesoron looked hurt. "Am not."

"Are too." Kaitlyn squeezed his knee. "You're getting hung up on passing fancies-"

"Oh har har."

"-instead of focussing on the shipping you can do."

"I mean…" Huinesoron tapped the mouse, bringing up the Official Shipping List. "I thought about doing something with the 'no inanimate objects' crowd, but I can't come up with anything even remotely funny-"

"Huinesoron." Kaitlyn prodded his kneecap. "I meant me."

"... oh."

"And not in a story."

"Oh."

((Surprise! It's an undercover hS/Shipfest story. All actual passing thoughts, but no actual lamenting took place. ^_^ ~hS))
The Spookening (Oculus/Ki no Shirayuki) by Oculus on 2021-03-09 19:52:08 UTC Reply

“So this is awkward,” the fedora-wearing ghost named Oculus remarked. He was dainty and very… girlish. But he was scary. Totally. People fainted at the sight of him and everything.

“Indeed,” Yuki, the 6’4” tall jiangshi with legs for days replied. She was also totally scary, but, like, in the “hotter vampire than those in Twilight” kind of way. “What are the odds of the two of us showing up to haunt the same house?”

“Eh, it happens sometimes to freelancers.” Oculus shrugged, tried to lean casually against the house’s wall, and fell through. There was a loud crash from inside the house. A single wheel rolled away from the wall.

A second later Oculus reappeared. “That didn’t happen.”

Yuki laughed. It was a nice laugh. Very musical, in a “sinister muahaha” kind of way. She gave Oculus a curious look. “I thought all hauntings were unionized. You’re a freelancer?”

“Among other things.” Oculus knew better than to waggle his eyebrows, but there was a definite eyebrow-waggling tone to his voice. She was very pretty for the undead, after all.

There was a silence. It was awkward.

Oculus tried to adjust his fedora in a suave way and knocked it off his head. He leaned down for it and gave Yuki a once-over on the way up. Hot darn.

“So… come here often?”

I can only apologize, Ki no Shirayuki! But once the whole vampire/ghost lookalike discussion happened, I couldn't resist the mental image.

~Oculus

This is perfect. XD (nm) by Huinesoron on 2021-03-10 13:39:53 UTC Reply

Why thank you. by Oculus on 2021-03-10 15:28:50 UTC Reply

^_^ My first ever Shipfest fic! I definitely have a few more in the making (we'll see how many of them the time and the spoons allow me to actually write), but I'm proud to debut with this one.

The great thing about the Shipfest... by Huinesoron on 2021-03-10 15:45:27 UTC Reply

... is it's not expected to be good, so the spoon tally per story is lower than for actual decent writing. I've been stalled out on my next (really lightweight) mission for months, but I can rattle out a shipfic in half an hour.

(In fact I find it better to race through the whole story in one sitting; otherwise I might have to look back at what I've already written and face the terribleness of it... ^_~)

hS

If only my computer works again so I can ink and color this thing by Ki no Shirayuki on 2021-03-10 01:32:25 UTC Reply

Introducing Ghostculus, here to spook and whack you all silly with that cane of pure spookiness, drawn based on descriptions in the sign-up thread. It… doesn't look as scary as I intended.

Oh my god I love this so much. by Oculus on 2021-03-10 15:25:25 UTC Reply

I don't look half this dapper or this adorable IRL (not for lack of trying...), but this is... perfect. Seriously, my day has officially been made. ^_^

If you don't mind my throwing out your sign-up description completely, by Ki no Shirayuki on 2021-03-11 01:33:32 UTC Reply

You can have this random ghost guy as Ghostculus 2.0

D'aww bless. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-10 13:42:01 UTC Reply

Who's a terrifying little ghost? That's right, it's Oculus! ^_^

This... may possibly be the first ever piece of Shipfest fanart. Huh.

hS
Awww, that's adorable! (nm) by Neshomeh on 2021-03-10 03:51:24 UTC Reply

👻👻👻 by Ki no Shirayuki on 2021-03-09 23:02:18 UTC Reply

I'd suggest chasing down everybody if a jiāngshī could actually walk.

Insert spooky ghost noises here by Oculus on 2021-03-10 15:23:39 UTC Edited Reply

Who's saying you can't chase down someone while hopping? : D Or floating, come to think of it.

Tallest (Novastorme/Ki no Shirayuki/Phobos) by Huinesoron on 2021-03-09 08:41:31 UTC Reply

Huinesoron paced backwards and forwards in front of the small group, tapping a marker pen on his palm. "Good morning. As you know, I've gathered you here to answer an important question."

Ki no Shirayuki raised a hand. "Is it 'how many shipfics can Yuki be in'?"

"Good guess, but no." Huinesoron turned and wrote a word on the whiteboard behind him. "It is this: who in the PPC is the…?" He gestured to the group.

"'Tallest'," Phobos read out, and looked sidelong at Novastorme. "I mean… it's pretty obvious."

"Ah, you'd think that, but no!" Huinesoron pointed his pen at Nova. "You're 6.6 meters tall, right?"

"Er." Nova fought the urge to raise his hand. "That's six foot six."

"Same thing," Huinesoron said with a flick of his hand. "People overcomplicate the conversion."

"Even if that were true," Phobos said, "why am I here? I never even gave my height, but it's definitely not six meters plus."

"Oh, Phobos," Huinesoron said gently. "It's okay; you don't have to hide any more."

"Er…" Phobos turned to look behind him, as if he might somehow be crouched behind himself. "I'm not?"

"I know," Huinesoron said, sketching on the whiteboard. "I know you're actually seven miles in diameter."

Phobos stared at him, then slowly looked up at the board. "That's a potato," he said.

"That's you," Huinesoron said. "Phobos - moon of Mars."

"I'm not-" Phobos shut his eyes and shook his head. "Okay, sure." He flicked a finger at Ki no Shirayuki. "And I suppose she's secretly the Milky Way or something?"

"Don't be silly," Huinesoron said sternly. He twirled his pen and pointed it at Yuki. "I just wanted to show Nova you don't have to be an astronomical object to be taller than him. You're one hundred and fifty meters tall, right."

Yuki looked up at hS, then further up at Novastorme. "You mean centimeters?"

"Oh!" Huinesoron turned and stared at the board. "Centimeters…? Centi, of course, means a hundred, so you're... let's see, multiply it out, ten to the four… 15 000 meters, or fifteen kilometers."

Phobos coughed. "Aren't you supposed to be a scientist?"

"I am a scientist." Huinesoron pulled a pair of lab goggles from his pocket and slipped them on. "See? That's how you know I'm right."

"I don't think..." Nova gestured at the much shorter Ki no Shirayuki. "So she's the tallest PPCer?"

"Scientifically speaking, yes." Huinesoron blinked. "Wait, hang on, how large is Helsinki? If you stood them up on their side? And what about SunAndMoon? They must be pushing 700 000 kilometers…"

Novastorme bent down almost double until he was at eye level with Ki no Shirayuki. "He's going to be at this a while," he murmured. "Want to go try and answer that shipfic question you had?"

Yuki looked at Huinesoron, who was muttering to himself and drawing lines on the board, and then at Phobos, who had found a chair and settled in to watch. "You know what? Sure."

((Originally there was going to be a 'little short for a Novastorme' joke in here somewhere, but it never made it to the table. ~hS))

Pfffft, this is great by GeniusGamer on 2021-03-09 14:11:23 UTC Reply

But that begs the question... how large is Phobos' electronic device?

Oh, and also "who really is the tallest PPCer," but that's less important.
🤣 by Ki no Shirayuki on 2021-03-09 09:21:20 UTC Reply

Measurement systems. The most brain-wracking thing since philosophy lectures at uni.

Huinesoron Derails the Silmarillion (hS/...Fëanor) by Zingenmir on 2021-03-08 09:12:33 UTC Edited Reply

Yes, I'm serious (to a point).

Quick name key, because I've used Quenya names for a pair of Elves better known by Sindarin equivalents:

Curufinwë Fëanáro = Fëanor

Nolofinwë = Fingolfin

--

“Ooh, you have such lovely ears,” the stranger cooed.

Curufinwë Fëanáro, heir to Finwë (who was High King of the Noldor), renowned inventor of Tengwar and palantíri and, recently, three Silmarils and actual weapons, father of seven sons, hand still on the hilt of his sword where he’d begun to draw it against his half-brother Nolofinwë (!)...blushed.

It was even odds, Nolofinwë thought, whether the stranger hadn’t noticed or simply took the blush as encouragement. Either way, he went on.

“So very, very lovely, all pointed and leaf-shaped…”

Much of the crowd appeared to have...not quite frozen, exactly, but certainly halted in place, watching this new turn of events with interest. Fëanáro had already drawn their attention, entering with a sword at his hip and harsh accusations against his half-brother on his lips. To see this terrible scene curtailed was a blessing, but the confusion that had taken its place…(and how long, really, could it last?)

The stranger was, indeed, a stranger; or at least, Nolofinwë did not recognize him, and he had yet to hear anyone in the crowd of his father’s lords voice a name. He appeared to be a Noldorin Elf, with the typical dark hair and grey eyes.

Typical Noldorin Elves, however, were not often inclined towards…

Well. Nolofinwë could hardly claim Noldorin Elves were not bold, particularly not while standing in his father’s court and (previously, at least) seemingly only seconds away from his older half-brother drawing a sword on him—but this?

His brother was still blushing. His married brother with seven sons. Bold, haughty, shameless Curufinwë Fëanáro.

Blushing, because…

Well, to be fair, the stranger was practically wrapped around him by now, still cooing compliments about his ears. Nolofinwë covered a smile and glanced at his father.

Finwë leaned back in his throne, a bemused expression on his face. He seemed unwilling to interrupt, which was, perhaps, fair given the previous sequence of events had very much appeared to be going the way of his beloved oldest son publicly threatening his second son immediately after said second son had been trying to convince Finwë to rein in his oldest…

“...go somewhere more private?” Nolofinwë caught the stranger murmuring.

Fëanáro hesitated, and motioned to Nolofinwë. “Yes, but I was about to—”

The stranger pressed scandalously close. A particularly gossip-minded lord looked delighted, and nudged his long-suffering neighbor excitedly. “Surely that will keep. Maybe forever. Hopefully forever, actually, since you’re mistrusting the wrong person—but certainly at least for as long as it takes to properly admire your beautiful ears…”

As Nolofinwë watched in mild disbelief, Fëanáro blushed again.

“We will resume this later,” he said, pointing at Nolofinwë. As he’d done the pointing with a finger rather than his sword (which was by now fully sheathed again), Nolofinwë couldn’t quite bring himself to object. (And what exactly had the stranger meant by ‘mistrusting the wrong person’? The more he thought about it, the less it sounded like it was only an endorsement of Nolofinwe himself…) “Much later,” he added, and let the stranger draw him away, still blushing, as Nolofinwë obligingly gave him a shallow bow of acknowledgement. He was hardly unsupportive of his brother’s position as their father’s heir, no matter what the man himself might think.

The stranger grinned at the assembled court and waved jauntily before wrapping that arm back around Fëanáro as well. “See you around! Eventually!”

Three of the lords waved back. Finwë inclined his head.

The assembly as a whole began to murmur, some rather cheerfully, as Fëanáro and the stranger strode out of the hall. A good number of them seemed relieved.

Nolofinwë hid another smile. Perhaps matters would resolve themselves. After all, Nerdanel had been looking more relaxed since the recent appearance of...yet another stranger, come to think of it, an Elf maid who’d seemed quite at home helping her corral Nolofinwë’s many nephews. Fëanáro certainly hadn’t seemed to object to her presence; or at least, he’d been seen to greet her in as friendly a manner as he typically used for anyone. Presumably this new stranger would obtain similar approval from Nerdanel, particularly if the blushing remained in effect.

...and on that note, Nolofinwë was going to cease ruminating on his half-brother’s personal life and simply feel grateful that the Elf’s temper had been defused before he could truly begin to threaten (! It still seemed incredible that such a thing could come to pass. Had their relationship—or Fëanáro’s mind—truly deteriorated so completely?

Perhaps he should pursue the train of thought the stranger had prompted with his comment on Fëanáro’s distrust of the wrong person…)

--

Huinesoron/Fëanor, implied background Kaitlyn/Nerdanel and some sort of open marriage type thing? Or possibly just ‘open for flirting’? Who knows. Take it as either Fëanor breaking some more rules of Elven society or just Shipfest silliness. Or even a veil of ‘more innocent than it looks’: it’s entirely possible Nerdanel is more relaxed because she’s gained a (very close) friend (who perhaps gives her some missing emotional support as well as a hand with her big family with its many talented and occasionally arrogant people), and Fëanor’s going to sit down somewhere with hS and be read sonnets to his ears until the blushing wears off!

...actually, I’m very amused by that concept. No matter what your reading, more or less innocent, I move that both of those things should at least be part of it.

As to how thorough a fix-it this is: who knows? Maybe Fingolfin looks into Melkor and, together with hS, manages to open Fëanor’s eyes to the fact he’s being influenced. Maybe some other people start watching Melkor, and perhaps even manage to prevent him from damaging the Two Trees. Mayyyybe the whole Melkor-killing-Finwë-and-taking-the-Silmarils-followed-by-Oath-swearing-and-Kinslaying-and-doom plot gets averted! Maybe it just gets delayed! Maybe it still happens in some form, but some of the worst parts get softened by virtue of Kaitlyn talking sense and hS distracting Fëanor when he’s about to do something stupid and thus keeping him from making bad decisions while worked up! Maybe it becomes a war against Morgoth without the Oath and the Kinslaying. Who knows. Certainly not me. I doubt I’ll write it.

Someone else is quite welcome to, though ;)

PS: Written without easy access to the Silmarillion itself; I relied on my memory and wiki articles from Tolkien Gateway. Hopefully the (interrupted) confrontation details aren't too far off, and the same with the non-Fëanor characterization, to a point (although, even if they are...shipfest).

PPS: Why does fic!hS never bother to give his name? First of all, no one seems to have asked. Second, while I'm pretty sure hS has posted something with a Quenya version of his screen name, I wasn't in a mood to go try to dig it up. (Why not just use "Huinesoron"? Wrong language to the point where it wasn't in use in Valinor at the time and I'm not even completely sure it existed yet in Middle-earth. Either way, it wouldn't be there.)

Why doesn't Kaitlyn get named? Because I didn't feel up to trying to figure out a Quenya name with the same meaning (or a similar one) to "Kaitlyn", that's why :D Very simple, really.

And on that note...enough notes!

~Z

o.o o.O OoO by Huinesoron on 2021-03-08 10:41:35 UTC Reply

That... was... awesome. ^_^ And absolutely hilarious; I was grinning the whole way through.

I really love how you've characterised both the Brothers Finwe, even if that Nameless Stranger is a bit... familiar with the High King's heir. ^_~ And I love the idea of Fingolfin Holmes rooting out Melkor as the cause of the troubles.

My best guess is that Melkor would still escape south and meet with Ungoliant, and quite possibly still kill the Trees; but Finwe and Feanor would still be in Tirion, so the Silmarils and Finwe would be safe. Without that personal stake, the Noldor wouldn't rebel - they'd wait until the Valar could organise a proper response.

Except possibly Galadriel; she might run off on her own vengeance quest. She's like that.

As to names: 'Huinesoron' is (slightly dodgy) Quenya, not Sindarin (the e would be an ë if it were still the end of a word). Kaitlyn I think I've called Anairë before - it translates her real name - but, uh, that's also the name of Fingolfin's wife, so maybe not the best to use. ;) She uses Celebestel a lot, which is Sindarin, but in Quenya would be Telpestel/Tyelpestel (estel is the same in both languages; the y version is formal Quenya, but they generally used the Telerin form without it, see Telperion).

Amused though I am, there will still be vengeance wreaked; just give me time to find the right way to do it... >:D

hS

PS: 'Zingenmir'... that would be Líralwë (literally 'We are singing') or Lirilwë ('we sing'), but it might be funnier to use the word for 'singer': Linda. ~hS

One Of Your French Girls (Desiree/Mattman the Comet) by Huinesoron on 2021-03-08 08:52:04 UTC Reply

"Desiree…"

Desiree paused halfway across the deserted stage. The thickly-accented voice had come from the wings, the speaker hidden in the shadow of the curtain. "Yes?"

"Is that… la Frrrrench?"

"Um." She could make out a figure now - a man, she thought, solidly built, with some sort of hat atop a wild head of hair. "No?"

"Are you la sure?" The man stepped out, and Desiree recognised him at last: Mattman the Comet. She'd never actually seen him before, being very new, but he was wearing an oversized namebadge saying Bonsoir! Mon name is le Mattman the Comet, so she felt safe in her conclusions.

"It sounds la Frrrrench," Mattman continued, reaching up and tugging his beret down more firmly onto his head. "Desiree… Desirée… Dêçirrrréè…"

"That's really not how it's pronounced," Desiree said, but her heart fluttered - as all women's will, along with most men's - at the sound of her name being spoken in a French accent. "Are you here to-?"

"Oui." Mattman stepped forward and took her hands. From the empty auditorium, music struck up, and Desiree felt her skirts swirl in a mysterious breeze. "Je am here to… le dance."

"Isn't this a tango?"

"... maybe?"

"I didn't think the tango was French."

"La shh. It is le Shipfest."

My only apology is to the French language. I ran across my 2015 forays into it and felt a burning need to revisit.

hS

This gives me a new ship idea... by Good Mod Addict on 2021-03-09 00:07:32 UTC Edited Reply

Huinesoron / diacritical marks.

In all seriousness, I hate that scenes like the one you wrote are common enough that I just accepted the scene, even for an instant. Yeah, it's totally normal for someone wearing a name badge to sweep someone off their feet to dance to an invisible band in an empty auditorium. One of them uses French articles! It was inevitable!

Great job on this. I'll have to draw inspiration from it when I finally write something; I need to make up for lost time in the Badfic Games. >:-)

[Snört] Ås ȉf. (nm) by Huinesoron on 2021-03-09 08:35:50 UTC Reply

Flashbacks, I tell you! by Zingenmir on 2021-03-08 09:33:09 UTC Reply

Also: ...I love how you've got the nametag saying...le Mattman, but then not making it "Mattman le Comet" :D Because, of course, that would make sense!

~la Zing de Mir

Betrayal (GMA/a Vex (?), also dragons) by Tomash on 2021-03-08 02:12:31 UTC Reply

GMA laid in bed, happily cuddling his partner, who was running all six of their limbs over GMA's naked body, making him moan with pleasure as they hit the spots they knew he liked being touched on best. The couple had been having a nice evening, including a romantic dinner, and were now relaxing together.

Soon, however, GMA could tell his partner wanted more from their insect-like chittering. However, as he got ready to receive some Vex milk (especially since his own pulse rifle was charging up, if you know what I mean), a dragon burst into the room!

"Geema," she cried, "How could you? I thought we had a connection! I thought you were all about that LIZARD SECKS?!"

GMA hastily set up and untangled himself from his new snuggle-buddy. "My tastes have expanded," he said, "and I thought we'd talked about this."

"Yes, but aren't I your closest love?"

"You still are, but I wanted to get back to Destiny. It's been a while."

The dragon harumphed, letting loose a bit of steam.

"You could join in?" GMA suggested. "Destiny has dragons too."

The dragon, deciding to leave this sort of thing for badfic, stormed out, and GMA returned to snuggles and other things that happen after a fade to black.

(( I'm not apologizing for this idea I randomly had ))

Tomash, what... by Good Mod Addict on 2021-03-08 02:18:01 UTC Reply

What in the name of the Traveler did you DO???

Seriously, though, this is hilarious. I'm sure that if you got far enough to joke about "Vex milk," then you know you got the wrong description... and then the other meme comes in.

Bravo, Tomash. I stand in awe of your disjointed plot ideas.

I've never actually played Destiny by Tomash on 2021-03-08 02:41:19 UTC Reply

I just know the memes from hanging around people who do.

Iximaz/Scapegrace by Midnight on 2021-03-07 21:31:23 UTC Edited Reply

There are millions of works of art in the multiverse. Great paintings, music, plays; the list goes on and on. However, nothing compares to the art of comedy. It is believed that all writers of good comedy have a mental connection.

“And there’s nothing wrong with having a physical one as well.” Iximaz looked at her friend, a deep blush rising to her cheeks.

“But...” Scapegrace pulled her forward, her hands sliding into Iximaz’s short, red hair.

“You heard me. After all, a mental connection can lead to a physical one, right?” While Iximaz didn’t entirely agree with her on the whole connection idea, she decided that maybe this wasn’t so bad as Scape’s lips found her neck. Not bad at all.
Darkness (IxiLyn) by Huinesoron on 2021-03-07 18:38:19 UTC Reply

Darkness - vast, all-encompassing, an entire spectrum of black woven like the cloak of night. Upon it hangs tiny stars, not twinkling, but steady as polished steel. Vast gleaming circles ride amid them - asteroid belts, ringed planets, impossibly-large eyes? They could be any of these.

Amid the black-on-black, subtle patterns can be seen - great streams across the void, like ribbons of dust a galaxy wide. They cross and recross, their intricacies drawing the eye inwards, until it is lost in the endless maze.

Something shifts. One of the dark strands twitches, curves upwards, and then with breathtaking suddenness snaps straight, straining like a leashed wolf. The other rivers of night respond, first one, and then all moving at once, chaotic complexity flooding the blackness.

At last it settles down, the web of night forming a new pattern, a new truth. All is silent; all is still.

… and then Iximaz straightens up, and the laces, the eyelets, the hooks and the rich velvet filling her view all return to their normal proportions. She smiles up at Kaitlyn, presses a kiss onto her collarbone, then steps back and nods.

"There you are," she says, patting the fully re-laced black corset. "All sorted."

((CORSETS WILL NEVER DIE. ~hS))
Flouting the Kinkajou (Neshomeh/Thoth) by Huinesoron on 2021-03-07 18:37:23 UTC Reply

Thoth's heart was filled with love for Neshomeh. Sure, she wasn't his usual type (and how!), but after seeing her in action, it was impossible not to fall for someone so detail-oriented, so focussed, so…

… competent.

Neshomeh's pulse quickened. She had never anticipated - never dared dream - that the day would end this way. Perhaps it never should have. But she had no intention of backing out.

Thoth swallowed nervously, but soon all hesitation was gone, overwhelmed by the simple delight of the moment. That much, he had expected - but he hadn't imagined it would be so thrilling.

Trembling though she was, Neshomeh was nevertheless filled with desire. It was impossible to put into words how Thoth affected her so, but perhaps - shocking though the thought was - this wasn't a time for words.

Thoth felt as though Neshomeh was taking all his inmost needs out and gently polishing them until they glowed. He had never felt this way before.

And neither had she.

((You no longer deserve physical descriptions, because this. ~hS))

I maintain physical descriptions aren't that important by Thoth on 2021-03-08 02:16:15 UTC Reply

Some of the descriptive language here is actually remarkably solid by the standards of shipfest, as Nesh noted.

However, I am in the process of cringing/laughing out of existence. So well done.

Oh, so you agree on that, huh? by Huinesoron on 2021-03-08 08:26:03 UTC Reply

I wonder what else you agree on. [Waggles eyebrows]

More seriously: I had to put in the effort! The point isn't that nonphysical description doesn't work at all - it's that having no physical grounding leads to incoherency even when some of the lines are well-written. You could pull almost any paragraph out of this story and use it as a 'fade to black', but stringing them together to make a 'scene' gives... well, shipfic. ^_~

hS

Oh, I'm not saying you shouldn't *have* any by Thoth on 2021-03-08 14:50:05 UTC Reply

Physical description is necessary in a scene of any length or substance. It's just that it barely matters.

To paraphrase John Carmack... It's expected to be there, but it's not that important.

I'm sorry, this is the Shipfest. by Huinesoron on 2021-03-08 15:57:58 UTC Reply

Either you're saying everything must be physical description or nothing should. There are no shades of grey here! Probably because Acy threw that pillow.

But yeah, it's a balance. If you swing too far to the physical, you end up with Insert Tab A Into Slot B; but if you go too far the other way, you wind up not even with Talking Heads Syndrome - just Internally-Monologuing Heads instead.

hS

You know what, though? by Neshomeh on 2021-03-07 23:52:27 UTC Reply

It wouldn't take much to make it work. Mostly just getting away from the repeated cadence of "wasn't his usual, but; had never anticipated, but; he had expected, but; it was impossible, but;" etc.

And also not being a Shipfest fic, with all that entails.

But apart from that, it wouldn't take much to make it work. {; P

I genuinely like the line "[He] felt as though [she] [were] taking all his inmost needs out and gently polishing them until they glowed," so if that was meant to be silly, too bad. I might even steal it if I find an opportunity.

~Neshomeh

P.S. Detail-oriented, focused, and competent? Aw, shucks. ^_^

Flouting the Kinkajou II: The Floutinging by Huinesoron on 2021-03-08 08:47:22 UTC Reply

Neshomeh was sad.

Thoth was happy.

Neshomeh got sadder.

Thoth felt bad.

Neshomeh felt guilty.

Thoth felt guiltier.

Neshomeh got a bit better.

Thoth got a lot better.

Neshomeh was delighted.

So was Thoth.

And then they were both very tired.

I think you'll agree this version is much better. ^_~

Feel free to pilfer any lines you want (that one was rewritten A LOT to remove any trace of physicality); they are not precious to me.

"Detail-oriented, focused, and competent" - this, along with 'owlish', has been my go-to description of you ever since the Archivist.

hS